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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853130">Face Down in the Dirt</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kabella/pseuds/Kabella'>Kabella</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Album: Decade of Decadence '81-'91 (Mötley Crüe), Alone, Anger, Angst, Cheating, Douchebag, Emotional, Endangerment, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Long Hair, M/M, Moving, Phone Calls, Spandex, Terrorcest - Freeform, Vegas, alcoholic, beach, chicks equal trouble, fantasy fuck, mick hates sand and dumb people, mick is an alien, mick is fucking awesome, richie sambora - Freeform, theatre of pain, white blanket</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:33:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>91,318</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kabella/pseuds/Kabella</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was simply perfect in the realm of Terrorland until a phone call changed everything.</p><p>Nikki's world was crumbling. Yet, spiteful Tommy couldn't seem fit to give a damn.... until his world started to crumble too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>**I included the beginning notes within the chapter section. AO3 was being glitchy and wouldn't let me add beginning notes for whatever reason. The story will start after the notes.</p>
<p>Welcome readers to my next short story. This one is based on another reader's request; again something that was meant to be a one-off. And as usual, I turned it into a short multi-chapter story.  Because of a few new name drops in the tags for this book, I may draw in a few new readers. Here's my quick warning, same I have for every story... this is Terrorcest (Tommy x Nikki). It's what I write. I just like to let you know before you read in case it's not your thing. It should be though. They're freaking hot together.</p>
<p>Here's the basic request, from a Wattpad reader: Nikki and Tommy broke up because Nikki cheated on him. Nikki has desperately been trying to apologize. But, Tommy won't forgive him. One day at a party, Nikki sees his nemesis, Jon Bon Jovi, who is flirting with and touching Tommy. This pisses Nikki off, and he walks over to confront them. Then it's up to me to write what happens.....</p>
<p>And... that I did. </p>
<p>The story is set in 1991. I chose the year for one reason.... the band was just fucking hot at that time. After I thought about it, it really seemed like a good setting for this story. 1991 was a up and down year for some of the world's most popular bands; all of which I followed. </p>
<p>In 1991:</p>
<p>Motley Crue released their 10 year anniversary album Decade of the Decadence. They had recently finished with a long ass tour for Dr. Feelgood, and tensions were running high. By that time, all of the band members reneged on their recent streak of sobriety, which held held for most of the tour. Things were just beginning to get dicey with Vince, and by early 1992, he was no longer part of Motley Crue, until his return in 1997.</p>
<p>Bon Jovi was probably, in my opinion, held the second spot for most popular rock band in the world. The band's popularity held fast despite the fact that both Jon and Richie released solo albums in 1990 and 1991, respectively. The band wasn't getting along very well, also coming off of a really long tour the prior year which tore them down. They were in the planning stages of coming back together to make another album in 1992, Keep the Faith.</p>
<p>Psst... Izzy Stradlin is also in this story (part of the request). Guns N Roses, in my opinion and quite possibly true, was the number one rock band in the world. Quite a feat, considering the delay on the release of any substantial album since 1987. The short play record, GNR Lies, didn't quite generate the same excitement as Appetitie For Destruction. Steven Adler was fired in 1990. Their dual albums Use You Illusion I and II were released in the summer of 1991 with great success. But Izzy abruptly quit the band later the same year, due to some personal differences. </p>
<p>Although, not in this story, another band that I really liked, also hot on the charts, was Def Leppard. Their guitar player, Steve Clark died from an overdose in January of 1991. It was a rough year for a rock music fan like me. Lots of changes, not to mention the infiltration of grunge was beginning to seep in, and choke rock/metal. Waaaahhhh!!!!</p>
<p>Anyway, back to the story....</p>
<p>Tommy is pretty douchy in this book. I try to explain his reasoning for his behavior. Don't hate on him too much, he just isn't using his brain much. Try to enjoy Tommy Lee just being Tommy Lee perfectly, in some of the scenes.</p>
<p>You'll most likely be in Nikki's corner for this story. And, I think that you'll love Mick. He has a nice shining role in this story. </p>
<p>I love writing about Mick's and Nikki's friendship. Mick is cranky, but he loves his band mates and is there for them; Nikki above the other two. One of my go-to stories in Merry-Go-Round (a book I have on Wattpad) when I just need some lite, fun reading is "Zero." I love the relationship between Mick and Nikki in that one. It makes me smile. So, I tried to bring some of that into this story. I have a few of the chapters from that book, posted here on AO3. "Zero" can be found here.</p>
<p>I apologize to any Vince fans; he only has bit parts in this book. </p>
<p>Both Jon Bon Jovi and Izzy Stradlin have appearances in the story, as well as Brandi Brandt. I tried to pull everything together by the end. I hope that you like it. It definitely has some soap opera-like moments within it.</p>
<p>The chapter titles for this book are all from Motley Crue's 2008 album, Saints of Los Angeles. With the exception of one song, If I Die Tomorrow, which was released 3 years earlier for a compilation album. I needed another song title for my chapters. </p>
<p>Oh also, I know some of you don't care, but I do because I want to improve my writing. I wrote this is present tense originally, and after it was completed, I ran through it again, line by line, and changed it to a past tense POV. I poke around asking for writing advice, and was told by more than one person to start write past tense. It improves flow. Also, I want to give a shout out to my beta reader, Kimmy. Thank you so much for taking time to comb through to find my typos and mistakes, and making suggestions to improve my writing. Queen of run on sentences, misplaced or missing commas, awkward connections, etc.</p>
<p>I will be slowing down my posting frequency to about once a week. This is a shorter story, and you'll be able to enjoy for longer length of time... teehee. Now to start on my next request.</p>
<p>I wanted to include to tidbit too because I like to share my thinking process. No one in my personal life knows that I write, so this is where I share and talk. </p>
<p>So one thing that helped me with writing this particular story, was my recent discovery of writer BneJovi. She mostly writes Bon Jovi stories, but she began a Terrorcest book (Into the Echo) a few months ago. It popped up one day in the Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx feed. (The only feed that I ever check here.) You've probably seen it.</p>
<p>So, I began reading it. I loved her style of writing, right away. And realized soon that the Tommy/Nikki story was based off of a trio of Bon Jovi stories called "Saturday Nights Gave Me Sunday Mornings," which had Nikki (and a little bit of Tommy)  intertwined within. In order to get the back story of Into the Echo, I began reading the companion books, even though Bon Jovi isn't my go-to band. And sadly, I'm a Jersey girl... but I just love my L.A. boys more. </p>
<p>I always liked Bon Jovi's music, but never got that band crush. I thought Richie was kind of cute. And they did give me a memorable moment when Jon and Richie played "Wanted Dead or Alive" as a duet at the 1989 VMA awards. That was a pretty orgasmic moment for me. Hell, it still sticks in my mind 31 years later, and I don't remember many other VMA moments over the years aside from Madonna humping the floor and Axl Rose singing Free Fallin' with Tom Petty.</p>
<p>Anyway.... I really got into her stories, and it made writing this a lot more comfortable for me. </p>
<p>So, I had gotten the green light from the reader who requested this one shot, to take the flirting between Jon and Tommy a little bit further or maybe a lotta bit further. So the day I started writing this, I was flipping through a Kerrang magazine from late '89. The magazine had an article titled "They Said It", which was a smattering of bizarre quotes from rock stars. It was just the quotes with no story behind them. So I saw a quote from JBJ that read:</p>
<p>"I would have busted his fucking head. He wouldn't be alive to talk about it." Jon Bon Jovi on Tommy Lee.</p>
<p>So, here I am ready to write a story involving the two, and I go and read that. I'm thinking.... what the hell? I didn't know that they had beef with each other. Jon and Nikki, yes. But Jon and Tommy, with a death threat no less? What is this about? </p>
<p>The incident with Doc McGhee at the Moscow Peace Festival came to mind, with Tommy punching Doc, who was the manager of both bands. But I couldn't imagine Jon getting so hot-headed as to threaten death upon Tommy. I mean, seriously, the guys in the others bands were probably just thinking.... Duuude... It was a classic spoiled rock star move.</p>
<p>So, what'd I do? I asked BneJovi if she knew what it was about. Other than guessing that it had something to do with the Moscow festival, she didnt know.... but, she did find out for me....</p>
<p>Sooo, here's what happened... after the festival, rumors began to circulate about the Tommy/Doc incident, along with the newly formed rivalry between Bon Jovi and Motley Crue. One rumor that was going around was that Tommy punched Jon at the festival (not Doc). It was a false rumor, but apparently a Kerrang interviewer had the gall to ask Jon about the validity of the rumor, and the above quote was Jon's response.</p>
<p>Mystery solved. Jon was riled up about the rumor, not an actual incident. Phew.... thusly, I could continue on with my intended story with confidence that Tommy and Jon didn't actually hate each other IRL.</p>
<p>Anyway, if you like Terrorcest, check out BneJovi's story Into the Echo. Kudos to her beta reader Esayel too. Those stories have influenced certain elements in my book, at least in the way of implied references to Richie Sambora, who is not actually in this story... only mentioned. </p>
<p>I also have a gem buried in here just for my most consistent and loyal reader and commenter, WestHamBabe. You'll know it when you see it. Chapter Sixx, I think.</p>
<p>‐--------------------</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter One - White Trash Circus</span>
</p>
<p>It was a hot day in Los Angeles, but there was an icy vibe in the recording studio.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nikki, what the fuck is wrong with you lately? Do you want to do these songs or not?” Mick growled, and unshouldered his guitar out of frustration.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“At this rate, it might just be better leaving the new recordings off of this compilation album,” Vince huffed and threw his hands upward, not really meaning what he said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The band wrote a few new tracks to add to their 10th anniversary compilation album, Decade of the Decadence. The songs were good. All four of them already knew that “Primal Scream” was slated to be a hit. But there was a problem…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki was in a mood. Absent in mind, distracted, and easily angered. Tommy was quiet and distant. It’s obvious that some happened between the two, and no one was talking about it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>About five years ago, Mick and Vince had noticed that Tommy and Nikki were getting dangerously close. Others involved with the band observed the same. People started asking if they were getting it on with each other; some joking and some asking with all seriousness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy and Nikki didn’t know how to respond, and frankly were getting tired of the battery of questions being thrusted upon them. Yeah, they were dangerously close. Very close. Their friendship just kind of took on a life of its own. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy and Nikki were best buds from day one. Twinning like no others could. One did something stupid, the other followed suit. They just seemed to have a natural inclination towards each other. Every day was a new adventure for the pair to embark on something devious, or downright dumb. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somehow they managed to keep themselves alive and out of serious legal trouble. Things were going along swimmingly well, until Tommy began getting serious with a gal…. Heather. She was a knockout. And Tommy’s infatuation with her began to draw him away from Nikki. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy didn’t really notice the widening expanse between him and Nikki. And Heather certainly didn’t either. In fact, she felt quite differently. There was no expanse. None at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Babe, Nikki and I are going to a club tonight.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Nikki and I were invited to a listening party. We’ll be back late.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Nikki has a song he needs me to hear and critique.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Change the reservations to a party of 4. Nikki and his date will be joining us for dinner.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Sorry babe. I know we were supposed to go to the movies tonight, but Nikki is having a mental breakdown. His grandma is sick, and he needs someone who knows how to calm him down.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The excuses were frequent, according to Heather. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Again?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Are you dating me, or him?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “You say it’s from a stripper, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that hickey on your neck is from Nikki.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “A couple is supposed to mean two, not three.”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Heather was feeling the intrusion, yet Nikki was feeling the distance. That bitch was keeping his best friend away from him. Tommy was his possession before she nosed in. Every time she was around, Nikki’s jade eyes became even greener with envy. He’d sit there and watch Heather clinging to Tommy’s lap, with chimp-like paws. Her pouty lips connected with his. Her manicured hand rubbing his crotch through his pants, creating a visible bulge. Why Nikki was looking at Tommy’s groin, he didn’t know. It’s not like they did <b>that</b>. But still, it bothered him because she could titillate him in ways that he couldn’t. She had an upper hand in the game of tug-o-war. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then something finally happened…. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was towards the end of the Theatre of Pain tour. Too much drinking? Too many drugs? Too little supervision with too many allowances? Who knows, but it seemed destined to happen. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was after a show. The band was unwinding in the backstage area; drinking, getting high, meeting chicks, and just being loud and obnoxious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Except for Nikki, who sunk himself into a chair, head back, enjoying his high. Tommy thought that Nikki needed some rousing to get back into the party vibe. So he came over and sat right on the bass player’s lap; craning his back to tell him that he better perk the fuck up. He was in the mood to party and wanted his best friend in the chaotic mix with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He did perk the fuck up, but not in the way that either expected. He didn’t know if it was the circular hole in Tommy’s spandex, the sudden weight on his lap, or the alluring effects of the quaalude he had just swallowed. Tommy had to be feeling what was underneath his ass. Nikki froze; already trying to dream up an excuse for the hard bulge pressing into his best friend. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> It was already there. (Maybe it was. He couldn’t remember). </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> It was a side effect of the drugs. (Could have been). </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> That girl across the room, who has her tongue in Vince’s mouth, is turning me on (Nah, that excuse is no good). </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> I was fantasizing about my fuck from last night before you came and sat down (yeah… that’s the one that he’ll buy). </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki was about to shove Tommy off. He was ready to blurt out his excuse if questioned, or ridiculed. When instead the opportunistic drummer pressed his spandexed ass against the unyielding bulge. It was intentional. There’s no way Tommy didn’t know what it was that was imposing against him. Yet, there he remained, pressing downward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And so began, an ever so slight, rhythmic bucking of Tommy’s pelvis against Nikki’s mound. He wanted to make it known that he wished for the ass cheek hole in his tour pants to be shifted over to the left by a few inches for easier access. Tommy upgraded to bouncing around on Nikki’s lap, just being his usual animated self; while pushing his back towards Nikki’s chest. It was a definite sign of the drummer wanting to have contact with Nikki’s body. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy was always bouncing, shifting, and moving at every waking moment. No one thought a thing about it.  No one but Nikki, who sat still, biting the hell out of his tongue. Sixx dug his fingernails into the arms of the chair, so as to not let out a moan while fire burned in his belly. Every bounce, moved Nikki’s hard-on further between Tommy’s ever-spreading ass cheeks. If it weren’t for a thin layer of polka dots and black spandex between the two, Nikki would be inside Tommy’s ass, no doubt. And god…. it wasn’t until right then, that he was even aware how badly he wanted to be in there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki was riveted. His mind seemed to forget that he was high and exhausted. He began barking about when the limo was going to arrive to bring them back to the hotel, with hyper focused command. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Chill the fuck out, man. We got everything we need right here,” Vince said, coming up for air, ruby-colored lipstick smeared across his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy knew why Nikki was bitching about the limo; at least he thought that he did. Then a brilliant idea came his way. This would tell him soon enough where Nikki’s head was at. His thinking head, Tommy already knew where the other one was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ohhh, fuuuuck…. I think I’m gonna be sick. I gotta get to the….” Tommy leapt up, and started to run towards the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you stop bouncing around so much, all that shit you ingested wouldn’t be churning up! You fucking circus clown!” Mick barked, as Tommy ran towards the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki got up and followed, “Fuck, I should go hold his hair back. We don’t need to be smelling that in the limo.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy looked back and saw Nikki on his heels. A grin spread across his face as the pair bypassed the bathroom. They entered the catacomb of backstage hallways, trying to find the nearest open door. The pair discovered one around the next corner. They hurried in, slammed the door, twisted the lock, and were immediately wrapped up in each other's arms. Hungry lips were smeared all over each other, as they humped with wild desperation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh god, Nikki. I didn’t know…. Fuck,” Tommy said, breathlessly, as he slobbered all over Nikki’s jaw, holding a wad of the bassist’s hair in one hand. He feverishly attempted to unfetter himself from his groin garter with his other hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, T….. you knew…. we just…..ohhhhh,” Nikki stammered, throwing his head back against the wall with a deep eye roll, as Tommy assaulted his neck. He slid his hand into the hole in the back of Tommy’s pants digging fingernails in. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy’s pants were now down; Nikki’s hand was still on his ass. He then went to work on Nikki’s pants. The drummer nimbly peeled off the bassist’s jeweled belt, then took down the black stage pants with white polka dots. Nikki breathed deeply, his head still back against the wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They pressed their aching bodies together. Tommy directed his erection to go between Nikki’s spread legs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God, baby. I want this, but we need lube,” Nikki moaned, digging his fingernails deeper into Tommy’s flesh, aiming at his collarbone to suck on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nikki, I can’t stop. Can’t we just--”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, we can’t. Just pull your pants off all the way and lay down.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“On the concrete?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was under the impression that you liked the feel of hard things,” Nikki said, removing his own pants and footwear completely. He peeled off the sleeveless component of his stage outfit, tossing it towards Tommy. The tailed jacket was already left behind in the party room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy grabbed both pairs of pants and hastily arranged them on the floor to lie on top of. He wadded up Nikki’s freshly jettisoned stage vest to put underneath his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki got down to straddle Tommy, faced away. Then he took the drummer’s hard cock into his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy moaned loudly, feeling the warm sensations of Nikki’s mouth on his manhood, as his body graced the chilly floor. He held tightly onto Nikki’s thighs, which were hovering on either side of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Take me, Tommy. Will you do it?” Nikki asked, taking his mouth away from the prone one for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop moving so much, and come lower,” Tommy demanded, taking hold of Nikki’s suspended cock.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki adjusted himself to allow the drummer to take him in, at which he let out a gratifying moan. The pair eagerly and awkwardly sucked each other off, neither aware whether the other has ever had a dick in his mouth before. Each marveled how suddenly and unexpectedly this manifestation came about. From innocently enjoying a high in an armchair backstage to ravenous, gay 69ing within just five minutes or so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pair indulged with fiery passion to satiate their newly released pent up desires. Nikki came first, followed by Tommy within a matter of a few seconds. Both of their palates discovered an unfamiliar taste; not quite as savory as a women’s silken flow, but more than gratifying. It took five years of denying the attraction and lure, but finally, Nikki tasted Tommy, and Tommy tasted Nikki.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki sat up on his bandmate, straddling him. He leaned his hands on Tommy’s thighs, trying to gain control of his breathing and his senses. Tommy didn’t care whether he was breathing or not; naked Nikki was perched on top of him like a prized mantlepiece. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him, as his fingers tickled the top of his best friend’s ass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki dismounted. Tommy already missed the weight that held him fast to the ground. He only then noticed the discomfort he was feeling from beginning pressed onto a cold, hard floor. With some trepidation, Nikki turned around to face him. What was Tommy thinking? He wasn’t sure what to think, himself. That was maybe the most gripping, wanton sexual experience for him to date. He had been wanting to put his hands on Tommy for at least a few years, but for good, solid reasons, had refrained. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now that the line had been crossed, what was gonna happen going forward? <em> More </em>, Nikki hoped. God, he wanted more. Maybe this could be what would push Tommy back towards him, and away from that blonde interloper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy met Nikki’s eyes when they came face to face. He was entranced… <em> please always let me stare into those eyes… forever. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you good?” Nikki asked, barely coherent as his voice cracked. That question sounded stupid. What the fuck else could he have said?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy took a big risk, not knowing where Nikki’s head was when he replied. “More than good, and I would be better if that damn limo would arrive to bring us back to the hotel. I need to get back to the hotel,” Tommy brooded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“To be with me, or to get away from me?” Nikki asked, not wanting to assume anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy pulled on Nikki’s forearm to draw him in closer. “One word, Nikki…. Lube,” Tommy croaked with a raggedy breath, licking his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki could only nod in agreement, before he leaned over to reconnect with Tommy’s lips. They were interrupted by a sharp rapping on the door. “Tommy?!” a loud voice hollered from the outside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Both were startled, and slightly alarmed. But they knew that they’re shielded by the locked steel door between them and the voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah! One minute,” Tommy yelled back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank god….. Nikki?! Are you in there too?! The limo is here! Everybody is fucking waiting. I hate these disappearing acts. Hurry the fuck up!” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck you! We’re coming,” Nikki responded, recognizing the voice as belonging to their road manager.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, fuck you! Get your damn clothes back on and release the girl, or bring her back to the hotel! Everyone wants to go!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ll be out in two minutes!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fred thought that they had a girl in there with them. Tommy and Nikki hoped that he would not still be there when they opened the door. If so, Tommy suggested that they just tell him that they already kicked the girl out and that they had just finished up with some lines.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It all worked out. No one suspected anything. As soon as the limo pulled up to the hotel, Tommy and Nikki darted out to make a beeline straight to the drummer’s hotel room. It was 3 doors closer to the stairwell than Nikki’s. They didn’t want to waste a second more by traveling an extra 25 feet down the hallway to the other room. Their night of passion continued behind the closed hotel door; with a hearty supply of lube on hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fucking each other seemed to be their new favorite hobby. But a problem arose, Tommy and Nikki got reckless with their “secretive” behavior. Over the ensuing months, they tried in vain to deflect attention from it. They fed their circle of friends and colleagues bullshit excuses, but no one believed them anymore. People just began to accept that Tommy and Nikki were fucking around with each other. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The casual way it came about wasn’t as detrimental to their image as one might have predicted. Maybe because the rumors were so persistent and frequent that it eased people into the idea of it. Instead of a reaction of shock and disgust, most were laughing, joking, and adding their own spin to the webbed tale. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Terror Twins stopped fighting it, and adopted a if-you-don’t-like-it-go-fuck-yourself kind of attitude towards the whole thing. Heather eventually dropped out; waving a white flag. She had enough. Tommy felt a mixture of pain and relief, all in the same.He liked her a lot, but he wasn’t going to give up what he was doing with his best friend. He liked that more. Nikki was smugly happy about this; his competition was gone. Byeee! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>All of the other girls in the picture were just vehicles for entertainment. Yeah…. they kept up on their depraved antics with the groupies. It was allowed; preferring to take on their conquests as a pair, when possible.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before they knew it, weeks turned into months, then a year. Tommy and Nikki were an item…. a couple…. open lovers. Things had been nice, and comfortable. Yep, there were still protests from colleagues, friends, and the band.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Don’t fuck things up.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “It’s not smart to shit in our own backyard.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Don’t close off Vince and Mick.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Be more sensitive to the varying feelings that are out there about your relationship.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “The band is a priority.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeah, yeah they knew. It was all good. Really good. There was infatuation. There was contentment. There was love.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Down at The Whisky (or The Cathouse)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nikki needed a listening ear.</p>
<p>Tommy wasn't having it.</p>
<p>Things are going to go to shit.</p>
<p>‐--------------</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There's a drunken, slurred conversation this chapter. I italicized the slurred words, to emphasize the state of drunkenness. They're misspelled intentionally.</p>
<p>--------------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tommy laid on Nikki’s couch with him. It was early January of 1988. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m scared,” Nikki said, with his head on Tommy’s lap. He was referring to an impending stint at a rehab center to get clean and sober.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me too. But, I’m ready. I don’t want anyone to die,” Tommy replied with a sigh, stroking Nikki’s hair. “I don't want you to die. That’s a lot scarier. I love you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. Thanks for being here with me. I need you here,” Nikki responded, shutting his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy continued to stroke Nikki’s hair. The bassist had been recovering from his near-death overdose, and it hadn’t been easy. Tommy knew that his fingers in Nikki’s tresses calmed him, and usually lulled him to sleep…. Just what he needed; rest for the weary soul……</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think we should move in together after rehab. You know, for better accountability, and well just because…” Tommy suggested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmmm,” a sleepy Nikki responded, moments before he dozed off. He enjoyed the soothing position on Tommy’s lap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> About 3 years later. Tommy and Nikki were living together ~ </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> The phone rang one evening. The number that flashed up on the newly installed Caller ID box was vaguely familiar to Nikki. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Hello?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Nikki?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>  “Brandi?! Hey, what’s up? It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you. How about hitting the town tonight?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Nikki, I’m pregnant….. It’s yours.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> The receiver fell from his hand. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How could you be so stupid?” Tommy shouted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He and Nikki allowed a little sub-dating within their relationship. A fuck here, a movie date there, a quickie in the bathroom with a groupie. Whatever… it wasn’t a big deal. The rules were simple:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*Women only</p>
<p>*Use condoms</p>
<p>*If the other disapproved of someone, it ended on the spot.</p>
<p>*Each was the priority to the other.</p>
<p>*Never hide anything</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It worked. It worked like a charm for a few years. Until that phone call…..</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How could you be so careless??!!” Tommy shrieked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They talked about having kids someday. There were no serious conversations yet. Just broad strokes about the options they had: adoption, surrogacy, or expertly chosen and willing women who would agree to co-parenting. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Speaking of other women, they even had what they thought was a master plan. Well, not really. They knew it was a farce. But still, it made sense in their heads. Their sisters. Nikki would impregnate Athena. Tommy would impregnate Ceci. And the babies would be as close as they could get, in the way of looks and DNA, to having their own biological children together. Do you think the sisters would have gone for it? Not a chance, and the couple knew it. Still, it was a fun proposal to talk about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They did agree however, that they would pursue parenthood together. Always being in agreement, and starting when they were <b>both</b> ready. Which, it was quite apparent, they were not; neither one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you even think?” Tommy barked at Nikki.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I… I… don’t know how it happened.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bullshit, Sixx. You were stealthing with her!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I swear, Tommy, I kept the condom on. I always do. I don’t know. It was a while ago. I mean, maybe it broke. Maybe I drank too much. I just don’t know. All I know is that I’m going to be a dad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah…. you. It was supposed to be <b>us</b>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why wouldn’t it be <b>us</b>?” Nikki asked, with a look of confusion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because this isn’t <em> our </em> doing. This wasn’t <em> our </em> decision. I had no part in it. It’s all you, and I’m not sure what I think about raising your illegitimate child,” Tommy huffed, getting up to walk off. “And furthermore, we’re in the middle of a fucking album and shit!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The album will be done before the baby. Come on, Tom. Don’t walk away from me. We can work this out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That bitch is going to own you,” Tommy snapped, thrusting his finger towards Nikki before walking away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki held his head in his hands, and just cried. He fucked up. He was going to be a dad. And his <em> lover </em> was angry with him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy kept up his angry streak and distance for several days… actually it had been 5 days. Nikki knew exactly how long. He’d been counting. Furthermore, the drummer had been withholding himself from Nikki.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy just felt betrayed. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He knew that he should have put the brakes on things with that brunette bitch while he had the chance. He sensed she was getting too close to Nikki; maybe trying to find a way to lasso him. What better way to do it? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>As it turned out however, Brandi was the one who started to distance herself from Nikki. She found a boyfriend… someone full time, not a part-timer, like the Crue bassist. Still, during the few weeks that they were together, Tommy felt that they were too close. The pair, out with each other too often. He was glad when she was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But she had come back.<em> Fuck </em>! Perhaps this was her diabolical plan all along? Maybe she poked holes in the condom, or she went off the pill. Maybe she was the one who pulled it off, or insisted they didn’t need it? Why didn’t Tommy listen to his gut about this one? She should have been kicked to the curb sooner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy felt disregarded. Despite his love for Nikki, he wasn’t ready to forgive him, and figure things out. It was all too much to think about. This was interrupting their lively lifestyle… easier to deny and ignore for now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------------------------------</p>
<p>. </p>
<p>Nikki had been more than stressed over the past several days. It was everything. It was Tommy’s distance. It was fatherhood looming over his head. It was the fear of Tommy rejecting this child. It was also pride. He was concerned that others were going to notice cracks in their unit. They’d gotten so much shit about their relationship, and warnings of not fucking things up with the band. They pushed back, or blew it off. Nothing was ever going to get fucked up, and interfere with the band. Yet, there they were in the studio. And the dissent was obvious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, Nikki! We need to lay the bass tracks for Primal Scream,” Bob, their record producer, snapped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That’s all Nikki wanted to do at that moment… roar out a guttural primal scream.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m ready. Um, lemme just get some water,” Nikki replied solemnly, as he disappeared out the studio door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tom! What the fuck is wrong with him?” Mick barked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ohh, he’s just got some stuff on his mind….. Hey, am I really needed today? I have a wicked headache,” Tommy said squinting, rubbing his temples.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The producer released the drummer from the day’s work in the studio. Nikki returned after a few minutes, and discovered Tommy had left. His spirits sank further.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> A few days later, at home. -  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Things were relatively calm, just flat; like two roommates living together who didn’t particularly have anything in common.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki was in his car on his way home. He thought about last night, when he laid in bed and doodled with his finger on Tommy’s back, who remained unresponsive. The bassist tried to spur him on for sex, even offering himself up for full on <em>punishment</em>, in whatever way Tommy saw fit. But he received the same response as two days ago. <em>Not tonight. </em>Nikki sighed, feeling dejected, then rolled over to face the other way. He couldn’t understand what his partner’s problem was. They had sex, or at least some sort of sexually motivated action, nearly everyday for years. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Moments later, Tommy got out of bed and disappeared into the master bathroom. Less than ten minutes later, Nikki heard the door open. There was no flushing of the toilet. He could only suspect that Tommy went in there for a lonely jerk off, instead of accepting the offer of uninhibited sex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki shut his eyes to feign sleep, as Tommy approached the bed. He got back in, leaned over, and made an unexpected, tender gesture to tuck the bed covers up around the bassist's shoulders. Nikki couldn't help but to take hold of Tommy's hand, which was near his neck, in his own hand. He kissed it, while breathing out his name in a sultry whisper. The drummer pulled it away, then uttered a <em> g'nite </em>before laying back down. Nikki sighed. A let down, to say the least.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was snapped out of his thoughts when he arrived home, pulling into the driveway. Nikki put the negative feelings aside with a few deep breaths. He was actually feeling optimistic that maybe the two would talk things out today. He had a little surprise that he thought Tommy might be interested in. He had hoped anyway. The drummer didn’t seem angry anymore, just distant and neutral. Although, he still couldn’t understand how Tommy could just climb into bed at night, and not even kiss him goodnight. No hugs; nothing all day, other than the occasional hand on the shoulder to garner attention for some mundane announcement, such as a missed phone call. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki came through the front door. A good mood was apparent. “I brought home take-out. It’s here if you want some.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’d you go today?” Tommy asked, putting the box of pasta, that he was about to open, back in the cabinet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look,” Nikki smiled. “Brandi went to get one of those ultrasound things done. Like, they can take a picture of the baby inside of her,” Nikki said, sliding the black and white image in front of Tommy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the hell am I looking at?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I don’t exactly know. But, I think that’s the baby,” Nikki guessed, pointing to an area in the picture. “Or maybe that’s the head?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doesn’t look like much of anything. More like a doppler weather photo of a storm,” Tommy shrugged, putting his attention on the bag of take-out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s all the same technology, I think. But, the baby was in there. I know the picture is confusing, but in person, you could actually see moving limbs and a little blip on the screen. It was the heart beating. It was cool as fuck.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you hold hands while you watched the screen together?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tom, we were seeing the baby for the first time. It was just exciting, and she was nervous. It didn’t mean anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just like your baby to me,” Tommy said meanly, his back turned towards Nikki as he scooped food out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s our baby,” Nikki replied, feeling let down, and hurt by that comment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, yours and Brandi’s. Not mine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just thought that maybe the picture would stir something within you,” Nikki said, swiping it off the counter, and walking away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you want me to plate up food for you?” Tommy asked, as if nothing was wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not hungry,” Nikki responded, before disappearing around the corner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‐---------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> A little later  -  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, Tom?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you mind if I go out tonight? Unless you want to do something together. Maybe we can rent a movie?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, I don’t want to do anything,” Tommy replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How long are you going to keep this up?” Nikki asked, sounding exasperated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m just not ready, Nikki. Go on, have fun tonight. Go get laid or whatever. I know that I haven’t been much fun lately.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have the best fun with you. I’d rather stay in, if you--”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not tonight, Nik. I’ll see you later, OK?” Tommy said, interrupting, as he walked away with a bottle in hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki sighed, throwing his hands up in surrender, then walked off the other way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki wound up at the Cathouse that night. He sat at a table in a dark corner by himself with a lonely drink, and sunglasses on. He wasn’t sure whether he was in the mood to socialize. He’d make that determination after his first drink, or maybe after his second or third. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unfortunately, Nikki’s sobriety only lasted about two years, but he was nowhere near the mess that he was prior to rehab. Still… the lessons of the dangers of substance abuse had been tossed to the wind. Tommy too. The whole band for that matter. Fuck, there just wasn’t a way around it. Not at that time anyway. Tommy was being a little too unreasonable and dramatic for Nikki’s taste. What he really could have used was a listening ear, not a bitching mouthful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki swirled the sparkling ice cubes at the bottom of his third drink, when a shadow was cast over the glass; a figure blocked the errant stage light, which was formerly emitting a glow on the edge of the table. It created a halo effect around the person who just approached.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s up, Sixx? Almost didn’t see you there,” the haloed figure said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki adjusted his eyes to see who it was before him. The sunglasses were actually working to his benefit, as they cancelled out some of the shrouding glow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Izzy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s going on? Is Tommy here?” the Guns N’ Roses rhythm guitarist asked, as he took a seat, pushing his sunglasses on top of his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Eh, he’s home.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I detect a sullen tone there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry. I’m not trying to pry. Do you want some company? Can I get you another drink?” Izzy inquired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can’t say no to that,” Nikki responded, perking up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Heh, I just heard an earful at the bar about drinking too much tonight,” Izzy remarked, with a smirk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fuck, man? Why is that anyone’s business?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, it’s because the bartender mistook me for you. Between the two of us, that’s a lot of drinks within a short period, I guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get the fuck out,” Nikki laughed, removing his sunglasses. Maybe his concealed eyes were the reason for the mix-up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously, man. I get that on occasion,” Izzy laughed too. “Sometimes I even think that they’re let down when they find out that I’m not you….. even though Guns is kicking Motley’s ass right now,” Izzy says, with a snarky laugh. “Lotta people out there got a thing for you,” he teased, shaking Nikki’s shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, man. I’m not anything special. You can get any chick you want…. And fuck you and your band. We’re working on another album as we speak. A compilation for surviving a decade. We’re right up there with you, tool,” Nikki replies, interlocking his fingers and pushing them forward, palms out, to crack some knuckles.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are your fingers a little rusty there, Sixx?” Izzy goofed. “Mine are in good shape. We’re working on albums as well. Two of them… not compilations, <b>new</b> originals, cocksucker,” Izzy responded, smiling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t even have enough material for a compilation album, dude. Plus, we have a few originals in the works, you fucking bastard show-off,” Nikki said. “Now, I’m gonna insist on that drink that you offered.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“K. Whatcha got?” Izzy asked, pointing to the empty tumbler. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anything that can get me drunk more quickly,” Nikki replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Izzy came back with the drinks in a few minutes. He set them down, then took a seat. “Seriously, Nikki. What’s eating at you? Band woes?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki gulped down a generous swig. “I don’t know. A little…. Vince seems distant, lately,” Nikki said, avoiding the real reason for his sour mood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ahh, my favorite, fucking person,” Izzy remarked, pursing his lips. “Vince is probably deep in thought everyday about how he became such a fucking asshole.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who cares, man. That’s old news, and you know you did him wrong. It’s that fucking front man of yours that’s the problem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Funny, I can’t disagree with you. Been kinda unhappy with a lot of band shit, myself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah? You guys are kicking everyone’s ass in the industry. Don’t fuck it up, man,” Nikki warned, tapping his fingers on the table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I won’t. I’m just trying to figure out what’s truly important and what’s not….. like, asshole, narcissistic singers…. Not important. And other things like… I kinda downsized my living. Living large just wasn’t for me. I bought a new condo. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s decked out to the hilt with all kinds of innovative shit, but it’s smaller. Less private too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyone there with you? Who’s on your scene these days?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I got a girl, but she’s….” Izzy clicked his tongue, and exhaled. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just not feeling it. She’s got the most stunning rack on her that I’ve ever encountered, but she’s acting like we’re married. And we’ve only been together, what… maybe a month or two? I’m definitely not asking her to move in with me. I like my own space. I don’t need anyone there…. just her tits when I’m in the mood.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Companionship is good when you find the right person,” Nikki replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know,” Izzy said, fixated on his glass, seemingly deep in thought.  “I sometimes envy what you and Tommy have. Like, you’re openly together, and most everyone seems cool with it, but you can fuck around a little too. Ain’t no else got the guts to do that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re a fucking rock star. You can do whatever the hell you want. Fuck that girl.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not always….  not like you. You know, I hear about guys fucking around with one another here and there, but no one is ever gonna get off scot free, without backlash, like you and Tommy,” Izzy sighed, with a shrug. “I’ve been fucking around on my girl a little bit with another busty blonde. But, I can barely even get away with that. She doesn’t trust me; always questioning the hell out of me…. Seriously, that’s the shit that makes me want to run around on her. It pisses me off,” Izzy spat. “I’m just in a place of flux. Confused about a lot. That girl and her rack are a distraction, I guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Both Nikki and Tommy knew that quite a few rockers were “closet” bangers. Both had been hit on multiple times by guys. Everyone knew that shit went on, but it was an unspoken rule that you never ratted anyone out, even if you knew. Even if you didn’t like the person, and he’d done you wrong. You just didn’t. Tommy and Nikki somehow circumvented the taboo factor in the sport of it; being open and OK. It just worked out for them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Things aren’t always as easy as they seem,” Nikki said, knocking back the rest of his fourth drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you and Tommy OK?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re OK, man. Just some stuff happening. Tommy is upset with me, and it’s starting to get on my nerves.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I ask what happened?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nothing I wanna share. I didn’t do anything wrong, though. So I’m sitting here scratching my head, trying to figure out what the fuck he thinks I did. I have no other option than to drown it all away. I just need my brain to be numb.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wanna ditch? Why don’t you come back to my place to hear a few demos of our new shit? Don’t tell anyone else in my band, though.….. Plus, I’ll show you some other cool stuff I got around. It might take your mind off things,” Izzy suggested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m game to get out of here. This place isn’t doing anything for me tonight. I came down here to get drunk and laid, and so far only one of those things has promise. Plus this featured band blows,” Nikki replied, pushing his glass away. “You say you got demos of the new shit?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yup. And plenty of stuff to keep the blues away,” Izzy said, with a wink and a smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t expect me to expose our new demos to you. Gotta wait ‘til the album is out,” Nikki replied with a smirk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Two hours later, after more drinks, some demos, and some coke up their noses-  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s pregnant, Iz. And he won’t stop giving me grief about it,” an extremely trashed Nikki sobbed, clutching his bourbon filled tumbler, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “I just need him to <em>lishen</em> to me. I’m gonna be a fucking dad, man. A dad… and Tommy just keeps giving me grief.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You got this, Nik. He’ll come around,” an equally drunk Izzy said, patting Nikki’s thigh, with an arm slung around his shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fuck am I gonna do? I’m horny as shit. He’s been withholding<em> , </em> you know,” Nikki bawled, pointing a wavering finger at Izzy. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Had Nikki not been blasted, he would not have been sharing this stuff. Aside from Tommy, Mick was his only other trusted confidant, and he hadn’t even told him any of this. He was just desperately longing for some attention. “That’s why I went out <em> t’night </em>. I gotta get fucking laid, man. Maybe we should go back to The Cat… uh, The Cat…. uh thing, House, thing… club. I gotta find someone. Fuck,” Nikki stuttered, as he held his messy face up with his hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re so sloshed, you’re gonna knock someone else up. <em> Prolly </em>not a good idea,” Izzy replied with boozy breath, rubbing Nikki’s thigh. He wanted him, in the worst kind of way. He had for a while; ever since people started comparing the Motley Crue bass player to him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Izzy had taken some good hard looks at Nikki, to try to understand why anyone would think they looked alike. He didn’t quite see it, but he saw something else… a sexy ass, ripped bass player who dripped with sexual appeal. That became very evident, the more he stared at him. But, there was Tommy. He liked Tommy, and wasn’t about to go around and disrespect yet another Motley Crue member. He would have never….. But he was fucking soused too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em> Stheriousthly </em> , Iz. How the fuck is Tommy holding out? He can fuck a girl, or beat his meat, but he knows damn well that nothin’ feels as good as an ass fuck. I got needs, Izzy,” Nikki continued to sob, not realizing that he should have shut the fuck up, fast. “He won’t <em> lithen </em>to me, and he won’t fuck me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll fuck you, Nikki,” Izzy suggested, drawing near to his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wha?” Nikki asked, with droopy watery eyes. “You can do that for me? I--” Nikki sniffled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Izzy leaned in and connected his lips to Nikki’s. The bass player hesitated, with stuttering breath. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let me take care of your needs, Nikki. I’ve got ‘em too. I have needs,” Izzy panted heavily, as he lingered on the bassist’s lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki was torn… his Tommy was floating around in his head. He had never had another man on his lips, at least not since he was a teen. But, he was drawn, and he was hard. He couldn’t stop the momentum. Nikki took Izzy’s jaw in one of his hands, just to feel that manly scruff sting his skin, that he missed so much. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their mouths opened, and their tongues mingled. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> This isn’t Tommy. What am I doing? </em>  - the thoughts swept through Nikki’s mushy brain until they landed in a stagnant puddle. And then there was pressure on his groin; a welcomed sensation. Izzy was touching the goods. Nikki released a groan. That wasn’t a good thing to do. Fuck…. But it felt fantastic. He wasn’t capable of stopping. His body was aching for that touch. That touch that Tommy had mastered. No, it wasn’t the same, no one could ever duplicate what his lover could do and how he made him feel, but those large hands that roved all over him…. that abrasiveness that could only come from a man…. Oh god…. “ <em> Please fuck me” </em>Nikki breathed, as his clouded brain ceased to function.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki didn’t remember his clothes coming off. But he did recall opening up his legs to invite Izzy in between them. He remembered the penetration and how poisonous it felt. It may as well have been a dagger that was thrusted up inside of him. He knew that his world might collapse, and the death of everything that was comfortable with could befall him, but that ache… that yearning… he wanted that dagger to stab him over and over again until he surrendered with a crowning orgasm. <em> Oh my god </em> ….. <em> Oh my god </em> … <em> ohhhh… </em>Nikki’s eyes rolled back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He released his grip on Izzy’s backside, and let his arms fall to his sides. He closed his eyes, as he panted his way back to the land of sensibility. While his brain attempted to make that arduous journey, Izzy peppered Nikki with soft kisses, until he climbed off of him to lie at his side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Izzy wasn’t feeling a whole lot better about this. Yes, he finally got to do something that he had only fantasized about. Nikki was big and sexy and oh so delicious; desired by many, and what just happened couldn’t even be put into words. Izzy got to top him…. be inside. He devoured Nikki’s body and made him moan his way to an orgasm. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet, if he was sober, this wouldn’t have happened on his clock. Izzy had his moments in the spotlight as a douchebag royale, including what happened with Sharise and Vince, but it was not a persona that he wore well. It wasn’t him to be that way. He was just a guy that wanted to play music, indulge a little, feel respected, and get along with everyone. But that hadn’t been happening for him lately. Frankly, the band dynamics sucked, and he was unsure how much longer he was going to last. What kind of fucking idiot could throw their hands up and walk away from the biggest rock band in the world? Possibly this guy; the one who just fucked Nikki Sixx, and betrayed his pal Tommy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Tommy, wasn’t the biggest fan of his own bandmate, Vince. He had kind of enjoyed the drama surrounding the Izzy/Sharise event, which had been hijacked by Axl, who wanted to kick Vince’s ass for months. Tommy wouldn’t have recommended trying. He had seen Vince at his mightiest, and knew he could pack a fucking punch when he was provoked. Anyway, the event somewhat endeared Tommy towards Izzy. Yeah, what Izzy did to Sharise was a dick move, but the fallout had been great. No one even brought up Izzy’s involvement anymore; it was all Vince and Axl; those two flaming prima donnas who wanted to whip the ever living shit out of each other. It was great entertainment, thanks to Izzy. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Nikki came down from his orgasmic high, his heart began to hurt. He cheated on his love. There was no way around it. It didn’t matter that Tommy was being a dick. It didn’t matter that he was withholding. It didn’t matter that his attitude about the baby had been unsupportive and downright mean. Nikki wasn’t entitled to do this. He reached down and took hold of Izzy’s hand, who had shrunk back into himself, as he sensed that a battle had just begun inside of Nikki’s head. He wasn’t sure what to do, fearful that Nikki’s placid demeanor could have swung to the edge of fury on a dime. He had seen it happen years back when they toured together. Only, Nikki was still a drunk skunk, and his anger didn’t seem to be in the mood to come out and play  that night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I needed someone who was willing to <em> lithen </em>to me. I needed someone who let me share my fears. He wasn’t being that for me,” Nikki mumbled, trying to rationalize what he just did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Izzy squeezed Nikki’s hand. “He’ll come around.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki nodded, but he knew that he just fucked everything over to the opposite side of things being OK; of Tommy <em> coming around </em>. He’d be coming around all right…. with a left hook.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe I should go,” Nikki suggested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re too fucked to drive. Don’t do that, man. I can get you a cab? Or just lay back down, and sleep some of this off.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t go home yet. Although, he’s <em>probby</em> asleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He doesn’t stay up and wait for you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not when he trusts me,” Nikki frowned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Face Down in the Dirt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nikki arrived home with a heavy pit in his belly.</p>
<p>Tommy was unsuspecting.</p>
<p>The empire may be crumbling.</p>
<p>----------</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I think that I may have forgotten to mention prior... this story takes place in the spring of 1991.</p>
<p>-----------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nikki arrived home with a heavy pit in his belly. It was around 6am. He stayed at Izzy’s to sleep off his drunken state for a few hours. He laid next to the drunken guitarist; still naked in the bed. He’d since gotten dressed and was put back together. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Tommy wasn’t around. It made sense, as it was rare for either one to be awake that early. But now came the question of whether to climb into bed with Tommy, or retreat to the couch. Or maybe he’d just stay up. Nikki’s head was pounding and he felt nauseous. He decided that camping out on the couch would immediately trigger alarms in Tommy’s head. Nikki hadn’t figured out when or how he was going to tell Tommy about the night prior. He shlepped to the bedroom, shedding a few articles of clothing, then climbed into bed, next to sleeping Tommy. Nikki faced away, and shut his eyes, they hadn’t been in each other’s arms lately anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Later that day, early afternoon -  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki’s eyes blinked open. He turned around and saw that Tommy’s side of the bed was empty. Fear coursed through him. What was he gonna walk into when he got up? Could Tommy have somehow known?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He put his feet on the floor, and rubbed his face up and down, feeling numb physically and emotionally. A shower to wash last night off, was the first thing on his agenda. He should have done it before getting into the bed. He had laid his defiled body down on their shared space. It sat heavy with him. Guilt had stormed in hot and heavy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After the shower, Nikki emerged from the bedroom and found Tommy on the couch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Morning,” Nikki said, immediately feeling ill.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey,” Tommy replied, not slowing down on the consumption of his bowl of cereal and milk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki couldn’t think of anything else to say. His mouth opened once or twice, wishing to fill the empty air with something, but nothing came out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you find a good fuck last night?” Tommy asked, not bothering to look at Nikki.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just went out to clear my head,” Nikki responded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmm…. Oh, my mom stopped here this morning to bring something by for you. It’s on the table by the door.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki welcomed the distraction, as he walked towards the table, spying a little gift bag.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What is it?” Nikki asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How the fuck should I know? It’s not for me. It’s for you,” Tommy replied, still not looking at Nikki.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki noticed that the gift tag had both their names written on it. He pulled the tissue paper off the top, and saw a soft, white baby blanket in the bag. It brought a tear to his eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You told her?” Nikki asked, softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I needed someone to talk to.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wish you’d talk to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m just not ready, Nikki. But my mom seemed tickled by this news. I don’t know why. I thought I made it pretty clear to her that the baby isn’t going to be her grandchild.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was a mean thing to say. Yet, Nikki felt, at that moment, that he deserved it. He couldn’t take the agony of his secret anymore. “Tom?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki exhaled a deep breath before speaking. “I um….. I crossed a line last night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy put his bowl down hastily, and turned his full body towards Nikki. “Are you fucking kidding me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Listen, I…. I don’t know. I needed someone to talk to. I--”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck you, Nikki!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go fuck yourself. I don’t want to see you! You’re disgusting. I swear!” Tommy snarled, as he rose to his feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tommy, please. Can we talk?” Nikki pleaded. Tears started to stream down his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, tell me who it was!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doesn’t matter. It’s about what I did. I wasn’t thinking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re a piece of shit. I can’t believe that I thought that I would ever be able to build a life with you. Glad I gave my mom the warning about that baby. Good luck with it, asshole!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please. Can we just talk. Why won’t you talk to me about anything?” Nikki begged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m leaving before I take a knife to your balls. Get your shit, and move it out of the master bedroom. I don’t care where the fuck you go; guest room, garage, or an alleyway. Whatever, just stay the fuck away from me,” Tommy spat, storming out with just his keys and wallet. The door slammed behind him. A moment later, he peeled out of the driveway hard with the sports car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki sank to his knees crying, cradling the little blanket.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next several days were anything but pleasant around the house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please, Tommy. Can we just talk?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? So you can tell me some twisted sob story that you want me to believe. I’m not a fool, you know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t want to sugar-coat anything. I just think that if we sit down--”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why should I give you that liberty?” Tommy snapped, cutting Nikki off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because that’s what people in love do. They talk things through.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, but people in love also don’t cheat on one another.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. I made a mistake. But we at least owe it to what we <em> have, </em> to talk it out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Correction. To what we <em> had </em>,” Tommy stated, smugly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you trying to say that we’re done, without even trying to fix anything?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nikki, I don’t fucking know! I just know that what you did is inexcusable, and I really don’t feel like catering to your wants. It’s not fair to me. I get shit on, and you still win at the end. Sounds like a pile of bullshit to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not trying to win. I’m trying to save our relationship.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, you’re doing a shitty job.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m trying. What more can I do? I’m all ears.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know. There is nothing you can do, except maybe get out of my face.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t want to talk to me about anything, and I can’t understand that. Whatever happened to <em> for better or for worse </em>?” Nikki asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We never took vows, asswipe. Thank god,” Tommy snapped. “You know, I don’t have time for this. I got some things to do today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki didn’t say anything more. It wouldn’t have mattered. They both just walked away from each other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy grabbed what he needed, and headed out. He had nothing important to do. He just needed to get away. Nikki was getting to his core, and he was not about to cave. He just couldn’t understand how Nikki cheated. How could he have done that? And if Tommy ever found out who it was, he was ready to beat the fucker’s head in. Everybody knew that they were together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everything seemed like it was falling apart. Nikki got someone pregnant, he cheated, and the band seemed to be in somewhat of a disarray. Tommy figured that he just needed to find somewhere to go to clear his mind, and then spend time thinking about what he wanted or needed to do. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew deep inside that he loved Nikki, but he felt shattered. He needed time to think through all scenarios. Life after infidelity. Life with a baby. Life without Nikki, other than band business. Was that even possible? Tommy thought that some time apart would allow for his broken heart to lead him back. He was certain it would. He missed his partner. He just didn’t know where to start. Keeping Nikki on ice was giving him some vindication, but not enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy had 100% trust in Nikki. How could he have not? They were so hot for each other; not able to get enough of one another. There were never even any temptations. They joked all the time about the men who would hit on them, and how nothing could ever come of it. They only had eyes for each other. So why did Nikki cheat? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy knew that withholding sex was somewhat unreasonable, but still. It just was not a reason to do what Nikki did. How could he have let another man onto his body, and go all the way through with it? Did he not miss him? Or did he not even think about him? It was just too much. All of it. He thought that some time apart would help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-------------------------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> It was a Thursday. The guys were in the studio today, ending their session -  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s sounding good guys,” their manager, Doug, said. “I just wanted to let you know that you’ve been invited to Enuff Z’Nuff’s listening party for their upcoming album this Saturday night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They’re good guys. Maybe I’ll go,” Vince replied. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, just let me know by tomorrow morning if you plan on going. Your wives are invited too. It’s good publicity with your own album release coming up later this year.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sharise won’t be going. She hasn’t been feeling well.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, is she OK?” Doug asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Vince couldn’t help but to crack a smile, “Yeah…. it’s morning sickness.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get the fuck out! Congratulations!” Tommy whooped, enthusiastically. He took a few long strides towards Vince to engulf him with a hug.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Vince squirmed out of Tommy’s embrace, and patted his hair back into place. “Yeah. We’ve known for a while. I couldn’t think of a good time to tell all of you. So this seemed like the right moment.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Congratulations, Vin,” Nikki said, with a forced smile, trying not to let his eyes water. Most any other time, he would have shouted out too. He would have squeezed Vinnie tightly. Instead he turned away to pack up his stuff. If Nikki could have even elicited a fraction of that enthusiasm that Tommy just poured forth, regarding Vince’s baby, maybe he wouldn’t have felt like complete shit at that moment. Maybe he would have shared his news also, but how could he have when the one person who’s reaction mattered, despised the very notion of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mick and Doug extended their congratulations to Vince, as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“OK, so I got one on the list for the listening party. Anyone else?” Doug asked. “I need to give the list to the band’s management.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m gonna go,” Tommy blared, sounding eager.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki turned around and gave him a look with snarled brows. Something about his ardor unsettled the bassist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mick? Nikki?” Doug inquired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll let you know, Doug,” Mick said. “Most likely not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m going,” Nikki replied. Perhaps it was all but for keeping an eye on Tommy. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright. I’m out of here. I’m flying back home tomorrow, so please let me know if anything changes regarding your responses by Friday. See you the week after next,” Doug said, as he exited.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I’m out too, later,” Tommy blurted, as he gathered up his stuff.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki didn’t look his way or say ‘bye’; Mick noticed. He had been noticing a distance between the pair, closing in on two weeks now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nikki, can I talk to you?” Mick asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Vince interrupted. “See you Saturday, Nik. Have a good weekend, Mick.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Take care. Give Sharise our love,” Nikki said, as Mick nodded in agreement. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Vince left with a smile upon his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki sighed. “What’s up, Mick?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s going on between you and Tommy? You’re not hiding it well.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. It’s just a lot of fucked up shit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mick blew out a long exhale. “You know what I want to say, but I won’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, Mick. The band isn’t going to get fucked up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, but the mood and flow of things <b>are</b> getting fucked up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m trying. It’s him. OK, well, it’s because of me, but it’s him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, Nikki. Enough of these vague answers. You know that you can always talk to me. You might not always like my advice or answers, but I keep it real. I’ll only tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I cheated on him,” Nikki said, not looking up, as he shuffled through stuff in his bag.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re a stupid fuck. You know that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. I fucked up. I was drunk off my ass,” Nikki sighed. “But that’s not all there is to it. Um, see…. Um, well, that girl, Brandi, that I was hooking up with a few months back…... she’s pregnant.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yours?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki nodded, finally looking up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And, how’s that working out for you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not good. Tommy was upset by the news. Like, as if I did it on purpose. I mean, I knew the initial news would be shocking to him, as it was to me. I knew that he’d be hurt or concerned, or whatever. I thought after the shock wore off, that he’d come around and he hasn’t. She’s keeping the baby, and is willing to co-parent with us. But, he’s not willing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So what came first, the cheating or the baby news?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The baby. He was being a dick about it for days on end.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Does he not want kids?” Mick inquired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He wants kids. We were supposed to come up with a plan together, and Brandi getting pregnant didn’t involve him. So I get it, I guess. But if he loves me, how could he not want my baby? Not to mention that he’s been distant, and wouldn’t even talk to me about it. I needed to talk. I’m going to be a father for fuck’s sake. I just don’t know…..,” Nikki said, trailing off. “Vince gets to celebrate, and I get garbage heaped on top of me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pair sat back down and spoke further. Nikki let out a lot of his pent up feelings. Mick did his best to just listen, rather than stone him to death with a ton of <em>I told you so’s. </em>He eventually gave his own heartfelt <em>congratulations </em>to Nikki, and lent out solid advice to hold fast, remain approachable, and to not fuck up anymore, in regard to the cheating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> Two days later - </em> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think that we should drive to the party in the same car. People might start saying things if they don’t see us together, at least at some point. We can walk in with each other,” Nikki suggested, as he stood in the doorway of their master bedroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think that it’s a big deal. And I personally don’t care what people think, especially since there’s truth behind our distance from each other,” Tommy replied. He held out shirts, as he decided what to wear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, what?… You’re gonna tell people what I did?” Nikki asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not planning on it. I’m just saying that I don’t really care if people know that we’re apart.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are we…. apart?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I told you not to ask me about us. I’ll figure it out when I’m ready.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nikki just walked away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We can drive together! You drive, and I’ll have the backseat to myself!” Tommy shouted, before Nikki was out of earshot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---------------------</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ENuff Z'Nuff's drummer, Vikki Foxx quit in 1993 to join Vince's solo band.</p>
<p>I just now noticed:</p>
<p>Vikki Foxx<br/>Nikki Sixx</p>
<p>Similar letters</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4 - Saints of Los Angeles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's party time. </p>
<p>You both be sure to get shitfaced drunk by the end of the night.</p>
<p>‐-----------</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Tommy and Nikki arrived at the party. Once they were let inside, they parted ways among the crowd. Vince was already there. Guys and girls from other bands were there. The vibe was good, and the new music was cranking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki wasn’t much in the mood for socializing. But he tried to do his best to be part of the scene, as to take his mind off of Tommy. That was until…. from across the room, he saw Tommy talking with Jon Bon Jovi. He never considered Jon and himself arch enemies. It wasn’t like that. They were more like friendly rivals, but with a little bit of acrimony at the heart of it. The rivalry became less friendly after the Moscow Peace Festival. The two bands slagged on one another in the media. But, there was still a sense of... </span>
  <em>
    <span>hey it’s all cool, we’re cool….. </span>
  </em>
  <span>however, it was more or less a false sense of goodwill between the bands. The bottom line was, they didn’t particularly like each other, but there wasn’t enough distaste to make a big deal about it. That was true until the moment that Jon slid his fingers down Tommy’s arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki was fairly certain that Jon was a “closet“ banger. He’s heard rumors about him and Richie. Nothing verifiable. But the fact that the rumors existed, and that he was talking to Tommy, put the situation on red alert status. What was Tommy saying to him? Why was he smiling so much? Nikki knew that there had been trouble in the land of Bon Jovi. Jon and Richie both did solo albums and they fired Doc. Were Jon and Tommy just swapping war stories with each other? Or were they flirting?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Nikki kept a sharp eye on things, Tommy and Jon were having a good conversation about their music. Tommy was keenly aware that Nikki had an eyeball on them, and he liked the feeling of having the upper-hand for once.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s Nikki?” Jon asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s over there,” Tommy said, with a throw of his chin in that direction. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon turned around to look. He threw his hand up to signal a greeting towards Nikki, who bristled at the sight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is he OK?” Jon queried.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s OK. We’ve just been having some disagreements lately.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shit. You two?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Happens I guess,” Tommy shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki can’t help being Nikki, I suppose,” Jon said, with a smirk. “We know it’s not you, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn right! It’s all Nikki’s cheatin’ little heart,” Tommy revealed, not caring that he just let the cat out of the bag.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy shit! You’re kidding? Who?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He won’t tell me. Frankly, I don’t care.” Actually he does care. It’s been bothering him. He’s been speculating who it was. And as much as Nikki has been watching Tommy from across the way, Tommy has been watching Nikki, on the hunt for clues.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy shared a little bit more about the incident. Nikki saw Jon continually looking over at him, which raised his boiling point. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck was Tommy telling him? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Nikki couldn’t take it anymore. He approached Jon and Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Nikki. How’s it going,” Jon said, as he held his hand up for a high five.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki ignored him. “I wanna go soon,” he said to Tommy, pointedly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. I’m staying though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We came together. I wanna leave together,” Nikki growled low.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll find a ride home.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll drop him off,” Jon volunteered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The hell you will!” Nikki snapped, flexing his jaw.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s your problem, man?’ Jon asked, knowing exactly what the problem was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Tom,” Nikki said, as he tried to beckon Tommy to leave with him, while not wishing to cause a scene.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m staying. You can either wait for me or go without me. If you go, Jon can drive me home,” Tommy said.  He drew near to Nikki’s face to challenge him. “What’s the problem, Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mere. I need to talk to you… alone,” Nikki spat, as he took Tommy firmly by the wrist.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey. I’ll be right back, Jon,” Tommy said, as he was unpleasantly dragged away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be right here,” Jon replied, saluting them with his drink.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the fuck, Tom?” Nikki hissed, as they found a less active spot to talk.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What? I can’t talk to someone else, führer?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re doing it to piss me off. You know that Jon doesn’t like me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, he was so pissy with you, wasn’t he?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s all fake. He doesn’t fucking like me, and both of you are doing this to rub it in my face. Did you tell him about us?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t owe you any sort of explanation. Go fuck yourself,” Tommy hit back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“At least I didn’t do shit like this in front of your face. That’s fucking low.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell am I doing? I’m just talking, psycho.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I see the way you’re looking at each other. I saw his hand graze your arm,” Nikki growled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And?! And he’s hitting on you, and you’re responding to it. Talk about cheating.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not cheating when you and I are not together.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, are you leaving me?” Nikki asked, as he threw his hands out at his sides.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you that I need time, and this type of bullshit in my face, does nothing to help you. It only pisses me off. Makes me want to get further away from you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK, fine. So, you get to dictate everything about our future. You get to fuck around openly, and I just have to sit back and watch while I bide my time waiting for you to stop being a dick.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty much, dick. But unlike you, I haven’t fucked anyone,” Tommy sneered. He stepped aside to walk around Nikki, then turned back. “Yet.” He then walked off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy!” Nikki called out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drummer stopped and looked back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come home with me,” Nikki pleaded, as he held his hand out.  He chewed on his bottom lip with anticipation, as he waited to see if Tommy would take hold of his extended hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy shook his head no, and continued on his way.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki was crushed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t handle any of this. He knew that he fucked up, dammit! He knew it, but that…. that was some really dirty, low down shit. Nikki thought that if he was being cavalier about the cheating, tried to make excuses, or lie about it, Tommy’s actions would have been justifiable. But, Nikki had been trying to do everything the right way to at least get them to a point where they could talk. He was more sorry than he’d ever been about anything, but Tommy wouldn’t even give an inch. Nothing, but a blatant rejection. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki found a few of the Enuff guys, and thanked them, wishing them well, then left the private party room. He found a chair and sat in the lobby, as he debated whether to wait or go home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sat alone for a few minutes as he stared at the floor. Nikki saw feet approaching him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Nik. I saw you walk out. Is everything OK?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki picked his head up. It was Izzy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, man. Not really.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I… well shit, I was hoping that I didn’t fuck anything up for you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No worries. We’re cool.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy sat down with his drink in hand, ignoring the fact that they were in the main lobby where opening drinking wasn’t allowed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I told him. Well, that I cheated on him. I didn’t tell him it was you,” Nikki revealed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck… I feel badly, man. I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have nothing to be sorry about. I knew what I was doing. He was just pissing me off so much about the baby and all. I know I was fucking plastered, but I still knew what I doing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I overheard Vince talking about his wife being pregnant. I guess it will be a year of babies for Motley Crue.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess. But, no one seems to give a shit about my kid,” Nikki sulked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No one, or just Tommy?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t tell anyone or celebrate until Tommy is on board, or I guess until he leaves me for good. I don’t understand it. Maybe it is over already,” Nikki said, with head hung low as he stared at the floor again. “He’s in there talking to someone else. Right in front of my face. He’s doing it to hurt me, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Izzy! Oh my god!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki looked up to see some girl, with bouncing tits, storming towards them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, doll,” Izzy said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been looking all over for you! What are you doing out here?” she huffed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just talking to my friend. Calm the fuck down,” Izzy snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” The girl turned towards Nikki and immediately softened. “Hi... Nikki Sixx, right?” she said, as she licked her top lip, and fluffed her hair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good luck, Iz” Nikki said. He stood up and gave Izzy’s shoulder a squeeze. “See you around. If anyone asks. I’m out.” He imparted a harsh glare towards the girl as he left.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Later, Sixx,” Izzy sighed. He took his indignant girlfriend by the hand, and walked back towards the party room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki thought that he could have made something of that situation if he wanted to, with Izzy and that girl. A little threesome fun. But no, he wasn’t doing anything more to fuck stuff up. Everything was up to Tommy at that point. Nikki left to go back to their house, alone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Meanwhile, back inside at the listening party - </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry about that, Jon. Like you said before, Nikki is just being Nikki,” Tommy said, as he resumed his prior stance.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, I don’t wanna make things worse. I’m not that kind of guy,” Jon said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What kind of guy are you?” Tommy asked, with a hint of seduction in his smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, man. Nikki and I have heard rumors.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rumors? Ha. About what?” Jon replied, with a puzzling expression.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you and Richie off doing solo projects?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh come on. You know how band dynamics are. As a matter of fact, we’re in the planning stages of getting us all together again. You know, we’ll hash things out first, then we’ll hopefully get our shit together.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” Tommy said, as he placed his finger up to signal the cocktail waitress for another drink. “Where is Richie tonight?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Back east.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, coincidentally, this might interest you. Things have been heating up between him and that girl you used to date?” Jon said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What girl?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Heather,” Jon said, with a solid smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No shit,” Tommy stroked his chin. “You know, she dumped me because of Nikki. Sometimes I think that I could have made something with her. I liked her a lot. Makes me wonder if I’d be a family man by now.” Tommy felt a prick in his heart, and it wasn’t because of Heather. He struck his own sensitive chord, then pushed the thoughts about Nikki and fatherhood out of his mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I doubt it. That bitch has it bad for Richie. She would have dumped your loser ass anyway,” Jon sighed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe the question is, are you OK with it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t I be?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The rumors, fuckhead,” Tommy said, knocking Jon in the shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Tom. You’re on crack again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, not so loud,” Tommy giggled, signaling with his hands to keep it low. Then he grabbed yet another drink off of the cocktail waitress’s passing tray.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Actually, I got it wrong. You’re just a straight up shitfaced drunkard,” Jon laughed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just making up for lost time. Fuck those sober years,” Tommy proclaimed, slamming another drink back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That wasn’t such a bad thing. You guys needed that, or you maybe wouldn’t be here. How’s Nikki dealing with his sobriety?” Jon asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not, and I don’t feel like talking about him anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Things are that bad?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just need time to think about a lot of stuff. Maybe get out and explore a bit more before deciding if I want to settle down.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you were settled down…. So, you let me know if </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> want that ride home?” Jon said. He squeezed Tommy’s shoulder as he went out into the crowd to mingle some more.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy sighed. Jon was right. He had settled down. Yet, he had a warm and fuzzy feeling within. Was it the alcohol, or was it Jon?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>2:08am at Tommy’s and Nikki’s house - </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki had been pacing around, waiting for Tommy to get home. He considered going back to look for him, but he knew that’s a bad idea because he had been drinking himself blind; he was barely able to even pace anymore, much less drive. His last trip from the couch to the bay window resulted in a painful faceplant on the floor, after catching his toe on the corner of the coffee table. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yet, he got up again, and peered out the window into the darkness. A pair of headlights were approaching, but they passed by, without even slowing down. It was just like every other car that came up the street in the past few hours. Where was he? What the fuck was he doing. Nikki was about ready to lose his damn mind. He decided to call Mick instead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?” the sleepy, quizzical voice of Emi, Mick’s wife, answered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Emi. Is Mick home?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I should hope so. It’s almost quarter after two. Is everything OK?” She recognized Nikki’s voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, I… is Mick home?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hold on.” She put her hand on the mouthpiece of the receiver. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick was already awake facing her, waiting to find out who it was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Nikki. He sounds drunk.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck! Tell him hold on. I’ll pick up in the living room,” Mick spat, as he threw the bed covers back. “Stupid motherfucker.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki? Give him a minute, OK?” Emi said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha? Who is this?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Emi.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh...Is Mick there?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed, “Yes, he’s coming to the phone.” She held on listening, until she heard Mick pick up the extension, and then hung up the bedroom phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell are you calling this late for?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What time is it?” Nikki slurred.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Late enough that I’m going to kick your fucking ass to the darkside of the moon if this isn’t important.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s important. Tommy isn’t home yet. You know we went to that Z... Z’nuh… Nuff…..Zin Nuffy Nuff party.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Enough! Why are you calling? Was he hanging with other people?” Mick screeched.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst </span>
  </em>
  <span>person he could be with. Don Jon Bovi. Like, if he was talking to the guys from Nuff and Z’nuf Nuf Enuf, it wouldn’t be so bad. But he’s with Don Jonny, and he’s giving him a ride home, and he’s not home.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki… go the fuck to bed. And don’t call here again, or I will come over, and lay you the fuck out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait! Mick! What do I do? You gotta help me. He’s talking to Jon Bonni. He doesn’t like me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He probably doesn’t like you because he can’t understand what the fuck you’re trying to say, you drunken clown.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bon’s too short for him. And their music is too soft. Tommy likes hard stuff. I could be that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick shivered, as he thought about what Nikki might possibly mean by that. “Nikki, again, put the bottle down, lay down, shut your eyes, and go the fuck to sleep! You can call me in the morning when you’re coherent. This waiting up thing is not working out for you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When’s he gonna be home? “ Nikki asked solemnly, sniffling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Soon buddy. Go to sleep. OK?” Mick said, feeling the slightest bit of sympathy for the bass player.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think he’ll come home?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure he’ll be there when you wake up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know who you’re apologizing to. To me for waking me up and taking me out of bed away from my wife. Or about Tommy. You probably don’t even know yourself. Click the switch in your brain. Shut it off. Goodnight,” Mick said, itching to hang up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you my friend still?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m about ready to end this friendship,” Mick snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? Nobody wants me,” Nikki started sobbing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“For fuck’s sake! I’m joking with you. You’re my best fucking friend. Just do me a favor and hang up the damn phone, and don’t call me back for at least 8 hours.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK? 8 hours?” Nikki asked, still sniffling. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“8 hours, sport. Nite,” Mick said, hanging up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki attempted to hang the phone up, placing it upside down. He gulped down the rest of the bottle that he had been working on. He was spent, and just spread himself out on the couch on his belly, and soon was finally out; drunk, exhausted, and emotionally drained.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Check back tomorrow, Christmas Eve. I wrote a short Terrorcest Christmas story for you reading pleasure.</p>
<p>It will be here and Wattpad.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Animal in Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tommy can't seem to control his inner groanings.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed my Christmas story, Traditions. If you missed it, it's on the Tommy/Nikki feed or you can find it under my profile. Nice, soft, and fluffy with a sweetie pie Tommy. </p>
<p>But all good things must come to an end. It's now it's time for Tommy to put his asshole hat back on.</p>
<p>------------------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was 2:30am. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon and Tommy had left the party an hour earlier. Jon pulled over onto a side road, not too far from Tommy’s street; just to talk in private and have a smoke. They chatted for a while about music and some random gibberish. Jon looked at his watch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think Nikki is up waiting for you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy shrugged. “I said that I don’t want to talk about him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what </span>
  <b>are</b>
  <span> you thinking about?” Jon asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing about him,” Tommy replied. Yet, he </span>
  <b>was</b>
  <span> thinking about him, but willing the thoughts to go away. He didn’t want them invading his mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmmm…….” Jon decided to tread carefully, sensing Tommy’s hesitation. “Hey, you wanna know a secret?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love secrets,” Tommy said, a curious smile formed on his face; happy for the distraction.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Our hit song, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Livin’ on a Prayer</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Seems to be our undying opus. Um, well see…. the name </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tommy</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the song? I don’t know…. I thought of you for some reason. I never told anyone that. It just seemed to fit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No way, you’re shittin’ me. You’re looking for something from me, aren’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” Jon said, sporting a sly grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy fiddled with his fingers, spinning the diamond studded band that Nikki gave to him around on his finger. Jon had pulled over for a reason. Tommy knew this. He had every right to do whatever he wanted. Nikki certainly didn’t hesitate to do what he wanted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon looked down, and saw Tommy turning the ring. He wasn’t sure of the ring’s intention. Maybe it was nothing but an accessory to complete his look. Or maybe it was a token of love from Nikki. “You’re fidgety.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy became aware of what he was doing, and balled up his fist to stop the action. “I’m always fidgety. Everyone knows that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you want to get together again?” Jon dared to ask. “You know, maybe just find something fun to do to break up your day. I’m in L.A. for a little while longer.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yea.” Tommy smirked. “ How about tomorrow?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tomorrow it is,” Jon smiled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy kept his eyes on Jon. “You know you got one hell of a smile. Do you have that thing insured? You know…. in case someone pops you in the mouth?” he asked, his cheeks feeling flush.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t look for trouble. My smile usually gets me out of any trouble that’s heading my way.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’m the personification of trouble.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be sure to smile if I find you coming my way then,” Jon said, dragging a finger along Tommy’s thigh.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy felt the surge of fiery heat that crept up from his core. He took a deep breath, then leaned in towards Jon, who immediately met him to close the gap. Their lips took a moment to greet each other at the threshold before letting their tongues come out to play.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon took hold of the drummer by gripping the back of his head, underneath his hair. Tommy allowed himself to be drawn in, and placed a hand on Jon’s crease for steadying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The kiss opened up with passion and intention. Tommy wasn’t sure what he felt. There was desire and the feeling of being irresistible to someone else. That impressed upon him well, since Nikki’s stint left him feeling disposable. But, on the same note, it wasn’t right. Jon’s mouth was not Nikki’s. The kiss was lacking that familiar warmth and pattern that he knows so well from his lover. He couldn’t stop though, and sensations of wanting more were creeping in. Tommy pulled back, and sank into his seat a little, heaving in his chest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you OK?” Jon asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded. “Yeah,” he smiled. “I don’t know. In a way, it felt freeing. But I…. I think I need to sleep on this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been wanting that, Tommy.” The Bon Jovi frontman flashed his million dollar smile. “Lemme take you home.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon pulled the car away from the curb, and in a few minutes arrived at the drummer’s home. Tommy grabbed Jon’s hand. “How about I meet you tomorrow at the Boulevard Diner at 1:00?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“See you then, Tommy Lee.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>Tommy flashed a smile as he got out. He turned away to walk up to the front door. His heart was pounding. For a brief moment he considered running back to the safety of Jon’s car. He wasn’t sure if Nikki was awake and waiting. He was going to have to face no matter what was awaiting him. </span><em><span>Please be</span></em> <em><span>asleep,</span></em><span> Tommy thought to himself as he unlocked the front door. His mood was undefinable; a mixture of fear, guilt, and giddiness. </span><em><span>Please be asleep,</span></em><span> he said to himself once more as he pushed the door open. He had a hard-on, and needed to take care of it.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy stepped in and shut the front door quietly. He immediately saw Nikki passed out on the couch. He breathed a sigh of relief, as he kicked his boots off in the foyer. The table lamp was burning bright, an empty bottle on the floor by Nikki’s arm, which was hanging off the side of the couch. And then there was the obnoxious sound of a disconnected phone buzzing from not being hung up properly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy drew near, and turned the phone handset around to silence the sound. He stared at Nikki, and his heart swelled. He convinced himself it wasn’t guilt, but rather just his pathetic vulnerability as he laid there, passed out. Tommy got a blanket off the back of a nearby armchair and covered him up. He then switched off the light, before heading towards the master bedroom to his lonely, chilly bed; if Nikki hadn’t cheated, they would have been in the bed together. He slipped his pants off and took care of his needs himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fifteen minutes later, the drummer laid in bed, and stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t stop thinking about…. Nikki. Yeah, it was Jon who he thought of while he exercised his right hand tonight. That was exciting, fresh, and new. But, once the solo deed had been done, his thoughts wandered back to his forlorn partner. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy got back out of bed and quietly snuck out to the living room. He planted himself on the floor in front of a sleeping Nikki. The drummer took hold of a tress of his lover’s hair, and wound it through his fingers. He leaned his forehead on Nikki’s shoulder. It had been over two weeks since they last touched each other. The familiarity of the closeness tugged at Tommy. The distance, strife, and loneliness could have all been over…. At that moment…. If he would have just roused Nikki from his sleep and said ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Let’s talk.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Only, he couldn’t do it. He told himself that Nikki was drunk and that he’d be too inebriated for a serious conversation. Or maybe too angry. Nikki did, after all, leave the listening party in anger. Tommy was going to let this </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleeping dog</span>
  </em>
  <span> lie. Tonight wasn’t the night for this. Too much had happened and more was on the horizon. Nikki may have been the one in Tommy’s heart, but he couldn’t seem to dislodge Jon from his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki had his go. He had his fling; his one pass to cheat, so to speak. Tommy thought that he deserved that too. If he didn’t embrace the situation unfolding before him now, he’d probably never be able to go there again, at least not without destroying the Sixx/Lee empire. If it was gonna happen…. If he was gonna fulfill that urge and curiosity…. It had to be at that time, while the battle was still waging.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy pulled the blanket up to Nikki’s shoulders and tucked him in. He was tempted to lean in and kiss him goodnight. But no, not yet. He wasn’t ready to surrender yet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The following morning, Nikki came back into consciousness on the couch. He stirred with a throaty groan. Nikki was achy, and it wasn’t the couch that made him feel that way. He and Tommy made sure that they purchased a couch that comfortably fit and supported their 6 foot plus frames. It was his hangover and state of his mind that bungled him up. He rubbed his face with his hand and moved some of his crampy joints around as he tried to remember why he was on the couch. Then it hit him. Tommy. He hadn’t come home yet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He got himself up off of the couch rather quickly and raced to the master bedroom. Nikki opened the door quietly, and was relieved to see Tommy asleep in bed, alone. Reality sank in. Just a few weeks ago, Nikki would have slid into bed next to him, to spend the next few hours pressed up against his lover to ease his hangover effects. How did things unravel so quickly?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pulled the door shut. He made a pitstop in the bathroom before he schlepped to the guest room where he had been holed up. He felt like shit, and needed to crawl back into bed. Only he couldn’t fall back to sleep, plagued with thoughts of what Tommy was doing last night. Did Jon bring him home? Did they kiss? Did they fuck? Did they laugh? Did they talk trash about him? How could Tommy have just turned his feelings off so fast? Maybe Nikki cheating was just the excuse that Tommy had hoped for, so that he’d have a valid reason to cut him loose.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki got out of bed and fixed himself some coffee, then reached for the bottle of aspirin. He just sat at the table with the hot brew and did nothing but sulk and think, while mindlessly turning pages of the daily newspaper. But, the only news that he cared about was what his beloved did last night. He tried his hand at the daily crossword puzzle, but only got as far as drawing doodles and mustaches on the people in the photos throughout the paper.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy rose about two hours later. He got up and went out to the main area of the house. Right away he noticed Nikki at the table, who appeared lost in thought, disheveled, and still in last night’s clothes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning,” Tommy said, visibly startling Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning,” Nikki replied, as he fumbled with part of the newspaper that slipped to the floor. He tried to organize his thoughts before speaking. “I don’t remember you getting home last night.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were out cold,” Tommy replied, motioning towards the couch. The blanket was still sloppily, draped over it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I guess I passed out at some point,” Nikki said, peering into his half full mug of cold brew. “I made coffee.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Tommy responded. He walked right past Nikki, bypassing a morning kiss. Something that hadn’t happened in two weeks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did Jon bring you home?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yup,” Tommy said in perky form, as he poured coffee into a mug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” It’s all Nikki said in return. He had at least a hundred questions, but was too hungover to dare start an argument. He would have lost. Tommy has had the upper hand for the past couple of weeks. “You know, I was thinking of maybe going for a hike or something today. Just to get away from the busyness of everything. Maybe you’d wanna come with me? We used to explore together all the time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not today. Maybe another time,” Tommy responded, pulling his steaming mug of coffee out of the microwave.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK,” Nikki said, getting up. “I just thought….” Nikki couldn’t finish his thought; he was on the verge of tears, and didn’t want Tommy to see him cry.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy watched Nikki walk off towards his room. He knew he was upset. He took his mug of coffee to the table; and sat in the warm seat that Nikki just vacated. He debated in his mind whether he should meet up with Jon today. It didn’t feel good to see Nikki in pain. Actually, it hurt to see him like that. He knew that he should cancel his plans with Jon. But then, the proverbial devil tapped him on the shoulder and he thought to himself, why should I cancel? It’s not like he was ready or willing to make amends with cheater Nikki. This was all his fault. He brought it upon himself. Tommy was not canceling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His eagerness to spend time with Jon was outweighing the twinge he felt in his heart over Nikki’s pain. Actually, it was more than a twinge. It was a hippo sitting on his chest, choking his breath. Smothering his heartbeat, but he pushed the discomfort away. He kept telling himself that Nikki was the one who brought this upon himself, with no regard to how his actions made Tommy feel.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At 12:30 Tommy was ready to leave to meet up with Jon. Nikki left his bedroom door cracked, so Tommy peeked in. He was asleep. He felt relief, as he wasn’t looking forward to telling Nikki where he was going. He pulled the door closed, and figured that Nikki won’t actually be getting around to doing any hiking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy hopped into his fast sports car, and jetted away, feeling giddy. He arrived at the diner earlier than Jon, requesting a table towards the back; away from the crowd. About 5 minutes later when he saw Jon walking towards him, he couldn’t help but to smile. God, what a fucking, sexy man he was, as he strutted down the aisle of the diner towards Tommy with confidence, in a pair of naughty cowboy boots.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey man,” Jon said, sliding into the booth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you got home alright,” Tommy asked. He shut his eyes and breathed in. The scent of Jon sent him out into orbit.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. My L.A. condo isn’t that far from you. It’s got a great view. You should stop by and check it out someday,” Jon said, as he knocked his knuckles on the table to make sure that Tommy was paying attention.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Tommy breathed, running his hand through his hair. “Yeah, you’re right. I need a change of scenery sometimes,” Tommy said, as he opened the menu.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon wondered if there was hidden meaning behind what he just said. He wanted to ask how Nikki was when he got home last night, but everytime he mentioned Nikki, Tommy told him that he didn’t want to talk about him. So he didn’t ask.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They placed orders with their older waitress, who didn’t know who they were. Jon was a little uneasy about being seen in public with Tommy. Everyone in the circuit knew of Tommy’s ways, but they didn’t know about his. Jon wasn’t willing for a shit ton of rumors to begin. He especially didn’t want any said rumors to make their way back to Richie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom, after we eat, you wanna maybe just go to my place? I got some cool stuff to dig into, and an open bar. I just… well, you know. It’s kind of risky for us to be seen together.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re worried about Nikki, don’t be. I don’t care if he finds out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not Nikki. Just in general. Come on man, you know. I’m on the down low, and you’re not.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck. Yeah. I’m sorry man. I guess I don’t really think about that anymore. There’s a certain freedom returned to you when people know things already,” Tommy said, as he drummed a beat on the table.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Even so, it’s probably not good for you or your band for any dumb rumors to start,” Jon replied. He laid his hand on Tommy’s to stop the drumming, before it garnered attention from other diners.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess,” Tommy sighed, still fidgeting. His knee started bouncing in response to the terminated drumming. “But, I don’t think that it would bother me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The way you put that, makes it sound like you and Nikki are done, or at least you don’t seem to care if he knows what you’re doing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I just don’t know how to forgive him. So…. I’m not gonna just sit around is all.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think a lot of people see you as the pushover in the relationship, and Nikki as the dominant one. But I’m beginning to think that it’s the opposite. You’re pretty fierce, Tom, while Nikki’s tail is between his legs.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A lot of people think that, but Nikki fakes his prowess. A shitty childhood left him vulnerable and depressed half the time,” Tommy said, as he scarfed his food down. He didn’t know why he just said that. That was Nikki’s private business. Tommy backpedaled. “I didn’t necessarily mean that as a bad thing. I mean, actually he’s been through a lot, so it’s really pretty impressive how much he’s overcome. He’s a fighter.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s fighting for you,” Jon said, twirling a straw wrapper around his fingers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy just nodded. “Um, want anything else? I guess I kind of need to get out of here too. Maybe go check out that view of yours.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Mutherfucker of the Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tommy and Nikki spend the day out, but not with each other.</p>
<p>---------------</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a long chapter. I added a lot of dialogue this after I "finished" it. It's long enough to be broken in two chapters, but I didn't want to disrupt the flow of the events of day between what Nikki is doing vs. what Tommy is doing.</p>
<p>Because of it's length and some unexpected events happening, my beta reader was only able to give this chapter about 75% proof read. I hope I caught the rest of the typos and awkward parts. I need a beta reader because I tend to glaze over my own typos. It takes a second pair of eyes.</p>
<p>This may be my favorite chapter. I enjoyed writing it. Unfortunately, Tommy carries on with his bad behavior. But I hope you still enjoy it. If you read stories both here and Wattpad, read this chapter on Wattpad instead (username Kajomon). I have a ton of photos throughout the chapter. I haven't had time to dabble in photo uploads here yet, which isn't quite as straightforward as WP's process of uploads. </p>
<p>This chapter has a hidden gem within just for my most consistent and loyal reader and commenter, WestHamBabe. You'll know it, when you see it. 😘</p>
<p>‐-------------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Nikki woke up for the second time that day. The phone was ringing, and there was no extension in the guest room where he’d been sleeping. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck it, the machine will pick up</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His head still hurt. As a matter of fact, he thought that his head hadn’t stopped hurting since he and Tommy got into it about the baby. Those aches and pains seemed to just be his new norm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki sat up, with his legs hanging off the side of the bed. He realized that he was still in the same clothes that he wore to the party last night. Not at all the type of clothes that were comfortable for sleeping, lounging, and pondering one’s shithole of a life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He vaguely remembered asking Tommy to go hiking with him earlier in the day. He didn’t know what he was thinking. It was just another futile attempt to try to bond with Tommy, met with failure. He wasn’t going to hike. He’d have been too tempted to just get lost out in the wilderness. Nikki got up, and shed his stifling clothes for something more comfortable. He stepped out of the bedroom. The house seemed quiet. The master bedroom door was open, and Tommy wasn’t there. Upon a quick inspection of the rest of the premises, he wasn’t anywhere, inside or outside. He was gone, without a word.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki remembered that someone had just tried to call about 15 minutes earlier. Maybe it was Tommy. He played the message. It was Mick, asking if he felt better. Nikki had a very vague, blurry memory about calling Mick last night. He thought maybe he did, anyway he called him back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?” Mick answered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning, Mick. Did I call you last night?” Nikki asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, you did. I can’t stand your fucking, drunken late night calls.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I guess--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>“Eh, it’s OK, pal. But, going forward, I’m going to come over there and put blaring labels on each of your phone receivers that have my name within a red, circular prohibited symbol. It will remind you </span><b>not </b><span>to</span> <span>call me at 2 am when you’re drunk.”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose that I just needed to talk.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you call it that. Did Tommy come home last night?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. But I don’t know when…. I passed out.  He was here when I woke up this morning, but now he’s gone again. I don’t know where he went,” Nikki sighed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you always know where he was going everytime he walked out the door?” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Believe it or not. Most of the time, yes. He’s doing this to hurt me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, why don’t you go out somewhere. Get some vitamin D from the sunshine. You need a distraction.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought about going for a hike, but it’s getting too late to go. I don’t have the energy and I just don’t care.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna pick you up, then. Emi is visiting her mom today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess,” Nikki exhaled unenthusiastically.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Get dressed and try not to smell bad, Dummy Downer. I’ll be there in a half hour,” Mick said, as he hung up the phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck. Nikki was perfectly content to sit home and wallow around in pity. But no Mick had to be all zippity-doo-fucking-dah for the first time in his life. He went back into his room to find yet another outfit to wear.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick pulled up thirty minutes later, and laid on the horn.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki looked out the front window and shook his head. The bastard couldn’t even come up and knock like a normal person would have. The beeping continued. It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>type of neighborhood. Fuck.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki stepped out the front door, as Mick kept blaring the horn. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was at the car door. He knew that Mick saw him there, and he was still on the damn horn.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki flung the door open with anger.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rat-a-tat-tat. How’d you like that?” Mick said, sporting a rare grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to rip the horn off and shove it so far up your ass that all of your farts are going to come out as beeps! What the hell? I happen to like my neighbors you know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lighten up, fool. Uncle Mick wants you to just have a little fun today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki reached over and leaned on the horn. “That means fuck you in street language,” Nikki snapped, finally followed by a little laughter. “Where are we going, Disneyland?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a bad idea, but no. Although, I think those Mickey Rat ears might look good on us.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then where, the insane asylum?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but that’s something to think about. We should go find one of the abandoned haunted ones, and take a tour.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck that shit. The last thing I need is some wise-ass ghost attaching itself to me, and fucking my life up even more. I’ve been there, done that with all of that occult crap.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And people think that I’m the boring one in the band. Pshaw,” Mick said, with a wave of his hand. “I’ll refrain from scaring the shit out of you today, instead we’re going shopping. Then we’re going to get some fucking ice cream. With sprinkles. And no dark chocolate death sprinkles for you. Happy rainbow ones, to brighten up your motherfucking day.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you OK, Mick?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about me,” Mick replied, hauling ass out of Nikki’s driveway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>At Jon’s condo  - </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, you’re right. This view of the valley is the shit!” Tommy hollered, standing at the plate glass window.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. That’s what Richie said when I first brought him here. I’ve had this place for a few years. But, I’m thinking of selling it soon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? You’re only here part time. This is perfect for part-time living,” Tommy said, turning himself around in the room, with his hands out, as if to showcase the unit.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I guess you just move on from things sometimes.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d never get sick of looking out at the view,” Tommy replied, back to facing the window, oblivious to Jon’s sullen tone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom, come here,” Jon said, taking him by the arm out onto the balcony.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy complied, and was even more exhilarated outside. “Dude, what the fuck! I’d never go inside. I mean, I’ve been to some pretty awesome vantage points up in the hills, but I’ve never seen a view so broad.” Tommy shouted out a resounding whoop.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look,” Jon said, pointing to an area below. “See that house with the clay tile roof and two palm trees together? You can just see the edge of the pool?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The one with the two chimneys?” Tommy asked, pointing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah that one.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy looked and shrugged, waiting for an explanation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s where Heather Locklear lives. I just don’t feel like looking at that fucking montrosity of a house anymore. It’s all I see now, and it’s polluting my damn view.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy looked back out. The house didn’t particularly stick out as a nuisance more than any other house on the downward slope. But he knew what Jon’s getting at, and how fucked it must have been to constantly have to look down at that offensive site; wondering who was inside, and what they were doing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s go inside, I’ll make you a cocktail. Mixology is a little hobby of mine,” Jon said, with a sweeping gesture of his arm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know about that. I guzzle fucking beer, whiskey, vodka, bourbon. All of the mixology happens in my gut. But, whatever…. If you wanna show off, be my guest.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, you know some mixed drinks. Throw one at me. I’m ready to impress you with my skills.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. Uh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sex On The Beach</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, I’m not making you that pink pussy drink.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy laughs. “How about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cum On My Nose</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell is that? That’s not in my repertoire.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it should be,” Tommy said, sporting a sly grin, as he went back to the window to look out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a dirty little fucker, aren’t you? Let me surprise you with something.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Within a few minutes Jon came up to Tommy with two glasses in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy took the drink. “What is it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“ </span>
  <em>
    <span>A Slow Comfortable Screw</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jon said, followed by a snarky grin, glass raised for a toast.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After the glasses clinked, Tommy slammed it back in a few gulps, with an exaggerated gasp when he finished.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon’s eyes went wide. “You’re supposed to sip it, clown.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Another one please. I’m more of a </span>
  <em>
    <span>wham, bam, thank you, man</span>
  </em>
  <span> type guy,” Tommy replied, followed by a wink and his broad, quirky grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon handed him his own drink, and Tommy knocked it back just as quickly. There was one thing for certain, that motherfucker was a handful.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just get me the fucking bottle of whatever that shit was.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, man. That’s sloe gin,” Jon said, as he fished around for something more to Tommy’s liking. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever the fuck that is. Got any fast gin?” Tommy laughed himself into snort. “I wanna get drunk faster.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sloe is a type of berry, dumbass,” Jon laughed. “Here. Kentucky bourbon.” Jon handed the bottle to Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He opened it, and took a good swig, then handed it back to Jon, who also took from the bottle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I always love the taste of bourbon on a kiss. It’s like sweet caramel; better than berries.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy took the bottle back from Jon, downed some more, then set it on an end table. He smiled and put his hand out for the singer to take.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon responded by taking Tommy’s hand, who pulled him in close. The drummer looked down at the shorter man; not something that he was used to. Nonetheless, he drew his lips closer to Jon’s mouth. They connected.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon came up for air. “Tom, come on…. to my room.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure you know that I have a reputation for what’s below my belt,” Tommy, breathed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon took a small step back to put his hands on Tommy’s belt, then started to unbuckle it. “Everybody knows that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy smirked crookedly, just like Nikki would. He’s picked up some of his traits and didn’t even know it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on. Let’s move away from the windows,” Jon commanded, as he tugged on the waist of Tommy’s jeans.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Coming,” Tommy replied, following Jon to his bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive - </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick parked his car. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>You</b>
  <span> shop here?” Nikki asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Eh, Emi likes it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki didn’t reply. Although he had accepted Emi into his close circle, he still thought that she had a flair for Mick’s money. She was nice, and they seemed happy, but time will tell. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want, Sixx? Hats are over there. Sunglasses over there,” Mick said, pointing in different directions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think I should get something special for Tommy? Like a peace offering, or is that too obvious?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to tell you, cowboy,” Mick replied, referring to Nikki’s choice of hat today. “I don’t know if a material gift will fix the rift between you two, but it’s still thoughtful. If I were shopping for him, I’d walk myself over to that kitchen gadget store on the opposite corner. There’s a lot of sharp ass shit in there. Plenty of finely crafted tools for clean slicing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki furrowed his brows at that comment. “I guess I’ll just see. Maybe something special will catch my eye.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pair ducked in and out of stores. Nikki didn’t see much, but he bought a new pair of sunglasses for himself. They walked further down the block, and stopped to sign a few autographs along the way.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After the fans walked away happily, with the coveted signatures, Mick elbowed Nikki. “Look,” he said, throwing his chin in the direction of a store that they were standing in front of.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki’s pleasant demeanor went limp. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Nik, let’s go in. I think it will do you some good.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took a deep breath. “I’m not sure if I know what to do in this type of store.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Buy something,” Mick said, as he nudged him towards the entrance to a designer clothing store for babies and toddlers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t even know if it’s a boy, or a girl.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then buy something in white or yellow…. or clear.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki smiled at that comment; Mick and his clear.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They stepped in, and Nikki froze. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell kind of place were they at? How are people that tiny. How do they fit into these clothes? Oh god.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good afternoon, gentlemen. May I help you with something?” the shopkeeper asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I… uh, I--” Nikki stammered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re looking for a gift,” Mick blurted out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“For a boy, or a girl?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We don’t know. The mother is pregnant.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” she smiled. “Well let me lead you to the newborn area, Mr. Mars and Mr. Sixx.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki’s heart hit the floor as he realized he had been recognized. Fuck. How was he gonna get out of this one?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, thank you,” Mick replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please let me know if you have any questions. Oh, and… is anyone related to the band expecting?” The shopkeeper couldn’t resist asking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, there was Sharise, but that was not their business to share. “Just someone we know,” Mick responded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I see. I’m here if you need any help making a decision,” the woman said, walking away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki... Fucking breath, man.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. Um, who are we getting a gift for, Vince?” Nikki asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Buy something for yourself, you fool,” Mick said, knocking him on the shoulder. “Get anything. I think you just need to take a step towards grasping this reality. It will help keep you distracted.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki spun himself around, feeling overwhelmed by the amount of tiny stuff that surrounded him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” Nikki sighed, as he rubbed a hand down his face. “How many different outfits do babies usually need?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“About a thousand because they poo, piss, and throw up on their clothes all day. But don’t worry about that. People will buy you stuff. One thing, Nikki. Just get one thing. Even if it’s just one of these rattles or a stuffed animal,” Mick said, as he waved a rattle in front of Nikki’s face. “A boo, boo, boo. A boo, boo, boo.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick, knock it off. What is with you today?” Nikki said, forcing the rattle from Mick’s hand, and tossed it back into the basket.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not letting you leave this store until you find something,” Mick commanded, as he shoved him towards the clothing racks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took a deep breath and tried to relax, but he couldn’t seem to get his brain to function in a way that was helpful with taking in what he was looking at. It was all blending together, like a psychedelic, swirling pastel rainbow. Then he saw it. A spotlight from the track lighting was shining down on it, like it was a gift from the heavens above.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki walked over and picked up a leopard-spotted, or he preferred to think jaguar-spotted onesie. Not only that, it said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I saved the biggest spot in my heart for my Daddy. </span>
  </em>
  <span>This was it, his one item. And it wasn’t  for him, it was for Tommy. Nikki’s heart thumped loudly, as he could only hope at that moment that Tommy would choose to be father to this baby. He couldn’t be sure whether this was a smart move, but he felt compelled to buy it anyway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick?” Nikki called out, with a nervous waver.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you find something?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki nodded, “What size do I get? How do I know what size the baby will be?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick laughed. “Doesn’t matter, champ. I recommend 0-3 months. If it’s too big, don’t worry. The baby will grow.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK, let’s just pay and go.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll treat you to ice cream next, for putting you through this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You said that you weren’t going to scare the shit out of me today,” Nikki reminded MIck, finally able to smile a little. “And you also promised me sprinkles.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You got ‘em, kid.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the meantime, back at Jon’s apartment - </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy and Jon were engaged in a round of hot, wild sex. Tommy was between Jon’s legs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god, Tommy… ohhhhh, fuck me. Oh god,” Jon groaned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me how hard my cock feels, Jon. Tell me I’m beyond your expectations,” Tommy growled. His drool dribbled out over Jon’s neck, as he opened his mouth to suck on it again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re hot as fuck, Tommy Lee. Oh god, you feel so good,” Jon choked out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m hot for you... Fuck,” Tommy panted, trying to keep up his pace, as he thrusted his length in and out of Jon. He kept it going.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon had pressed his fingernails into Tommy’s backside flesh. Tommy welcomed the pain. “Oh fuck, Jon. Fucking maul me. Tear me up like a naughty whore!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His appetite for sex was at a peak. He hadn’t had it in a few weeks, with the exception of a few quickies with girls at the clubs. But this sex was raw and dirty, just the way he liked it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, please… right there... uhhh….don’t stop,” Jon stuttered, as his climax neared.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You like that?” Tommy asked. “I’ll give you what you need. Fuck your girlfriend. Fuck Richie. I got the goods, baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Jon questioned. No response </span>
  <em>
    <span>came</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but a moment later, he did. Announced by uncontrolled primal sounds and trembling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy was beside himself, as he watched Jon come undone. He pushed himself in, holding the position as he also came, shaking, feeling mighty. “God, that was good,” Tommy roared, followed by his trademark howl. He lowered himself on top of Jon and snuck a kiss in, before he turned his head to the side to catch his breath. “Good fucking fuck, I needed that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” Jon said, still breathing deeply.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soon they unglued themselves, cleaned up, then scrounged for their clothes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jon, I’m gonna go out on the balcony to have a smoke. Feel free to come join me,” Tommy remarked, as he walked out of the bedroom without his shirt on.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom?” Jon called out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy turned around and saw his shirt being tossed towards him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I doubt they look up, as much as I look down. But if I can see Heather’s house, she can see mine.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Gotcha…. Sorry,” Tommy said, as he held his cig between his lips while putting his shirt on.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon joined the smoker out on the balcony, propped his feet up, and enjoyed the south sun of the late afternoon. “Hey Tommy, I’m not sure what you’re thinking. But look, I’m the type of guy that doesn’t think that it’s my job to keep other people in line. You make your own fucking decisions. That said, I’m honestly not trying to mess anything up between you and Nikki. It’s just that I saw an open window, and I decided to pursue it while the chance existed. That’s all.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever happens with me and Nikki is on me, and him. You and I…. we’re good, dude.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I got my own flaming pile of shit,” Jon sighed. He hocked a fat loogie towards the direction of Heather’s house.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t get me wrong. I still have feelings for Nikki, but he started this. I don’t think I did anything wrong. He fucking betrayed me. I would have never….” Tommy tried to reason, then stopped knowing he was now a hypocrite . He blew out a whole lot of smoke as he tapped his ashes. “I just got things to think about.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you love him?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I can’t talk about my feelings like that,” Tommy replied, burning down the rest of his cigarette. He knew he loved Nikki, but he couldn’t admit that to himself at that moment because of what just happened inside.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s not my business.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No sweat,” Tommy resolved. He fumbled to put another cigarette to his lips.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How about getting dinner? Jon asked, changing the subject. “We can stay in or go out? Unless you have to get home?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dinner’s cool, man,” Tommy said, as he lightened up with a relaxed smile. He was nervous to go home, so he decided to prolong his day out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for the ice cream, Mick,” Nikki smiled, as he wiped a drip off of his wrist with a napkin “ I never thought that I’d ever say something so cheesy sounding to you,” Nikki grinned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome, kid,” Mick replied, dusting his own hands off.  He took a deep breath. “So, my friend…. I never asked you. Who was it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What, Mick Mars wants in on the gossip?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No. I don’t really give a shit. It’s just… well you know, we’re friends. I wanna know where your head’s at. Like, who’s your type, besides the obvious jackass type?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki snarled his brows. “I don’t know if I want to share that info with you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Was it someone from another band, or someone in the business? I know that you’d never take a risk with a fan.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s in a band. He crashed my lonely pity party at the Cathouse,” Nikki said, as he bit at his cuticle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, fucking tell me who it was! Robbin?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh god, no! He’s one of my closest friends,” Nikki bristled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So was Tommy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, and so are you, and I’m not looking to fuck you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank god,” Mick replied, with a shiver.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s tall and skinny. That’s what I like, OK?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sebastian?” Mick asked, taking another guess.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a no, to that juvenile prick.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Gee, I could have swore that you liked the immature jerk-off type. I wonder why I thought that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nick pursed his lips, knowing that was another dig on Tommy. “Guess again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh, it’s a game now? Warren?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not Warren, and if you like games so much, how about I ask you? If you had to fuck one guy, who would it be? Who’s your fantasy fuck? Everybody has one.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Myself,” Mick replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, that’s a cop out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have no desire to fuck any guy!” Mick said, getting prickly. “Or to be fucked by one.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re playing a game, and you’re not following the rules. Who?” Nikki pressed. “I know that you’ve been fucked in the ass before. Maybe not by a guy, but with sex toys. You know how good it feels. So come on, who do you want to give you a truly satisfying ass fucking?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No one,” Mick spat, crossing his arms.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You won’t answer because it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, right? That’s what I have to assume,” Nikki snickered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you wish, cocksucker.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Slip of the tongue there? I suck cock too. Maybe that’s more your speed?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop!” Mick snapped. “God, Nikki, shut up! And was it Phil Lewis?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You started it. And no, he’s an asshole,” Nikki replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you know the saying, birds of a feather, flock together,” Mick sneered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep. And if you ever wondered why we’re such good friends, now you know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know it, man. I wear that asshole badge proudly. Plus, it was Tom Keifer, wasn’t it?” Mick asked with confidence, getting back to his own line of questioning. “And who’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>fantasy fuck? Me, I bet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No to Tom Keifer. And my fantasy fuck is Tommy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk about a cop out. Come on, Sixx, you must have that one person? You say that everyone does. And you fucked Jani Lane.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t fuck Jani, and do you wanna know who my fantasy fuck is?” Nikki asked, cocking an eyebrow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Spill it now, or never. I’m in rare form today, and would typically never be asking such god awful questions about you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki grinned, knowing that Mick was trying to be halfway normal for once, and not so judgemental and martian-like. “Steve Harris is my fantasy fuck.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick gave Nikki a sideways glance. “You’re kidding me, right? I never would have guessed. You don’t even like Iron Maiden. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s his smile. Oh, and the accent that gets me weak in the knees. Plus we have the bass in common, and stripes. We both wore them, you know. He can come knocking between my thighs any day. We’ll blend our stripes together into a hot swirl of sweaty sex, as he politely talks dirty to me with that accent,” Nikki said with a lick of his lips. “Well, maybe just within my headspace. I’m trying to fix things right now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can respect that refined choice. Much more than half of these bozos that you stomp around with on the L.A. scene. And it was Duff McKagen, right? Bass player.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck man. How many skinny, tall douchebags are there?” Mick asked, throwing his hands up in surrender.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A fuck ton. It will keep you guessing for awhile.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How about your female fantasy fuck? And it was Bobby Dall,” Mick persisted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No for Bobby, and I’ll throw in a no for Bret while I’m at it, to save you the trouble.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bret’s not that tall.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Taller than your gremlin ass. And my female fantasy fuck is Sophia Loren. You should know that already.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s your mother’s age.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s just another way to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>experienced</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’d be more than happy to have her teach me a thing or two, and we can suck each other dry,” Nikki slurped, licking his lips again. “And wait, let me guess yours….. uuuhh…. Elvira,” Nikki said, with a snicker.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That was no fun. I wanted to keep you guessing,” Mick said, with a frown. “But, I know it was Richie Sambora who you fucked.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I would like to fuck Richie simply to piss Jon off. And I would fuck him hard, right in front of Jon until he screams my name, whether from pain or pleasure. But no, it wasn’t him. And are you serious about Elvira? I was joking.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not joking. She’s fucking hot. Luscious tits and seductive eyes, and hair just like mine. Can you imagine what our children would look like?” Mick said grinning, as he pulled on his hair, staring out into some imaginary dark dreamscape, biting on his tongue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, a litter of fucking vampire bats with pink and blue booties on,” Nikki snickered. “So now, I know what goes on in your mind, Micky Mars. A little fantasy threesome…. of you sandwiched in between me and Elvira. Hmm?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You wish. I don’t want you!” Mick spat. “And you slept with Taime.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Until you tell me who, I can only assume it’s me,” Nikki said, with a pop of his eyebrows. “And no, not Taime. I’d never be able to go to the Cathouse again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want your dick anywhere near me,” Mick growled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why won’t you tell me who? Ooh, unless it’s Tommy, right? You’re afraid to tell me because it’s him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Go to hell for even saying that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Vince?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I swear, Nikki, I’m going to lock you in the freezer of this ice cream joint, and leave you there overnight.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I’ll be nice and stiff for you,” Nikki said, grinning.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The only way that I want to see you stiff is if you’re laid out in a casket, and it’s about to become a reality!” Mick shrieked, as he threw a pile of napkins in Nikki’s face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whoa…. death by napkins.” Nikki grinned, brushing them away. “Then your fantasy will have no chance of becoming a reality,” he remarked, backing away a little.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you, and drop it already! I don’t like the stuff that you like.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You started this whole damn conversation,” Nikki sneered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you’re being a difficult prick! And it’s James Hetfield.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not James. I like my head attached to my body,” Nikki replied. He rubbed his neck with his hand, then looked at his watch. “Do you have anything else planned for us today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, come on. I bet James is really a big teddy bear,” Mick grinned. “And nothing else is planned unless you wanna get dinner? Emi’s gonna be home soon, but I can stay out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“James is more like a grizzly bear who would shred me apart for a meal. No thanks…… And it’s alright. I was thinking of bringing dinner home. There’s an Italian restaurant on the way back that Tommy loves.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know where he is and when he’ll be home. Jeff Keith?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No! Not my type. And I’ll take my chances with Tommy’s schedule. It’s coming up on Sunday evening, and we’re in the studio tomorrow morning. He’ll be home at some point, if he’s not there already. I think I might try to get a talk in with him tonight. So dinner from his favorite restaurant should help with his mood,” Nikki said, stooping down to pick up the napkins.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, let’s go. Tell me how to get to that joint,” Mick said, as he gave a squeeze to Nikki’s shoulder. “Scotti Hill?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, and I’m pretty sure he’s straight as fuck,” Nikki replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like me… straight as fuck.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Riiiight, Mick,” Nikki responded, as they started walking to the car.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why can’t you accept that, shit-for-brains?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because it’s just too easy to get you all wound up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not going to be laughing when you’re all wound up with ten yards of rope, and I throw you off the pier! And it was Izzy Fuckin’ Stradlin.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dang Mick, how many guesses did that take you? You owe me that same amount in the form of late night, drunken phone calls or sprinkled ice cream cones.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you saying it was Izzy?” Mick asked, stopping in his tracks to face Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Nikki replied with a shrug, as his cheeks reddened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That guy likes to fuck with our band, doesn’t he?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He thinks I’m hot,” Nikki said, as he started back towards the car.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My mother thinks you’re hot. Are you going to fuck her too?!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe if she begs.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick shoved Nikki into a lamp post, then kept walking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki gathered himself back up, after he nearly stumbled to the ground. He caught up with Mick, as he soothed his left shoulder, which made sharp contact with the lamp.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell! That hurt!” Nikki snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re even. Let’s go and get food for your pet dummy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>About an hour later, Nikki was home with the food. Tommy loved the eggplant parm, and it was still warm. Nikki hoped he would come home soon. In the meantime, he pulled the little spotty onesie out of the decorative bag that it was put in. He felt his heart swelling and breaking at the same time. He labeled the bag with Tommy’s name, put the onesie back in it, then placed it on the shelf in his closet. It wasn’t the right time to give it to him. They needed to talk first. He felt encouraged that Tommy would talk with him, soon. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>An hour passed, and Nikki decided to dish out his own food even though he wasn’t very hungry anymore. He didn’t eat much, and after another hour passed by, he packed the food away in the fridge. Nikki sat down on the couch with the remote and a bottle. While he appreciated everything Mick tried to do for him that day, it didn’t help much in the long run.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The day out with a friend made him feel quite hopeful. A good mood created good vibes. Nikki convinced himself that they’d talk and work everything out over dinner. But the good vibe faded, as the minutes ticked by into hours, and the sky grew dark. Nikki opened the bottle and started downing it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know of a great little Italian place, not too far from here. They’re really cool about making sure that I have privacy,” Jon suggested.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds good. Italian is my favorite,” Tommy replied, with a swipe of his tongue across his lips.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? I would have assumed Greek was your thing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, Nikki got me hooked,” Tommy shrugged, a slight blush crawling up on his face, as he mentioned Nikki’s name.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s something I like about him then,” Jon smiled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s half Sicilian,” Tommy revealed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So am I, man. But I got the upper hand living on the east coast. Californians don’t know shit about good Italian food, except for this place that I’m gonna take you to. The chef is a New Jersey transplant.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you got him beat, then. And you don’t look Sicilian.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not a competition, I swear. And don’t let Nikki’s jet black hair fool you. Many of us aren’t that dark. What’s his natural color?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’ll take it to the grave. I’ve seen pictures though, but I won’t blow his secret.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s probably just like me; fair-haired. Come on, let’s go,” Jon said, with a click of his tongue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy and Jon arrived at the restaurant. About halfway through, Jon had a few questions for the drummer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what’s going through your head right now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I’m actually not trying to think about anything in particular. I’m still enjoying the afterglow,” Tommy said, gulping down a drink with a stupid grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on. What are you thinking about?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me? What are </span>
  <b>you</b>
  <span> thinking? I mean, what I do, being out…. that’s not your lifestyle,” Tommy remarked, as he narrowed his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I guess I’m just living life a little. I’m finding a good distraction.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, that’s another thing you and Nikki have in common. Neither of you like that pretty, little blonde. She gave up on me….. Just sayin’, maybe you should insert yourself between them more often. Nikki did, and she bowed out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know, but I’m not looking to get into a lifestyle like yours. I just don’t think I can do it. And I don’t think that I want to do it. We’ve come so far as a band, that fans expect us to be as we’ve always been. I like just having some fun… you know. I’d be just as happy to settle down with the right woman, if I find her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“All fun until emotions get in the way, right?” Tommy said, flashing a contrived smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck. I know,” Jon sighed. He took a long drink of water, and slammed the glass down with resolve. “I just decided now that I’m putting that condo up for sale. Time for something new. Maybe something with a nice coastal view.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ha! Watch her get a yacht. She’ll go sailing by everyday. The boat’s name will be </span>
  <em>
    <span>Richie’s Bitchie</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Tommy laughed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon laughed too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, maybe it sounds like this was just a little feel good thing for both of us,” Tommy said in a questioning tone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess. I mean, if real life wasn’t in the way, I’d see you again,” Jon says, in a nonchalant tone and shrug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Was I that good?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not your fucking whacked, drunken personality that draws me in. Nikki must love you a lot,” Jon laughed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you. And he’s just as crazy as me. He just does things with more finesse than I do,” Tommy said, smiling, as he took the rest of his drink back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose. You know, I was thinking…. maybe we can have one last fling? The day after tomorrow, I’ve got some business to take care of in Las Vegas. I’m leaving early Tuesday, then coming back here late Wednesday. I have a few more things to take care of in L.A. before I go back to my Jersey home. Anyway, do you wanna take the trip to Vegas with me?” Jon suggested.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck yeah! I love Vegas. I’m in,” Tommy hooted, with a bang of his fist on the table.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. We’re taking a private jet, so there’s no need to book a ticket.” Jon was thankful for the private jet. Tommy was the loud and obnoxious sort, who drew attention in. Not exactly what he wanted in public venues, but he was a damn good fuck for private venues.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet. I guess I gotta work on a good disguise. I’m hitting the fucking casinos while you take care of your pussy business shit,”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll eventually have some free time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. I’m counting on it,” Tommy said, signaling the waitress for another drink.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nearly another hour passed by, since Nikki cracked the bottle open, when he finally heard Tommy’s car roar into the driveway. The front door opened slowly a few minutes later. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy stepped in cautiously, immediately spotting Nikki on the couch, waiting. Fuck. A cold sweat broke out on his forehead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Nikki said, trying to smile. “Um, I got dinner for you. It’s your favorite. Well, it’s cold now in the fridge, but I can heat it up for you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, thanks, Nik, but I already ate. I think I may have found a new favorite Italian place….. Um, shit… maybe I should have called to let you know that I wouldn’t be home for dinner. I wasn’t expecting dinner from you though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s OK. I mean, why would you think that I’d have dinner for you. We haven’t eaten together for a while, right?” Nikki said, with a shrug. Inside, he felt pretty let down. “At least we’ll have leftovers for a few days.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. That’s good,” Tommy replied, aiming to go straight to his bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” the drummer responded anxiously.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we talk?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy pulled his lips tight, then bit his bottom lip. “I don’t know. Lemme get cleaned up, and then I’ll see how I feel. I’m tired.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. I’ll be here, on the couch,” Nikki replied, feeling defeated already.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy emerged from the bedroom about 45 minutes later, and headed straight for the liquor cabinet; ignoring Nikki as he walked by.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah. You wanted to talk or something, didn’t you?” Tommy said, in a somewhat calloused tone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d really appreciate it. I just--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not in the mood right now. I had a long day and I’m tired, plus we’re working tomorrow. I just don’t want to get into it this late.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, please. I’m losing my mind over this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not really my problem. You brought it upon yourself, and I’m just not ready to talk.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on! I can’t change what I did. I apologize every single day, because I </span>
  <b>am</b>
  <span> sorry. But I can’t take back what I did. So can’t we just move past the reason for our problem, and talk about the options to move forward?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When I’m ready.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When is that going to be?! How long do I need to be out on a limb?! This is bullshit! I’m bleeding inside..…  just say something, otherwise rip the bandaid off already so I can bleed out all at once. I’m tired of dragging this out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you that I’m not ready. You did a fucking shitty thing, and broke my trust and my heart. So fuck you. Live with the consequences of what you did.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am, believe me! Every fucking day! I can’t change what I did so can we just talk about what’s next? Please…. Tommy, please. I’m begging.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy felt Nikki’s pain. It was tugging at his heart, but he just couldn’t, not that night. Too much had happened throughout the day. He needed to sort it out in his head before he could dive into a long, contemplative conversation with Nikki. “Listen, we will. Soon, OK? I just can’t right now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki just nodded with a shrug and an unreadable look upon his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Nikki. And um…. Thanks for getting dinner. I’ll pack some for lunch tomorrow,” Tommy said. He grabbed a bottle of bourbon before going back towards the master bedroom. He turned around before rounding the corner. “Soon. I promise. I just…. just give me a little more time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I even worth it to you?” Nikki asked, pursing his lips as he waited for an answer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you are. It’s just….. I can’t right now,” Tommy replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where were you today?” Nikki asked, flexing his jaw.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just out doing things. I don’t need to tell you my every move.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, Tom,” Nikki replied in a passive-aggressive tone and a contrived smile. He took his open bottle by the neck, brushed past Tommy, and headed to his bedroom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy sensed Nikki suspected something, as he watched him shut the door. He heard the twisting of the lock. A woozy feeling swept through his core. That click of the lock seemed to him like an omen of things to come. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy retreated to his own bedroom. He had a lot up unpacked from his head, or perhaps he could sort it out another time, and instead push it all away with a nice full bottle of booze.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------------</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Goin' Out Swingin'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mick might be the hero of this chapter. </p>
<p>-------------</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another rough chapter. The table might turn at some point...</p>
<p>------------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was rough-going at the studio on Monday. They were working on remixing one of their classics. Bob Rock had come down from Vancouver and was growing frustrated over the lack of enthusiasm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki! Can I speak with you please…. in private,” Bob commanded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While Nikki went off to receive his verbal spanking from Bob. Mick called out Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom, come here. I wanna talk to you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy already knew, he was going to get an earful about Nikki. They moved to a private location.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell is going on with you?” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure you know. Nikki is a fucking cheating bastard.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He is, but what’s your bottom line gonna be. You’re dragging him through an olympic-sized swimming pool of sewage to prove some bullshit point.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you. One, it’s not your damn business. Two, he’s not about to get his cake and then eat it too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The only cake he’s eating now, is about as tasty as a pissed-on urinal cake. And it </span>
  <b>is </b>
  <span>my business when one, my band is suffering for it. And two, he’s my closest friend and he’s been confiding in me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you telling him? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, it’s OK, Nikki, that you cheated. Tommy’s a sucker and a pushover.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want from him? How much blood and tears do you need for him to sacrifice until you’re appeased? You either love him, or you don’t. And if you don’t, stop giving him hope because you’re only going to crush him more, the longer you draw this out. And if you love him, then act like it!” Mick spat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My feelings about him are not the point. He fucking betrayed me. I never would have expected him to do what he did. And it was a fucking slap across my face, and it hurt like a bitch.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He knows he was wrong, but you were wrong for dogging him about the baby. God, Tom! What the hell is wrong with you?! If you love Nikki, how could you not be supportive of his baby? I’m beyond baffled about that one.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. We were supposed to plan things together.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have like 4, or 5 fucking months to still plan together! Who cares how it happened. Think you’re the only fucking couple out there who’s ever been surprised with an unplanned pregnancy? I got two of them, dammit! Given the fucking obstacles that the two of you need to face in order to have kids, you’re looking a damn gift horse in the mouth, with a woman who is willing to co-parent with you straight out of the gate. Good fucking luck running into another situation like that. Instead, I guarantee you’re going to be dealing with expensive lawyers, skeptical judges, and bitchy women trying to extort money or some shit like that, in exchange for a baby. Do you honestly think that a judge is going to allow two alcoholic, recovering drug addicts with a history of arrests, who are in a gay relationship to adopt a kid?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Again, not your business.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re wrong about that, Tommy. And it’s killing Nikki.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yup, then he goes and ruins the whole situation with what he did.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare blame him about anything gone wrong between you two, and that baby. That’s all on you. You abandoned him during a time of need.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we done?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, actually. Who have you been hanging out with?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Another thing that’s not your business.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Someone! Don’t deny it. I know you are. It’s you who’s fucking things up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well maybe I just don’t give a shit! It’s always about Nikki isn’t it? Fuck! Even Bob Rock! Who does he call into his office to bitch at? The only one that he thinks matters. Not me. Not you. Not Vince. It’s Nikki!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know damn well that he manages the business aspect from our end. Do you wanna do that shit? Dealing with management, executives, producers, promoters. Reading and signing papers? Do you want to be the one responsible for all of that?” Mick snarled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He just likes being in control. Everything is always about him! His band, his music, his ideas,” Tommy broods.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that the four of us have equal partnerships. Nikki doesn’t get anything extra for what he does. He does it for the good of the whole, and has never misrepresented us. Besides, we’re welcome to offer input at any time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yup, then he short changes us on songwriting credits.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a fucking crybaby. You know that? I have never seen someone so unsupportive of their partner. Why don’t you tell him thank you every once in a while, instead of dreaming up false scenarios in your head. You should get down on your knees and suck his dick every night to thank him for all of the extra work that he puts into this band. Fuck you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki would probably take credit for the orgasms he has resulting from the blowjobs too. We all know that I don’t ever matter. I’m just a no one around here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He doesn’t think you’re a no one,” Mick said, as he walked off. “You’re his number one,” Mick spat, slamming the door behind him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Later on, in the evening, at home - </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki was filling out some business-related paperwork at the table.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Nikki?” Tommy said, walking towards the table. “Whatcha got there?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s just some forms that I need to review and sign regarding some of the promotional aspects of the album?” Nikki replied, putting the pen down and pulling his reading glasses off. He felt a glimmer of hope that Tommy was initiating some conversation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, well thanks for doing that, I guess,” Tommy spoke, sheepishly heeding some of Mick’s advice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s all good. I don’t mind,” Nikki responded, feeling butterflies in his stomach, as he started to get the feeling that Tommy might be ready to talk.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, so listen. Something came up, I’m going to be away from tomorrow morning ‘til Wednesday night,'' Tommy revealed. His heart was pounding, as he prayed that Nikki wouldn’t ask questions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” Nikki asked, the good vibe fading.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Vegas.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki looked down at the papers, picked up the pen, and started nervously tapping it on the table. “Who are you going with?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s business related for my friend. Just gonna have some fun, gambling.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Which friend?” Nikki pressed, trying to not let his anger flare up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Does it make a difference?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jon?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not what you think?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK,” Nikki replied. He attempted to proceed with the papers, but his mind was exploding with painful and angry emotions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy saw Nikki ball his fists up, and rub his thumb over his knuckles. It was one of his coping mechanisms to attempt to stop his temper. “Nik, what’s the big deal?” Tommy asked, trying to grasp at a straw to smooth things over.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki stood up abruptly. He tossed the pen on the table, shoved the dining chair back with a little more force than necessary, and walked off towards his room. The door slammed shut behind him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy knew that he was in the wrong about doing this. He contemplated whether he should have lied about where he was going instead. Part of him was relieved that a huge blowout didn’t happen, but Nikki being angry and hurt, that wasn’t good either. It was going to replay in his head and eat away at him. He asked himself why he just didn’t cancel. Why was he doing this? He couldn’t even answer that himself. He just knew that he didn’t want to cancel. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy dragged himself back to his room, and tried to reason things out in his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Lemme just do this. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I need to be away. I need to step back.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>This isn’t permanent. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be ready to talk to Nikki when I get back.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki woke up the next morning after a fitful night of sleep, if you could even call it that. He spent the night fighting tears, drinking, wondering what Tommy was really up to. Whether their relationship was over, and journaling all sorts of madness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The house was quiet. It typically would have been at 8:30am. No one was usually up at that time. He decided to check to see if Tommy was home. Hopefully he was still asleep. Maybe he had a change of heart.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as Nikki stepped out of his room, he could tell Tommy had left. The master bedroom door was wide open. He approached anyway and looked in. Tommy was not there. Nikki’s chest hurt. He slid down the door frame to the floor, and started crying. Tommy had chosen someone else. It was over.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once Nikki pushed past the agonizing, wheezing phase of his crying, he wiped his face off on his shirt. Resolved that he couldn’t be there in the house anymore, he had to find some place else to live. This was just too painful.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He called Mick a little while later, when he felt that he was capable of speaking coherent sentences. Nikki told Mick about the recent development.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t live here anymore,” Nikki sniffled. “Would you let me stay at your beach condo, until I can figure out something more permanent?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, Emi and I were planning on using it this weekend. The forecast is calling for beautiful warm weather, but I guess we can make other plans. Maybe we’ll go up along the coast for the weekend instead….. Are you sure about this, Nikki? Did he say it was over, or did you draw that conclusion yourself?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He won’t tell me anything. But, his behavior makes it clear that he doesn’t want me anymore, and I have to assume doesn’t love me anymore,” Nikki replied, choking up again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK, pal. You’re gonna get through this. I personally think that Tommy is just acting out. Trying to prove some mock point about how he’s in control of everything, and that you need to be taught a lesson.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Cheating on me in return doesn’t teach me a lesson. It just fucking hurts.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Nik. I really don’t know what the moron is trying to prove. I don’t think he even knows. I think maybe he loves you though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not like this, Mick. It hurts too much. That’s not love. Love is talking to me, maybe giving me another chance. It’s deciding not to go away with someone else because it hurts me too much.” Nikki pauses to catch his breath. “Love is me forgiving him if he came home right now. Despite all the pain he’s causing me….. because I would. I would forgive him,” Nikki cried.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you would. Do you want me to meet you at the beach house, or should I bring the key to you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Meet me there. I have a lot of stuff to pack, and probably several trips back and forth. I don’t need any of our household shit. He can have it all. Just my personal stuff,” Nikki sniffles. “I got a lot of basses and music stuff. Um, I guess we’ll figure out things about the studio equipment at some point. I want some of that, but for now--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki… you’re mumbling on. How about I meet you there in three hours?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. Thanks,” Nikki replied solemnly, hanging up the phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pulled into a spot in the parking area of the seven unit condo. Mick had the top floor penthouse. He saw his friend approaching his packed truck, and he was suddenly overcome with shame. A tidal wave of it. He failed at the relationship. Everyone warned him about it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick tapped on the driver side window. “Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki ran the palm of his hand over his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nik?” Mick saw tears rolling down Nikki’s cheeks. He opened the door. “Come on, buddy. I’ll help. You got a lot of stuff?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki just broke down completely. He laid his arms across the steering wheel and cried into them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the first time in a long time, tears surfaced in Mick’s eyes too. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried. His best friend was falling apart. He rubbed Nikki’s back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I fucked it all up. I’m a failure, and I feel so stupid,” Nikki sobbed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why Nikki? You’re not stupid. It’s your counterpart who’s stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not my counterpart. He doesn’t want me,” Nikki choked out, with all kinds of bodily fluids leaking from the orifices on his face. “Everyone warned us that this wasn’t a smart idea. I thought it was love. But what would someone like me know about love? I’m just so stupid and worthless. Why didn’t I listen to anyone?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, we were wrong for all that early criticism. I mean, I think we had a right to question the stability of the band, but not your love for each other. Putting the band aside, your relationship is just as valid as anyone else’s. And I think that anyone can relate how much it hurts when things go wrong. Don’t feel stupid, man. You both loved. Sometimes love fades, and things end. And sometimes they don’t, but you just hit rough patches. Don’t give up, friend. You’re more lovable than you know. Hell, I even love you. Just take this time apart from each other to rest, reflect, and refresh. I guarantee he’s going to miss you the second he walks into the empty house, and realizes he’s alone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not alone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“His heart’s alone, Nikki,” Mick said, giving his back a few friendly pats. “Come on. How much shit have you got in here that needs to go up?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A lot, and I have more trips from home,” Nikki said, with a sniffly nose.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How long are you planning to stay here?! You don’t need to pack up your entire life, you know. I guarantee you’ll be back in your own house soon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to have to go back there for things. And I want him to understand that I’m fucking gone. That it’s not a staged event for shock value. I can’t live with him anymore, it hurts too much. I don’t want him to think that he can just continue to rub shit in my face everyday. It doesn’t work like that. And whether he’s relieved or upset that I’m gone, well that’s for him to deal with and figure out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. I guess, but this condo isn’t meant to house your massive collection of basses and guitars, and your fucking entire wardrobe, and amps and shit, and platinum record plaques,” Mick warned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I’ll stack it in the third bedroom for now. I’m assuming you want me in a guest room and not the master.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly. Don’t need you defiling my bed that I share with my wife,” Mick said with a shiver.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No worries,” Nikki cracked a smile. “I’d feel the same if the roles were reversed. Wouldn’t want any of your alien DNA rubbing all around on my bed sheets.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That said, don’t root through my master bedroom closet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wasn’t planning on it, but why?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just don’t,” Mick replied with a sly grin. Actually there was no particular reason, he just liked fucking with his band mates with his alien talk. Sometimes he thought they believed there’s truth behind his alleged other worldly origins. Or maybe only when they were drunk and high. Anyway, the joking was good for a distraction.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Housing dead bodies in there, or the communication panel to the mothership?” Nikki asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll never know, will you? Just stay the fuck out, or things may become unpleasant for you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you’re fucking with me. You probably have a cache of sex toys in there that you don’t want me to see. I know you’re a kinky bastard. Betcha I’m not the only one who likes things up my ass. How many strap-ons do you have for her?” Nikki said, laughing through his teary eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t open the fucking closet. That’s my final warning. Now, let’s get this shit in. My back will probably only be able to manage this truckload,” Mick huffs. “How many more trips from home? I don’t want to see my beach escape turn into a hoarder’s den.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It won’t. This is mostly my instruments and a few clothes. I got more clothes and shoes, pictures and records, and I don’t know. Just stuff. My tall filing cabinet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck the filing cabinet. How are you gonna get that here, He-Man? I’m on the top floor.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have a dolly, and there’s an elevator.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t bring it here. A dolly ain’t going help you load it into the bed of the truck. I’m certainly not helping. And leave your amps and shit too. Use mine.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But I have all of my important personal and business papers in the cabinet,” Nikki whined.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, leave the shit. You’re going to know within a few days to a week whether you and Tommy have a chance together, or if it’s done. Theoretically, you can be moving back home in two days. FUCK the filing cabinet! If the relationship is done, then go get the motherfucking thing. And I’ll help you find your own place. But until then, don’t even think about it. Take whatever bullshit papers you think you need, and leave it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. No need to be a dick.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Usually there is a reason. Right now there’s a reason. Come on, already. Get out of the truck, and let’s bring the shit in.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick and Nikki spent the next half hour bringing boxes and cases up to the penthouse. Mick sat the last few trips out, his back was starting to ache.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This is the last box,” Nikki proclaimed, depositing it on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick sighed. “This is already stressing me out. My beautiful respite, trashed to hell by my bass player.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not going to stay like this. I need to stow it away.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, why don’t you just take the rest of your stuff and shove it somewhere in the house that Tommy isn’t going to look in. Betcha he never opens the broom closet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, he does because there’s food stored on the upper shelves. Anywhere there’s food, he….” Nikki trailed off. He flopped down onto the sofa and began crying again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick moved over towards Nikki. “You know all of his quirks, don’t you? Why don’t you go lay down for a bit? Take the second guest bedroom down the hallway with the queen bed. The first room is bigger, but you’ll be able to store your stuff in that one, besides it’s got two twin beds. Go take a nap in the second one. You’re emotionally spent.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have all of tomorrow to move more stuff. I don’t think it’s necessary, but I digress on the issue; with the exception of that fucking cabinet. Don’t bring it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t…. thanks, Mick. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Nikki said, through tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t we cancel the rest of the studio time this week? I’ll call Doug. He can call Bob, Vin, maybe Tommy, and whoever else needs to know. It’s not going to be productive anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t need to do that. Bob took a trip here from Vancouver.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can barely hold a conversation. How do you think you’re going to get anything done, especially with Tommy around? I think the time apart will be good, and help with some sort of resolution in the meantime. Besides, Bob’s leaving tomorrow. He’s got a deadline to meet with another band at his studio up north. I overheard him on the phone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you say so, chief.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Go lay down,” Mick commanded, nudging Nikki to get up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks. I’ll call you tomorrow, OK? Oh, and I need the phone number for here, so that I can give it to people like Brandi.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s labeled on the phone. And one more thing, don’t drool or get snot and tears on my pillows. That’s something you can bring over, your own fucking pillows.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever,” Nikki said, with a weak smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s gonna be OK, kid. Get rest,” Mick said as he gazed at Nikki’s wet, sloppy face. “And put a towel on the pillow.” Mick added, laying the keys on the coffee table before leaving. “Call me if you need anything. Towel, please. They’re in the linen closet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------------</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Just Another Psycho</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Vegas baby!</p>
<p>‐---------------</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Fancy digs, Jon... for just one night,” Tommy said, while walking around the hotel suite.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why the hell not?” Jon replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. How much time are you even going to spend in here? You know, with business shit, gambling, and Vegas food.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Depends what you’re hungry for, Tommy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I always save room for dessert,” Tommy purred, with a pop of his eyebrows.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” Jon smiled. “Um, so my business portion of the trip will probably take a few hours today. You know how that goes. It’s management stuff, between letting Doc go, and my solo project. Just getting some things straightened out so that the band can move forward.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s when I’ll eat and gamble, so that’s out of the way. And I hope that you let Doc go the same way that I did,” Tommy grinned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not quite, Marciano. But that wanker was driving us into the ground with shit like never ending tours, and it was driving the band apart.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds familiar. That was Doc for us, although Doug keeps on with the same shit. Glad we’re not touring for our new album. I think we’ll be ready to go by our next studio album in maybe another year or so.” Tommy felt a tightening in his heart. The relationships within Motley Crue weren’t doing so well right now. Would there even be anything more beyond Decade of Decadence?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Heh. So, the limo is coming for me in about 10 minutes. I wouldn’t mind a little warm up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy pushed Jon onto the bed, and got himself on top of him. Their lips crashed together. A spirited kiss ensued. They started grinding, feeling each other’s mounds smothered against the other. The minutes swept by, when the phone suddenly rang, jolting them both from the magical moment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, that’s for my limo,” Jon spat, reaching for the phone. “Be right down!” he blared into the phone, slamming it down, not waiting for a reply. “Quick Tommy, pull your pants down.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just do it,” Jon demanded, as he pulled his own down. He spit in his hand to finish himself off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy touched his own shaft. That action brought Jon to an immediate climax, and he let go on the drummer. Jon gasped, squeezing out his last drops. He tucked in, zipped up, then leaned forward to kiss Tommy, who was still holding his own cummy erection. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Didn’t want to make a mess of myself there,” Jon said, throwing a smile. “See you soon. Check back between 5 and 6, OK?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK,”Tommy smiled, as he sat up, and continued on to finish himself off using Jon’s cum and more spit for lubrication. He finished a minute or two after Jon clicked the door shut. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy got to his feet, stripped his clothes, and got into the shower. It was easier than trying to clean himself up at the sink. Upon finishing, he flopped back on the bed, naked, and shut his eyes for a little nap. That plane ride was early, and he was tired out already.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon arrived back at the hotel room around 5:30pm. Tommy wasn’t there. He sighed, as he stripped himself out of his meeting clothes, and jumped in for a quick shower. Afterwards, he dressed himself into something a little… uh not so comfortable…. but sexy. Tight ass-grabbing jeans with a fitted white shirt that showed off his abs and biceps. A smattering of chic accessories. Jon readied himself in the bathroom mirror. Freshly styled hair, every strand placed just right, a tight shave, and a salacious aftershave slapped on that made the target’s chin mercilessly wobble expectantly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon paced the suite nervously, as he swung his hands at his sides, bringing them forward for an intermittent clap, when finally the door opened up shortly after 6pm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy took a deep breath when he caught an eyeful of Jon looking so fine, which brought a grin to his face. “Sorry,” he said, licking his lips. “I was on a streak at the poker table.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. What was your take?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Negative $700. It was a losing streak,” Tommy revealed, tilting his head with a surrendering shrug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, man. And… um, listen. Something came up tonight,” Jon said, running his hand through his silken hair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. Well shit, that’s OK,” Tommy replied, in a jovial voice. He tried to mask his disappointment. “Like, all night?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“To be straight with you, I didn’t know that Richie was going to be here too. I thought it was just me. You know, wrapping some shit with my solo career, and gearing up for the upcoming stuff. But, uh… I guess that’s why Richie was invited too; for the upcoming stuff. So, well--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, dude, it’s fine. I get it. That’s what you want,” Tommy said, offering a reassuring smile; inside he was let down…. maybe, at least initially.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have dragged you out here if I even had the slightest clue. I um…. well, it’s just been awhile for us. I miss my friend,” Jon sighed, with a contrite expression and light shrug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, I get it. Don’t even think about it for a second longer. I got to come out here on your dollar. Even my chips…. I put them on your room tab.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Joking, man. But seriously, I get it. Go for it. Uh, but do you need me to go somewhere else? Or--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah. Enjoy, Tommy. I’m going to his hotel.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet. Maybe I’ll scout out the chick situation here,” Tommy grinned, with a pop of his eyebrows.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Prostitution is legal,” Jon reminded him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t need to waste my money. I can get anyone I want.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, so if you’re cool. I’m gonna head out. I have a little more business tomorrow, and then the charter jet will be leaving around 7:30pm,” Jon said, picking up a little overnight bag that he already packed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I good for that ride home? No big deal if--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, man. Richie’s flying back East a few hours earlier than us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you telling him?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Naw. Don’t need to. I don’t wanna tarnish anything you and Nikki have anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks. So I guess I’ll clean up a bit, and go back down for a little more fun.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Cool,” Jon replied, as he reached for the doorknob. “Oh, and charge your food and room service to my tab, please. Just keep your fucking loser ass chips off my bill,” Jon said, sporting his gleaming smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe. I think you might owe me,” Tommy joked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“See you tomorrow. I got the room reserved all day, so no worries about checking out. I’ll come back for you no later than 6. We can get something quick to eat before leaving for the airport.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds good. Oh, and happy fucking,” Tommy well-wished, as Jon was closing the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The door creaked back open. “I never said we do that,” Jon grinned. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, and my cock didn’t give you the best lay of your life either,” Tommy retorted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Later, man.” The door shut.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy took a deep breath then flopped back into a chair, followed by a dramatic exhale. He was disappointed. On the same token, there was a modicum of relief that came along with the change of plans. He knew what he was pursuing was doing Nikki dirty. He was aware that he’d already taken it too far. He just couldn’t seem to put a stop to it himself. He knew that it was good that it stopped itself; thanks to that jingle-jangling, mock cowboy cocksucker, Richie. Tommy thought that he stole his look, and he stole his date.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If it weren’t for the whole free plane ride back tomorrow, he would probably have just gone home that night… to Nikki. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy threw his head back on the chair, closed his eyes, and sighed deeply. This was a sign. It was time to fix things, or at least try. Tommy had a crushing thought that maybe it was too late. Maybe he had overdone his revenge. An image of Nikki’s sad, desperate eyes from their last encounter invaded his mind. Those typically verdant, lively eyes were instead void and scared, signaling to him that he had gone too far.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy pulled his head up, and rubbed his hands down his face, keeping them clasped over his nose and mouth, as he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Nikki,” Tommy breathed into the empty space, somehow hoping that the message carried out into the evening air, as if those words would find Nikki and wrap around his heart.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki was Tommy’s everything. That’s why they were encased in this mess. It wasn’t the baby. Tommy couldn’t quite understand his sour reaction about the news of the baby. It took him by surprise, and the first emotion he felt was betrayal. They were supposed to plan this together. Although, it wasn’t like Nikki planned it. It just happened. But Tommy felt left out. There was no future planning; a decision whether their first kid would have come from Nikki or himself, or neither if they chose to adopt instead. The baby was Nikki’s kid….. and Tommy was jealous of that fact. Nikki seemed to get all of the fucking fanfare and recognition for things all of the time. It was his band, his songs, his leadership, his baby. Why couldn’t he have had just this one thing? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy needed time to reconcile things within. He started by sharing the news with his mom. It wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for. She was supposed to understand her son’s protests on the matter. Wouldn’t she have wanted a bloodline grandchild? Why was she crying tears of joy? Why was she already darting her eyes around the living room looking for things that would need to be baby proofed? Why was she at the store the next day already buying something for the baby from grandma and grandpa?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mom, you don’t understand. It’s Nikki’s baby?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s our first grandchild, love,” Voula beamed.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, mom. Not this one. Please understand.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re going to be a wonderful father, Tom,” she said with adoring eyes.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mom, when’s it going to be my turn?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s your turn right now, baby,” his mom replied, stroking his cheek.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“But mom….” Tommy crumbled in sulking defeat, with loving, motherly arms wrapped around him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shh, shh. Your beautiful family is growing,” Voula hushed.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The gift bag showed up the next day. Tommy knew that everything his mother said was right. Why couldn’t he agree at that time? Why didn’t he ever talk it out with Nikki? He never even asked Nikki how he was feeling about it; as he just automatically assumed that he must have been feeling proud and smug. Tommy wanted to think that, to justify pushing him away. He didn’t actually know what Nikki was feeling. But he, himself was terrified and lovestruck, all at once, at the thought of a little baby in his arms. Nikki must have been too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ultimately, Tommy knew he would have come around in regard to the baby. The two fathers would have welcomed that white blanket bundled baby into their home, neither more enriched than the other. Parents loving </span>
  <em>
    <span>their </span>
  </em>
  <span>baby. Only…. Nikki had to go and fuck it all to hell. He had to betray Tommy in the worst way. Another man; another lover. The contemptuous one never even asked if Nikki topped or bottomed. It didn’t matter, Nikki either placed one of Tommy’s most prized possessions inside of another man. Or he spread his legs to allow another man into a place that was reserved only for the drummer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The news took Tommy’s breath away, like a sudden death blow. Anger and anguish spread through his veins, strangling him. Every inch of his body was on fire with torment. How could he? They were meant only for each other; pushed together by opportune timing and serendipity. Fate. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This was the lowest thing he could have possibly done. What…. he couldn’t tame his dick for 8 damn days? Was that all Tommy was worth, 8 days? Although, maybe it wasn’t even that. Nikki could have stuck his dick in any tight female hole, or requested role reversal with any said female. Why then….. if wasn’t just for sex? Why? Tommy wasn’t worth the wait; wasn’t worth the trouble. He wasn’t worth it at all.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, when golden opportunity struck for himself, why the fuck not? How did it feel when you found out what it was like to have your heart gutted? How about you be the one who innocently flooded your mind with clutching thoughts of your lover, only to be ripped open at the seams, when you found out that your partner wasn’t thinking about you at all. How about you come to the realization that you just weren’t that special?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But the thing is, you were special, Nikki. You were my one and only love. Despite what you did, you still controlled my heart; you still flooded my thoughts; you were the only one who made me whole. Without you, love, I was broken… irreparable. So broken, a huge malfunction occurred. Everything got rewired and fucked. Really fucked.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy hung his head. There was a lot to mend, and he could only pray that wasn’t too late. He picked up the hotel phone and dialed home. There was no answer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Nikki. It’s me. I just wanted to call you. I’ll try again later, OK?” Tommy expressed, his tongue quivered, wanting to say more… </span>
  <em>
    <span>I miss you. I need you. I’m sorry…. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But those words didn’t come. He hung up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy put his rimmed hat and sunglasses back on, and headed back down to the casinos. He needed a distraction. The next 24 hours were going to be the longest he had ever felt, only desiring the comfort and company of home right now, more than anything else.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. This Ain't a Love Song</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tommy is coming home. </p>
<p>Nikki is leaving home....</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Nikki woke up from his nap at his new, temporary digs. He shook himself out of his sleepy mood, and braced himself to accept this new state of affairs as he took in his lonely surroundings. Nikki stretched, and looked down at the pillow that he laid his head upon, as he remembered the last thing that Mick said before leaving. The pillow was already stained with god-knows-what from Nikki’s messy, swollen face. Whoops, Mick should understand, he resolved, as he flipped it over, then stood up with another stretch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The thirty-two year old father-to-be walked into the living room, the view of the ocean was beckoning him. Nikki slid the door open, and stepped out onto the balcony; the salty ocean breeze rustled through his hair and the warm late-afternoon sun tickled his senses. Nikki sat in a chair, and stared at the green-tinted ocean waves rolling in. The sea birds cawed and swirled around in search of a tasty morsel. Life was continuing onwards without a care of the turmoil that had taken residence in Nikki’s soul. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A scene like this was picture perfect to sit with your lover, hand in hand, marveling at the beauty of the things before you, </span>
  <b>and</b>
  <span> by your side. And a scene like this was also a reminder that breezes chill your core, sunlight burns you up, waves violently toss you around leaving you choking for air, and birds shit on you when you’re least expecting it. They don’t care about your troubles. Life moves fast. And every minute that ticked by was a minute further away from the point Nikki was last in Tommy’s arms. Time will just keep rolling on, lengthening the distance between the two; hopelessness began filling in the ever-widening gap.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki decided to return to his house for another load of stuff. Whatever was left would be for tomorrow. For now, it was a distraction.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was the next morning. Tommy felt utter fatigue plaguing his body after a restless night, alone. Last night he went back down to the casino. He gambled (and lost) some more. He drank, and he found a young lady to share a fancy dinner with. Finishing off the evening with a quick, feverish fuck. But once it was over, he told the girl to leave. He preferred to be alone; not in the mood for shallow companionship. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Last night, Tommy called Nikki again, around eleven pm. There was still no answer, and it made him worry. He knew Nikki sometimes victimized himself with destructive behavior. <em>Or </em></span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe </span>
  </em>
  <span>he was out having fun with someone? What were they talking about? No, Tommy resolved, Nikki was home sulking, as he had been. But why wasn’t he answering the phone? Did something happen? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy called Mick to allay his fears. The call went exactly like this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hello?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey, Mick.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck you.” Followed by a slam, then the dial tone.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>OK, then…. That went nowhere. Tommy called Vince out of sheer desperation. Not that he would have ever shared with him anything about what had been going on. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend-ship</span>
  </em>
  <span> sailed a while ago, but he figured if something happened to Nikki, Vince would have known.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hello?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey Vin. It’s Tom.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s fucking late. What’s up?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Um, I’m actually away for a day, I just want to know if you heard from Nikki recently. I can’t seem to reach him.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nope. Haven’t heard from him. Just a call that our studio time for the rest of the week has been cancelled.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“What? Why?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because Dictator Sixx said so. I don’t fucking know.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Who called to tell you?” Tommy asked.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Doug.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“And he said Nikki cancelled the studio time?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I guess, I don’t remember. What the hell is going on? You’re interrupting my down time with this business related shit, and it’s pissing me off,” Vince spat.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry. I’ve just been out of the loop. It’s all good. See you soon, I guess. Goodnight,” Tommy sighed.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fine,” Vince uttered, hanging up without saying goodbye.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy felt shitty. Three-quarters of the band were not happy with him. He wasn’t happy with himself; that made it a grand slam for him being a loser. It didn’t feel good.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy shook last night’s memories out of his head. He spent the day dabbling around in the casinos and wandering aimlessly up and down the strip in his disguise until the time came to meet up with Jon, so that they could catch the jet back to L.A.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The reunion between Tommy and Jon was awkward at best. Both men joked and laughed their way through their ride into the western sky, cautiously filling each other in with their newer developments. Jon and Richie had a long overdue rendezvous, met with half-hearted promises to move the band back into production, and to meet up more often. Jon still wanted to sell the condo. Tommy, well it was simple, he was going home to Nikki. God please let it not be too late. It felt like he had been away for at least a week.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki was at his house, for his fourth time between yesterday and today, to gather up his belongings. This was the last trip. It was the less obvious stuff that he was going through and chucking into boxes. Junk drawers in the kitchen that had things inside belonging to him, like a pocketknife and his grandpa’s old-fashion screwdriver with the carved wooden handle. He raided the kitchen pantry for his cereal, preferred flavors of canned soup, and a certain hot sauce that only he liked. Nikki knew that needed to eat, and wasn’t much for going out to the store, nor was he sure which take-out places were good in the area of the condo.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Next it was off to the bathroom vanity for extra boxes of hair dye, sleeping pills, and a few towels. He took a final sweep of the home studio. Unfortunately, most of this stuff had to stay. If he and Tommy weren’t able to reconcile, they would eventually divide this stuff up, but that was for another time. Nikki took his active notebook of music, picks, strings and tools, a tuner, and an array of cords and pedals for his basses.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He collected his family pictures, old boxed up journals, some floppy disc files, a few ornamental pieces that belonged to him, the one folder from the filing cabinet that had his personal identifications, and their sturdy pothos plant which Nikki dubbed Lestat, for it’s refusal to die. He and Tommy forgot about it while out on tour for a long stretch. Nikki had lovingly nursed it back to health.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There were other odds and ends gathered up. Nikki has been noticing the flashing light on the answering machine each time he passed by, but he just wasn’t in the mood to check the messages. He knew that there could be a message on there from Tommy, but it didn’t matter at that point. Why feel worse than he already did. The master bedroom was the last room to do a final sweep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki gathered the final dregs, deposited them into a box, and went back in for a contrived farewell to his shared bedroom. He lingered there, sitting on the bed on Tommy’s side. Pain was stabbing him hard. He didn’t know whether he’d ever sleep in that bed again. He opened the nightstand drawer on Tommy’s side. Among other things, there was an assortment of aids for bedroom fun. Those stayed put. Nikki saw no foreseeable use for any of it. He shut the drawer with a sigh. There was a small framed picture on top, a black and white of the couple on a park bench. The candid photo was snapped between sets of a professional band photo shoot; Tommy laying on the bench with his knees bent; one foot on the bench, one on touching the ground. His head is propped up on Nikki’s lap; unscripted smiles on both faces as they shared a gaze with each other. Nikki turned the frame face down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He leaned across the bed to his side and fished out a notepad and pen. He was going to leave a note. There were a million things that he wanted to say; some with love, some with anger, some dripping with anguish. But he kept his words simple. He folded the paper in half, and tucked the corner of it underneath the toppled picture frame, then placed his ring on top of it. Nikki ran his thumb along the soft patch of lighter-toned skin that had been protected underneath the band for three years. They exchanged rings as a symbolic gesture of love and commitment a few years ago. The supple skin would soon toughen up as it became exposed to the elements, while the rest of him would turn into a sloppy, pile of mush; his hardened exterior facade would crush underneath the pressure of the pain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pressed his hands into his face and took a few deep breaths before standing up. He did two more things before leaving the room. As a last sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck-you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he set the alarm clock on his side of the bed to go off at 7:06am, at full volume. A nice little wake-up call from Sixx. He knew that Tommy was aware that his go-to time for occasional early rising was 7:06. It was the equivalent of what 6:66 would be timewise. They had their quirky, little things, didn’t they? He then rooted through Tommy’s pile of dirty clothes, finding just the right t-shirt that encapsulated all of his trademarks scents; a mash-up of smoke, sweat, weed, cologne, and deodorant. He needed that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everything had been loaded up in the truck, with the exception of the last couple of things that were in Nikki’s hand. He took a deep breath, turned the portico light on; tears were streaming down his face, as he pulled the front door shut.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A half hour later, Nikki arrived at Mick’s beach condo. He was worn out. It was mostly from the mental exhaustion, but he still had to bring up his last load; he wasn’t willing to risk having it be stolen out of the open bed of his truck. It took seven trips up and down from truck to condo, but finally it was done. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki kerplunked the final box of stuff on the living room floor and surveyed the lot. Mick would have been shitting himself right then and there if saw all of it. Nikki didn’t realize how much stuff he had; and this didn’t even include furniture and big items, like the filing cabinet and amps. He wasn’t in the mood to bring the boxes into the spare bedroom where a lot of his other stuff was already. He also chose to continue to ignore his hunger. Instead, he locked the door, cranked some music, grabbed a big bottle, and began numbing his soul.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy arrived back at the house. It was close to ten pm. The portico was illuminated, but the house appeared dark inside. His heart was pounding. He wanted so badly to lay his eyes on Nikki to see that he was OK, but he didn’t know what he could say to him, or how to approach him. He was running through scenarios in his head, but hadn’t been able to stay focused enough to really figure anything out. Tommy was hoping that Nikki was asleep. That way, he could rid himself of the anxious feeling that something went wrong while he was away. Plus, he could ease into waking Nikki up once he figured out what he wanted or needed to say.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy took a deep breath and unlocked the door, and stepped inside. It was completely dark, so he switched on the foyer light. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he could see that the couch was empty, so he flipped on the living room lights, knowing that Nikki wasn’t trying to sleep in there. He kicked his shoes off, and trudged through with his overnight bag towards the bedrooms to see if Nikki was in his room, only something wasn’t right. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy couldn’t place it at first, as he glanced out into the living space. Then it hit him; there were things missing off the walls and off of the mantle. Odds and ends of things were missing in every direction he looked. They were Nikki’s things. Bass guitars, which were displayed on a certain wall, were gone. An antique clock from his great grandparents was missing from the mantle. There were empty spots dispersed through a row of hanging award plaques. Some were Nikki’s and some were Tommy’s; Nikki’s had been removed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy felt bile crawling up his esophagus, and a woozy feeling flooded his head. He let go of his bag and hurried toward the room that Nikki was staying in. He flipped the light on, not even bothering to check first  whether Nikki was sleeping in the bed. It didn’t matter, he wasn’t there. The room appeared unused; back to its original state of being a guest room instead of Nikki’s alternate sleeping quarters. There was nothing in there that expressively belonged to the bassist.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy turned his attention to the master bedroom. He made a beeline for his partner’s closet. While Nikki did move a portion of his clothing into the guest room closet recently, he left the majority of his designer clothing in his master closet. But when Tommy flipped the light on, he saw that it’s been cleared out. It was empty. He quickly spotted a forgotten bandanna on the floor, stooped to pick it up, and instinctively brought it to his nose, yearning for that indulgent scent that was possibly no longer going to be part of his daily living. He closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, albeit a shaky inhale, and stilled himself, as he waited for his brain to identify the scent that he was chasing after. It wasn’t to be found. A wave of sorrow and emptiness crashed over him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy lowered himself to the floor of Nikki’s closet, clutching the bandanna, as big, fat tears started to soak his face on the outside and choking sobs rendered his throat dry and hoarse on the inside. Nikki left him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He should have seen this coming, but he was too caught up in his own self-important world to pick up on the cues. Tommy made the mistake of assuming that he could play out his vengeance to the fullest extent of his own satisfaction. Then extend the olive branch, once it appeared that Nikki had sufficiently suffered the ramifications of his own transgressions. It backfired.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After an undetermined amount of time of ugly crying elapsed, Tommy pulled himself together. He needed to find out where Nikki was and if he was OK. He got himself to a standing position, and stepped towards the closet door to leave. Before he flicked the light off, he noticed a gift bag tucked in the corner of the shelf near the door. He saw his name written on the bag in Nikki’s handwriting. His heart was pounding. What could it have been? A peace offering, a token of love, a mousetrap, a harbinger of the end of the era. Tommy, too emotional to look inside of it at that moment, was more anxious to get to the phone. He needed to know that Nikki was OK.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy left the gift bag in its place for the time being. He shut the light switch off and closed the closet door. As he approached the phone extension on his side of the bed, he saw </span>
  <em>
    <span>the note,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and something else. Just two steps closer and he realized that it was Nikki’s ring. Pain pulsed through Tommy’s body. So much so, he didn’t realize how badly he’s shaking until he picked up the folded slip of paper, and saw it wavering in his hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of Tommy’s heartbeat was thumping in his ears, as he braced himself to open the note. There’s a fear of what this note actually was. What if it’s a……</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy shuddered, trying to gird himself with courage to open the fold. He used his thumb to flip the crease open. He felt blinded for just a moment, unsure whether it was tears impeding his view or if he was blacking out, when the words finally came into view…..</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tommy,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Let it not be a secret that I love you, and always will.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Nikki - </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was it. Tommy breathed a welcomed sigh of relief, understanding now that it was not a suicide note. Or was it? Tommy put the note back on the nightstand, leapt to his feet, and started to dash around the house to every single room, to make sure that Nikki hadn’t carried out any dramatic exit of this world.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The house was cleared, with the exception of the garage. He struggled within to pull open the inner access door. It’s enclosed space was ripe for the bassist to poison himself with exhaust. The rafters in the high ceiling…. Tommy couldn’t even think about that. The drummer pulled the door open with resolve; his fears abated as there was nothing to see. The truck, which they housed in the garage to keep the bed clean, was missing. Tommy checked the other two vehicles in there, just to be sure that Nikki was not inside of either one. Another all-clear. Tommy took some deep, restorative breaths before going back inside to make some phone calls.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sat on the couch, the only person that he could think to call at that moment was Mick. He sighed, looking at the time. It was 10:41. The past forty minutes were spent in a state of flux between frenzy and despair. He picked up the phone to call.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know who this is,” Mick answered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please don’t hang up,” Tommy pleaded. “Where’s Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“None of your damn business,” Mick replied, slamming the receiver down in usual fashion.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The phone rang back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, you motherfucking bastard. What you’ve been doing is about as low as it gets. Go fuck yourself and cry to someone who cares!” Mick screeched as soon as he picked up the phone for the second time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick, please. Is he OK?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You ask if he’s OK? What do you think, you stupid imbecile?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy bit his tongue, so as to not lash back. He didn’t have a choice in the matter. “Just tell me he’s safe, please…. Mick?” Tommy implored.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick hesitated to give Tommy any sort of comfort in his answers, but deep within he knew Tommy needed this, and he was Nikki’s love. So it was for Nikki’s sake that he gave in to Tommy’s petition. “He’s safe. Now fuck the hell off,” Mick spat, laying the receiver back in the cradle more gently that time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy hung the phone up, and dragged himself to his bedroom, grabbing his abandoned overnight bag, which was still sitting on the floor, as he passed by it. He dropped it on his bedroom floor and sat on the edge of bed. The house felt empty. He felt empty. He fucked things up badly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy moved Nikki’s ring, then he picked up the overturned picture frame, the one with him and Nikki in the park, and stared at it. He found himself caught between a state of deciding whether to surrender for the night in his bed, to cry himself to sleep, devise a plan of action for tomorrow to find out where Nikki was, or numb himself with drugs and alcohol; when suddenly he remembered the gift bag in the closet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The picture got propped back up, he walked to the closet and reached for the bag. It was lined with white tissue paper. Tommy pushed the paper back and peered inside. Something with leopard print was folded at the bottom. He was momentarily confused about what this could possibly be, and why something like this was left behind to be seen. He was thinking more along the lines that it was a bandanna or hand cloth. Tommy reached in, his large hand nearly obscured the tiny, tailored snippet of cloth. It was only when he pulled it out that he recognized what it was, something for the baby, or was it more for him?  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I saved the biggest spot in my heart for my Daddy - </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy dropped the bag, and brought the little garment to his heart, as his tears began to pour out. He knew what he’d be doing that night; no planning, no alcohol… just crying. He fucked everything up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick’s phone started ringing again about a half hour later. “Dammit to hell!!” Mick shrieked, grabbing the phone receiver with so much fury that it’s a wonder it didn’t snap in two by the savage force of his grip.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Next time I see you, I am going to shove this handset down your fucking throat and tightly wrap the damn cord around your neck. What the fuck do you want?!!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The guitar player realizes it was Nikki, not Tommy. “Oh shit. Sorry Nikki, what’s up?” he asked, not so apologetically in tone, figuring that Tommy somehow found a way to get in touch with him, and now Nikki was about ready to unload.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the baby. I just got off the phone with Brandi. She’s bleeding and cramping. It’s too early, Mick. She’s barely twenty weeks. It can’t survive if she delivers,” Nikki cried into the phone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god. I’m sorry, Nikki. It’s going to be alright. Where is she? Did she call an ambulance?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s already at the hospital. Why is this happening? Why do I lose everything that I ever care about?” Nikki wheezed out, as he scrubbed his hand over his tear-streaked face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick could hear soft sobs through the receiver. “Hey, hey Nikki. Don’t think like that. They have medicines that can stop labor cramps. It’s going to be OK. Does she need you there?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She asked if I can come,” Nikki sniffled. “I don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do anything, just be there with her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick, I hate to ask. I know it’s late, but I’ve been drinking… a lot. I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t sweat it, kid. I’m on my way. See you in twenty,” Mick said, hanging up the phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emi came up behind him, and wrapped her arms around Mick. “What’s wrong, honey? I heard you mention labor.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Brandi is having cramps, or contractions…. or something. She can potentially lose the baby,” Mick said, turning around to face her. “Nikki can’t drive in his current state... I need to bring him down to the hospital to be with her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh good god,” Emi said, putting her hand up to her mouth. “Did it sound bad?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course it’s bad. She’s only half way into the pregnancy…. FUCK!” Mick shouted. “Fucking kid can’t catch a damn break. This will just about kill him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that I pray, baby. I’ll be praying, OK? Tell them I’m praying. Get there safely, OK?” Emi uttered, tears rimming her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will,” Mick said, giving her a kiss goodbye. “I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Love you too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------------</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope that you've been enjoying this story. I know some of the characters are having a rough go of things. I reworked my original ending and wound up adding a few extra chapters. </p>
<p>Thanks for sticking with me.</p>
<p>A-</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chicks = Trouble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Boyfriends = trouble, so do chicks.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Mick and Nikki were in the car, speeding towards the hospital. Nikki was quiet. Only sniffling, blinking tears aways from his eyes, while chewing at his thumbnail. Mick wasn’t sure whether to tell him that Tommy was home, and that he was upset. There may have been some solace in knowing that. On the other hand, Mick didn’t think that thoughts of Tommy should even be brought into this situation. It didn’t concern him, and he didn’t deserve any attention at that moment. Mick decided to stay tight-lipped about it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They arrived at the hospital. Mick parked and chose to accompany Nikki to make sure he got to where he needed to go. As well as to make sure that the status of the baby hadn’t changed for the worse. It wouldn’t be pretty if anything tragic had happened in the past forty-five minutes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They entered through the emergency doors approaching the receptionist, who eyeballed them skeptically. Maybe it was their look, or maybe she recognized them. Whatever her issue was, it was inconsequential as she told them to step aside to wait for an orderly to direct them to the proper bay.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As they stood waiting, Nikki finally spoke. “Mick, I’m scared.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This is a great hospital, Nik. They’ll know what to do. I’m sure this is common, you know? Just standard procedure type stuff.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She was crying on the phone, man.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She just needs someone to hold her hand,” Mick replied. “She’s extra emotional with all of those pregnancy hormonal thingies charging her up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t lose this baby, Mick. It’s all I have left that makes me smile. I want to be a dad.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You will be. Everything will be OK... you’ll see.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just then a staffer came by to take the pair to Brandi.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki tugged the curtain back to look in. He saw Brandi and another lady, whom he guessed was her mother.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki!” Brandi cried, holding her arms out, ready to be held.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He rushed towards her to offer a gentle embrace. “The baby?” Nikki asked, pulling away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I’m scared. The doctors seem very concerned. I got this IV going with medicine to stop the contractions. And thankfully, as of right now, there’s still a heartbeat,” Brandi cried, holding out her hand that was pierced by the IV. She rubbed her swollen belly with her other hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki drew a shaky breath, and nodded his head, as he straightened himself upright. He took hold of Brandi’s IV hand firmly, avoiding the line’s entry point. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re going to admit me. I don’t know what happened, Nikki. I was washing dishes and I just started feeling pain. It wouldn’t stop. And then I felt something wet. It was blood. I was so scared. I thought I was having a miscarriage. I called my mom, and then I called 9-1-1.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for coming, Nikki. I’m Brie, Brandi’s mom,” the other lady spoke up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki nodded again. “I came here as fast as I could.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki,” Brandi said, looking at him with gleaming eyes. “They did another ultrasound. They can tell that it’s a boy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>New tears flooded the rims of Nikki’s eyes, as a twitchy smile tried to come alive on his face. “A son?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brandi nodded, droplets also formed in her eyes, as she bit her bottom lip.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick…. a son,” Nikki sang out, as he looked over towards the guitarist, who was leaning against the wall near the curtain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick jutted his chin towards Nikki with a slight smile, as he heard the news. “Brandi, Brie, I’m Mick. I’m sure you know that. Um, my wife Emi wanted to let you know that she’s praying.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell her thank you. And it’s nice to meet you finally,” Brandi replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Same….” Mick shifted, feeling mildly uncomfortable as if he was invading their privacy. “Hey, it looks like you and the baby are in good hands. I’m going to head home. It was nice meeting you….,” he nodded towards the women with a warm smile. “Nikki, can I talk to you for a minute?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course. Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” Nikki said, kissing Brandi’s hand. He followed Mick to the outer side of the curtain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you going to be OK here?” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki nodded with a shrug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s going to be fine. You know now, that you have a little Nikki on your hands. No wonder why he’s giving his mama problems,” Mick says, squeezing Nikki’s shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I’m going to do if we lose this little guy,” Nikki said, hanging his head. “I’ve got all my hope in this baby, while everything else is falling apart around me. And now I’m losing this too,” Nikki shook his head, as he stared down at the floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Chin up, papa. Be strong for your little boy. Call me if you need to. If everything holds up well overnight, then wait until the morning to call me, alright?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK. Thanks, Mick.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Get some sleep,” Mick said, as he walked away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki went back behind the curtain to Brandi’s side, and resumed holding her hand, leaning his weary head on the side of the tilted-up mattress.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy had been tossing and turning in the wee hours of the morning. Although it had been over a week without Nikki in bed with him, it was different tonight. He wasn’t even in the house. That was about as lonely as he had ever felt. Everything they built up together had been stripped away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy held onto two bright spots; literally the baby onesie that he had been clutching all night. Nikki left it there for a reason. The bad reason would have been to emphasize what should have been, but would never come to be if Nikki was truly done with him. The good reason would have been that Nikki still wanted Tommy in the baby’s life, as a dad. The other hope he clung to was the note. Nikki still loved him, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he still wanted the relationship. There was only so much hurt a person could take before they said </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Every scenario good and bad had been racing through Tommy’s head; from splitting up permanently, to raising the baby together as a family, and everything in between. Including the strain that would be put on the already struggling band. In that regard, Tommy found some solace in talking to Jon about Bon Jovi’s band issues. Motley wasn’t the only popular band in trouble. Sometimes misery loves company. Bon Jovi was trying to work things out, maybe Motley would too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy finally drifted off into a sluggish dream state around 5:15am. That sweet relief was rudely cut short by a blaring alarm that wailed in his ear. It jolted him fully awake, and caused him to sit straight up, his heart pounding. He looked over at Nikki’s alarm clock signaling to him that it was the Devil’s play time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drummer gritted his teeth, and reached over to pound the top of the clock with his fist. He knocked out the shrill sound in one try. -- Fuck! Tommy took in a few deep breaths, as his heart settled back into a calmer rhythm. He scooted closer to the clock, knowing that he needed to actually shut the alarm off, or it was going to screech again in nine minutes. Tommy picked up the clock and turned it about a few times in search of the alarm switch in the pre-dawn light. He found it, making sure that the red indicator dot on the clock face disappeared. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was intentional. Nikki preferred to wake up to the music option, not the harsh heart attack inducing buzzer. He put the clock back down, and slumped back onto the bed between the pillows, exhausted. He found an inexplicable smirk crawling onto his sodden face. Well played, Nikki. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy was able to get a few more hours of coveted sleep, until his subconscious refused to surrender to peaceful dreams, instead churning up uncomfortable thoughts of Nikki. He intended to find out where his partner was. Tommy had a feeling that he was holed up at Mick’s beach condo. It was completely logical, as Mick seemed to be keenly aware of what had been unfolding. They had obviously been in touch with each other. The only problem was, Tommy had no idea where it was. Hell, he didn’t even know where Mick’s main house was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Coffee had been brewed, and the clock read 10:10am. Tommy braced himself for another call to Mick; hoping that his coffee had been brewed too. God, please be in a better mood, Tommy hoped, as he picked up the phone and dialed. He let out a long exhale as the line rang.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick heard the phone, as the ringing interrupted his lazy breakfast with his wife. He assumed it was Nikki, feeling relieved that he didn’t get any overnight calls.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey there,” Mick answered, with a slight chirp in his voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Mick. Good morning,” Tommy replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, it’s you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, man. Can you give me a minute?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re asking again where Nikki is, I’m not telling you. If Nikki asks me about you, then I’ll let him know that you’re looking for him. But until then, forget it. He moved out for a reason. And to be quite honest, I highly doubt that he’s going to be asking about you anytime soon. He’s got more important things to deal with.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That stung. “What’s so important? Why was the studio time cancelled? Is something going on with the band that I don’t know? I have a right to be kept in the loop.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s a lot that you don’t know, you self-important prick. This isn’t about the band.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what’s going on?! He’s my fucking partner, and I have a right to know!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re his partner, then fucking act like it! And then maybe you would know what’s happening now. Instead you abandon him, leaving him alone to handle things himself. Given your past sentiments, he’s better off. So, right now I’m going to sign off with my daily suggestion to you. Go fuck yourself!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick, wait!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You got five seconds left. What!?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is he hurt?” Tommy swallowed hard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s hurting, Tom. More than you’ll be able to understand. Don’t call here again, unless you’re dying and need help. I’ll call you,” Mick said, hanging up, resolving that he needed to invest in a Caller ID box.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy laid the phone down. That didn’t feel good. He took a moment to think about how the tables shifted. Nikki had been his world. The bass player could hardly get a paper cut without Tommy knowing, and consoling him. And now, he had no clear idea of what was going on with Nikki. Obviously the break-up had something to do with it, but it seemed that there was an additional issue factoring in. The drummer couldn’t begin to imagine what it was; other than possibly something with the band. It frustrated him to no end that Mick edged in as the one on the receiving end of Nikki’s travails. Who was the one who had been loving him, fucking him, and living life hand and hand with him for the past five years? Not Mick. Yet, Mick had been the one present for him, not Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had a few more ideas to get some clarity. Calling Doug and calling the office to see if they could provide an address to Mick’s condo, even though it wasn’t business related. He soon found that neither provided much help. Doug said that the studio cancellation was at Mick’s request with Nikki’s backing, and that they would resume next week. And the call to the office was useless. They didn’t have any information on Mick’s personal business, as in the whereabouts of his vacation homes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy decided to distract himself by taking inventory of the things that Nikki left with, and what was still at the house, hoping maybe it would give him some insight to Nikki’s thought process with leaving. Then, maybe some yard work afterwards. It was a little known passion of his; gardening. It took him to a Zen place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick’s phone rang again, not long after Tommy’s phone call. It was Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nik, what’s happening?” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The baby is still OK, and is being monitored. Brandi has been admitted.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do they know the cause? Can they make things better?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick,” Nikki paused. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick heard him breathing deeply on the other end of the line.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“After you left, I fell asleep next to the bed for a little while. I was woken up when the staff began making preparations to move Brandi to a room. I stood up, and got out of the way, as did her mother, and that’s when Brie told me what really happened. It was Brandi’s boyfriend who pushed her to the ground then punched her in the stomach.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Brie didn’t know exactly what triggered the argument, but she told me that the guy was throwing off bad vibes from the beginning. And that he didn’t like that fact that she’s pregnant with my child.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Give me the name,” Mick demanded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, that was my first reaction, but Brie pleaded with me not to take action. She said to let the police handle it. She told me that it will only make things more stressful for Brandi, which is bad for the health of the baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Give me the fucking name.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know it, and this isn’t ten years ago when you could get away with street retribution. We don’t need any Motley Crue members in the courts or jail for murder,” Nikki reasoned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not Motley Crue right now, we’re fucking brothers, and someone hurt your son, dammit!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki gave hang time for a few moments before replying. “Look, I completely understand what you’re saying but we can’t risk retaliation. Not now. In due time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this Nikki Sixx who I’m talking to?” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, man. But, it’s different now. I got two people who need protection; one who I pray will get to be my little boy. The life of my kid is in the balance. It’s the only thing stopping me. Believe me, he would have been dead already if I had my way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, fine... I hear you, buddy,” Mick said with a sigh. “So is pregnancy loss still a concern?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took a deep breath, “Yes. It was a blow to the placenta. She has to be really careful to avoid any further bleeding and damage, like a tear. That could be fatal to the baby. He’s not old enough to even have a chance to survive outside of the womb yet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s being done to prevent a tear?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bed rest and limited movement. They’ll keep her here under close observation and monitoring. They said that at some point Brandi should be able to go home, but on strict bed rest. She’ll need help.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll need to do what you need to do, to help her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, and she’ll also have her mom, some friends, and an aunt.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure Emi wouldn’t mind helping at times,” Mick offered. “Especially if we have band business. I’ll ask her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Any help would be greatly appreciated.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you alright for now? Do you need anything?” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll just need a ride later. Brandi’s mom went home earlier this morning. I’ll stay here until she gets back. It might be several hours. She was tired, so I’m sure she’s napping.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“All right, just call. I’ll stick close by the house today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks. I feel like I owe you big for all you’ve been doing lately.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You do.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you, bro.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You wish. Later,” Mick said, hanging up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki hung up the payphone receiver and made his way back to Brandi’s room. He didn’t want to call from there, not wanting to worry her with things on his mind, including the revelation from her mother.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki returned. “How are you feeling?” he asked, as Brandi pushed her breakfast away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m OK. Did you make your phone calls? You could use this phone you know,” Brandi said, motioning towards it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I just wanted to fill Mick in.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did my mom say something to you while I was sleeping or maybe when I was being transferred to a room?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“About what?” Nikki played dumb.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Like, why we’re not together?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She knows why we’re not together. I’ve been seeing someone else. Did she tell you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pursed his lips. “You keep away from him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will, Nikki. I…. I didn’t know he could--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you call the police?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brandi nodded yes, as a few tears appeared in her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good for him. Because if not, he’d be fucking dead by now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No matter what happens, Nikki, please don’t get involved, I don’t want to make things worse. I’ll get a restraining order.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m already involved. That’s my son he could have killed!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know… please just focus on us. I need that, I need you,” Brandi pleaded, reaching her hand out for his hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki sat back down, where he had been planted for the past several hours, and took hold of her hand, kissing it. He stroked Brandi’s hair on the side of her face, then leaned in to take her lips. He pulled away after about twenty seconds of a deep kissing. Brandi sighed, and scrunched her lips.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki? Where’s Tommy been?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki rubbed his hand across his face, not knowing how to answer that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is everything OK?” Brandi asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just taking him some time to get used to this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is he upset about the baby?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We got it,” Nikki snapped, feeling defensive. “Look, I know this is an unconventional set-up, and I know what you want. I can’t give that to you. Even with Tommy and where he is about this, I can’t. OK? I’m here in every way you need for the baby, and to help you recover and stay safe and healthy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I just….” Brandi exhaled. “When I see you and when you kiss me… this scary situation that we’re going through…. I just wish sometimes that things could be different.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You knew the risks involving yourself with me….. I’m just determined to keep any slimy bastards away from you. Stay away from them. You call </span>
  <b>me </b>
  <span>if you need something.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the thing, Nikki. I still have needs too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I take care of them for now, but you’re not to do anything in your condition anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Women can have sex while pregnant,” Brandi said, with a half smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you kidding me? Not now! Not after what happened,” Nikki snapped, with snarled brows.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. But maybe when I heal. For now, I just need someone to hold me, and stay with me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t care if you healed tomorrow! You’re not to put the baby in jeopardy with selfish actions. I will do what I can to keep you happy… but just know, it’s not a relationship,” Nikki said, flexing his jaw.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t forget that I’m being open to your situation, and allowing Tommy into the equation for parenting. Don’t be so controlling.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look where you are and what happened. You can’t see anyone else while you’re pregnant. I said I’ll be there when I can.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what…. once the baby is born?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d be careful about the assholes you bring around my son. I will have him on your date nights,” Nikki said, more so as a command.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t have to even tell you about this baby, Nikki,” Brandi spat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, like you wouldn’t miss a chance to let the whole world  know that you’re pregnant with my child.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve only told a few people.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, assholes who try to hurt you because of it! And I bet that you would have let my accountant know as well, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really, money? I have my own career. I can change my mind, you know. Maybe not allow Tommy to parent with you. It’s probably not the smartest call on my part to allow two hell-raising freaks to raise my son. The judge will take my side.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not? He’s another rock star involved in your life to help propel your name and career towards stardom,” Nikki said, snidely.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You need to stop being an asshole. I mean it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki thought about Tommy words from a few weeks ago, about Brandi owning him. He wasn’t too far off on the mark there. “I have a right to protect my kid. I told you that I’ll do what I can. Or are you going to keep taking chances with sick bastards out there?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not going to argue with you about anything right now. I know you’re just concerned, and I don’t blame you. I know what could have happened, and I’m sorry, OK? I didn’t think that he could ever hurt me like that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your mother knew it. Listen to her and listen to me! That’s all,” Nikki said, rubbing his hand through his hair, exhausted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, can we just stop for now? You’re stressing me out. I need to shut my eyes and rest, and I’d like it if you’d just hold my hand... please. I just need you with me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took her hand and kissed her forehead, before trying to make himself as comfortable as he could. Leaning against the hospital bed, he thought to himself that the shit never stops piling up. Nikki closed his eyes, hoping sleep would wash over him as an escape from this hell.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--------------------------------</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Most of you know that Nikki also dated Brie briefly, before he met Brandi. I decided not to have a history between Brie and Nikki in this story. Although, I did toy with the notion of Nikki arriving to see Brandi, then recognizing Brie as someone else who he fucked, soon realizing Brandi is her daughter. But ultimately, it wasn't going to add any value to the storyline, so I left it out. Brie is a cake baker irl. She has a patent on leopard print cakes.  She appeared on an episode of Cake Wars with Storm as her baking assistant. They won!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Welcome to the Machine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nikki is having a bad day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Brie returned to the hospital around five pm, and Nikki was ready to go home to get rest. After getting the latest update on the baby, which was a positive one, he called Mick to pick him up. A few minutes before six, they were rolling up to the condo.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you eat anything today?” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not much. I took a walk to the cafeteria, but there was nothing appealing there.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How about we order something? There’s a decent pizza place nearby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds good. So I guess that you wanna come up for a bit? I need to vent about some things, eat, then fall unconscious... hopefully for the next several hours.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki venting? Lucky me,” Mick bellowed as he followed him upstairs. Nikki unlocked the door, and stepped aside to let Mick in first.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What in the actual fuck, Nikki! What happened to my peaceful sanctuary?!” Mick screeched, spinning himself around in the living room, as he took in the sight of Nikki’s mess of belongings.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, man. I haven’t had any time to stack it away. I was exhausted after my last load, and then I got that call from Brandi.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick just glared at Nikki. His nostrils flared like an angry bull, shaking his finger at him before he relented and just dialed the number for the pizzeria.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki shrugged uncomfortably. He tapped a few of the boxes on the floor with his foot, to move them closer to the wall. It was a small, yet hardly significant gesture to let Mick know that he had been heard. He also hung his coat up instead of flinging it over a chair. Big deal.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick hung up the phone. “The food will be here in forty minutes, enough time for you to clear your shit out the room.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Seriously dude, I’m beat. I’ve barely slept in the past thirty-six hours.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, fine… whatever, but if it’s still out here by the next time I come by, I’ll take care of it all... in my own way,” Mick warned, as he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and flicked it to make a statement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki shrugged, as he casually kicked at the base of the kitchen island that he was leaning on. “So, is Emi pissed at me yet?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not allowed to say your name in the house,” Mick said, popping a brow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck… I appreciate you being around. There’s just so much at once, and I don’t have a good track record of handling things well myself.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m joking about Emi. By the way, she said that she’d be happy to help Brandi, if needed.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s very selfless of her. Tell her thank you. The less that I have to be there with her, the better.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“M’kay, um so... where’s your own head at, Nik, regarding everything that’s going on?” Mick inquired.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“All over the fucking place. I’m worried about the baby. Not just now, but for the rest of the pregnancy and even after he’s born. If that guy ever sets foot near Brandi again, I’ll fucking kill him. But the truth is, it’s just overwhelming. I can’t watch her every move. She’s fucking ragging on me about being lonely and needing someone. So, I volunteered myself, fucking making out and hand holding. But…. fuck, man... I mean, she’s nice looking and all, and the mother of my baby, but she’s not what I want. I just don’t want her with anyone else; namely someone…. anyone who can hurt my boy,” Nikki shared, rubbing his hands over his face. “Then she’s threatening me with cutting Tommy out of the parenting aspect, just because I don’t want her dating. It should be up to me whether I want Tommy in or out. I don’t need this bullshit drama right now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you’re scared, Nikki. And I can’t blame you after what happened. But, you’re overthinking things. Not every guy is that guy. Most aren’t. You’ll just drive yourself over edge if you get hyper-focused on that. You’re making threats towards her future boyfriends… no wonder she retaliated with threats about Tommy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Point taken, but Tommy’s not a fucking danger to the child unlike her slimeball choice!” Nikki spat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re putting a lot of energy towards something that isn’t even a sure thing in your life regarding Tommy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just don’t need her making decisions for me!” Nikki growled. “It’s not her choice to cut someone out… he’s my business.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, you might want to rethink your philosophy since you’re already starting to resent Brandi. You haven’t even begun parenting together yet. That’s a whole other issue, and I wouldn’t recommend starting that off at odds with each other,” Mick admonished. “Just calm the fuck down. Figure out one thing at a time, instead of taking it all on at once. Your frustrations about Tommy are being taken out on the wrong person.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then tell her to shut her fucking mouth about him!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe you shouldn’t be attaching yourself to her mouth then. C’mon Nik, if you’re only going to be doing whatever with her out of obligation you’re stirring up your own trouble.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I kissed her because I wanted to. It was immediately after that, she started bitching and moaning. She knew about my relationship with Tommy before we even went out on a single date. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s apparent that you know nothing about women. You can’t do that romantic shit and just expect them to be OK with just being a boy toy for you to boss around. You’re treading dangerous waters, so you better watch your step.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki let out a sigh in defeat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey look, I’m not saying that she’s completely right, I’m just warning you that women need to be treated differently. You and Tommy might aggressively go toe to toe with each other on things, but you need to step it down with her…. especially with her being pregnant…. all rationale goes out the window, and you’re going to piss her off. I got slapped by my ex when she was pregnant just for chewing loudly… and hit with a flying shoe by complaining about my own back pain…. Damn, I don’t miss those days at all,” Mick revealed, as he ran his hand along sudden phantom pains on his back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Mick… I just need a fucking distraction, and I guess she’s that for now,” Nikki said, propping his head up with his palm, elbow resting on his knee, while sitting on the couch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d ten times rather be distracted with her, than that gangly, long-limbed bozo.” Mick gave Nikki a friendly pat on his back. “Hey, her mom was pretty hot. Don’t you think? She’s a nice distraction.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki looked up with a smile. “Yeah. She was… I miss Tommy, though. This stuff going on…. it’s not easy going about this without him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit, I know, man. Believe me, I’d be upside-down and inside-out by now without you. Probably committed to a mental ward, in jail, or something along those lines. I’m lucky to have a friend like you, but I need my partner too; the one who knows how to hold my heart. It’s just different….. and I know that you know exactly what I mean because you’re married. You know what it’s like to have your person.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Nik. No need to explain…. and please don’t.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Has he called you?” Nikki asked. A lump formed in his throat, as he prepared himself for a possible let down. Maybe Tommy had been too wrapped up with Jon to even call.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He has,” Mick revealed, giving Nikki’s shoulder a squeeze. “He’s asked where you are.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you tell him?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did he sound upset or--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, he’s concerned about you. OK?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki nodded. “Does he know about Brandi and the baby?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, he doesn’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wonder if he’d care…. since he doesn’t want this baby,” Nikki pouted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He never said that, did he? That he didn’t care.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe not those exact words, but damn close, and he made it clear that he’s not interested in being a father to this baby,” Nikki sighed, dropping his head further. “But since he doesn’t want </span>
  <b>me</b>
  <span> anymore, I guess the baby becomes a moot point.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like I said, he wanted to know whether you were OK.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? Probably just to hear that I am, so he can clear his conscience and rid himself of guilt so that he can move on.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s worried about you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Somehow I don’t believe that,” Nikki replied, moving towards the coach to take a seat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll figure this out. He misses you too…. Hey, I’ll be back in a few, I need to use the shitter.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK,” Nikki replied, twisting his body to lean his head on the arm of the couch with a throw pillow. He clicked the TV on to watch MTV; his mindless go-to channel.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Mick returned to the living room a few minutes later, he saw Nikki sitting up on the couch with his face in his hands, and tears coming down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nik, are you OK?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit man, do you know what was just announced on MTV?” Nikki choked out, gesturing towards the screen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Motley Crue is a big hot mess, and their newest album is hanging out in the breeze?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I just saw a report that Johnny Thunders was found dead,” Nikki said, rubbing his hand over his face. “He’s one of my fucking idols.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit, sorry man. What’d they say happened?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Possible overdose,” Nikki said, shaking his head. More tears fell. “It happened yesterday.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, this isn’t your month, is it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god! Does anyone else have any other bad, fucking news to tell me?!” Nikki yelled out into the air. “May as well lay it on me!! I have a woman who has me by the balls, I lost my love, almost lost my kid, and now I’m losing my idols. What the fuck!!” Nikki blared, pacing the room. “Probably losing the damn band too since no one can fucking get along!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, settle down. The world isn’t out to get you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure seems like it,” Nikki spat, abruptly opening the sliding door to the balcony, and stepping out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh no you don’t,” Mick barked, clinging to the door frame. “Come back inside! Dinner will be here soon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Leave me alone. I just wanna be by myself.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well go be alone in your room! I don’t like you being out here!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault that you’re chicken shit of heights!” Nikki snapped back. “I’m not gonna jump, if that’s what you think.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have an irrational side of yourself, and it’s flaring up! I don’t trust your judgement. Please get your ass inside.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just let me be. I’ll come in for food when it’s here…. Fuck!! Fuck!! Fuck!!” Nikki suddenly screeched, banging his palms on the balcony railing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I swear Nikki, don’t try any funny shit. Just plant your fucking ass in that chair, and don’t move. You’re an idol to a lot of people. The world doesn’t need two dead idols in the news today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Leave me,” Nikki whimpered. He sat down, then cradled his head in his arms on his lap.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick reluctantly retreated from the door, leaving it open though. He sat on the couch and expectantly waited for the food delivery, wondering why his friend can’t seem to catch a break…. and praying he doesn’t jump.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A short time later, the pizza was delivered. Mick breathed a big sigh of relief when he finally coaxed Nikki inside. They sat at the table eating dinner.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think after you eat, you should clean yourself up, and put yourself to bed early tonight. I assume you’re going back to the hospital in the morning?” Mick asked, with a mouth full of food.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, probably sometime around 6 or 7 in the morning,” Nikki said, propping his chin up on his hand, as he dabbled with his food.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, man, wolf that shit down. Your body needs nourishment.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Nikki replied with a sigh. He took another bite. “I’m just not that hungry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your body is starving. Eat the damn food!” Mick growled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tired of Mick’s grumbling, Nikki took four big bites in succession, then pushed his plate away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s better. I’m going spoon feed you next time. Now come on, shower and bed. Please Nikki, I shouldn’t have to tell you these things.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that I’m going to have a smoke on the balcony,” Nikki replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t start with the smoking again, especially with a kid on the way. And you know that I’m not keen with you on the balcony given your state of mind.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not my problem that you’re afraid of heights and bought a top floor condo,” Nikki said, getting up to rummage through the pockets of his jacket for cigarettes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I like the view with the door shut. Come on, just go down the hallway, and get to bed. I wanna go home.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing is stopping you from going home,” Nikki responded, raising his eyebrows.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You seem oddly calm right now, and I don’t want you out on the fucking balcony!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, I’ll go out on the beach then.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s past twilight. The sun is gone, so that’s a hard no!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen dude, I just need to blow some steam off, and clear my mind before bed. The sound of the ocean waves is calming. I’m not looking to do anything rash, I wouldn’t do that. I have a son to raise and protect.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can sit near the edge of the property. The moon is crescent tonight, so you don’t need to be out in the pitch black of the beach. Some clown in a dune buggy is going to mow your ass down.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Mick,” Nikki said, walking away towards his room to grab something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t make me regret letting you stay here,” Mick snapped, as Nikki disappeared for a moment in his room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He emerged with bare feet, no coat, and something white tucked underneath his arm. “I’ll be back,” Nikki said, as he slipped out the front door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It gets breezy out there this time of night, take your jacket! And don’t be out there long, I wanna go home!” Mick shouted, pointlessly. Nikki had already shut the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick didn’t like this one bit, and couldn’t bring himself to leave until Nikki was back inside. He decided that maybe it was time for the ace up his sleeve.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy, who had been lolling around the house all day, not doing much of anything other than crying and a little gardening, was lying on the couch on his stomach, watching TV, but not tuned in. The phone rang.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Three other calls came in today. All of them put Tommy on edge. He wanted so badly for one of them to be Nikki. When he’d pick up, and it wasn’t him, he started to brace himself for some sort of abrasive news. Fortunately, there had been no bad news. All the calls were business related. But, now it’s past business hours. Tommy took a deep breath and answered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please be Nikki, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought to himself, absent-mindedly crossing his fingers for good luck like a little kid, as he answered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom, it’s Mick.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy’s heart plummeted straight down to the pit of his belly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Something bad happened</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “What’s wrong?” he barely croaked out, as shock-inducing paralysis seemed to envelop him and his voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not that, Tom. I know what you’re thinking. Nikki is OK.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy let out an audible gasp, then drew in a shaky breath. “Oh god… you scared me. I thought--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I need you to get your ass over here to my beach condo as soon as possible,” Mick said, all-business, cutting Tommy off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Nikki there?” Tommy asked, trying to regain composure and settle down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s here. Can you come over?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is something wrong?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just get your fucking ass here, then I’ll fill you in,” Mick demanded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Give me the address. I’ll leave now,” Tommy replied, grabbing the notepad near the phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick gave him the address with some basic directions to the complex, and instructions for getting up to the penthouse.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Twenty-five minutes later Tommy arrived at the beach condo, and was buzzing the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick opened it and let him in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s Nikki?” Tommy asked, not even bothering to say hello. What was the point? As of recently, Mick had not been kind to him at all.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The stupid fuck is outside on the beach, doing god knows what.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? What happened?” Tommy asked, stepping back towards the door. He placed his hand on the knob, eager to go find him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think he’s sitting out there somewhere. Said he needed to blow off steam. I was able to see him, just barely, before twilight completely gave way to total darkness. He was making his way out there to maybe sit on the beach, or walk along the shore. I told him to stay on the property, but he doesn’t listen.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go find him,” Tommy said, grasping the doorknob again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick grabbed the drummer’s arm to pull him back, “Tom, he’s been going through some things. Aside from your rifted relationship, he seems impacted by the news of Johnny Thunders’ death. And--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit. I know, I saw that. Um, I figured he’d be upset. Sucks--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And… Brandi is in the hospital.” Mick softened. “Her boyfriend pushed her, then punched her in the stomach with the intention of hurting the baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy felt a stabbing pain to his core. “What? Is the baby--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The baby is OK, so far. The doctors are concerned about bleeding and cramping. Brandi’s been admitted and is being monitored. Nikki is upset to say the least.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tears began running from Tommy’s eyes. “I’ll find him.” He made another try for the doorknob.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And now is not the time for any of your bullshit. If you’re going to go out there and spout off some hurtful crap about what’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>meant to be.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Or that </span>
  <em>
    <span>it could be worse </span>
  </em>
  <span>regarding the fate of the baby, I will bury you out there…. upside-down! I swear, I will cause you pain,” Mick growled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Mick. I don’t care whether you believe me or not, I want that baby too. What you just told me….. I’ll kill that motherfucker. Who is he?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s being taken care of. Just focus on getting that fool off the beach, and back inside before he gets run over by some yahoo on a buggy!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy finally turned the doorknob successfully without being stopped. He headed out to go bring Nikki in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Johnny Thunders died April 23, 1991 from a methadone overdose. People close to him suspected that foul play was involved. The police didn't investigate, just waving him off as a junkie.</p>
<p>Congratulations to The New York Dolls for their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nomination, announced today.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. If I Die Tomorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There might only be one thing made clear in this chapter, and that's that Mick hates sand.<br/>‐-----------</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Tommy removed his shoes at the edge of the patio, and stepped off the stone pavers of the condo complex onto the sand. He felt a small amount of residual warmth still embedded in the grains of sand from the heat of the day, radiating upwards. He proceeded through the property line onto the open beach. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The further he walked away from the patio, the darker his surroundings became, as the ambient light from the buildings began to grow dimmer. The moon was at a crescent stage, so there was not much light from that either. But soon enough, as Tommy’s eyes began to adjust to the darkness, he saw what appeared to be someone sitting on the sand, about thirty feet from the shoreline. It had to be Nikki. And as he drew closer, Tommy could see Nikki’s long hair blowing with the ocean breeze.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drummer stopped about ten feet away from him, unsure whether his sand-hushed footsteps had been detected over the roar of the waves.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?” Tommy uttered, hopefully loud enough to be heard over the rush of the tide.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki heard that all too familiar voice. He didn’t react. He wasn’t sure how to react, as pulsing nerves rippled through him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy approached and took a seat on the sand, a few feet away. He tucked his knees up to his body, to shield himself from the evening breeze. His arms were wrapped around his legs; chin rested on top of his knees. Nikki was looking straight ahead, clutching something. Tommy struggled with what he should say. He already knew that generic greetings like ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>How are you?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> or ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Are you OK?’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>would be construed as insulting. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you warm enough?” Tommy finally asked. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki didn’t reply.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick called me... I’m not sure if it was a good idea or bad idea, but I wanted to come,” Tommy explained, as he stared out towards the dark sea. “I was hoping that maybe you wouldn’t mind the company.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki stayed silent. As if Tommy could just come crash his pity party, or his time of reflection as he preferred to view it as. Fuck him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw the news about Johnny Thunders. I’m sorry, I know how much of an influence he had on you; and even our band for that matter,” Tommy said, solemnly reminded of Nikki’s own near-death overdose a few years ago. “It sucks.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki, again, didn’t respond. Tommy could hear him sniffling his nose.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nik, I heard about the baby too….. I’m sorry, I hope it didn’t get hurt by what happened.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki had enough. “He! It’s not an it! I have a son! Fuck you!” Nikki shouted out into the wind. He stood up, dropped the white blanket that he’d been holding, pulled his shirt off, and made a beeline for the water.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki! Where are you going? Stop!!!” Tommy yelled, jumping to his feet to give chase, as he discarded his jacket. “Nikki! Don’t…. Please!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bass player waded in several feet, and when the water was roughly knee deep, he dove headlong into an oncoming wave. Tommy followed behind, blindly scrambling through the water, losing sight of him as the waves crested higher with each step.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki!..... shit Nikki! Please come back! …..Nikki!!! Oh god, I can’t see you! Nik--” Tommy got pummeled by a violent wave, knocking him off of his feet. He was tossed around, and couldn’t seem to gain his footing back, as the undertow swept him up. Everything was dark, and Tommy couldn’t even seem to tell which way was up. He was not sure how far out he had gone out, as he couldn’t find footing on the ocean floor anymore. For a moment, his head was above water and he screamed out again, “Nikki!! Come back! Plea--” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Another wave slammed into his face. He got tossed around more, taking water into his mouth and up his nose. Every scenario was running through his head…. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Am I gonna drown? Is Nikki gonna drown? God please help us</span>
  </em>
  <span>….</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy continued to struggle to gain footing and his whereabouts, as the waves and undertow continued to fight against his will. He struggled until he felt a tug on his arm. He was being pulled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I got you,” Nikki yelled. He grabbed hold of Tommy’s bicep to pull him in closer, as he moved back towards the shore line. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?” Tommy garbled out. He coughed and wheezed for air. “I thought….”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. Come on, I got you,” Nikki said, fighting against the waves as he tugged on Tommy. His bearings were intact enough to wade through the water towards the beach.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy was still trying to figure out which direction was which. His eyes were stung with salty water, so he had to rely on Nikki to bring him in. Within a short time, he felt his feet hit the bottom. He knew he could stand now. Nikki helped him, by taking hold of Tommy around his torso. They were both assaulted by another relentless wave, losing their stability again. Fighting the tug of the current, they persisted, although Tommy took more water in his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Finally they were back in mere calf-deep water. Tommy felt weak in his knees, as he continued to cough water up. Nikki muscled up, and hooked his arms underneath Tommy’s and dragged him out the rest of the way to where the ocean met the beach. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drummer ended up lying on his back, as the tide lapped at his feet. He forced himself onto his side to more easily hack up swallowed water. Nikki instinctively, started whacking Tommy’s back, assuming he was helping to expel water. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I…[cough, cough]... I thought you [cough]... were gonna drown [cough].”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just wanted to get away. I wasn’t trying to kill myself. It was stupid… I know, I’m sorry,” Nikki breathed out raggedly, softening his back blows to more of a soothing rub.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was so scared,” Tommy wheezed, as his teeth chattered. He started to sob among his coughs. “I thought I was gonna lose you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, and you could have been lost instead,” Nikki replied, leaning his head on Tommy’s back to catch his own breath. “I’m so sorry. Please tell me you’re alright.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy pulled himself up on all fours, hands and knees on the sand. He continued to cough up water and spittle, as he shivered in wet clothing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on. Let’s go inside,” Nikki suggested, with another slap to Tommy’s back. He stood up and picked up his shirt and the blanket, then saw Tommy’s jacket about ten feet away. He gathered it all, and stooped back down to help Tommy to his feet. “Can you make it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded, wrapping his arms around his own trembling body, still coughing and spitting.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki draped the jacket over Tommy’s shivering shoulders, and guided him forward with his hand pressed on the small of his back. He felt terrible that his rash decision to dive into the water for a swim to get away, could have cost Tommy his life. He wasn’t trying to scare him by being reckless, he just wanted to burn his anger away with a poorly thought out split second decision.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy’s chest felt congested and sore, and he felt spent. Each step across the sand was draining his energy away as they trudged forward. He was shaking, and uncomfortably sandy, but really was only thinking about how thankful he was that Nikki was alive, safely by his side. He was truly convinced that he was swallowed up by the sea and gone. Tommy was so intent on reaching him, that he ignored his own peril. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s get you warmed up.” Nikki picked up Tommy shoes as they reached the patio.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pair stepped back into the condo, after Nikki fished out the key that was buried deep in his pant’s pocket. He shut the door behind them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick felt relieved when he heard the door knob rattle. He rose from the couch, eager to have the pair back inside. That was until he got a visual load of them. “What in the name of all things fucked!! What do you think you’re doing dripping water and bringing sand into my seashore sanctuary! What the hell is wrong with you?!” Mick shrieked, stepping towards them to prevent his band mates from taking another step.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick, we had a little mishap. I’ll clean up everything,” Nikki said, as he stood there shuddering alongside Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure you will. Just like all your other piles of junk around here! What the fuck was I thinking to bring you here! Oh my god!” Mick blared, pulling at his own hair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Take some Xanax and settle the fuck down. For someone who only changes his pants like twice a month, you’re sure overly anal about your preference for cleanliness,” Nikki bit back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy started hacking again, interrupting his standing shiver, and the back and forth commentary.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom, go take a warm shower,” Nikki suggested, taking hold of his arm to lead him to the bathroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sand and salt water on my floors. I hate sand. Fuck! You brought the fucking beach inside with you,” Mick whimpered, as he held his face in his hand. “This penthouse has a private beach entrance off of the master bedroom balcony. Why didn’t you use it!! There’s an outdoor shower!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki craned his head back, as they continued down the hallway. “I didn’t know. You didn’t want me in the master bedroom. And why didn’t you just buy your retreat house in the fucking mountains?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t like heights either, and Emi likes the beach. It makes me itchy. Look at all this itchy fucking sand! Oh god, oh god, FUCK!!!” Mick continued on, as Nikki directed Tommy to the shower.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Go ahead, it will make you feel better. Leave the door unlocked so I can put a change of clothes for you on the vanity,” Nikki said, propelling Tommy towards the bathroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“K,” Tommy replied with a nod.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki proceeded to step into his room, but felt a sharp tug on his arm. It was Mick.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop right there. You’re tracking god forsaken sand and water everywhere! What’s wrong with you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I gotta get clothes for Tommy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell did you do? Do I even want to know?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki sighed. “I did something dumb.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me something that I don’t already know!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy’s presence was annoying me, so I dove into the waves to escape him. I was just going to swim out and wade, but he panicked and thought I was intent on taking my own life or something. He went in after me, and got himself caught up in the rip waves, and swallowed a shit ton of water. It was dark, and I guess I shouldn’t have done that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick smacked Nikki on the side of the head. “That was stupid. I told you not to go out there in the first place because you do stupid things.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who called Tommy to come here?” Nikki asked, furrowing his brows, staring Mick in the eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick shrugged. “Seemed like the right time. I didn’t know what else to do…. everything was hitting you at once. Plus you just got done saying you needed him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I didn’t know that he was going to come sneak up on me in the dark. I also don’t know where he stands on anything. He can leave me more heartbroken tonight than anything.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know where he stands. And you should too, knowing that he just risked his own damn life to go after you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess. He just caught me off guard, and I wasn’t prepared,” Nikki said, dropping his head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you stayed in here, nice and toasty and safe, you wouldn’t have gotten that sneak attack. Fucking listen to me once in awhile. And speaking of, give me those nasty, sandy things in your hand. Stop tracking it around. You should have left it all by the door,” Mick snapped, yanking at the arm load of apparel that Nikki was holding.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki quickly jerked back the white blanket. Whipping it away from Mick, who was grabbing at it, along with the jacket, shoes, and shirt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick saw it and let it go. He could clearly tell that it was a baby blanket; unsure if it’s something for Nikki’s baby or Nikki’s own childhood security blanket. He didn’t ask, not wanting to embarrass him. It was obviously a source of comfort for him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you please take those dripping wet pants off,” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki cracked a slight smile, for the first time in the last hour or two, and started to undo the fly of his pants in front of Mick.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“In private, dumbass! God save me from these fools,” Mick shrieked, storming off with a wave of his arm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick, can I just hop in the shower in the master bath? I have sand all over me too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there anywhere in this fucking place that doesn’t have to be decimated by your grimy, careless lifestyle?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, your closet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Better stay out of there!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Too late. I peeked yesterday.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you better make the best of the rest of the time you have left,” Mick threatened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not afraid of that rusty tin can of yours in the sky,” Nikki shouted out, from his room, taking his pants down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You will be when you get beamed up on its next pass-by, and you find yourself strapped down on a steel table with sharp objects pointing in your direction. It’s all in the name of alien science; to find out why human beings are so stupid in comparison.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you were too stupid to make the cut as one of the esteemed scientists; instead relegated to a low-life recruiter of us earthlings,” Nikki joked, emerging from his room with clean shorts on and a change of clothes for Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick was positioned to shield his eyes, not sure if Nikki was going to walk out naked. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the shorts. “Just stay out of my stuff, OK?! Go clean yourself off. Make sure that all of the sand goes down the drain! And my condo better be sparkling clean by the time your ass vacates it!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It will be. I’ll get my cleaning crew here,” Nikki said, walking towards the bathroom to drop off clothes for Tommy. He opened the door, put them on the vanity, and told Tommy that they’d be there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Think things are alright for me to leave now?” Mick asked, as Nikki stepped out of the main bathroom, shutting the door for Tommy’s privacy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think so. Um, maybe…. can you just wait until Tommy is done in there? Just in case he needs something while I’m showering. Seems like he swallowed a lot of sea water. Make sure he’s OK, first?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick pulled his lips tight, and huffed through his nose. “I’ll do it…. for you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe a warm beverage to soothe his chest when he gets out?” Nikki dared to suggest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t push it,” Mick said, arching a brow. “No worries though. I’ll make sure the prick is OK.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks. And thanks for everything. I mean it. You know I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. Love you too…. sometimes, like when you’re not stressing me out. Clean this shit up, will you? And you need to get your ass to bed early. And call me if you wind up killing him, I'll help you get rid of the body. And tell him the same.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will. We’re probably just gonna talk, or yell, for a while. It won’t be long. I’m already fighting to stay awake.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Keep off my bed. Better yet, if you’re gonna make up, go fuck in your truck; stay off my furniture.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not there yet. We got a lot of damage to try to repair first.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know…. Let me know if you need anything. And give me updates on the baby. You don’t need a ride to the hospital tomorrow, do you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No. I’ll be good to drive. Thanks again. I’d hug you, but I know that you’re already having anxiety over that thought with my sand-covered, scantily clad body,” Nikki said, with a smirk.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn </span>
  <em>
    <span>straight </span>
  </em>
  <span>about that,” Mick replied, returning the smirk, as Nikki walked towards the direction of the master bathroom. “Hey! Where’s your wet, sandy pants?! You better not have just left them on the floor!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki hurried into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Mick might just decide to strangle him with the pants…. which he did leave on the bedroom floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>About ten minutes later Tommy emerged from the shower. He walked out towards the living room and saw Mick sitting on a chair reading the paper.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Nikki still here?” Tommy asked, looking around.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s in the other shower,“ Mick said, folding the paper up, and taking a look at Tommy. His eyes went crazy. “What the hell is wrong with you!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha? Tommy inquired, squinting his brows in confusion.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your fucking hair is dripping all over the floor. Have you ever heard of a towel?!” Mick screeched, jumping to his feet. He sped off towards the bathroom that Tommy just came out of.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you ever heard of a tranquilizer dart?” Tommy retorted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick came charging back towards Tommy with a towel. “Listen you fool, you gotta turn the exhaust fan on in the bathroom, or mildew is going to set in!” Mick threw the towel on Tommy’s head, and hastily squeezed his hands around his toweled head to sop water up. “And your fucking wet and sandy clothes are scattered all over my bathroom floor, you imbecile!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ow, you got me in the eye,” Tommy said, backing up, taking over the task of further drying his hair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you, and sit down. Don’t get any water drips on my couch,” Mick snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeez. Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today,” Tommy griped, placing the towel around his shoulders to catch any remaining droplets.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you and that other showering moron weren’t so careless about the treatment of my property, I wouldn’t have to be so unpleasant….. Do you feel better by the way?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, my airways feel clearer,” Tommy says, sniffling his runny nose back into his nasal cavity, as he rubbed his hand over his chest and throat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s disgusting! That stuff is supposed to come out, not be sucked back in.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t see a spittoon sitting around this saloon anywhere.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick brought a box of tissues and a mug of green tea to Tommy. “The tissues are from me. The tea is from Nikki.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Tommy replied, picking up the warm mug, cupped between both of his hands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to find any used tissues on the floor, or stuffed into my couch cushions. Got it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll clean them up,” Tommy said, with a light cough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Does your chest hurt at all?” Mick asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A little. I think it’s just sore from the violent coughing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Watch for any symptoms of water in your lungs. You know, like nausea or headache.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And gurgling sounds from my chest,” Tommy cracked a half smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a given. I’m going to go home. Nikki should be out soon. Please don’t do any more damage to my place. If you’re gonna fight, take it outside.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We won’t damage anything. And I don’t expect a physical altercation.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, verbal provocation can lead to my stuff being damaged from uncontrolled anger. I’ve seen you two at your worst, and what you’re capable of doing,” Mick snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we’ll be good... and um, thanks for calling me over. I know I owe you an apology for things that were said at the studio. I was wrong about some things, and you were right….. I love Nikki. I’m going to try to make it right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You should know by now that every time my mouth is open, I’m right. And if you cause him anymore pain, I will beat your motherfucking ass to a pulp. And then I’ll call the mothership to circle back around to collect you for caged observation for a study of injured, brainless creatures to see how they continue to function. Once my colleagues have collected enough data, you’ll be at their disposal, and will most likely be discharged as space junk out the shoot. You’ll enjoy sucking in that cosmic air as your lungs explode.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I just nearly drowned. Let’s not talk about my lungs exploding. I’m still sore,” Tommy chided, followed by a cough, as he rubbed his chest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No problem. I’ll just put in a formal request to switch you and Nikki around. I hope that you like scalpels and our state-of-the-art laser technology. So precise, it can split a hair on your sack into four even strands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t wait. Anyway….. Mick… I’m not going to hurt him. We just have a lot of hurtful things to talk about,” Tommy said, bringing the warm mug back to his lips.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, but the sooner you can take him the fuck home and out of here, the sooner my anxiety level will return to normal.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for being there for him. He’s lucky to have you as a friend.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn right. Remember that; how great of a guy I am. Especially if I wind up having to use your face to mop up the mess in the place.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Mick. Thanks.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you, drummer. And you’re welcome,” Micks said, opening the door. “Pizza in the fridge if you’re hungry.” He slipped out and shut the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Predictions for what happens next might be a little hard. There are still five long chapters left. Much to be seen.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Sex</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tommy knows what he wants. Nikki... he's not quite sure.</p><p>---------------</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I ran out of songs titles to use from the Saints of Los Angeles album for the chapter titles. Mainly because I keep extending this book, changing the ending, and then having to add more chapters. I began using titles of songs from their later years which only made it into compilation albums. They include If I Die Tomorrow, Sex, Crash and Burn, Ride With the Devil, and All Bad Things Must End. I'm deciding whether to break the last chapter into two because it's long. If I do, I'll also be using The Dirt. These titles happen to match nicely with the chapter topics. I try to match them up as best I can, and well, um... there's this chapter. </p><p>Also, I'm sorry that I haven't been responding to most of your comments lately. I've been nose deep in editing this book. I keep changing things and adding to it, so I find myself often not getting to the comments with replies. I'll try to do better with this chapter. I do see them all. Thank you. </p><p>---------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nikki closed his eyes as he stood in the stream of soothing hot water from the shower. He drew in a few deep breaths as he wondered what the next step with Tommy was going to be. There was a lot running through his mind. Firstly, he wondered if Tommy would even still be there when he got out, especially if Mick started giving him the what-for.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki’s core churned uncomfortably as he thought about Tommy’s near drowning. If that happened…. if Tommy died. Nikki knew he’d be wishing and pleading for the chance to just hold him again, safely in his arms. A chance to go back and redo everything that happened, so that he wouldn’t be living in that nightmare. </p><p> </p><p>But the thing is, he didn’t die… perhaps not even close to it. Maybe he would have pulled himself out of the rip current? There was no telling… but as they hobbled into the condo just a little while ago, Tommy was alive and seemingly unscathed, with the exception of a lingering hack and the chills. He was alive and well in all respects…. and was also still someone who rejected his kid and willfully and unashamedly cheated. </p><p> </p><p>Nikki watched the last remnants of sand mixed with suds swirl down the drain, as he rinsed himself off. He huddled under the calming stream of water, and allowed the steam to open his airways, as he inhaled deeply. He remained that way for an indefinite amount of time, as he pondered how he should proceed.</p><p> </p><p>When no firm conclusions could be met, Nikki shut the water off and reached for a towel. It was time to face what laid ahead…. whatever that would be. After putting on some comfortable clothes in his room, he stepped out and strode towards the living room. The muddled sound of the TV on low volume, was the only noise he heard; no voices. When he reached the open area, Tommy, who sat on the couch, craned his head to face Nikki.</p><p> </p><p>“Did Mick leave?” Nikki asked, feeling a sense of satisfaction mixed with trepidation that Tommy was still here. He took a seat on a chair in the living room.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… ten, fifteen minutes ago. And you’re lucky he’s gone,” Tommy replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Why lucky?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because your wet hair is dripping, like mine was. He freaked out on me,” Tommy said, pulling the towel from around his shoulders, and handing it to Nikki.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki offered a comfortable smirk. “That’s Mick. He’s been on my case since the moment I set foot in here.” Nikki’s smile faded out. “Do you feel better? How’s your cough?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m good. Maybe a little stressed in my chest, but I’m OK.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki nodded, then sighed deeply. “I’m sorry about before, what I did was really stupid. I swear I wasn’t trying to drown myself. I just….. I just felt the need to get away, and thought that I would swim out a little. But, I know I could have drowned in the darkness, and well, you…. I put you in jeopardy.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was just scared. I thought you were going to die.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you remember, I have a fear of drowning. It’s not a way that I would choose to die,” Nikki replied.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, but at the moment, I couldn’t stay rational. Someone afraid of heights can still jump when the brain goes haywire. I thought you went haywire.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right. My brain does go haywire, often.”</p><p> </p><p>Tommy gave Nikki a nervous, courtesy smile. “Can I ask about the baby? A boy?”</p><p> </p><p>Sixx nodded, with a forced swallow. “We found out that we’re having a boy.” A few tears fell from Nikki’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s great. A son.” Tommy bit his lip and shed a few tears too. “Fuck… I’m sorry about what happened to Brandi. I didn’t know until getting here tonight when Mick filled me in. Is everything going to be alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki shrugged. “The baby wasn’t hurt, but Brandi’s womb was injured. She was cramping up, and it put the baby in danger and under stress. Plus bleeding. She has to be monitored. I don’t know what I’d do if I lose this baby. He’s the only bright spot I have left in my life,” Nikki shared, wiping tears away with the back of his hand.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy closed his eyes, and cupped his hands over his mouth and nose, breathing deeply. “I’m sorry that I left you alone with this,” Tommy spoke, taking a haggard breath. “I just needed time. But, deep in my heart, I know that I wanted that baby. I did…. I swear. How could I not want someone who’s an extension of you? And I’m so sorry that I never let you know that. We should have been celebrating, and instead I fucked the whole moment up for stupid selfish and shallow reasons. And now this, and you’ve been handling it alone. God, Nikki… I’m so sorry, I want the baby. I want to be a dad too. I fucked it all up….. God, I fucked it up.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki was at a loss for words. He wasn’t sure how to respond. Things weren’t that simple. As much as he would have liked to sweep Tommy into his arms and claim a plan for dual-fathering of the baby, there was too much that had happened to just wipe the dirt off of their hands, and agree to move forward together. Tommy hurt Nikki deeply, not only with an early rejection of the baby, but blatant and purposeful cheating. And Nikki is aware that he fucked up too, but Tommy chose not to talk things over about it with him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going back to the hospital early in the morning to stay with Brandi for support,” Nikki finally replied.</p><p> </p><p>“The baby will be OK, Nikki. I’m sure. Please let me know if I can do anything to help.”</p><p> </p><p>Nikki shrugged with a shake of his head. “How about letting me finally talk about my feelings and fears of being a dad? I needed you, and you weren’t there for me. And you robbed me of a lot of the joy that should have come with finding out that I’m going to be a dad. We should have gone through it all, together… the fears, the worry, and the pure joy. I only had myself, and I couldn’t even share the news when Vince shared his. That was stab in my heart. I wanted to let people know. And now, I might lose it all before I get to tell anyone,” Nikki poured out, crying into his hands.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy felt like the biggest piece of dirt right now. Nikki was one hundred percent right on that. He had no valid excuse or defense. “I’m sorry. I was just…..” Tommy covered his face with his hand and paused. “I was jealous. The news shocked me, and I wanted the first baby to be mine.”</p><p> </p><p>“He was yours…. ours. At least I thought,” Nikki replied, hanging his head. “You rejected us. Go ahead and reject me, but don’t make comments and judgements about my baby. Dismissing him hurts more than anything. You hit my weak spot. I was fucking cast aside as a kid, and it’s the worst feeling ever, to know that my parents didn’t want me. You didn’t want my son. Not even born yet, and already despised by someone who was supposed to be his dad. Rejected, just like I was. Then he continues to be hurt by other assholes like Brandi’s boyfriend,” Nikki gasped, working himself into a sobbing mess. “I don’t want him to feel any of the pain that I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, Nikki. I didn’t even think. I want him, I just didn’t let you know. I didn’t let myself express it. I know you saw it as rejection, and I know that’s exactly what it looked like coming from me, but I swear on my life that it’s not how I felt inside. It was all jealousy and selfishness. I mean, I would lie awake at night sometimes, while you were still in bed with me, sleeping, and I’d wonder whether we’d have a son or a daughter. I’d think about the things that we’d have to buy, and setting up a room. Who would get up to feed the baby, and how we’d work our family into our career. I’m sorry I robbed joy from you… from us. I’m sorry,” Tommy tearfully explained, coughing again.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki’s head was clouded. He was exhausted from a lot of raw emotions over the last twenty-four hours. He’s also been awake for about thirty-six hours, with the exception of a few cat naps at the hospital. “Tom, I can’t talk about this anymore, not right now. My body and my brain are about ready to quit on me for the night. I’ve been awake since yesterday morning, and I’m going to have a long day tomorrow, being at the hospital.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m keeping you up. I’ll let you get to bed. Um, maybe we can talk more tomorrow…. like when you’re home from the hospital?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe. I’ll let you know,” Nikki said, standing up, rubbing his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be OK tonight?” Tommy asked, coughing and grabbing a tissue to blow his nose.</p><p> </p><p>“Not much can happen while I’m sleeping. Are you OK? You know, with the cough?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, Nikki,” Tommy replied, getting to his feet to stretch in preparation to leave.</p><p> </p><p>“I fear that I might toss and turn a bit, worrying. You can sleep on the couch tonight, if you want to. You know, just in case you start to not feel good. I’d be here to help.”</p><p> </p><p>Tommy’s heart leapt at the invitation to stay. Yes, his own bed would have been more comfortable, but he wasn’t looking forward to going home to the empty house, not without Nikki anyway. “Maybe that’s best,” Tommy said, followed by an overly dramatic cough to solidify the idea of the safety precaution of having help nearby if he went into respiratory distress.</p><p> </p><p>“OK. I know it’s still kind of early. I’m just shot, so help yourself to whatever I have. There’s pizza somewhere, and some stuff in here”, Nikki said, tapping a nearby cardboard box full of food with his foot. The remote is on the coffee table. Use whatever you need in the bathroom. I’m setting the alarm for five a.m.</p><p> </p><p>“OK, and by the way, I got your wake-up call this morning. Thanks,” Tommy said, with a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki smiled back and shrugged as he walked towards his room. He closed the door behind him, just short of a click, where it could still be pushed open.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy sighed. It <b>was</b> early, not much past nine. But he would have gone to bed with Nikki if he could have. He turned away from the hallway, back towards the main living area. The box of food on the floor reminded him that they still had a lot to talk about and resolve. Nikki took food from the house with him; like he was permanently moving out. Tommy wasn’t hungry. Maybe later, after he settled in. He sat on the couch and clicked on the TV. He wanted to relax comfortably, but soon realized that he didn’t have a pillow or blanket. </p><p> </p><p>Tommy checked for blankets in the unused spare bedroom, but instead saw a shit ton of Nikki’s stuff stacked in the room. Platinum and gold record plaques and boxes of clothes stacked on the beds. He wasn’t going to easily be able to use either bed or swipe the covers off. He looked in the closet. There was nothing there for him to use. If Mick had spare blankets, they must have been in the guest room that Nikki was using. </p><p> </p><p>For just a moment, he toyed with the notion of sleeping in Mick’s bed, until he had a vision of the guitarist standing over him in bed with a blunt object in his hand to beat the hell out of him. He instead decided to slip into Nikki’s room to check for spare bedding. Tommy pushed the bedroom door open. It was dark, and he was not going to be able to easily see. The light streamed into the bedroom from the lit hallway which caused Nikki to stir.</p><p> </p><p>“Tom?” Nikki said, raising his head from the pillow. “Is everything alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit. I’m sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I was just looking for a blanket. There’s none in the other room.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, I’m sorry. I wasn’t even thinking,” Nikki said, throwing the covers back, his eyes barely open.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no. Don’t get up, I can get it. I’ll look in the closet,” Tommy replied, as he took a few steps into the room while motioning with his hands for Nikki to stay put.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing his hand over his face. "Probably on the shelf in there.”</p><p> </p><p>Tommy opened the closet, and felt around on the shelf, not able to easily see what was on them. “I think I got one,” he said, pulling down what felt like a blanket. He unfolded it a bit to confirm that it was indeed a blanket. “Yup. I’m good.”</p><p> </p><p>“OK,” Nikki replied. He pulled his feet back on the bed and under the covers.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, Nik? Would you mind if I grab a pillow? The couch pillows are a little stiff.”</p><p> </p><p>“Be my guest,” Nikki said as he laid back down, faced away from Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>As Tommy came near to take a pillow, he felt an overwhelming desire to lull Nikki to be close to him. Maybe by putting him to sleep with hair ‘combing.’ Something he knew Nikki loved, and hadn’t done in a long time.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki felt the bed dip down. He was slightly perturbed by this, but was too exhausted to care. </p><p> </p><p>“Nikki? Can I lull you to sleep?” Tommy asked, with a gentle pull on the bassist’s hair. “I owe it to you for waking you up a few minutes ago.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you want to,” Nikki replied, actually reveling the idea of it. He was so tired that he’d probably be out in just a minute or two anyway. Tommy’s hands in his hair had always been a source of solace, as he drew his hands towards himself, cradling his other comfort items.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy sat alongside Nikki’s nearly prone body, and took all of his long, slightly damp hair in his hands. He combed through with his fingers, from scalp to ends. He brushed the edges of Nikki’s face with his fingertips with each pass through. For the past year, it had been Nikki’s turn to sport long hair, and it was fucking gorgeous on him. Tommy daydreamed as he slid his hands deeply throughout the raven-colored tresses.</p><p> </p><p>He continued the action, even after Nikki had fallen asleep. He could always easily tell. The tension in his muscles relaxed, his breathing steadied, and his fingertips and toes twitched; just a quirky thing Nikki did in the twilight stage of his sleep. As Tommy watched Nikki’s fingers move, he saw that he was holding onto something, tucked underneath him. He leaned over and tugged at it. It was a shirt, which piqued Tommy’s curiosity. He pulled it from Nikki’s clutch and recognized it as one of his own shirts. He had been curling up with it. Tommy sighed, feeling badly that Nikki thought that he needed this to feel close or whatever. He tucked it back in and noticed another item peeking out from under his sleeping body. It was the baby blanket from mom and dad. As guilt coursed through him, he went back to Nikki’s hair for a few more minutes, unable to pull his hands away, until he felt his own eyelids growing heavy.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy scooted down to lie on his side, facing Nikki’s back; one hand still entwined in his hair. He didn’t want to go out to the couch. The living room and kitchen lights were burning brightly. The TV was on. Mick would have had a conniption over this, but Tommy just couldn’t get himself to leave Nikki’s bed. He pulled his hand away from him in order to spread the blanket over himself. He reached back out to touch Nikki’s back, then closed his eyes. Tommy was tired too. He didn’t sleep well the night before, the beach incident wore him out. He was done for the night.</p><p> </p><p>-----------------------</p><p> </p><p>At  five a.m., music began blaring from Nikki’s alarm clock. He blindly reached for it in search of the snooze button, haphazardly slapping it to stop the invasive sound. Nikki took in a deep breath, not looking forward to getting up. He reminded himself that it was for his baby, so he’ll get his ass up soon. Maybe just a few more hits of the snooze button. </p><p> </p><p>Nikki turned to face the other way, wanting to forget about the impending alarm for a few minutes. That’s when he saw Tommy asleep on the bed, facing him, underneath his own blanket. It momentarily confused him, as he tried to remember where they left things off last night. The blanket… that’s right, he needed one. Although he didn’t remember inviting Tommy into his bed, the sight didn’t upset him. It had been a few weeks since he'd woken up to that sight. Nikki reached out and took hold of Tommy’s extended hand, then closed his eyes for another few minutes of sleep.</p><p> </p><p>The alarm music blasted forth again, this time jolting both men awake.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Fuck.” Nikki croaked, as he aggressively fiddled again with the clock to find the snooze button.</p><p> </p><p>“What time is it, man?” Tommy asked, laying the back of his hand on his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a bit after five,” Nikki responded, sounding a little defeated. He rolled back to face Tommy, reaching out to find his hand again in the predawn darkness. </p><p> </p><p>Tommy noticed Nikki’s hand roving around on the mattress, and took hold of it. “I guess I should get up and go then.”</p><p> </p><p>“It won’t take me long to get ready. I’m going to sleep through a few more snooze cycles. Besides, <span class="u">sixx a.m</span>. was just a projected arrival time."</p><p> </p><p>“K,” the drummer replied, closing his eyes to catch a few more zzz’s.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki’s eyes wanted to shut again, but he was feeling anxious over the looming sound of the alarm, which was due to go off again in another few minutes. He reached over to shut it off. Not only was he feeling anxious, he was feeling something else, typical for the morning rise.</p><p> </p><p>“Tommy?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmmm,” the sleepy bedmate replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Make love to me,” Nikki prompted, quietly.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy’s eyes opened wide, as he propped himself up on his elbow. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Make love to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nikki…. I…. oh my god. Are you seri--”</p><p> </p><p>“I just need you right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Tommy sat up and scooted towards Nikki. He settled in closer, and leaned on his side, placing his hand in the bassist’s hair. </p><p> </p><p>“Baby, it would be my pleasure,” Tommy whispered in a shaky voice. He was nervous, not expecting this at all. He didn’t want to hurt Nikki ever again, and with a lot still unresolved, his nerves were at full tilt.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki leaned in and kissed Tommy’s forehead. That action confused the drummer even further. Was Nikki opposed to kissing on the lips? Was that too personal for not having the deeper issues settled yet? But how was one supposed to truly make love without kissing?</p><p> </p><p>Tommy moved his hand from Nikki’s hair to his chest, slipping his palm underneath the bassist’s t-shirt. He ran his hand over his warm body, pressing his thumb firmly into the muscled chest, as his fingers merely grazed. He was nervous and lacking his usual confidence. He wanted to ask again if Nikki was sure about this. The drummer raised his head, using his elbow to prop himself up. “Nikki?” </p><p> </p><p>Nikki sensed Tommy’s apprehension and didn’t want to break the gentle mood with vocal affirmations. He placed a finger on Tommy’s lips with a hush, then started to trace them.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy heeded the suggestion to stay quiet, and took Nikki’s index finger into his mouth to suck on, working his tongue around it. Nikki responded with a sharp gasp.</p><p> </p><p>The drummer was still hesitant, but proceeded, checking his worries at the door. Nikki just silenced him, so he was just going to go for it, in the most naturally, loving way he could. </p><p> </p><p>Nikki was still bedded underneath the covers from his belly down. Tommy peeled them back towards the end of the bed, then sat himself on top of his lover. He removed his own shirt, flinging it off to the side. Nikki brought his hands to Tommy, running them along his chest. The drummer took hold of Nikki’s hands in his own, and pushed them onto the bed, on each side of his head. He then lowered himself to lay face to face; in search of a sign from him that said <em> kiss me </em>.</p><p> </p><p>One rogue tear slipped from Nikki’s eye. Tommy chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, concerned, then leaned in to kiss it away. He put a hand back in Nikki’s hair, then gently swept his own lips and nose across his lover’s jaw, finally landing on his pout. Easy, love-laced kisses were affectionately left on the bassist’s formally bereft lips.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki used his free hand to reach under his pillow for a hidden stash of lube. He pulled it out, and left it next to his pillow for Tommy to see. </p><p> </p><p>Although the drummer was fairly certain at that point that Nikki was completely serious about his request, the presentation of the lubricant dissolved any doubt that remained. Tommy kissed his way down Nikki’s neck until he was met with the collar of his shirt. He sat up, and worked his shirt off of him, tossing it towards the direction of the other one. He bent forward again to continue kissing him in a downward progression, moving himself further down the bed as the kisses got lower and lower. Nikki’s sweatpants were pulled off by Tommy, flung somewhere, while he choked up at the sight of his fully naked lover. It had been too long. This was the only person he belonged with. He leaned forward and ran his hands down Nikki’s body from shoulders to hips, making sure that his fingers hit every contour on the way down. “You take my breath away,” Tommy whispered through his soft sobs. </p><p> </p><p>Tommy exhaled, then took hold of Nikki’s member with a firm grasp. In response to that, Sixx let out a hum, drew his knees up, and opened his legs. </p><p> </p><p>The drummer reached forward for the lube, uncapped it, and put some on his fingers to condition Nikki, as it had been a while since the pair have had sex. As Tommy made use of his fingers, he multi-tasked by using his mouth to stimulate his partner from balls to tip.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki enjoyed the dual sensations, taking deep breaths as his excitement grew. He knew that he and Tommy had a ton of stuff to talk about and work through. Stuff that was probably going to result in yelling and tears. They would talk, but he needed this first.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy was satisfied with his priming job. He slipped off his soft pants quickly, and grabbed hold of his own stiff member to shine himself up.</p><p> </p><p>Nikki knew what was about to come and opened his legs further, pulling one back for easier entry; which Tommy achieved nearly effortlessly. He was inside, and Nikki was filled to the brim with awakened hormones. He pulled Tommy towards him as he relaxed his legs, wrapping one loosely around his lover.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy pulled away for just a brief moment, twisting himself to reach for the bed covers. He sloppily pulled them up, for cozy lovemaking in the ever-brightening room. The sun’s first faint rays started to hit the east facing windows of the guest room. Once situated, Tommy turned his attention back to his partner, confident that the adoration he had for Nikki is fully evident in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>The pair continued with their tucked in, tender lovemaking in their warm sheeted nest on the cushiony bed. Wrapped up in each other, inseparable for the time being, and both filled with obsessive lust towards the other.</p><p> </p><p>Stunning climaxes were reached, Nikki ejaculated between their warm, spirited bodies. Tommy panted as unexpected tears fell from his eyes. He scrubbed his face with his hand before leaning back in to kiss Nikki all over his flush, glistening face. The drummer’s softening cock eventually freed itself, and with a final deep breath, Tommy relaxed into Nikki’s side. He was right where he was before sex, with his head tucked into his lover’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy felt at ease, even as tears continued to leak from his eyes. This was what he wanted and needed. Things were going to be OK. </p><p> </p><p>The early birds chirped their cheerful songs outside. Dust danced in the stream of the first ray of sunshine that penetrated the window and shone into the room. The hum of the infrastructure within the building's bones was detectable in the stillness of the bedroom. Nikki breathed quietly through the moments of the peaceful come down, enjoying the radiant warmth from his bedmate's humid body.  He broke the serenity with a cluck of his tongue.</p><p> </p><p>“So tell me….. did you also make love to him?”</p><p> </p><p>Tommy wasn’t expecting this question. He swallowed hard, a lump forming in his throat. Why was Nikki asking such a thing at this cherished moment? His easy mood was beginning to seize up. Tommy became aware that he had been baited. At that moment, he realized that all hell was about ready to break loose… not later, right then and there.</p><p> </p><p>“Nikki, I….”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. All Bad Things Must End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The quiet afterglow of sex was on the verge of rekindling into a roaring dumpster fire.</p>
<p>‐--------------</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Tommy and Nikki laid in bed next to one another, naked, just after making love. It was something that the drummer assumed was a conciliatory conclusion to a period of bitter strife and near death moments. Sure, he figured that they need to clear the air and talk things out; maybe over breakfast or dinner. But apparently, that wasn’t what Nikki had in mind, having just asked Tommy whether he made love to Jon. The quiet afterglow of sex was on the verge of rekindling into a roaring dumpster fire.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, I...” Tommy paused. “No, I didn’t. I only make love to you…..  um… but I did have sex with... Jon.” The drummer tensed up, waiting for an abrasive response.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you like what you did with him?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy unnestled himself from Nikki, propping himself up on his elbow again. He was unsure what Nikki was really up to, and if this conversation was going to lead towards reconciliation or a fight. The best he could do that that point was to be honest. “I can’t easily answer that. I always like sex…. Nikki, just tell me what you want to say to me about what I did. The good, the bad, and ugly.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom, it’s not so much the sex with someone else that upsets me. I mean, we’ve been fucking for five years, together for over four. Maybe something was bound to happen. You get in a rut, or you get curious. I don’t know…. up until now, we’ve only ever been with each other… man to man. In some ways, curiosity is natural, and probably invades the mind space of even the greatest of all the couples out there. So, it wasn’t the sex. It was how you went about it; smearing it in my face, making me eat shit, knowing that I was hurting. Not to mention, that you didn’t even give me a chance to talk about what I did… and about the baby. What you did to me, damn near shattered me. I needed your love and support and instead you rejected me, completely.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy sighed, “I know, and I don’t know why I behaved the way that I did. I mean, I guess I do to a certain point, but not to the extent that I can explain all of my behavior. Something fucked snapped in me, and yes, I wanted you to hurt,” Tommy revealed, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “You hurt me too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Use the sheet,” Nikki admonished, pushing a wad towards him. “I’m going to have to wash these anyway. We got a mess between them.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Tommy said, using the sheet to wipe his hand, and for a second swipe of his nose. “When I found out that you cheated on me, I was devastated. I guess that feeling of being burned mixed with… I hate to admit it…. some jealousy…. it just fucked me deep inside. Like, some sort of resident evil from within me came out from hiding. I just never thought that you would want someone else.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What would you be jealous about? Jealous of me? Or the guy?” Nikki asks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sometimes I just feel that you’re always in the spotlight and I’m in your shadow. People listen to you and respect you, but they see me as a big joke. And unfortunately the news about the baby was like the breaking point. The baby is yours. Everything is always yours.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I never once thought of the baby being solely mine; just ours! That is until you made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with him. It was then that he became only mine,” Nikki snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not saying that all of my feelings were right or justified. I’m just telling you the way I felt. I don’t know what else to say, Nikki. I was wrong about a lot, and I’m sorry…. Like I said last night, I’m sorry that we never got to celebrate as a couple. I’m sorry that I never told you that I wanted him too. I did…. I just couldn’t admit to myself, much less you. I was fucking scared out of my mind. I do want him. I just fucked so much up between us, that I fear it’s too late. I love you, and I want a chance to love the baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, if you love my son the way that you’ve been </span>
  <em>
    <span>loving</span>
  </em>
  <span> me lately, I’d have to think twice about having you in his life.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy’s eyes started watering again. “I’m sorry. I never stopped loving you, I was fucked up, angry, and out for revenge. I don’t know what happened to me. I’m not sure how to make it right. I just don’t want to lose you, or the baby…. maybe I already have, and I’m scared,” Tommy sobbed into his hands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now you know how I felt when you wouldn’t even talk to me. Hopeless and dejected,” Nikki replied…... “I have to get ready to go.” He sat up and moved on the edge of the bed to stand, his back turned away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy got himself to a sitting position on the bed, grabbing a handful of the sheet to wipe his nose and tears, cleaning up below. “OK…. um, I guess I can change the sheets and wash these before I leave, so that you can come home to a clean bed in case you’re tired,” Tommy uttered, trying to abate the awkwardness heavily blanketing the room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine,” Nikki said, standing up, kicking around for his sweat pants in the early morning light. “That wasn’t make-up sex by the way. I woke up with wood, and you happened to be in my bed, uninvited. I still have a lot on my mind that I need to come to terms with.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand, kind of…. but you asked me to make love. I thought....” Tommy trailed off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I gotta go,” Nikki said, with no emotion. “Lock this place up when you leave.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope everything is OK with the baby. I mean that…. I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took a deep breath, and without warning punched the wall, which left a fissure in the sheetrock. “Dammit!! You wanna know what the fucking issue is!!?? What I can’t wrap my head around!!?” Nikki roared with flashpan anger.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy cowered putting his head down, as he shrunk back, unable to respond to Nikki’s rhetorical question.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki stood, aborting the search for his pants, faced away from Tommy, bracing himself on the wall with one hand. He pounded it with the heel of his palm three more times, before turning back around.  “If the situation was reversed… you know, like you’re the one who got a phone call saying that you’re going to be a father, and you had to tell me that a baby was suddenly coming into our lives….” Nikki poured out, before taking a seat on the edge of the bed, with one leg propped on it so he can look towards Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t say for sure how I would have reacted. Shocked, I’m sure.” Nikki threw out a shrug. “Scared, maybe upset. I don’t know. I mean, we were going to plan parenthood together, right? But whether I was upset for one minute, one hour, or even one day, I would have very quickly come to the realization that I was being gifted the privilege of being a father to the most beautiful baby in the world…. yours…. ours.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A few tears started to fall from Nikki’s eyes. He wiped them away with his hands as he continued on. “How lucky for me to be able to be a part of that baby’s life. Yet, that’s not how you felt about my announcement. Instead, you rejected him, and then rejected me… for days on end. It just confounds me, and the only conclusion that I can draw is that you don’t love me in the same way that I love you. That’s the only thing that makes sense because none of this bullshit that happened since that day would have transpired if you were the biological father! None of it!!,” Nikki screeched, shattering any remnant of a quiet morning. “We would have been planning for a baby in our future.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took hold of the sheet and wiped his face clear, as more tears poured forth. “There’s no way you can feel the same way for me as I do for you…. because you would have been over the moon about being a father to my baby. And I would have never treated you, the way that you treated me. You must have seen the pain in my eyes. You heard me cry, and you heard me beg… and I got nothing but rejections and insults from you. I begged for sex, and you preferred to jerk off alone. I begged to talk, and you punished me with revenge. If you didn’t want me because of what I did, you should have just let me go, instead of prolonging the agony.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I simply misunderstood your intentions after I overdosed,” Nikki continued. “I thought we were on the same page with our sentiments for each other. I thought that we made things clear about our deep feelings for each other after that. Or maybe it’s like Mick said…. sometimes you just fall out of love. So, this is your chance, Tom…. your </span>
  <em>
    <span>out,</span>
  </em>
  <span> so to speak…. if that’s what you want. I don’t want to be led on anymore. And if you’ve been holding off on doing this because you’re afraid that I’m going to kill myself or something, you don’t have worry. I have a son that I need to be present for and to protect. It’s obvious that I can’t even rely on his mother to do that. He needs me. I already feel like complete shit, so just end it if that’s what you’ve been wanting to do. I really can’t feel much worse.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy slid over to the edge of the bed where Nikki sat. He took one of the bassist’s hands in his own hands, while leaning his forehead on Nikki’s shoulder. Tommy cried while he gripped his hand. “I’m sorry, baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki steadied himself. He didn’t know whether this was the prelude leading to a break-up, or if it was the start of a chance to explain his actions. Although he would have pressed forward for the sake of his son, a break-up would have been devastating. Nikki trembled as he waited for Tommy to speak. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki… I love you... more than any other soul in this world. You’re my absolute favorite person to be around. I can’t live my life without you. And I’m so sorry that I made you feel like you were unwanted,” Tommy sobbed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t just the way I felt. You made it clear that you didn’t want me. And you know that I have abandonment issues,” Nikki retorted. “Fine, I guess, if you truly didn’t want me anymore. I know I fucked up, and that certainly could have been your choice to let me go. But if you weren’t planning to let me go, you did the wrong thing by playing me and keeping me on ice. Those are tactics my mother used to control me; only to eventually realize that she didn’t want me and doesn’t care about me, much less love me. So what’s that make you? What should I think?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know... I was blinded at that time, angry and hurt, and out for revenge.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Angry about the cheating, OK! But how the fuck are you that angry about a baby!!?” Nikki snapped, causing Tommy to cower.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Nikki. I don’t know,” Tommy sobbed, dropping his lover’s hand and crying into his own.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well your stupid juvenile behavior really fucked me up,” Nikki said, getting up again. “I gotta go.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, please. I--” Tommy choked up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please, Nikki</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” the bassist sneers in a mocking tone. “Fuck you. How many times did I beg you to stay or to talk to me? And you left to run off and cheat on me instead. Did you talk trash about me? Did you make fun of me? This is all stuff, that while I sat home on my sorry ass, I wondered about. And now… I actually have somewhere legitimate to go, and you sit there and beg, and expect me to stay? Well, fuck you! How does it feel?!!! Nikki shrieked. “Huh? How does it fucking feel?!!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It hurts! Ok?” Tommy snapped back. “It hurts…. I’m sorry,” he continued to bawl.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the difference, Tommy. I can’t just walk away when you’re hurting... even when you hurt me,” Nikki surrendered with a toss of his hands as he retreated back to the bedside.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What can I do?” Tommy asked, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I went too far. I don’t know how to fix it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Talking is a start… something that could have helped two weeks ago.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, baby. I’m sorry. And just so you know… I didn’t talk about you. I mean, I told Jon that you cheated on me. But, I wasn’t trashing you, Nikki.” Tommy paused for a few moments. He thought about what he said to Jon about Nikki’s depression. “And I want to be honest and upfront, so that nothing comes back to bite me down the road. I did mention to him that you suffer from depression and that you had a bad childhood. I didn’t go into details though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why the hell would you tell him that?” Nikki asked, in a strangely calm voice, although the streak of fury in his eyes spoke differently. “Vince doesn’t even know that I’m on meds for depression.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. It just came out. He was mentioning how I appeared to be in a power play position which seemed opposite of how he’s always perceived us. I was just kind of remarking that you’re more vulnerable than you appear. And as soon as I said it, I walked it back. I told him that you’re a fighter and determined…. And he agreed with me. He knew I shouldn’t have said that, and he didn’t run with it or mock you. He let me take it back. We weren’t trashing you… we were just exploring our own desires,” Tommy sniffled through tears. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Should I be proud of you for that? Your thoughtful show of restraint? Did Jon share with you that Richie was force fed worms in the schoolyard playground or that he has a raging case of hemorrhoids at the present time?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No… and well, he never even actually said that they’re together… just implied it. Come on, Nik, I--” . </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, maybe Jon is a better boyfriend to him than you are to me? Because he doesn’t blurt private shit out about him! Although I suppose you could have also mentioned that my father left me, and my mother ignored me while allowing her boyfriends to abuse me. That I was dragged up and down the western states with no place to consider home. Perhaps if you told him that I was introduced to drugs and alcohol at age six, he wouldn’t think that I was just some stupid, over-indulgent egomaniac. Since those facts were contributory to my future problems with addiction and depression. That would have been a good one, right?  Do you know how pathetic you sound to me right now? You didn’t have a right to share any of my personal shit with him! Nor was I looking for a play by play of what you and Jon agreed to!” Nikki blasted. “I don’t give a shit what he thinks about me. I never have, until you chose sides. And just because we have an open relationship doesn’t mean that my personal demons need to be exposed by you!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean it. I needed to let you know what was said, and that it wasn’t to trash you. I wouldn’t do that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You won’t trash me, but you would share my personal business and fuck him while abandoning me. It all makes perfect sense.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, I don’t know what to say, or how to fix this. Nothing I say seems to be helping. I was hurting because you cheated on me first. You haven’t even told me who it was, and it’s been eating me up. I was upset and needed an outlet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you fucking serious?! I wasn’t going to tell you who it was while you were white hot with anger, because you’d probably kill somebody. But if you gave me the chance to sit and talk about it, after a day or two of cooling down, I would have told you everything. I should have been your outlet, if within your heart you still loved me and wanted to work things out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy stared downward and nodded his head in agreement. “I know that now…. And I guess it doesn’t matter, but while we’re on the subject, could you just tell me who? Please….”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It was Izzy,” Nikki said, while flexing his jaw.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stradlin?” Tommy asked, picking up his head to expose the confused look upon his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Does that name surprise you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, yeah. I just didn’t think he was like that. I thought--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, I didn’t know either. You never gave me a chance to explain what happened.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you went with some pretty boy, and--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A pretty boy... like Jon?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy shrugged. “I was convinced it was either Duff, because you two connect with the bass, or Taime because he’s always buzzing around you and touching you. I’ve seen him do it multiple times right in front of me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t on the prowl that night to go pick up some pretty boy, as you say, to go lay down with,” Nikki huffed. “I'm guessing, in order to justify your own actions, that you've cooked up your own vilified version of events from that night. Taime, the hot shot nightclub owner, draping his gooey hands all over me, as I nestle up close to him in your absence. Or Duff riding the neck of his bass to turn me on, as I lick my lips. Am I right? Is that what you think? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki shook his head. “I was minding my own fucking business most of the night, thinking about you and the baby, as I drank myself to the floor. Only to be joined by Izzy, who was also wasted as fuck. We were just talking about life in general…. The live band playing that night sucked, and we decided to leave. He had demos from their new album for me to hear, so we went to his apartment. And as I poured more fire down my throat and packed powder up my nose, I lost control of myself crying over the mess between me and you. Then, while one drunken fool tried to comfort another drunken fool, shit happened…. I would have told you. And I know I was wrong. I shouldn’t have left with him. I should have stopped his advances. I shouldn’t have been there. But I wasn’t out prowling. I was just stupid, drunk, and desperate for attention. I fucked up, and I wanted to come clean right away…. I figured that was the best chance to save our relationship, if it was even going to be salvageable.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did you leave with him?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki shook his head. “It’s hard to figure out where my head was because I was out of it. I think I may have had this notion that it felt wrong, but I didn’t stop myself because I didn’t even know I was capable of doing what I did. I trusted myself, but given my state of mind, I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy sat silent for a few moments…. not certain how to even proceed. He shrugged with resolve. “Baby, we both fucked up.… but we can get through this, right?” Tommy took hold of Nikki’s hand again to caress. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki shrugged. “I think that we have a lot to work through.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but to start, do you wanna know what I brought with me? I have your ring. I had hoped that maybe I’d be able to put it back on your finger at some point. My heart dropped when I saw it left with the note. It was definitely a slap in the face…. that I deserved.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You brought my ring, not even knowing if I was going to talk to you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I didn’t have a choice in a way.… um, see.. well, fuck… I actually can’t give it back to you now. I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why bring it up then? I don’t know what game you’re playing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not a game. I would like to slip it back on your finger so that we can take a symbolic step in the right direction… but even if you want it back… it’s um, well,” Tommy stuttered, sheepishly holding up his own hand with Nikki’s ring on his finger. “I can’t get it off. My fingers are skinny, but my knuckles are big…. I mean, maybe it’s good that it’s stuck otherwise it would have fallen off in the cold ocean.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> Nikki sat  void of emotion, not amused by Tommy’s rambling plight.  “Give me the lube,” Nikki commanded, holding his hand out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy handed Nikki the lube, who squeezed out a generous dab on his fingers. “Lemme have your hand.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki rubbed the lube on Tommy’s finger, working it underneath the ring. Bit by bit, he eventually worked it past Tommy’s large knuckle, until it slipped right off. He locked his eyes onto it as he rolled it between two fingers, seemingly pondering the significance of it. Nikki sighed, then he handed it over to the drummer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy wiped his slick finger off on the sheet, then rolled the ring between his own fingers. He felt his heart uncomfortably pumping with trepidation, as he drew in a breath. “Nikki? Can I put it back on your finger?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki suddenly realized he was holding in a breath as he waited for Tommy to say something after handing the ring back to him. He let it out through his quivering lips. He balled up his fist then extended his outstretched hand towards his lover. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to do this. It was just a gut reaction after putting the work in to free the ring from Tommy’s finger.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy noticed Nikki’s hand trembling. He reached to place the ring on the bedside table, then took his hand in both of his. He brought it up to his lips to kiss it. “I don’t want you to be nervous. Are you?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki gave a one shoulder shrug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know that you have every reason not to trust my motives anymore.” Tommy kissed Nikki’s hand again. “And maybe I have the right to feel the same way, but that’s a moot point for me because I don’t want us to be over. I want to put the ring back on,” Tommy revealed, kissing Nikki’s hand again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki rubbed his face with his free hand, unsure if his gut reaction should be trusted. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy sensed tension in Nikki’s muscles. He pressed his partner’s hand into his cheek. “Maybe I should let you know that I am more familiar with your hands than my own. You have a scar right here, from when you cut it on a fence,” Tommy said, kissing the top of Nikki’s index finger. You have three calluses on your left hand and two on your right. You only grow hair below your lower knuckles.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy continued, rubbing his thumb across the patches with hair growth. “See Nikki, I’m just so obsessed with you. I know every inch of your body. A lot of times, after you’ve fallen asleep, I explore your body. It calms me down. I often have residual energy to burn off, and I don’t fall asleep as quickly as you. I know all of your tattoos by heart. I know that the second toe on your left foot is just a smidge taller than your big toe. I know the mole on your left hip, and that the hair under your arms tends to lay counterclockwise. I know you have a divot in the back of your skull, and where you had the pin in your shoulder. I also know exactly where you took those two life-saving shots in your chest.” Tommy dropped Nikki’s hand and placed each of his index fingers on the spots. “Maybe you never noticed that I kiss you on those spots a lot.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy took hold of Nikki’s hand once more, and opened the bassist’s fingers to expose his palm. He closed his eyes and pressed his thumb in an arc along Nikki’s palm. “And right here. Right here is your life line. I don’t even need to look. I know it by heart... so thankful that it seems long. It gives me peace to believe that we’ll get to live long lives together…. I hope?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He continued, “Baby, I love you so much. Maybe I show it differently…. and what happened over the past two weeks, I can’t quite explain, except that I just lost my mind. But, I love you more than you know. And if you allow me to put the ring back on your finger, I promise you that every night you close your eyes to go to sleep, you’ll know that you’re loved. Everyday, until the day I die.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki sighed and shook his head no, as he pulled his hand back from Tommy’s grasp.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No?” Tommy asked, surprised. “Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I still need time to think about things. I won’t ignore you, I just need time. But, I really have to go now. I have a lot going on with the baby, and my mind is with him, as I watch the clock tick by. I need to get there…. Um, I’m not sure where your clothes from last night are. If you find them, and they’re still wet, you can wear something of mine,” Nikki said, rising again to get dressed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everything that Tommy just said seemed perfect and from the heart, but on the other hand, it also seemed manipulative, designed just to cause Nikki to cave in. It’s not enough for him to trust his heart to Tommy again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK…. so, when are you going to know?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Know what?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well... about us?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re really asking me that? How should I fucking know,” Nikki snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just thought….” Tommy said, trailing off as he unsuccessfully tried to choke back tears. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what else to tell you…. Nikki…. I tried to make things right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.” Nikki walked out to the other guest room in search of clothes. He got dressed then took care of some business in the bathroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bassist leaned into the bedroom. “I’m leaving. Let yourself out and lock up. Don’t forget to make sure that you have your keys and shit. I won’t be able to come back and unlock this for you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe...can I stop by again soon?” Tommy asked. “Please…. Maybe tonight?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll let you know. It might depend on how tired I am, and how things are with Brandi and the baby and where that puts my head space.” Nikki replied. He stood there for another moment watching Tommy nervously roll the ring between two of his fingers before clapping it tightly in a fist. “And don’t watch me when I sleep. I’m not your playground, and I don’t like being vulnerable.” He walked away, taking his jacket, wallet, and keys. As he slipped out the front door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Tommy heard Nikki walking away, followed by the click of the front door closing, his tears poured out hot and heavy. He didn’t expect this. Not after the near drowning. Not after the sex. Not after the talk, and trying to explain his love for Nikki. He thought Nikki would accept the ring back. Tommy was scared and heartbroken. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What just happened?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He didn’t know what this meant. Was it the beginning of a break-up?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He wallowed around in bed for quite some time, crying with all kinds of scenarios running through his head. It was sometime later, through some moments of reflection, when he came up with an idea that finally got him out of bed. But before anything, he remembered that he told Nikki he’d wash the sheets and make the bed for him. He figured that he’d try to clean the floors of sand for Mick while the wash load ran.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Roughly two hours later, after laundry, sweeping, shaking out his sandy jacket on the balcony, making the bed, and pizza for breakfast, Tommy got himself dressed in his freshly laundered clothes from last night. He sorted through some papers on the counter for any information that he might be able to find to put his plan in place, which was namely a surprise visit to the hospital to show support. The problem was he didn’t know which hospital Brandi was at, or even her last name for that matter. Fortunately, Nikki had the hospital’s phone number written down on a sheet of paper near the phone, along with Brandi’s room number.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy called the number, a receptionist answered announcing the name of the hospital. As she asked how to direct his call, he hung up upon discovering where Brandi was. With that info and the room number jotted down, Tommy reached for his coat, and left for home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>About an hour and a half later, Tommy arrived at the hospital bearing gifts, and feeling hopeful. He held his breath as he asked to see </span>
  <em>
    <span>Brandi in Room 317</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The receptionist made a few clicks on her computer. “Sir, I’ll need your name. And if you’re on the list, your ID, please. This patient has a restricted guest list.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy swallowed hard. “It’s Tommy Lee,” he replied, hoping his name might be there, as he pulled his ID out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He waited for a tense moment as she took his license. “Thank you, Mr. Lee. Here’s your ID back and a pass. Take the elevator on the left to the third floor, then turn to the left. Please, you must  return your pass on your way out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Tommy said with a smile, relieved. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He reached his destination, and knocked on the door which was cracked open. He heard a female voice say </span>
  <em>
    <span>come in</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So he pushed the door open and stepped in, setting his eyes on Brandi, who was sitting up in the bed. Within a moment he realized that Nikki wasn’t there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy,” Brandi said, with a genuine smile, appearing happy to see him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Brandi, I hope it’s OK that I came by.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ve been asking about you. Um… Nikki stepped out for a little while.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh… well, maybe I should have called. But here… these are for you,” Tommy said presenting Brandi with a lovely arrangement of flowers. “They’re already in a vase. I figured that you wouldn’t have one in here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ohh, thank you, Tommy. I love flowers, and they’re beautiful. It gives me something to look at. These walls get boring, and my outside view is just another wing of the hospital. Nikki tried to use his celebrity status to have me moved to a room with a garden view, but the maternity ward is near full. I guess I have to consider myself lucky enough to not have a roommate.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hospital roommates are the worst, aren’t they? Always yelling or snoring, right? Anyway, um... how are you feeling? Do you think that you’ll be here a lot longer? How’s the baby doing? I’ve been worried.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He seems healthy. I just need to be careful with my movements as I heal. The doctor thinks that I should be able to go home sometime next week, but on bed rest,” Brandi replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that good, I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can sit, you know.” Brandi gestured with her hand towards a chair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, thanks. Um, by the way, this is a little gift for the baby. It’s just something personal from me that I want him to have from day one,” Tommy said, placing a small paper gift bag on the side table.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve asked Nikki about you a few times. I was wondering where you’ve been,” Brandi revealed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I had some things going on.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess I kind of assumed that you two would be doing things together regarding the baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you know, we still each have our business to take care of,” Tommy stuttered out, beginning to grow uncomfortable. He didn’t really know Brandi, and besides the awkwardness of talking about his absence from the scene, his preconceived notions of Brandi have been nothing but negative. And there he was, having to fake his way through a cordial conversation just to impress Nikki, who wasn’t even there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At least there was the baby, and Tommy was hit with a moment of realizing that he was right there, next to him, in a way. He took a deep breath, feeling a moment of connection. He wanted to touch Brandi’s belly, but he didn’t dare ask. Instead he continued on with awkward conversation for another ten minutes, trying to get to know the woman who was the mother of Nikki’s baby, before asking about where he was again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He went to get food, but I don’t know for sure. He’s been acting strangely. I guess this came as a shock to all of us,” Brandi answered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, a big shock, but it will be good, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we got this. I just need to follow the doctors’ orders… you know… be more careful. I know Nikki’s been upset about what happened. His moods are hard to read… but, at least he’s been here, and that’s been a comfort. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to say thank you for sharing him?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brandi placed her hand on her face, wincing, as her cheeks reddened. "Oh jeez, that sounded weird… I'm sorry. I really just need his support, is all. I hope you don’t think that I’m trying to catch him for myself, so to speak. I mean… I like him… god, I don’t know, Tommy. I must sound like an idiot right now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not at all. I understand… um, it’s…. I mean, there’s no denying that we have a unique situation here. Not only with the open-dating, which created these circumstances, but um… well, I don’t know what I’m saying either. Maybe I should just say thank you to you for allowing me to be part of this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brandi smiled. “I’m just trying to do what’s best for the baby. There’s just been so much to consider, and now this…. it just complicates things further. But, I really need Nikki here, so thanks again. Sorry if that’s a strange thing to say.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s all good. But listen, I have an appointment at three o’clock, so I’ll need to get going,” Tommy lied, really just wanting to track down Nikki at this point.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you have time to catch Nikki, here in the maternity ward, there’s a little sitting area for dads that has vending machines. There’s the main cafeteria on the first floor, and an outdoor pavilion right off of that. He can smoke out there. My guess is he can be found at one of those places if you want to try to see him before leaving.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe I’ll try to catch him on my way out. It was really nice to meet you. I mean, I know we met before, but more so just in passing. This was nice.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad that you were able to come today. Thanks again for the flowers. They’re so pretty.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome. Anything to make you happy as you keep the baby well,” Tommy replied, smiling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come by again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will,” Tommy said, slipping out the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After peeking in the sitting area before leaving the maternity ward, and scouting out the cafeteria, Tommy finally spotted Nikki sitting on a bench outside on the sunny pavilion. He stepped out and causally slid onto the bench next to Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom? What are you doing here?” Nikki asked, surprised to see him. He condensed his spread out lunch into a tight knit pile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanted to visit. I thought that maybe I should be here too, as a start.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you shouldn’t,” Nikki said, starting to get up, trying to gather up his lunch components.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy grabbed hold of his forearm. “Please, can we talk?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it that you want?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to make things right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s perhaps a little late for that,” Nikki replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please give me a chance. I want to be here. I want to be with you, and to make sure that the baby is OK.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom, stop. Just don’t…. </span>
  <b>don’t </b>
  <span>come here anymore. You’ll have nothing to do with this baby.” Nikki started to stand up again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What does that mean?” Tommy asked, tears pricking his eyes as he looked up at Nikki, who was now standing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took a breath. “This isn’t gonna work out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What isn’t?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Us…. I can’t do this anymore,” Nikki responded, toggling his finger between himself and Tommy. “I decided that I’m gonna find a comfortable place to live… just me and my son. You can buy me off the mortgage. Or we can sell the house, and take our shares.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, please don’t do this. I just need another chance. I’m giving you one. Please… I can’t live without you,” Tommy pleaded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes you can. You did it for the past few weeks with no problem when it was on your own terms.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was just working through my own emotions and pain… I, um…. please, please can we just talk more about this. You cheated on me first. Why do you get to decide this…. Why can’t--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can decide whatever the hell I want. I don’t need your permission to break-up with you. You could have done the same, and maybe should have instead of jerking me around. You fucked up by taking it too far. It’s too late now because I can’t be with someone who tosses me aside like trash. That’s exactly what you did, and I don’t want to be with someone who gets off on my suffering.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t getting off on it. I was hurting too, and I didn’t like seeing you in pain either. It killed me--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yet, you kept on. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>killed you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, yet you did nothing about it. That’s not the way love works. You don’t love me the way I love you, and that’s all there is to it. And I refuse to play the part of the gullible idiot who turns a blind eye to that,” Nikki asserted, shoving a finger towards Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do love you, Nikki. Please, let me show you. I messed up. I don’t know what got into me,” Tommy sobbed, placing his hands over his heart. “I can’t bear to see you with anyone else. You’re mine.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You intentionally chose someone else over me. How do you think that made me feel? You purposely left me alone, while you went to be in someone else’s arms. So, I don’t know what it is you think that you feel for me… infatuation, maybe familiarity, maybe it’s just the sex when you have no one better to fuck. I don’t fucking know, but it can’t be love.... not in my book.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not those things. It is love…. deep love, please don’t leave me. I was messed up because you hurt me too. Please give me another chance, Nikki. I’ve given you one. Please.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took a deep breath, and softened as he thought about what to say next. “We’ll still see each other. And I’m still around, and I’ll be there if you need anything, OK? And let me know your thoughts about the house.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you loved me,” Tommy whimpered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do. You’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with. But I require the same type of love in return, and you showed me that you’re not capable of that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But I am… please. You know me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought that I knew you... Look, I gotta go back in. I’ll see you at the studio next week. I think Thursday we’re starting back,” Nikki said. He turned away and threw his half eaten food into a nearby trash can.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?” Tommy pleaded, before the bassist got far.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you. Just please, think some more about this. Maybe the time apart will…. I don’t know… maybe you’ll miss me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know I’ll miss you. If you think this is easy for me, it’s not. And if you think that it’s what I want, it’s not. It’s just that this is the reality, and we’re not a proper match.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded. “Just keep an open mind. I’ll never stop trying.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be open,” Nikki said, turning on his heel towards the door again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He turned back to face Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I brought something for the baby. I want him to have it, OK?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Nikki replied, with an unreadable look upon his face. He turned away and went back inside, leaving Tommy heartbroken on the bench.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>------------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yikes! What's gonna happen to these two?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Crash and Burn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nikki wants peace. Tommy wants Nikki.</p>
<p>‐-------------</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As I was responding to some comments here and on Wattpad last week, it made sense to draw these three parallels between the two main characters:</p>
<p>1. Tommy fears not being liked. <br/>Nikki fears not being loved. </p>
<p>For Tommy, it motivates him to be a show-off and to harbor jealousy over the attention others get. Why don't people like me? Why don't people see me as someone worthwhile, talented, intelligent, etc. </p>
<p>For Nikki, it causes a distrust in the motives of others and he questions his self- worth. How could anyone ever love me? I'll always be a loner. </p>
<p>(On the opposite side, Tommy has always felt secure among the people who love him, mainly family. While Nikki's never given given a shit whether people like him or not.)</p>
<p>2. Tommy lives in the moment. <br/>Nikki holds on to the past and is concerned with the future.</p>
<p>Tommy does what he wants and what feels good without thinking through things first. He doesn't often take into consideration how his actions effect the people around him and the course of future. </p>
<p>Nikki can't let go of his past, bringing the pain of it into current scenarios whether it applies or not. And he spends a lot of time planning and often worrying about what's to come and how things are going to work out. He can miss out on the good moments that are right in front of him.</p>
<p>3. Tommy is driven by his heart, emotions, and core feelings.... good and bad. Rationale is not a strong point for him. </p>
<p>Nikki is driven by what goes on in his head. Emotions are too messy for him. He needs things to make sense, so he tries to corral his emotions and place them into scenarios that he draws up in his head. </p>
<p>So, I made these two very opposite of each other. It's why they handle things differently. And when one is finally resolved, the other is heading off the opposite way. </p>
<p>-------------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After leaving Tommy alone in the hospital courtyard, Nikki roamed the hallways of the hospital, not ready to go back to Brandi's room. He found an unfamiliar indoor seating area that was mostly void of others, where he could sit and settle himself down. His emotions were running high, and had he not been among people, he'd most likely be bawling his eyes out.</p>
<p>Nikki hadn't planned on telling Tommy that day that the relationship was over. He wasn't sure he was ready to make the break. But the surprise visit irritated him enough to make him blurt it out, right then and there. Earlier, the doctors remarked that the baby's heart rate was a little sluggish. Not dangerously slow, just something that needed to be monitored closely. Not to mention that Brandi's blood pressure was elevated. The news was enough to send Nikki into another tailspin of worry and concern. Tommy didn't have a right to insert himself onto a scene that he wasn't invited to, because he already rejected the notion of it weeks back. <em>Like he</em> <em>really cares, </em>Nikki thought to himself. This wasn't his ship to jump on, he affirmed to himself, as he slid back into the familiar pattern of choosing to suffer alone.</p>
<p>He needed that time of solitude, as he wasn't about to tell anything to Brandi. It was the very reason why Tommy was placed on the list of permissible visitors; because she didn't need to know anything going on between them. An announcement of such, would have only made her more insistent of a deeper relationship between her and him. It wasn't what he wanted. Not just because she was female, but because she wasn't Tommy. A new relationship with anyone, male or female, was unfathomable to even consider at that time.</p>
<p>When Nikki finally felt that he had his emotions in check, he made his way back to Brandi's room. It would only be another two or three hours, before Brie would be back to relieve him so that he could go home for the rest of the day.</p>
<p>Nikki stepped into the room.</p>
<p>"Oh my god, it's about time. I was beginning to wonder whether you got lost," Brandi chided. "Tommy stopped by. Did he track you down?'</p>
<p>"Yeah, and I'm sorry, we just got to talking. I lost track of the time."</p>
<p>"It's OK. I kind of figured that was it, but I needed to call the nurse in to help me with a few things."</p>
<p>If it weren't for the good of his son, Nikki wouldn't be here. Brandi was needy and demanding at times. It's not something that he was used to. Not to mention, she watched fucking soap operas all day, and talked to him about the characters and scenarios like they were real people. But having him here, kept her calmer, and that was what was best for the baby.</p>
<p>"I'm back now. Do you need anything?" Nikki said in an irritated tone, throwing his hands up at his sides.</p>
<p>"Not anymore, I'm good. But Tommy dropped off a gift, and I couldn't reach it," Brandi said, motioning towards the gift bag. "He was thoughtful enough to bring me flowers too," she beamed. "I'm a sucker for old-school romance, you know."</p>
<p>"Romance, to you... from Tommy?" Nikki said with a snarl.</p>
<p>"God, Nikki... I'm just saying that I like flowers. At least he brought me gifts."</p>
<p>"I didn't know that I was supposed to come bearing gifts. I'm here for the baby, and to keep you company."</p>
<p>"Why are you being such an asshole? I'm just trying to express some appreciation for nice things while I'm stuck in this god-forsaken bed, looking at four bland walls and your stupid face!" Brandi complained.</p>
<p>"How about I put a fucking bag over my head, and we call it a day! That way I don't need to see you, and you don't need to see me! I can just listen to the heart monitor, which is what I'm here for."</p>
<p>"Real nice, Nikki. Do you want to be the one laying here all damn day trying to keep our baby alive? Have a little compassion, jerk."</p>
<p>Nikki could have sworn that he just felt Mick's hand smack him in the back of the head, and heard a heady whisper in her ear... <em>Women need to be treated differently, dumbass.</em> He took a deep breath, realizing he was getting Brandi riled up. It's not her fault.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I'm just a little tired and stressed out is all. I know you are too. The flowers are really nice, and I'm glad that you like them" Nikki smiled half-heartedly, as he got up to fetch the gift bag. He handed it to her to open.</p>
<p>"Alright. We're both stressed out. I'm sorry too," Brandi replied, as she reached for the bag. She peeked in, and Nikki noticed a twist in her brows before she pulled out what was inside.</p>
<p>"What's this?" she said, holding out a rag torn stuffed bunny toy. "I don't know if I want the baby touching this. It's um.... um..." she grimaced. "Do you know why he'd give this as a gift?"</p>
<p>Nikki felt a knot form deep in his belly. He knew exactly what that was, and what it meant.</p>
<p>"It was his... when he was little," was all Nikki could say, as angered welled up in him again with Brandi's snobby reaction. He motioned with his fingers for her to hand it over, which he then snatched out of her hand abruptly.</p>
<p>"Couldn't he buy something new, and clean? Tommy seems to have an eye for fine things, so I thought it would be something classy or designer."</p>
<p>Nikki looked at the grubby grayish fur on the toy, which when new, had probably been bright white. He put the stuffed toy into the pocket of his blazer. "Excuse me," he said, as he got up to go into the bathroom.</p>
<p>"Whatever."</p>
<p>Nikki heard that as he shut the door behind him. He didn't actually need to go, but he was either going to regretfully snap at Brandi again or start tearing up in front of her if he didn't get up.</p>
<p>He closed the toilet lid, sat on it and pulled the worn bunny from his pocket.</p>
<p>
  <em>Nikki</em>
  <em> remembered the evening Voula stopped by their house about a year ago, arriving with Sunday pot roast leftovers and a shoebox in her arms.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>After Tommy and Nikki plated up food, Voula gathered both of them around the table and opened the lid of the box.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I was going through some odds and ends, and I think that it's time to pass these keepsakes down to you, now that you're living more responsibly," Tommy's mom announced with a smile, as she began pulling things out. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nikki watched keenly, wondering what types of things a mother would keep. He was not aware of anything that still existed from his wee years, with the exception of a few pictures. His mother wasn't exactly the keepsake type person. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Bronzed baby shoes, a vintage Christmas ornament of a porcelain cherub, knitted booties, two locks of hair and a few baby teeth in envelopes, some cards, a couple of saving bonds, a stainless steel rattle, and several pictures to start. There were a few more things, and among them... a letter written in Greek to Tommy from his mom, and a ratty stuffed bunny. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I wrote this to you Tommy, love, the day you were born. After so many prior losses, I couldn't believe the beautiful baby that was finally in my arms. I included a translation for you to read, later."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ooh, a love letter for me?" Tommy said, popping his eyebrows up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Voula smiled. "And do you remember this?" she asked, holding up the bunny with a playful bounce.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tommy took it in his hand and scrunched his face, thinking... trying hard to recall. "I'm not sure, mom. Maybe?" he replied, scratching his head.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"It was a gift from daddy. He picked it out, and gave it to you for a source of comfort for when he was away on military detail. This little guy traveled with us from Greece to Thailand to California. Once life stabilized here, with daddy taking a 9 to 5 job, you moved on to other toys. See... here are a few pictures with you holding it," Voula said, handing them to Tommy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm not really sure that I remember it. But I can see why it's so scruffy, I'm sucking on an ear in this picture," Tommy laughed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nikki watched Tommy stroke his thumb across the bunny a few times, contemplating something; probably still trying to remember his life abroad. He always seemed bummed that he had very few memories from that period of time. What he could visualize were just blurs of a scene or a face. Not unusual... most people don't remember much of anything from their first few years of life. But Tommy always seemed particularly bothered by this, maybe because they were his only extraordinary years of his childhood outside of a vanilla life in the suburbs of L.A.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nikki was knocked out of his own contemplation when Tommy suddenly spoke out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You were crying, mom."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"What, Tommy?" Voula inquired.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You were crying about something. I remember a brown tile floor. I was sitting on it, and I got up to climb on your lap and rubbed your tears away with the bunny."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Voula put her finger to her cheek, and sat still for a few moments to ponder that shared memory from her son.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Yes... it was in Thailand. I remember.... it was that fussy pilot light on the two-burner stove. It went out, and I couldn't get it relit. I needed to heat up dinner, and I couldn't get the stove to work. I had a moment of despair. Even though we lived on the base, household amenities were basic and rudimentary. We were lucky to even have propane tanks for the house. I can't believe you remember that, darling,"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Me neither. It just came to me. Maybe a whisper from the bunny," Tommy replied. He got up and walked over to the other side of the table, dropped a kiss on the top of his mom's head, and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "Thank you, mom, for saving all of these things. It means a lot to me."</em>
</p>
<p>"Nikki!!"</p>
<p>The bassist snapped out of his thoughts, as he heard Brandi yelling for him. He stuffed the toy back into his pocket, and hurried out of the bathroom.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?!" Nikki asked, his heart pounding.</p>
<p>"I can't reach the TV remote. It fell to the side, and if I stretch I might injure myself. Hurry up, my next show is starting on channel 2."</p>
<p>"Fuck, the way you screamed, I thought something was wrong," Nikki snapped, as he reached for the remoted, untangling the tethered cord.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure that you heard me. Come on, hurry up," Brandi commanded.</p>
<p>Nikki changed the channel, placed the remote by her side, and sat back down in the chair next to the bed. His shift relief couldn't come soon enough.</p>
<p>"Thank you, baby," Brandi smiled, wiggling her hand as a signal for Nikki to take hold of it. "I can't wait to find out if Brad and Cassandra go through with the divorce," she chattered gleefully.</p>
<p>Nikki sighed and took her hand. He leaned his head against the mattress, then closed his eyes. He had enough for today. Brad and Cassandra could go fuck themselves.</p>
<p>----------------------------</p>
<p>Two days had passed since the hospital visit, they were a blur for Tommy. After Nikki left him in the courtyard at the hospital, he sucked in his breath to keep from losing it. He made his way out of the maze of corridors, until he got himself back to the visitors' lobby. He took a beeline straight for the sliding doors, as his emotions were mere seconds away from impetuously exploding from within. With one foot out the door, security personnel began accosting him for attempting to abscond with the visitors pass. Tommy couldn't remember what he did with it, as he frantically patted down all of his pockets in search of the cheap laminated pass. Panic was setting in.</p>
<p>"Mr. Lee, we need that pass. That room has a restricted guest list. The pass needs to be accounted for." Tommy shrugged, barely able to comprehend what was being said to him.</p>
<p>"We'll call the room, sir. Guests tend to leave passes in the patient's room. If you please just wait here." The drummer thought about just running out the door, as tears were starting to breach the rims of his eyes, but he didn't. The guard recognized him, and he didn't need this publicity, so he screeched at them to just hurry up, as he paced the floor.</p>
<p>"Mr. Lee, we have confirmation from the patient that the pass is up in her room. We're sorry to have held you up, but proper protocols--" Tommy didn't wait for them to finish. He knew he could leave without further incident, and he bolted for the door, not slowing his pace until he reached his car. Once inside the outburst of painful emotions poured out, and he had not stopped crying since... for two days.</p>
<p>He couldn't really do anything more than loll around in bed, sobbing and drinking himself blind. It was after one p.m. on Sunday when Tommy thought that he heard the doorbell ring. He sat up, and blinked his eyes, as he surveyed the mess on the bed; a few empty bottles, tissues, wrappers, and crumbled papers from failed attempts at writing a letter.</p>
<p>Tommy has relegated himself over to Nikki's side of the bed. He couldn't bear looking at the empty spot, so he filled it himself. Over the past day, he rummaged through the nightstand drawer on Nikki's side, on the hunt for something meaningful. There was nothing; condoms, scarves, bedroom toys, lube, pens, pencils, tissues, matches, contact lens supplies, Tylenol, and other odds and ends, including a notebook with nothing but a few scribbles inside. Trying to feel a connection with Nikki as he laid on that side of the bed, he took the notebook, and attempted to pour his feelings out on paper.... the way Nikki would have. Only he couldn't; his brain didn't work like that, as he tore out page after page of failed attempts. All he wanted was peace, and every attempt to achieve it fell short.</p>
<p>As Tommy brushed away the crumbled paper and other trash, he heard the doorbell again; more clearly this time. He shook his head and ventured out from the bedroom to the front door, unsure how long the person had been there trying to get his attention. A glance into the peephole revealed that it was Nikki, who by now was walking away.</p>
<p>Tommy immediately threw the door open to stop him. "Nikki!!" he called out with desperation. He envisioned him in slow-motion spinning around, taking long strides back towards the door with his arms stretched forward in preparation of a bone-crushing embrace.</p>
<p>Instead, Nikki turned around and moseyed back towards the entryway with his hands in his pockets. "Can I come in?"</p>
<p>"Of course, it's still your house. You can use your key," Tommy replied, using all his willpower to not throw his own arms around his lost love.</p>
<p>"It doesn't feel right anymore," Nikki sighed as he stepped in.</p>
<p>Tommy swallowed hard, at that comment. He had hoped that this visit was Nikki coming back to make amends, but somehow that comment made it all suspect.</p>
<p>"What's up, Nikki?" Tommy asked, his mouth dry and cracking.</p>
<p>"A couple of things. Um, first, how are you doing?" Nikki said, nervously running his hand through his hair.</p>
<p>"Take a guess," Tommy said, also running his fingers through his hair, to pull out a few tangles at the ends.</p>
<p>It had only been two days, but Tommy looked dreadful. It wasn't just his knotted, greasy hair, unshaven face, and glassy eyes. He looked... void. That was the only word that came to Nikki's mind when he asked, "Do you need anything?" As he reached out and put his hand on the drummer's shoulder.</p>
<p>"You already know what I need," Tommy replied, looking down. "What do <em>you</em> need? Why did you come here? You know you got a stack of fucking mail on the counter," Tommy snarled, as he became animated and motioned with his thumb towards the kitchen. "Not to mention a bunch of messages for you on the answering machine. I don't have a forwarding number for you, and I'm not your fucking answering service anyway."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry. I don't know where my head's been," Nikki replied, with a shake of his head.</p>
<p>"Furthermore, the landscaping company came yesterday. They boxed the damn hedges in the front again, and I thought you told them not to do that anymore because we agreed it looked stupid. They claimed they had no notations about that change. And I couldn't get into the filing cabinet to pull out the contract and look at the notes from their last service receipt since you decided to lock it and take keys. So I wound up having to pay for shitty work that I didn't like!"</p>
<p>"Shit, I'm sorry. It's mostly band business files in there, and I was just securing them."</p>
<p>"Securing them from who? Me?"</p>
<p>"No, I... fuck... I always keep it locked. We have cleaning people and friends in the house and shit. I just--"</p>
<p>"And you took both keys, or hid 'em or something," Tommy squawked.</p>
<p>"I was angry, OK?! You rarely use it. I'm in there a lot for business stuff, and I was moving out and needed the files! Only Mick refused to allow me to bring to his place. I was just angry and wanted to take it all," Nikki bit back, feeling like a bit of an asshole, he sighed and softened his voice. "So I just took the keys instead. I should have left you one."</p>
<p>"Yeah, and the fucking water line in the fridge is frozen again. But I can't access the warranty paperwork to put in a service call. Fuck you, if you think that I want to continuing living here. You can fucking live here and buy me off. I'm not giving you a damn dime to continue to stay in a place that reminds me everyday that I... that we... FUCK!!" Tommy ranted, pulling at this hair. "What did you come here for!?"</p>
<p>"Look, I'll call a realtor sometime this week," Nikki stuttered, at a loss for words feeling flustered.</p>
<p>Nikki ran his fingers through his tresses a few times to gather his thoughts. "I need to swap my truck out for my Jeep. So, I'm gonna back the truck into the garage before I leave with the Jeep. And..." Nikki took a deep breath. "I wanted to give this back to you." Nikki held out the stuffed bunny.</p>
<p>Tommy's heart shattered. "I told you I wanted the baby to have it," Tommy replied, holding his hands up.</p>
<p>"I know, but.... but, there's no point, Tom. You're not the father. Save it for your own kids someday," Nikki said, as gently as he could. "You'll be glad you did."</p>
<p>"But I still want him. I mean, I can at least be like his favorite uncle. I--"</p>
<p>"Maybe... I guess it depends whether we can be friends. Otherwise, you'll be no different to him than say Vince will be. Or how Vince's and Mick's kids see us now. I mean, they know who we are, but we're nothing special to them... we're just their dads' friends."</p>
<p>"I want to be someone special. Please, Nikki.... don't shut me out of his life," Tommy insisted.</p>
<p>Nikki paused for a few moments before replying. "You had that chance already, but I'm not here to pick fights. I won't shut you out, I just don't see us being really close anymore. And it's not that I don't want to be... you know, like how we were in the past, best friends. But, I'm just being realistic. You can't go backwards sometimes, after so much has happened."</p>
<p>"Nikki, I can't deal with a conversation like this right now. The house and shit, and your stupid messages.... that's one thing. But not this.... I'm fucking hung over, and dizzy. I just..."</p>
<p>"OK look, um, I'm just gonna get the mail and messages. I'll leave you a key for the cabinet and my phone number. Then I'm gonna head out through the garage," Nikki replied, with a resigned sigh.</p>
<p>"Whatever, I don't give a shit," Tommy spit before storming off to his bedroom, slamming the door shut.</p>
<p>Nikki was a loss himself. He didn't know how to proceed, and couldn't even wrap his own mind around realtors and ways to collect his messages without having to tell the world that he wasn't at that phone number anymore. He wasn't ready for any of that, but he also knew it wasn't fair to Tommy to leave him to handle the mess of the house alone.</p>
<p>He placed the bunny on the coffee table and then headed to the kitchen to listen to the messages.</p>
<p>Most of them were bullshit, or things he just wasn't in the mood to deal with at the moment. Nikki took note of the important information, and tucked the paper in his pocket. On the next page of the notepad, he wrote down the phone number for Mick's beach condo, then fished one of the filing cabinet keys off of his keyring and left it on top of the notepad.</p>
<p>Nikki sifted through the mail on the counter, determining that most of it was junk. He tossed the unimportant stuff then turned his attention to the fridge. He pressed the lever and heard the ice churning inside, but nothing came out. Fuck. He pursed his lips, tired of this irritating issue, then forcefully pressed on the lever down a few more times, as if ice should suddenly obey his demands and come tumbling out. It was then he heard the bedroom door open and pounding footsteps coming his way.</p>
<p>Tommy tore out of his room and charged towards the kitchen, catching his eye on the bunny as he passed through the living room, snatching it up along the way. He barreled towards Nikki, stopping only a few feet in front of him.</p>
<p>"Here! I think you forgot something when you were packing your shit up," Tommy screeched, as he abruptly crushed a bag into his chest.</p>
<p>Nikki took a step backwards to catch his balance, as he tried to grapple with whatever Tommy just nearly whipped at him. Immediately he realized what it was.... the gift bag with the baby onesie.</p>
<p>"Tom, I bought this before you went to Vegas. I had still hoped that--"</p>
<p>"Then why'd you leave it after I left? Too make me feel like shit?!"</p>
<p>"Maybe I did! I was hurting. I wanted you to choose us.... And you didn't. YOU LEFT ME!!" Nikki shouted.</p>
<p>"I came back, and I tried to call you that night I left. I made a mistake, but I'm here now crying out for you! And all you do is shut me down."</p>
<p>"I shut you down? I'm here talking to you, aren't I? Asking you how you are. You shut me down when I was crying out to you, and you just left me."</p>
<p>"I needed time and space, and you know that."</p>
<p>"Well, you got it!" Nikki snapped. "Now you have all the fucking time and space that you need!"</p>
<p>"Yeah... I guess," Tommy angrily snorted, as he paced the floor with uncontrolled energy. "But not enough for all this unnecessary shit in my life," Tommy spit, as he took his toy bunny by the ears. Tearing one off as he ripped the rabbit apart, exposing the compacted, cushy stuffing.</p>
<p>He took an angry stride towards the trash can, and launched it in. "I told you that I wanted to give that to the baby! It means nothing else to me anymore and I don't need it around as a reminder of what I lost," Tommy choked out, while trying to hold back tears. "Fuck you, and take your Jeep and fuck off!" he thrust his finger towards Nikki. "Brandi wanted him to be mine too!" he shrieked, storming off once again to his bedroom, followed by another door slam.</p>
<p>----------------------------</p>
<p>Nikki could hear music blasting from Tommy's room. Maybe to drown out his sobs, or maybe to pour his anger into. The bassist didn't feel good about any of the stuff that just unfolded. He wasn't even angry at Tommy anymore. It was all just a reminder of the harsh realities of breaking up with someone who you built a life with, planned a future with, and was still in love with. Nikki walked back into the living room and took a wide view around the house. Those empty spots on the wall were stark reminders of the sudden change of the direction for their two lives. He understood what Tommy meant, when he said that he didn't want to live in the house anymore. Nikki wouldn't want to either, as every square inch, from corner to corner held memories of happier times. Nikki plopped on the couch and held his head in his hands to think.</p>
<p>Something Tommy said gave him pause; that Brandi welcomed them both as fathers. Did the fact that the baby was biologically Nikki's, mean that he had the right to snatch away any claim Tommy laid to him? Yes, from a legal standpoint, all rights were his, but what about morally? If they hadn't broken up, Nikki's biological connection wouldn't have mattered any more than Tommy's non biological connection. Nikki sighed at such a frivolous thought. The baby was still months away from being born. By then, the break up would be old news and both of them would have moved on... maybe. Still, was he right to yank it all from underneath Tommy? It was something that he'd have to sort out in his head.</p>
<p>He shook himself out of his thoughts and stood up to retrieve the bunny and its detached ear from the garbage can. He stared at the sad sight, a sign of brokenness, then reached for the toy. He looked back towards the direction of Tommy's bedroom and sighed. He was just trying to be realistic about the situation, but Tommy still seemed to be caught up in some fantasy world that just wasn't going to happen. As he held the bunny, it occurred to him that there was something that he had to do, and it wasn't going to be easy.... it was when the non-biological connection was truly going to get complex.</p>
<p>Ten minutes later, mail, toy, and onesie in hand, he pulled out of the driveway in his Jeep, clicking the garage remote to close the door. He was soon heading in the direction of West Covina, a pleasant suburb of L.A. filled with moderate, well-kept family homes. Nikki pulled up to the curb along the quiet tree-lined street in front of the mid-century modern home belonging to Tommy's parents.</p>
<p>Tommy had offered, on more than one occasion, to get his parents into a more opulent house with modern amenities, a pool, and more privacy but his parents declined the offers. Some of it may have been pride, but more so, Mrs. Bass loved this home. It's always been a place full of family and love. She looked forward to spending many more years here, just to see her grandchildren padding their pudgy little feet down the same hallways and sleeping soundly in the same bedrooms that Tommy and his sister once graced.</p>
<p>As Nikki got out of the Jeep he spied Mr. Bass in the backyard and side, carting fertilizer over the lawn. He smiled and waved, and received the same in return. He hoped that Mr. Bass would remain outside. They got along fine for the most part, but Nikki knew he wasn't Mr. Bass's favorite person. Although Tommy's dad eventually accepted their relationship, it wasn't with open arms. Nikki sensed there was still some uneasiness there. He was well aware, simply put, that Mr. Bass would have preferred Tommy to be with a girl, and he still did.</p>
<p>Now, Tommy's mom, Voula ... she was a different story. She too was surprised by the announcement of the relationship between her son and Nikki. There was some initial skepticism. But very quickly, she embraced Nikki with open arms. It meant the world to him, to have a mother-figure in his life once again. His own mother was rarely present, unkind, and unloving. It was his grandmother who raised him. But sadly, she passed away five years earlier, leaving a big hole in Nikki's heart. Voula filled that void.</p>
<p>The visit was going to be difficult. Nikki took deep breaths as he rang the doorbell.</p>
<p>The door opened. "Nikki, sweetheart. Come in," Mrs. Bass smiled warmly, arms already outstretched for an embrace.</p>
<p>Voula insisted some time ago that Nikki call her mom. He does sometimes, and others times, no. He had always waffled between the two monikers, Voula and mom. Sometimes it was just dependent on the situation. Like when Mr. Bass was present, it was never mom, just Voula. And at that moment.... it pained him, as he replied, "Hi Voula."</p>
<p>"Is Tommy here with you?" she asked, craning her head to peer over his shoulder.</p>
<p>"No, just me."</p>
<p>She could already sense that something was wrong. "Is everything okay, dear?"</p>
<p>"It's not great. Can we sit?"</p>
<p>"Of course," Voula replied, with a concerned look. "Is it my grandbaby?"</p>
<p>Nikki drew an uneasy breath. "There's some things. The baby is fine right now, though.... If I could just use the bathroom first..." Nikki said, holding his thumb out towards the direction of the bathroom.</p>
<p>"I'll put the tea kettle on," Voula replied with a smile, which Nikki could tell was masking the worry that was evident in her eyes.</p>
<p>Nikki stepped inside the bathroom, shutting the door. He did have to piss, but more so, he was already struggling with emotions, and he needed to pull himself together. There was a very difficult conversation ahead, and his heart was starting to protest the very thought of it.</p>
<p>About five minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom and took a seat at the old-school circular kitchen table with the laminate top and a band of shiny aluminum accenting its circumference. Voula had a tin of Danish cookies set out, along with teacups on saucers, and cream and sugar. The kettle whistle began to chirp. Mrs. Bass pulled it off of the burner prematurely, before it got to a full boil. She couldn't wait a minute longer, and just a few moments later she was bringing the steeping teapot to the table, setting it on a trivet.</p>
<p>"What brought you here, darling?" Voula asked.</p>
<p>Nikki swallowed hard, then exhaled. "Brandi, the woman who's pregnant with my baby, is in the hospital."</p>
<p>Voula was alarmed and asked why and what happened. Nikki filled her in with the details, as she poured the tea into the cups. He also told her that the baby was a boy.</p>
<p>"Nikki, I have no doubt that my grandson will be just fine." Voula provided a warm smile, patting his hand. "I was beginning to wonder what was really going on, as I hadn't heard from you about the baby. Tommy came over here, and--"</p>
<p>"I know, and I'm...I'm sorry. I should have called to thank you for the gift...." Nikki shut his eyes, as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. "I have something else to tell you." As he opened his eyes, he could immediately see the color drain from Voula's face as she sat there and tried to present a steadfast appearance.</p>
<p>"Tommy and I, we're not together anymore," Nikki revealed, dipping his face downward, as he quietly sobbed.</p>
<p>Voula blinked her eyes, and took a shaky breath as the news penetrated. "What happened, love? It was Tommy, wasn't it? Something wasn't right when he came by here to tell me about the baby." Tears streaked her face too.</p>
<p>"It was a lot of things. He wasn't happy about the unexpected pregnancy, and he shunned me for it. He refused to talk to me. Then I...," Nikki paused, as he started to choke up.</p>
<p>"Go on, dear. It's alright," Mrs. Bass softly urged, as she reached out again to place her hand on top of Nikki's.</p>
<p>"I got wasted, and I cheated on him. I know I was wrong. I didn't go out looking for it. It was a moment of weakness and stupidity while I was loaded." Nikki reached for the tissues on the counter behind him, and wiped his face. "Tommy was really upset, and wouldn't talk to me. I don't blame him for that. But just a few days later, he retaliated with his own cheating. Maybe I deserved it, maybe once. I don't know... I would have forgiven him. But, instead he kept it up, and he saw the guy more than once. He purposely made it obvious what he was doing, just to rub in my face and hurt me."</p>
<p>"Nikki, it sounds like you both have done some wrong. Can't you sit down and talk it through?"</p>
<p>"He refused to talk to me, and he wound up going away on a trip with the other guy. I had no other option but to accept that he made his choice, and it wasn't me... so I moved out."</p>
<p>"And what does he think about that? Is he still with that other person?" Voula asked.</p>
<p>"He's not with him, it was just a fling I guess. And he was upset that I moved out.... a lot of things have happened since, including the incident with Brandi and the baby. Much of which has led us to talk, but it's just too late. He did too much emotional damage to me. I stopped by today, and we did nothing but argue."</p>
<p>Nikki looked into Voula's teary eyes. He could tell she was searching for the right words.</p>
<p>"It's more than just the fact that we both cheated on each other. He rejected my son, and he cheated openly while knowing how much it was hurting me. It was purposeful. I was also wrong by cheating, but I didn't go out to hurt him intentionally. I was just a stupid idiot with bad judgement. But he completely shut me out for that other person.... that's not love."</p>
<p>Voula scooted her chair right up to Nikki, and reached towards him for an embrace. "Oh, darling. I know my Tommy can be difficult at times, immature and impulsive." She pulled away from the hold, drew her hand to her mouth, and shut her eyes for just a moment of reflection before continuing. "He was my absolute world when he was born, since I had suffered so many prior miscarriages. And when Thomas, my little feisty miracle, finally arrived, David was often pulled away on military detail. It was just me and my little boy for long stretches, and I spoiled him rotten. He was always the apple of my eye. He doesn't know any better sometimes."</p>
<p>"I know, and I'm not expecting you to take sides," Nikki began to say, as he slumped back in his chair. "I know that he's your--"</p>
<p>"Nikki... I'm not going to take sides. He may be my son, but I know he's a handful. Hyper and impetuous. Not to mention spoiled both by me, and from being in the entertainment industry at such a young age. He still has a lot of growing to do."</p>
<p>"He does, and he's feeling sorry now. But how am I supposed to bridge that gap... between the way I love and the way he loves? It doesn't add up for me, and he doesn't understand that."</p>
<p>Voula pushed her chair back a few inches and futzed around with her tea, adding more warm brew to the cooled down cup. She set it back down on the saucer after taking a sip. "I remember when Tommy introduced me and David to that charming dimpled, blonde girl... that actress.... Heather. As we sat down for dinner, we marveled at how he could pluck such a lovely peach. Later that night he told us that he was in love, and that he thought that she might be the one. We were so happy for him. She was full of spunk yet polite and witty, and we thought that Tommy was finally making some smart decisions. We couldn't have been more delighted. And then what came next was.... nothing," Tommy's mother said with a shrug.</p>
<p>Voula sipped her tea, then continued, "David and I would ask every now and then if they were still dating, and he would say yes. We saw her briefly a few more times, but the relationship just seemed to fizzle without much fanfare. Yet, there was our Tommy, still buzzing around as happy as we'd ever seen him. We'd continued to ask about the girl, and he'd blow the questions off with vague answers. So I took him by the shoulders one day and asked, <em>are you still in love</em>, <em>Tom?</em> He wrapped his arms around my waist and said with sparkles in his eyes.... <em>Madly in love, mother</em>, then left me with a kiss. It didn't make sense. Where'd the girl go? It was a year or two later from that dinner, when he finally revealed that it was you who he loved. Imagine our shock."</p>
<p>"I remember," Nikki replied, breaking one of the cookies apart, having yet to eat any of it.</p>
<p>"Well, there's no need to rehash those moments... and I know that David still grieves certain aspects of your unconventional relationship with each other. But me, mother of that ball of energy, very quickly realized just how happy my baby boy was. The difference I heard in his voice and saw on his face when he told us that he loved you from when he told us that he loved the actress. Maybe it was something only a doting mother would notice, but I knew he found his soulmate."</p>
<p>Nikki pursed his lips, and nodded, as he grabbed another tissue.</p>
<p>"I don't know what happened to my baby, and how he got to be so vindictive. Such a spoiled one, isn't he," Voula's eyes watered. "He loves you, Nikki. A mother knows."</p>
<p>"I want to believe that, but what he did to my son.... the rejection.... I was scared out of my mind when I got the news about Brandi being pregnant. How can I be a father when I didn't have one around to show me how to be one? I feel like I'm only set to fuck up a little, innocent boy's life. What do I know? Nothing good." Nikki sobbed.</p>
<p>"I wanted Tommy with me. He would know how to be a good father. He's the better one between us. I was feeling lost, and he left me to myself. So, I think that I'm just meant to be alone. I always have been. Only god knows why I have a baby coming into my life. I just gotta figure it out. I gotta do something because I don't want him to ever feel any of the things I felt as a child. But I'm so afraid, and feeling so alone in my fears."</p>
<p>"Darling, you're not alone, I'm here. There are others around to help you."</p>
<p>"Mom..." Nikki cleared his throat. "Voula.... you accepted my son... so how do I just move on? If anyone knows about the importance of a loving grandmother, it's me," Nikki stuttered, wiping more tears away. "Brandi's mom seems nice enough, I guess. But my own mother told me that the baby would be raised amid confusion. That's about all she said. She already has two grandchildren, so maybe it's nothing special anymore. Maybe because the baby is mine, and I was never anything special to her. Why is it that the people who should love this baby the most, don't want him? I know it's because of me..... but you wanted the baby.... even without a biological connection."</p>
<p>"You're all the connection that I need. I still want him, dear. I wanted this grandbaby." Voula cried into her hands.</p>
<p>"I don't get it. Why don't you hate me for what I did?"</p>
<p>"Nikki, sweetheart, your past has really grabbed a hold of you, hasn't it. Don't let that dictate your future. You've come so far.... don't you see that? You can't let your ghosts from the past haunt you forever. There are a lot of good things, and good people out there waiting for you and your son. But you have to keep your eyes turned forward in order to see them."</p>
<p>This time Nikki moved his chair closer. He put his hand on her forearm and leaned his head on her shoulder. "Mom, I need you. I don't know how to say goodbye, and I can't do that with the baby. I just don't know what to do."</p>
<p>"Nikki, I will always be here for you and your son for anything you need. I so want to hold that baby in my arms," Voula replied, patting Nikki's head.</p>
<p>"You will. I promise.... What about David? He won't want me to--"</p>
<p>"David and I will talk. I know he struggles, but he wanted the grandbaby too. He's the one who picked out the gift."</p>
<p>"Really?" Nikki smiled, bravely. "That gift has given me some comfort over the past few weeks, especially in Tommy's absence." Connecting the fated dots, Nikki remembered the bunny that was tucked in his pocket. It was one of the reasons why he stopped by. "I have something you need to see," he said, pulling the damaged toy out of his jacket.</p>
<p>Voula looked troubled at the sight of it. "What happened?"</p>
<p>Nikki hesitated for a moment. "Tommy wanted the baby to have it. I gave it back to him and told him that he should save it for his own children.... and then he ripped it, threw it out, and stormed away. I... I wasn't trying to hurt him.... I just thought that because it was so special, that he should save it. You can fix it, right?"</p>
<p>"I can fix it," Voula replied, picking up both parts to study the damage. "Tommy's sister once chewed the hand open," Voula turned the bunny about to show Nikki the stitches. "See, right here. I sewed it up, and it was then that I placed the bunny in a keepsake box. That sturdy little guy made it across three continents with us, and I won't quit on it now. I'll get my sewing box out."</p>
<p>"I'm glad, and I'm sorry. I didn't know that he'd do that. I should have just given it directly back to you."</p>
<p>Voula patted Nikki's hand.</p>
<p>"He's hurting, isn't he?" Nikki asked, knowing the answer to his own question.</p>
<p>Mrs. Bass tried to soften her sad face, and nodded. "My baby behaved badly, and now...." she shrugged, not knowing how to proceed.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Voula," Nikki said, meaning it as a blanket statement over the whole mess. "I also had a part in this. I know he's hurt too."</p>
<p>"What should I do with the pair of you?"</p>
<p>"I know.... this is hard."</p>
<p>"What are your plans to go forward, dear?"</p>
<p>"I'm staying at Mick's beach condo for the time being, then I'll be looking for a comfortable place for just me and my boy. I'm not looking for anyone to be with. I can't even consider that any time soon," Nikki sighed, as he stood up from the chair. "I wish that I could figure out how to let go of my pain and distrust. I still love Tommy. I feel like I'll never stop," Nikki said with a waver in his voice, as he chewed on his thumbnail.</p>
<p>"I hated leaving him today. He was so upset and I just can't make sense of anything. I feel like I shouldn't trust his motives. Besides I've pretty much resolved that no one will ever love me. Look how I started off thirty-two years ago. I haven't made much progress."</p>
<p>"No one, Nikki?" Voula let out a tsk. "Do you trust me? Do you trust me when I tell you that I love you?"</p>
<p>Nikki looked up and wanted to yell out an emphatic <em>yes</em>, but the gears in his brain started cranking.... trying desperately to search for a way to say <em>no</em>. He couldn't say either, as tears streamed out from both eyes.</p>
<p>"Nikki, stop it," Voula admonished with a snap in her voice. "I know what you're doing inside your head. You're trying to rationalize your misguided notions. Tell me, do you trust me?"</p>
<p>Nikki nodded as he glanced down at the floor.</p>
<p>Voula softened again and smiled warmly. "I love you, darling. David too, even though he may not readily admit it. And our baby, Tommy, has he not loved you for the past five years? Ten since you've known each other? He made mistakes... you both did, but you know in your heart what those five years were. We're not anything like your own mother and father. Don't make that comparison. It's beyond a stretch to even try. You are loved now."</p>
<p>"I know," Nikki affirmed softly.</p>
<p>Voula stood up too, putting the bunny down, and stepped towards Nikki. She reached up and cupped his face in her hands. "You have a beautiful, creative, and thinking mind, love. I know how you sometimes drive yourself half crazy, trying to get things to work and make sense. And often at the end of the day, you've done nothing but worn yourself out, only to find that your issues soon resolved peacefully in their own time. Sometimes, it's best to put your mind to rest, and instead just let your heart lead you to where you're supposed to be."</p>
<p>"I will," Nikki pressed one of his own hands against Voula's, still on his cheek, then pulled her palm away to kiss it. "Thank you.... for everything. I can't begin to tell you the impact that you've had on my life, and it started with accepting me as your own," Nikki said, tearing up again. "I love you."</p>
<p>"I love you too, sweetheart. You keep me updated on that baby boy."</p>
<p>"I definitely will. I have to go, I need to get some rest because later I'm going to the hospital to stay with Brandi overnight. It's not easy to sleep there."</p>
<p>"I understand, but you just wait right here for another minute. You're not going anywhere without food to take home with you. You need to keep yourself strong and healthy."</p>
<p>As Nikki watched Voula package up food, he couldn't quite understand the devotion that she had for him especially after what happened between him and Tommy. It didn't fit within his realm of reasoning, but this was one that he would have to bite the bullet on. He knew he needed her, and any attempts made to refute that would leave him with the same type of regrets that he carried around with him from not visiting his grandmother when she was sick and dying. He had learned hard lessons from that. It was time to start doing better, if not for himself, at least for his son.</p>
<p>------------</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>**In 1991, the year this story is set, Tommy's sister, Athena, gave birth to the first Bass family grandchild (a girl) with her first husband. I briefly considered writing this into the story, but I decided to leave it out. Nikki's first baby was also born in 1991, but earlier in the year, than when this story takes place.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16 - What's It Gonna Take?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Tommy heard the rumble of the Jeep pull away from home yesterday, he thought he felt his soul leave his body too.</p>
<p>‐------------</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Since that afternoon when Nikki left the house with his Jeep, Tommy had really done nothing more than cry and stare out into nothingness. Even with the TV on, as well as the home studio at hand, nothing was captivating his interest. He didn’t know how he was going to move past this. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy, as he was going about his dirty deeds, knew in the back of his mind that he could very well have gone too far. Crossed the line to do irreparable damage to his relationship. He knew that could happen, but somehow he seemed to think that the </span>
  <em>
    <span>irreparable</span>
  </em>
  <span> could actually be repaired. It just never really occurred to him that he and Nikki would split. It seemed that such a thing would be going against nature, and it really could never happen….. until it did. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The reality of break up has been an excruciating experience. So many things have happened that he never thought he would be going through. Many the same emotions that welled up when Tommy got the news that Nikki </span>
  <em>
    <span>was dead</span>
  </em>
  <span> from an overdose, were coursing through his brain and body again. Finality is one of the toughest concepts to deal with. It’s just been an utter and complete loss of everything precious. Emptiness, despair, guilt, what could have been, and physical pain.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Tommy heard the rumble of the Jeep pull away from home yesterday, he thought he felt his soul leave his body too. He laid, doubled over in pain, thinking about Nikki, the baby, the onesie, and the bunny. The security toy that his dad had given to him out of love. The toy that was now ripped apart and sitting on top of greasy napkins, dumped ash tray remnants, and apple cores. He just lost control, when he couldn’t get what he so desperately wanted; a connection to the baby. That motivated him to get himself up from the bed. As he walked into the main living area, towards the kitchen, the house seemed uncomfortably still. Even Nikki angry and yelling was better than no one at all. He stood before the trashcan to pull the bunny out, only to find that it wasn’t in there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He realized that Nikki must have rescued it from its trashy fate. He dug down a little further to make sure it hadn’t slid into a deep gunk-filled crevice within the heap of refuse. Neither the ear, nor the rest of the bunny were to be found. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He imagined that Nikki would return it to his mother. And by the following afternoon, he was sure that’s what he had done. When he heard the doorbell, opened the front door and found his mother standing on the other side.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom? I… I didn’t know you were coming over,” Tommy stammered, as he tried to straighten out his sloppy appearance.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I come in, love?” Voula asked with a warm smile, as Tommy stood anxiously in the doorway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, mom. I’m sorry,” he said, as he backed up to make room for her entrance. “Um, things are a little messy… heh, heh.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s OK, dear,” Voula replied with a cocked eyebrow. “I brought food for you. I don’t want you to go hungry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would I go hungry?” Tommy asked nervously, praying within himself that somehow she doesn’t know anything about what happened between him and Nikki. He wasn’t ready to face her about this. But he already knew that she knew. He was cooked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When’s the last time you ate something? Let’s get you a plate of food,” Voula beamed, brushing past him towards the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s OK. I’m not that hungry, mom,” Tommy replied, trailing behind her towards the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nonsense. You need some meat on your bones,” Mrs. Bass remarked, as she reached for a plate, taking notice of the sink full of dirty dishes. “How are things, darling?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um… well… things are alright, I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula slammed both of her hands on the counter. “No, son. Things are not alright.” Her smile dropped and she reached for a wooden spoon from the utensil holder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Next thing Tommy knew, the spoon cracked down on his hand that he had propped on the counter to support his lean, followed by an angry rant in Greek. He pulled his hand in to soothe it, while another square smack landed on his bicep, then another on the top of his head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ow, mom! What the hell!” Tommy questioned as he turned to leave the kitchen in a hurry. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula followed him out into the living room. Continuing to yell in a language Tommy didn’t understand, as she charged after him, smacking him on the back and on his ass with the spoon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom! What’d I do?! Ow!” Tommy blared, turning back to face her, with his arms held out in defense, continuing to take steps backwards.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula furrowed her brows, and gave him one last smack on his cheek before tossing the spoon onto a nearby chair. “Your foolishness has cost me my grandbaby, Thomas!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy swallowed hard as he rubbed his cheek with his hand. “Oh god, I’m sorry, mom. I’m sorry. I know, I wasn’t thinking.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then you lie, and tell me that things are alright.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t know how to tell you,” Tommy said, starting to sob. “I don’t know what to do, or how to fix anything. I’m so sorry, mom. I messed up, and I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula took a step towards her son, and wrapped her arms around him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy returned the embrace, and cried into the crown of his mother’s scented hair for a minute, as she soothed his stinging back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, why?” Voula asked through tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I was stupid. I messed up the best thing that ever happened to me, and I can’t fix it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s sit, love.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy broke the embrace, and led his mother to the couch. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I need help. I need you, mom,” Tommy exhaled, and plopped down on the couch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know... Nikki stopped by the house yesterday afternoon. You threw your father’s gift into the garbage?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was going to pull it out. I lost control of my emotions,” Tommy replied. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, and dad. I wanted the baby to have it… like, so he’d always have a friend in me and that he’d always be loved by me. But, instead Nikki returned it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula sighed as she stroked the top of her son’s hand with her fingers. “Honey, I think that Nikki thought that he was doing the right thing… returning something to you that was family related. Perhaps he would have done better to wait, or to ask you what your intention of the gift was. I know the return of the gift must have been difficult to face.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom, he pretty much told me that I’ll be no one special to the baby. It wasn’t enough to tell me that I won’t get to be his dad… he had to rub more salt into the wound. I just wanted another chance. Why can’t I have that? It’s like I mean nothing to him now. I know it’s my fault when it comes to the baby, but I was freaked out at the beginning. I just didn’t know how to handle the news…. I mean, look at me…. do I look like a model dad?” Tommy said, tapping his bare chest with his hand. “I don’t know, ma, I just immediately felt hog tied into Nikki’s botched mess by no fault of my own. I wasn’t ready to play the role of a father yet, but what choice did I have? So, I just masked my fears with anger and blame.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you think talking to him would have been the better response?” Voula asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know… it’s just that jealousy also started to creep in. I didn’t know how to talk to him. I wasn’t ready for any of that, so I just found it easier to ignore it until I could figure out what I really wanted and to stop harboring envy because the baby was his and not mine.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He could have been yours, baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know,” Tommy breathed wearily, as he put his face in his hands. “But Nikki would get all of the recognition and fanfare, like he always does. I’m always second… the less important of the two of us. The less important father.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, that’s all conjecture. Don’t you see how those skewed views have led you here? Nikki needed you. He’s scared too. He told me himself, in so many words, that </span>
  <b>you</b>
  <span> could have been that one to show him how to be a good father.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah right,” Tommy replied with a huff. “Grade A moron right here… at least that’s what everyone thinks.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki doesn’t think that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. I fucked everything else up, and it’s all done,” Tommy whined, as he threw his head on the back of the couch with a groan.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that it, love? You’re just giving up?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom, I tried. He’s done…. I mean, I told him that I won’t give up, but my mouth always finds a way to fuck things up even more. Like, yesterday… he was just standing right there, Tommy motioned towards the spot where their argument began. “And it’s like nothing’s wrong with him. He’s all snazzy, put together and he didn’t look sad. It was just getting to me, while I’m standing there looking like a corpse, so I snapped at him about stupid things like the mail and the hedges, and then things just went to hell from there.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> “You wear your emotions on your sleeve, darling. While Nikki bottles them up and compartmentalizes them within his head. He doesn’t think that he deserves to be loved, so he trains himself to accept that. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t long for it inside. Snapping at him only fortifies those feelings within him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve shared my feelings and apologized for all the shit that happened, but he doesn’t care or doesn’t believe me or whatever. I don’t know what else I can do. I’m just so frustrated.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, look at me,” Voula gently commanded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at her with teary eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki shared with me what happened between the pair of you. Not just about the baby, but the cheating.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom, he did it too,” Tommy replied in defense.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t allow me to finish. I know that, he told me. But why did you retaliate so fiercely? Deep inside, sweetheart, there has to be a reason why. He’s convinced that you don’t love him the way that he loves you…. Now a mother knows her son, and I know that you love him beyond measure. Don’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s deep. I can’t even put into words what I feel for him, and now that he’s gone, it’s even more evident. I feel like my soul died.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why, baby? Why did you do it? Be honest with yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There were the obvious things. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> angry at him, he hurt me…. badly. I never thought that he’d cheat on me. That was a big motivator. And well, I guess I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> a little curious about other people, and when the opportunity was presented, I….  I went for it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thomas,” Voula chided.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s something… mom, just… well, I can’t help it. I find a lot of people attractive. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want Nikki. I mean, he knows this about me, and actually he said that his anger towards me wasn’t even about the sex with someone else, it was--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Darling, I’ll take your word for it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, mom. I figure that nothing about me shocks you anymore. But, yeah… fuck... see how my mouth can’t stop?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And the language,” Voula sighed with a tsk.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit, I’m sorry. I mean, I’m just sorry without the shit…. Uuhhh!! Nothing comes out right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweetheart, slow it down.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy blew out a deep breath. “OK. I’ll try. It’s like asking a bull to stop charging.” He twitched uncomfortably, and started to bounce his knee. Then blew out another intentional breath for a dramatic effect. “So, mom, I think my main drive is that I liked being in the position of power over him. For the first time, since we’ve known each other, I was the one with the upperhand.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And why was that so important to you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve already tried to explain it to Nikki. It just sounds like an stupid excuse when it comes out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, love, I think that you need to really delve in and understand why obtaining that powerful feeling made you forget what was truly important. You may have felt mighty, but you never took control. You lost control during your power trip.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy leaned his head on the back of the couch and rubbed his hands over his face. “I’ll need to work through that, mom…. but why does it matter? I already lost him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He loves you, Tommy dear. I think he can forgive just about anything, except losing that secure feeling of being loved and wanting the same for his son. It’s probably one of his greatest fears because he never received it from the two people in his life who should have given him the most. It’s a core need for everyone, but many of us who have always been surrounded by it, tend to take advantage of love. While those who missed out and yearn for it, value it more than anything once they finally gain it. He needs to know that there’s no love lost. He needs to feel secure again, which is why you really need to have a firm understanding of your </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Tell him the truth. When it comes from your heart, he’ll know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“K, I’ll work through it. I’ll do anything. I never once gave any thought that my behavior could ultimately affect you,” Tommy choked out, as he sat up and cried into his hands. “I made you lose a grandson and I know how excited you were.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There are reasons why I love Nikki. Besides the fact that he makes you, my baby, so happy… he also has a good heart. He and I, and daddy, will come to an understanding with his son. I’ll be something like an almost-grandma or maybe a nana,” Voula revealed, as she rubbed Tommy’s back, and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Someone he could turn to when he feels uncertain.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad, mom. I’m glad you didn’t lose him completely…. like I did. I love him too, and I miss him….  but he doesn’t want me as a dad,” Tommy sniffled. “I’m so broken, right now. I could have had it all.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Work it out Tommy, and hold fast. You beat the odds of survival and lived to make me a mother. You will get through, love,” Voula said, planting a kiss on his hand which she held. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom? Tell me that everything is going to be OK.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula stroked her son’s cheek then offered a reassuring smile. “You take that time to think about what you really want. Make sure, then remember what it is to love him, and I promise you that he’ll notice.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So much thinking, ma. It fries my brain.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You need to eat. Fuel your brain with the good stuff, not that liquid poison that I smell on your breath,” Mrs. Bass replied, as she stood up. She picked up the wooden spoon that she tossed to the side earlier. “I’ll put this spoon away. But let’s hope I don’t need to use it again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy flashed a contrite smile. “The last time I got whacked with the spoon, I was like thirteen. I wasn’t expecting that today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re never too old to upset your mother,” Voula replied. She stooped over and set a kiss on Tommy’s reddened forehead. “No more bad behavior.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t make that promise, mom. But I’m learning.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you are, my love. Come eat, it’s one of your favorites.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was Thursday, and the band was finally back in the studio. Bob Rock made a return trip to Los Angeles, staying until Thursday the following week. The recordings of the new songs had been completed. Vince nailed the vocals for “Anarchy in the U.K.” in one recording, which helped move the stagnant process along more quickly. It seemed like quite the amazing feat, given that Vince’s alcohol intake was on the rise, and becoming a distraction. The hope was to finish recording the rest of the remixed versions of the songs for the album. Another few sessions would be needed to work out the trouble spots, then the album would be able to move on to its next stage of production. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy was anxious about going to the studio. He was pretty certain that he wasn’t going to be able to act calm and collected. But he didn’t want to be a wrench in the cogs by causing further delays, by not having his shit together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, he put on a brave face, went in, and did his best to act normally. It certainly wasn’t easy. He and Nikki took in a wide eyeful of each other, upon meeting for the first time since Sunday. Nikki flashed a meek smile, then quickly pulled his bottom lip back into a nervous bite. He gave Tommy a squeeze on his shoulder, engaging in a brief exchange of pleasantries. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy could easily sense Nikki’s apprehension and aloofness, as he put forth his own twitching smile in response. And after a deep breath, he asked how Brandi and the baby were doing. Nikki gave a bland, pat response that everything was still OK, and that Brandi was being discharged that very day, relegated to strict bed rest at home. Tommy imagined that Nikki would have preferred to be assisting in that. Taking control to make sure she wouldn't over-exert herself, rather than being stuck in the studio. But after last week’s cancellations, they knew that they all had to be there… no excuses….. except maybe death, and Tommy was feeling kindred in spirit to that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The remix for “Piece of your Action” was on Thursday’s schedule. Tommy was happy about that, as their other two remix songs were more emotional for him. Songs that were benchmarks in the band’s history, “Live Wire” and “Home Sweet Home.” Songs that reared up vivid memories and feelings of brotherhood and solidarity from within their ten year venture. Those remixes will be challenging to trudge through in the ensuing days.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Although difficult, Tommy made it through the day at the studio. There were a few times that he needed to leave for a breather and recentering, but he felt relieved that no one much got on his case. He wondered if Mick, and especially Vince, knew the full extent of what was going on. No one said anything about it. As he and the others were packing it in for the day, Doug, their manager, made an unexpected appearance. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey guys, I’m so glad that I made it. My inbound flight was delayed…. </span>
  <em>
    <span>phew</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I have a few updates and announcements,” Doug declared, seeming out of breath. He must have had to haul ass to get there in time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck me,” Vince proclaimed loudly, slinging his knapsack off of his shoulder and back to the ground.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, fuck you, Vince. You’re half the reason that I had to jet back out here,” Doug snapped back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“First things first,” he proclaimed, looking through his planner. “Nikki, I have a few interviews lined up for you with Rip and Bass Player magazines. Mick, you’re also in on the Bass Player interview; along with Guitar World, the both of you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Mick questioned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know; they’re getting you both in one shot. I also wanted to let you know, Nikki, that you’re getting green-lighted to go ahead with the Motley Records label…. [blah, blah, blah].”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy tuned out, as Doug went on for what seemed like forever, with the praises and accolades for Nikki. Until finally he heard his own name called out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Vince, Tommy… we’re reaching settlement agreements regarding your recent stage antics of the cowbell incident, and the indecent exposure charge.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy thought to himself, of course it’s something negative about them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever, man. Are we almost done?” Vince huffed, shifting around uncomfortably.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We are, but I need to speak with you privately afterwards,” Doug childed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy saw Vince roll his eyes and flex his jaw in protest. He was pretty sure it was going to be about Vince’s uptick in alcohol consumption. It’s been getting out of hand. Then Tommy heard his name again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, we’re getting a grand piano in here next week so you can rerecord the intro to “Home Sweet Home” for the remix.” Doug revealed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Tommy’s eyes widened. “I mentioned that I really wanted to do that, but I didn’t think that I was being heard.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It was at Nikki’s insistence.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh…. well, I’m excited to play it the way it should have been done the first time,” Tommy replied, not able to hold back a smile. He glanced towards Nikki, who meekly curled up one side of his mouth in response, before shifting his gaze to the floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Also, Tommy… I have a direct request from Richard Marx, who would like to use you on drums for one of his songs.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Richard Marx, the soft pop musician?” Tommy grimaced.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s got something rockin’ up his sleeve, and he wants a hard-hitting drummer. You’re his top choice.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me?” Tommy asks, feeling flattered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are there any other drummers in this room? Yes, you. I’ll put the two of you in touch,” Doug replied. He made a few other general announcements about schedules and production elements before dismissing them, with the exception of Vince, who was about to get an ass-chewing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy slipped out quickly; his only form of goodbye was a toss of his hand up in the air as he rounded the corner of the studio door. He had things on his mind that he needed ironed out, and instead of heading home, he went </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span> to see his mom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After their initial greeting and some idle chat, Tommy joined his mother at the kitchen table.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What brought you here this evening?” Voula asked. “Daddy will be home in about an hour, so I’ll have to start supper in about thirty minutes. You’re welcome to stay. It’s lemon chicken with rice and green beans.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy licked his lips, as he contemplated staying. While he loved that particular dish, he hadn’t seen his dad in a while, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for a confrontation from him. His dad, although supportive in most of what he does, tends to lay in hard when things go wrong. There will be a lot of </span>
  <em>
    <span>I told you so’s</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Tommy wasn’t really in the mood for it. “I’m not sure yet. I’ve been thinking about things. You know, like what we talked about a few days ago. I just need a listening ear to help me sort it out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy went on to explain about his time in the studio today, and he felt about it and the difficulties he faced. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He continued, “Then Doug came by at the end of day, and started off by praising Nikki for everything under the sun. I thought he was going to have a throne wheeled in at some point. And then the very next topics were negative things regarding me and Vince,” Tommy sighed. “It’s always that way. Everything is about Nikki. He gets the interviews. He gets the credit. He gets the praises. He almost dies and every magazine wants an interview. The whole fanfare surrounding Dr. Feelgood in the media was about him and his near death moment followed by sobriety.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy,” Voula said, with a disapproving look and a tsk. “Why are you bringing up the past? And Nikki </span>
  <b>did</b>
  <span> die. He was brought back to life, which led to a complete turn around of his life. It's a human interest story.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom… just hear me out. I have to let it all out. And you don’t have to school me on Nikki dying… there was never anything more real to me than that. I’m just saying that it’s not in the past. He’s got magazine interviews lined up now, and I guarantee they’re going to talk about his erstwhile drug use and the overdose, like it just happened. They always do. But don’t you see, I also did the drugs. I was near death a few times. And, although unrelated to drugs, I almost died too… right in front of everyone, when I fell from the drums. That could have been it for me. Yet no one asks me for interviews about that incident, despite the mass freak out it caused. No one even talks about it anymore… but Nikki, yeah…. they ask about his overdose from over three years ago like it’s hot off the presses. While I’m only recognized for stupid things like pulling my pants down and being seen with celebrity chicks.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that your goal? To be remembered as being a drug addict?” Voula questioned. “Mooning the crowd isn’t enough humiliation?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ma… let me finish, please.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You certainly have a round about way to make a point.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just trying to sort of the things in my head. Some things happened today that got me thinking. So when Doug got done ripping into me and Vince, he said two more things to me. One was that another musician wants to work with me on one of his tracks... Richard Marx?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yes, I know Richard’s songs,” Voula smiled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Endless Summer Nights</span>
  </em>
  <span>…. I love that one.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy rolled his eyes. Then a shiver trailed down his spine as a vision swept through his mind of his parents getting it on with each other to the sounds of Richard Marx’ music. He shook his head and cleared his throat. “Well, he’s not exactly on my radar. But nonetheless, he’s a well-respected songwriter in the industry, and he wants to work with me. Like…. mom, I try so hard to be innovative and to gain respect, but critics don’t seem to see that. I just get mocked so often.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Could it be because of the way you behave, and that half of America has seen your rear.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy shrugged, then offered a smirk as his cheeks reddened just a smidge. “I guess I have a way of bringing the criticism upon myself. That said, I wouldn’t change who we are, or what we’ve done or what I’ve done. Still, it feels good to be recognized by someone who’s respected in the industry and who’s never had to bare his ass to the world for recognition.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so good at what you do, son. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that another song writer has sought you out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks…. I know I’m good. I just don’t hear it enough,” Tommy said with an exhale. “And so the other thing Doug said was that they’re getting a grand piano into the studio for me to re-record the intro to ‘Home Sweet Home.’ It’s what I always wanted, and how I thought that it should have been recorded the first time. I bitched to Nikki about this on multiple occasions. And it turns out, it was at his insistence that I’m getting the piano…. because he knows what it meant to me. And he’s the one who they listen to.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And he listens to you, dear.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He does, he listens to all of us. He works his ass off to get things to work out the way that we need them to or want them to. All while Vince and I continue on partying, and being reckless. It got me thinking...Vin and I grew up with love, respect, and attention, so maybe we get careless with it. Nikki didn’t have that, and yeah, I know that he’s had many moments of recklessness and sheer stupidity. A lot of that had to do with the substance abuse that took hold of him at a young age. But when he wasn’t fucking up on drugs, he was working on getting his name out there. Pursuing his dreams, with a solid plan from the start, and he did it. He did it, mom!” Tommy hollered, as he slammed his hand on the table, startling his mother. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He hasn’t stopped, and he excitedly took me along for the ride. I mean I worked hard… we all have, but Nikki’s insistence brought us all the way to the top….Maybe because he feels that he has something to prove to the world and to all of the people who rejected him. But that’s his motivation, I think. If he stops reaching for the top, those innate feelings, like worthlessness and failure, that he grew up with, will filter back in and choke him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula smiled. “Then why do you rain on his parade? Talking about thrones and magazine interviews.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“WelI, I guess I always felt a little jealous over the fanfare he gets. I admitted that early on, but there was no understanding behind it. Mick even called me out on it, and all I could do is respond in anger back to him. But, I’m beginning to see that it’s out of love for us, for me, for the band that Nikki stands up and gets things done. He doesn’t want to go back to where he was. So, perhaps in a way, it’s like therapy for him. Maybe it’s vindication, since he was neglected for so long. But he’s worked for the attention and recognition. He doesn’t do it to overshadow us, he just works harder at it, and does it to keep us relevant.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you suppose all of that means, Tommy? Where does that help you in understanding your dynamics with him?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, when I tried to cut him off at his knees and take over wearing the so-called pants in the relationship to show-off, things fell apart... fast. It just went to show that we are who we are... part nature, part nurture, and we fit our jagged pieces together to complete the puzzle. We work as one unit, both in the band, and our relationship. I fucked up the way things work by being jealous over things that aren’t mine to grasp at. I still have my own moments, like with getting hand-picked by Richard Marx. And there have been other things, but I guess I don’t notice as much because I’m so focused on Nikki’s haul, which he shared generously with us… most of the time, anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You put the baby in the category of Nikki’s haul,” Voula chided.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy sighed. “I know, mom. I’m ashamed that I thought that way. I should have come around for him when he needed me. I thought that I’d put him in his place, when he was already where he belonged. I wanted to feel important when I already was, especially to him. And for what I lack in the industry, it’s just because I do boneheaded things.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe you’ll learn to keep your pants on, child.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Unlikely,” Tommy laughed. “He can wear them, but seriously, mom, I felt so powerful when I was in that position and I let it consume me…. And like you said, I actually lost control of everything.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, love, people might frown at me for being submissive to your father. But, I don’t see it that way. I have my own pockets of power within our structure. Things like decor, meals, and most greedily, the undying devotion from you and your sister. Look how you come to me with your problems and not your father,” Voula said with a proud smirk.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Furthermore, I enjoy taking care of the family in that way. It’s what I like doing, and it makes me feel important, as well as being satisfied with a job well done. Surely I can start a business and manage my own money. I can spend time in gossip circles everyday, and ignore the home. But it’s not what I want because I love where I am, and I love all of you. Daddy and I make the perfect union together, and he never makes me feel subservient.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I get it, mom. Let Nikki be Nikki and let me be me, because that’s where the magic happens. He has the dominant, business-like characteristics, but they compliment my leisurely, party-time-all--the-time traits, and vice versa. That’s how we’ve always functioned seamlessly.” Tommy sighed. “But, I still don’t know how to fix things. He didn’t seem interested in talking to me today…. I could tell that he was not exactly himself, but he didn’t seem too down in the mouth or bothered by things.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s a good actor. Do you recall how well he hid his habits? Remember when you found out how much pain he really carried inside? Nikki is in pain, just like you. And you’ll figure things out when the time is right. He needs to know and believe that you still love him just as much as you always have. Remember that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded. “I’m just afraid of getting my hopes up. I tried to tell him. I’ve offered to show him, but--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula stood up, clasped Tommy’s cheeks, and kissed him on the forehead. “Having hope is better than no hope. Please stay for dinner, honey. A good meal will help with your mood.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK, mom. But I’m gonna veg on the couch if that’s alright. I just need to shut my brain off for a bit. I’ve been avoiding dad if you haven’t noticed. Can you help me with managing him tonight? I can’t easily deal with his rhetoric…. I’m too raw.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be in your corner, love. Daddy and I have already had some discussions about the baby. He’s not going to be as hard on you as you might think.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“K, thanks,” the drummer said as he turned towards the living room. He stopped after a few forward steps. “Mom? ….I want </span>
  <em>
    <span>my baby </span>
  </em>
  <span>back…. I want him to come home. And I want to continue to live my dream with him and our baby, in our house. But Nikki said that he was going to call a realtor this week to get our house listed. I mean, guess it was at my insistence,” Tommy sighed. “Everytime the phone rings, I think that it’s going to be that damn realtor wanting to stop by to start the process of making our home become someone else’s dream. I still want mine. I don’t want to wake up anymore to this different, lonely life,” he grieved. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula stepped towards her son. “Never stop pursuing your dreams, darling. You just said yourself earlier, that Nikki never stops. I think that your dreams have always aligned with one another,” she said, as she held onto one of his hands, giving it a squeeze. “Go rest, I’ll call you in when supper is ready.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy laid down on the couch, stretched himself long. Then drew his limbs back into himself with a resigned breath, as he shut his eyes for a short nap.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Voula started to gather the dinner components together when she realized that she had forgotten to return something to Tommy. She stepped into the dining room where her sewing box sat on the table, and she picked up the newly repaired bunny. She stared at it for a proud moment, admiring the fine handiwork that had been done, before bringing it to give back to her son. She trusted that he would take better care of the tenacious little toy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy,” she gently called out as she arrived in the living room, preparing to present the keepsake to him. Only she realized that he had quickly fallen asleep. Voula picked up the crocheted afghan that was draped on the back of the couch and blanketed her son with it. She smiled and tucked the bunny into the crook of his wrist that was pressed up against his chest. He was left with a kiss on his forehead as she returned to the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy found himself caught in a state of lucid dreaming; something not uncommon for late afternoon cat naps….</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m home!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tommy heard it, followed by the click of a door shutting. “Nikki?” he called out. He spun himself around the non-descript room. “Where are you?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s for dinner?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Dinner? I… um… maybe take-out?” Tommy replied confused.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shhh, not so loud… our baby is napping.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Where is he? Nikki? Where’s the baby? Did I leave him somewhere? Oh my god!” Tommy frantically searched the room for the baby. “Nikki?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy’s not avoiding me anymore?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, love. I’m here. Where are you?” Tommy pleaded. “I’m right here. Nikki?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good, he should know that I’m always here for him, even though we don’t always agree.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“And I’m here for you too. Where are you? Please come home to me.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy suddenly woke up, startled and confused, when he heard the clank of keys and coins dropping into a ceramic dish nearby. His heart was beating rapidly as he tried to remember where he was. Taking in his surroundings, he remembered he was at his parents’ house and saw his dad walking away, seemingly unaware that he had just woken up his sleeping son.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy exhaled, as he relaxed back into the couch. He only had a few moments to ponder the remnants of his dream, as it slowly seeped from his memory into oblivion, while reality filtered back in to fill the space. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Voices…. Nikki came home… the baby was somewhere…</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And just like that, as he realized the voices were those of his parents, upon hearing their conversation carrying on in the kitchen….. the details of the dream dissolved like vapor into the air. Tommy shut his eyes, using his hand to cover them, as he willed the dream to return. It felt real for a moment…. he needed Nikki to come home. He clenched his other hand in frustration, then realized something was in his grasp. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy opened his eyes again, and saw the bunny toy clasped in his hand against his chest…. mended. He stroked the rumpled fur for a moment, and suddenly drew an obvious conclusion that it was he, himself, who still needed this little lovey…. at least for now. A resilient, loyal companion to help wipe away tears and remind him that he was loved through gentle whispers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy curled himself inward, with the soft toy pressed against him as he laid underneath the warm woven blanket. The comforting smell of a family chicken dinner swirled around the space, as he pondered his mother’s words… </span>
  <em>
    <span>hold fast, have hope, pursue your dreams, he loves you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Tommy resolved that it was time to bring Nikki home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Dirt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The band is back in the studio. Nikki and Tommy broke up. Things are awkward and uncomfortable. What could go wrong?</p>
<p>----------</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter started to get very long,  as I was reworking it a bit. So I broke it in half. There will be an extra chapter now. </p>
<p>2 more chapters to follow,  plus an epilogue.</p>
<p>---------'</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In the days since Nikki’s tearful conversation with Voula, he had mostly done just these three things:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Sleep</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Stay with Brandi at the hospital</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Think about Tommy, and the lack of him in his life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All of these were exhausting, even the sleep. It was hardly restful, constantly interrupted by loud alarms, shitty dreams, aches, pains, nausea, and a cold, empty bed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Brandi? Nikki thinks he would rather undergo needles in the eyes on one of Mick’s alien lab tables, than play house with her. He was seriously considering slitting his wrists if he had to hear that fucking depressing Young and the Restless theme song one more time. Not even Hope, Brad, Kayla, and Cricket or whatever their fucking names were. With all of their pathetic and sad, dramatic backstabbing antics were as fucked as Nikki was. Fortunately, the parents-to-be did spend some time each day talking about names and other baby-related strategies. That was a bright spot. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But, it wasn’t enough to ease him into dealing with Brandi’s multitude of demands. They were constant and whiny. He knew that she couldn’t stretch and reach, but she had been taking advantage of that, foregoing all niceties, and just flat out acting like an entitled brat. Until Nikki heeded Mick’s advice seriously, and trained himself to relate with her differently than he had been. It was a process, and he was left to wonder if all relationships with women were like this. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Drugs and alcohol interfered too much with prior relationships to get them to a place where respect and understanding were priorities. With Tommy, when either one was annoyed or angry, they could shout in the other’s face. Even push back with a shove, and then be engaged in steamy sex ten minutes later. This was just different than anything he knew; except maybe the way he treated Voula. He knew that he had to be more like that when with Brandi. Getting along with her was going to be key in providing a stable environment for their son.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then there was Tommy, there was nothing easy about this break-up. His heart was broken. His life was shattered. He ran through the conversation they had in the hospital courtyard in his head over and over. Maybe Tommy deserved another chance? No, actually he didn’t deserve it. Nikki came to that same conclusion every single time, but it was neither satisfying nor reassuring. No matter how right Nikki felt about his decision to break up, it didn’t stop him from missing Tommy, wanting him, and needing him. He knew his former partner was hurting too, and that didn’t sit well. Something more was going to have to be done, or said to even make this split doable. He just didn’t know what that could be. It was hard to even develop a strategy when Nikki’s heart simply longed to be home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And that was another thing... </span>
  <em>
    <span>Home.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Where was it going to be? Finding a new place to live didn’t stress him out nearly as much as the burden of putting their house up for sale. Nikki must have picked up the phone book half a dozen times in the past few days to find a realtor, only to slap the book shut within moments. He didn’t have time. He didn’t have his glasses handy. How could he pick someone blindly from a phone book? He needed recommendations. But how could he scout for recommendations when only three people were aware of the break-up; Mick and Tommy’s parents. The questions would follow…. Why are you selling? Where are you guys going? Truthfully, those were all just excuses to give Nikki pause about doing something that he didn’t want to do. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not to mention, it had been eating away at him that he was supposed to be easing the burden of household responsibilities for Tommy. He had done exactly nothing to help out. Each day, he told himself that he’d finally tend to things the following day. He figured by this point that Tommy, feeling overly frustrated, was erasing his phone messages and lighting his mail on fire. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki was not looking forward to Thursday. Firstly, Brandi was being discharged from the hospital, and he had dual concerns about that. One, being free from the doctors and nurses, that she’d get careless with her movements and endanger the baby again. And two, that her scumbag ex could be lurking around if someone popped his bail. Brandi said that she would get a restraining order, but without being able to get to the courthouse, he wasn’t sure under what terms it was possible to get such a thing done. It’s something that they’re going to have to discuss. The best Nikki could do was pay a friend to station himself outside of Brandi’s house to keep an eye out for any sign of that bastard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Secondly, it wasn’t going to be easy to see Tommy, for a mix of reasons, all obvious. When the day came, the initial encounter was uncomfortable. Tommy was subdued yet still appeared uneasy. Nikki felt bile burning up his throat, as they stood face to face, making small talk; putting on an act for everyone else around. After that, it was easier to just focus on the day’s tasks set before them. Mick was quiet, but his facial expressions were loud and clear; a mix of concern and frustration. Nikki had called him and filled him in with the latest news earlier in the week. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vince, was the wild card of the day. Mouthy and annoying with unappreciated commentary regarding the stillness of everyone else; as if he was oblivious to everyone else’s soulful moods. Nikki knew that he’d have to tell him what had been going on before somebody snapped on him, which would undoubtedly set-back progress. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Despite his reservations, he got through the day without much upheaval. Even after a check in at Brandi’s after work with flowers in hand, taking a cue from Tommy, all seemed relatively calm and stable. At least on the outside. Inside was complete turmoil. Next... was to get through Friday….. then to find distractions over the weekend. Brandi would have plenty of help on Saturday, and Sunday from friends and family who were off from work. Nikki would just provide a daily phone call to check up on things. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Friday at the studio started off quite the same. A small exchange of uninspired conversation with Tommy, and then nose to the grindstone. Tommy seemed extra fidgety, and Nikki caught him a few times during breaks, licking his lips, like he wanted to speak up about something. Only to drop his head and shy away. Vince, on the other hand, was being big-mouthed and offensive at every turn. With lunchtime approaching, it was time to tell him the truth about the turn of events.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Vin, do you wanna get lunch with me today?” Nikki asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, why not, Poindexter.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki snarled his brows in response to Vince’s insult.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What? I’ve never seen you so serious… you and your squirrely glasses, like we’re turning into some nerd band. Are we going to be sporting bowties next?” Vince grinned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My eyes have been too irritated lately for contacts, clown. Come on, let’s go… Mick, are you coming with?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Right behind you,” Mick replied, giving Tommy a pat on his shoulder as the trio walked out of the studio without him. Mick spun himself around back towards the drummer. “This isn’t about you. He’s just setting Vince straight before one of us cleans his clock.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded in response. He turned away to distract himself with something, feeling alone and humiliated that he couldn’t save his relationship and was on the outs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick caught up with Nikki and Vince as they walked down the block towards a nearby luncheonette. Arriving, they took a table in the back and placed their orders.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki tucked his reading glasses back into his pocket, and rubbed his eyes. “Vince, I need to fill you in about a few things.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can already tell that something is going on between you and Tommy,” Vince replied with a shrug, like it’s no biggie.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We broke up, Vin.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vince’s face did a visible drop. “Shit, I’m sorry, man. What happened?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna go through it all right now. We both did some wrong things, but Tommy didn’t know when to stop. I’ll tell you about it someday, not on a workday.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Cheating?” Vince asked with a hint of a smirk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick smacked him in the forehead. “Stop being a dick. He said he didn’t want to talk about it, nor is it funny.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Vince soothed his forehead, as he glared at Mick. Their plates were set down on the table; a nice distraction.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The trio took down the first few bites of their food quietly; the clatter of dishes and the ambient sound of indistinct conversation were the only fillers cutting through the silence.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Vin?” Nikki broke the silence.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sup?” Vince asked, with a purse on his lips.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna be a dad.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Say what?” Vince questioned, laying his sandwich on the plate, wiping his mouth with a napkin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A girl that I went out with on a couple of dates…. I got her pregnant a few months back,” Nikki revealed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit, Nik… what’s that mean, besides the obvious? How do you know that it’s yours.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t fucking know, but the timing is right OK?!” Nikki snapped. “And, it means that I’m going to need to find out how to change a diaper and learn how to be a fucking single dad,” Nikki said, picking up his fork to push food around on his plate.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey… buddy, sorry about the snarky comment. Congratulations, OK?” Vince replied, shaking his shoulder. “And you’ll figure it out. I guess the girl is going to share custody, or something like that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Nikki said, picking up his head to flash a weak smile. “I’m scared and overjoyed all at once.” A single tear escaped Nikki’s left eye. He tried to dab it away just as fast.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No wonder your eyes are irritated. Hey look… I’ll be around for advice. I’ve done this a time or two… divorced single dad right here.” Vince said, thumb pointing back at himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, and you should stop fucking around on Sharise. You’re going to wind up right where I am.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So you did cheat?” Vince prodded, with a snicker.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick flipped open his pocketknife and drove it into the table, narrowly missing one of Vince’s fingers. “Next time...it’s going to end just like the mustard incident. Knock it the fuck off!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not afraid of your kiddie toy, Mick. You sure are defensive… was it you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mick abruptly stood up, hands coming at Vince’s neck fast, until Nikki grabbed hold of one. “Mick, relax. His lame potshots are one thing I can handle these days.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t defending you, lame ass,” Mick huffed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever… just fucking calm down,” Nikki snarled towards Mick. “And yes, Vince, I cheated, and so did Tommy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not with me!” Mick interrupted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki rolled his eyes. “He knows that, and he knows it bothers you. Come on guys, I got a lot going on, and I don’t need you two at each other’s throats.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Mick said, cupping Nikki’s shoulder. “Look, you’re both fucking things up, but you’re also both expectant fathers. Why don’t we just celebrate that? We’ll get some slices of cake or something.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Heh, cake.…. Is that how we celebrate things these days, old man? Cake? How about we go out tonight to fucking celebrate. I’m thinking…. strip club?” Vince suggested, sporting a full grin. “It’s the weekend…. Fuck the cake. It’s time to have fun with each other. How about you treat us, Mick?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How about I treat you to a taste of my knuckles with cake icing on it instead. After I smash it in your face then slam my fist through it!” Mick barked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon tightwad. Just the drinks… we’ll all provide our own tips to the foxes who bone us up,” Vince suggested.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this to celebrate fatherhood, or puberty? Sometimes I have to wonder about these things,” Mick replied. “But fine… whatever. Fuck the cake. Nikki, what do you say?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure,” Nikki agreed, with a long exhale. “What kinda cake do they have here?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It might be fun...ish, Nik,” Mick added, trying to cheer his friend up. “Besides, everything in that dessert case is stale here, like your old ass. I think a night out might loosen you up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah… c’mon, let’s chow down and get back. And, by the way, Vin. I’ve known this for a few weeks now. I’m sorry, I would have told you sooner, but I needed to figure out first where Tommy was fitting in, if at all. I knew back when you told us about Sharise being pregnant. I wanted to share my news too, but the timing wasn’t right,” Nikki revealed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s OK… now I know why your reaction to my news seemed reserved. I was kind of pissed about that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I figured. Hey, we’ll celebrate right tonight,” Nikki replied with a reassuring smile, while feeling empty inside.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re cool, and again, I’m sorry about you and Tommy. It took me a long time to get used to the two of you together. Now I’ll have to get used to it the other way. I guess it will be easier on me, not having to be so nice. He’s a fucking asshole….. Hey, the band is gonna be OK, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Go fuck yourself, and yeah, we’ll be fine. Neither Tommy nor I wanna mess things up for the band. Yesterday was good. Today too, so far,” Nikki replied with a harsh glare. “Don’t fuck anything up. And keep your damn mouth shut.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, alright,” Vince replied holding his hands up in surrender. “So who’s the girl?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That Playmate Riki set me up with,” Nikki divulged.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy shit! That fucking hot one with the round tits that you went out with you after she broke up with Taime?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that one.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vince let off a sly snicker. “Now that’s what you need. Fuck, it’s perfect… what a family, huh?” he opined, as he set his hand on his chin in contemplation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really, dickhead? That’s not the way it’s gonna be,” Nikki snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw that you had a bouquet of flowers yesterday. Who were they for then?” Vince prodded. “Tommy?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re about the most insensitive douche that I know,” Mick scowled at the singer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just saying. Some losses turn into wins,” Vince replied with a smug shrug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And some singers turn into bloody heaps,” Mick snarled as he pounded his fist on the table. “She’s not what he wants, so slow your fucking roll.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse me for not seeing why not, but whatever, I digress,” Vince replied with another shrug. “After all these years, I still don’t get it. I try to understand. But fuck, Nik… she’s just…. god, her rack alone make me sweat seman! I know which way I’d go. That’s all I’m saying.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She hasn’t been feeling well and so I brought her some fucking flowers, asswipe!” Nikki seethed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, man. I didn’t know. I’m sensing maybe you should get your uptight ass laid this weekend. We don’t need this snarly shit brought to the studio next week. Let’s get this fucking recording shit done.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We will! And can you just drop your unsolicited comments about my personal life already! God help you if I hear any of that shit about it tonight, OK? Let’s just fucking relax and enjoy things,” Nikki growled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about me, I know I’ll enjoy,” Vince clicked his tongue. “Hey Mick, why don’t you start the celebration early and take care of the bill for us?” Vince grinned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shove it up your ass,” Mick snapped, as he swiped the check off the table and walked towards the register.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki, Vince, and Mick left the luncheonette and headed back towards the studio. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Man, I can’t believe you’re going to be a father, Nik. That’s really the news of the day. It leads to great things, like our night out with strippers,” Vince blabbed. “I mean, I guess that sucks about Tommy, but the good news for me is that I don’t have to be nice to him anymore. Fuck that irriting, giraffe bastard.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki glared at Vince. “Who cares what’s in it for you. I’m hurting you know, you shallow fucking prick,” he snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You better keep your loose mouth shut about the break-up for the rest of the day, or I’m going to break-up your face,” Mick threatened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Chill… I’m just trying to bring some levity to the situation,” Vince huffed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well your brand of humor sucks. I’m not in the mood, so can we just focus on the music when we get back?” Nikki requested.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah… it’s all cool,” Vince replied, right before they stepped back onto the studio property. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It better stay cool,” Nikki spat. “I don’t want any trouble for the rest of the day…. and next week too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Vince and Nikki bickered, Mick took notice of loud music coming from the parking lot. He craned his head towards the direction of the noise and realized it was coming from Tommy’s car. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki stepped inside as Vince held the door open. “Mick? Are you coming in? I’m not standing here for my health,” Vince griped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, go ahead. I’ll be right there,” Mick replied, as Vince shrugged and let the door shut behind him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The guitarist strode over towards Tommy’s car and tapped on the window. “Let’s go, Tom,” Mick shouted, unsure if he could even be heard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy turned the music down and put the window down, as a billow of cigarette smoke rolled out from the crack. “I got four minutes, and I’d rather spend them out here… alone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon… let’s go in. You’re sounding good today,” Mick replied, waving his hand around to clear the air.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Give it up, man. I know that you’re just trying to make me not feel like the big loser of the bunch, but it’s too late. Go back to your friends.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom, Nikki had to fill Vince in.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure Vince got a kick out of it. What’d he say? Good?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s obvious that you and Vince don’t get along anymore. And I would implore the two of you to start figuring out a way to get along before someone blows. But I know that it’s not him that you’re upset about,” Mick sighed. “Nikki is struggling. The two of you should just sit the fuck down and talk.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Been there, done that. He doesn’t want to talk to me.” Tommy had gone in that morning feeling hopeful; waiting for an opportune moment to strike up a conversation with Nikki. All of his good and positive vibes faded fast. Telling VInce about the break-up was not a sign of pending reconciliation, instead quite the contrary.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think he does. You know how stubborn he is.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not like he hasn’t had the chance. I’ve been right in front of his fucking face for the past two days! And now he’s going out and spreading the news. What fucking hope does that leave me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“One person… and it was only to save one of us from pounding his face inside out. Nikki will come around, Tom. Trust me. C’mon… time’s up. You’re killing it today, let’s finish it strong.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever. I don’t have a fucking choice in the matter,” Tommy replied as he shut off his car, got out, and followed Mick back into the studio.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once back inside with everyone, Tommy still felt left out from the camaraderie among the other three. He shrunk back and simply minded his own business, just doing as he was told. He mostly remained uncharacteristically quiet, with the exception of giving his two cents about Vince’s vocals when asked his opinion from Bob. Mick thought the part was fine. Nikki argued they weren’t good enough. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All eyes went towards Tommy, as he wrangled with his decision. The take wasn’t bad, it was definitely passable. They could let it go, and just keep moving forward. But he knew, it could have been better, and they needed everyone to be at their best. This was their show-off album… the one that would say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>look, we did it and we’re going to continue kicking ass in the industry</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This wasn’t the time for good enough. It needed to be the best. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It was a bit lackluster.” Ultimately, Tommy’s input led to yet another few attempts from the grumbling singer in the sound booth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At  four pm, it was time to pack it in at the studio.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! What time, and where are we meeting?’ Vince spoke out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy turned around, and looked at Vince, who had a crafty smirk upon his face. And then to Nikki, who shifted his gaze to the floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll fucking call you,” Mick snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry. But, this is a momentous occasion. We should have the whole band together. Can’t he come?” Vince asked, motioning towards the drummer with his thumb. “Tom, do you wanna join us tonight? We’re going out to a strip club to celebrate fatherhood for me and Nikki. It might be a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>lackluster </span>
  </em>
  <span>without you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy stood there stunned for a moment, anger and hurt racing towards the point of internal combustion in record time. He snapped the drumstick he was holding, then whipped the broken halves across the room. Reaching for his bag, he jetted out the door without a word.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell is wrong with you?! Go choke on your dick!!” Mick shrieked, smacking Vince in the head… again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pinned Vince with a death stare, then picked up his knapsack and ran out after Tommy. He got outside, and rounded the corner to the parking lot, spotting him fumbling with his car keys. “Tom!” Nikki shouted, as he sprinted towards him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy looked up, panicked he dropped his keys on the ground, as he tried to find the right one to unlock the door. As he stooped to pick them up, Nikki reached him and grabbed him by the shoulders just as he stood back up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let go!” Tommy yelled. “Go back to your asshole friends.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop, it wasn’t me. I’m sorry… Vince is a dick,” Nikki gasped, as Tommy wriggled to get out of his clutch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Elbowing Nikki in the chest, he broke free and turned back to his car, struggling to get the key into the keyhole with a shaky hand. “Leave me alone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, listen to me… he shouldn’t have said that,” Nikki said, wrapping his arms around the drummer, ignoring the dull pain from the jolt to his chest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy got the door unlocked, just before going slack and melting from Nikki’s embrace. “Get away,” he said, weakening. He folded his forearms on the roofline of his car, and leaned his head on them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki loosened his grip a little, and rested his forehead on Tommy’s shoulder. “It’s OK… let’s talk.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you go talk to your buddies. Go have your fun tonight. I just want to go home,” Tommy spilled out, starting to sob.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you’re upset…. I’m upset too. Please, come with me to my Jeep, I wanna show you something,” Nikki said, as calmly as he could.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I really just wanna go home,” Tommy replied, straightening himself up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon,” Nikki insisted. He stood up straight, and pulled Tommy by his wrist towards the Jeep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy seemed to surrender, as he didn’t resist Nikki’s pull, and just followed him. What else could he do at that point?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Sick Love Song</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nikki has something that he needs Tommy to see. And maybe more.</p>
<p>-------------</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Nikki stood at the front door of his Jeep to unlock it. Tommy had already leaned his backside up against a fender. His arms folded across his torso in protest, as he watched his ex fiddle with his keys. The front door swung wide and Nikki clicked the button to unlock all four. Tommy didn’t make a move to open the door he stood against, awaiting further instruction from Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Drop your backpack on the floor, get into the backseat and slide across to the other side. Give me a minute, OK?” Nikki directed. He leaned in through the door, reached towards the  passenger seat, and sifted through some stuff scattered across it. He then started the Jeep to cool things off inside and grabbed his glasses out of his bag to join Tommy in the back with a notebook in hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why the backseat? If you think that you’re gonna use me agai--” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Tom… I just want to show you something. The center console is in the way, up front,” Nikki replied, closing the backdoor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What, a journal?” Tommy asked, dryly, blinking back tears. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nikki and his fucking journals. They’re just words. What’s that gonna change?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not this one. It’s my planning notebook.” Nikki revealed. He put his glasses on and flipped pages open, sliding closer towards Tommy so that he could look on. “I need a place to organize my thoughts. See... like on this page, I have a list of things that I need to do. Um… number one, get a house,” Nikki said with a shrug, as he flipped to the next page. “This list is things I need to learn about… feeding a baby, diapers, um, I guess CPR might be good to know. It’s saved my life at least once.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, what’s this have to do with me?” Tommy asked. “Other than to make me feel like total shit. What do I care how you plan your life, if it doesn’t include me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m getting there.” Nikki turned another page, a visible tremble in his hand. He could feel Tommy’s frustration grow, as he searched the pages of the notebook. “Oh... this list is stuff that I need to get… things like... well, a crib and a mobile, and I guess probably a clue,” Nikki smiled, nervously, trying to ease Tommy’s tension with a little lame humor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki flipped another page, as Tommy leaned back in the seat and crossed his arms over his chest to silently protest wherever it was that Nikki was subjecting him to. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, this is the one that I want you to see. Um, so Brandi and I started talking about names.” Nikki ran a finger over the scribbly page. “We listed a bunch of first names that we liked, and within a day or so, I mean… it’s not set in stone, but we pretty much settled on this name,” Nikki said, pointing to one that was prominently circled. What do you think?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It sounds like a Crue baby name,” Tommy said with a nod, as a new tear rolled down his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Nikki smiled, as he flipped to the next page. “Well… we’re actually having a harder time with the middle name. We’ve just been writing down all of the options…. Mostly family related, like Franklin, Carlton, Seraphina. Even Nicholas, as a nod to me,” Nikki said, as he pointed to each name as he read them off. “Then there are family names from Brandi’s side like Michael, Robert, and um, Elmo,” Nikki grimaced. “That one is a definite </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. We wrote down some common middle names, like James and Matthew. And um... well, Brandi also suggested these... Thomas and Lee,” Nikki revealed, softening his spirited voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy looked at Nikki, shrugged, and then dropped his eyes again, blanketed underneath his sodden, long lashes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom… look, I didn’t tell her about us. Now’s not the time to tell her. I just can’t…. So, we wrote the names down, and we pretty much crossed all of the names off the list. It’s probably either going to be Michael, after her father, or Nicholas, in honor of me. But…. look at the page. I crossed everything out except the two names we’re considering and these two,” Nikki said, as he pointed to Thomas and Lee. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy gave Nikki a befuddled look.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I couldn’t bring myself to cross them off. I’ve stared at and studied this page so much, going through each name… saying them out loud to myself. I say them over and over... the first name with Thomas and Lee. I like the way they sound… No…. I love the way they sound,” Nikki said biting his lip. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sat silent for a moment.  “I… I think that the middle name is going to be Michael or Nicholas, but I can’t stop with the notion of your names. I’m not ready to cross them off the list. Because maybe in some way, it’s symbolic to me, like completely cutting you out,” Nikki paused and dug for a tissue from his pocket to wipe his nose; something he carried around more often now. He balled it up in his hand. “Tommy, I don’t want to cut you out of our lives.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. We already talked about that,” Tommy replied, rather flatly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We did…. I guess that, well…. maybe we should talk about it some more? Like, maybe we can try to be friends again or something…. I, um….” Nikki rambled, as he stroked his chin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy gazed at Nikki, while he stammered with his words. Seemingly wanting to say more than he was getting out, wearing that familiar look of contemplation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm?” Nikki responded, as he raised his eyebrows, perhaps waiting for Tommy to fill in the blanks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just come home,” Tommy boldly asked, as he swallowed hard studying the reaction upon Nikki’s face. One of daunting rumination, evidenced by the crease in his brow, and the flexing at his jaw. “I’m not saying that we have to be together, but this is just …. well, the way things are now… it’s just making things even worse than we both want them to be. I hate being in that fucking house alone. You can have the master bedroom back. I’ll go to the guest room, I don’t care. I think both of us already said most of the mean things that could be said. I just think that it will be easier to measure things out between us.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If Tommy had a view inside of Nikki’s head, the gears would be cranking in multiple directions; some dodging wrenches, others screeching to halt as the wayward piece of metal lodges within the cogs.There’d be a figure in one region of his brain, with handheld flare lights, trying to guide him to safety. A blaring, flashing warning tower signaling distress in another region. He appeared to be balled up, and the drummer couldn’t begin to predict what would come out of Nikki’s mouth next.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pulled in a shaky breath. “Shit, I’m sorry. I know…. I didn’t have a chance to call the realtor this week, or to get my mail. I just was--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck the realtor, Nik…. You now, I’ve been pondering a lot, and it just seems that maybe we should try to figure things out. I mean, it’s obvious that you’re still thinking about me. Why should we both be miserable? Coming home could be a good thing, don’t you think?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki sighed again, while rubbing his hand over his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy could swear that he saw a cold sweat break out on his brow before his oversized hand wiped away the evidence of it. “Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki sat there silent, blinking his eyes, opening his mouth, as if to say something… but nothing fell out of it. Instead his thumb absent-mindedly landed between his grinding front teeth to gnaw on; most likely to stifle words that were too risky for him to blurt out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy suddenly felt foolish. Foolish for suggesting something so bold. “Um, OK. I… I should be going,” Tommy said as he opened the car door and put his leg out. “Have fun tonight, I guess. I won’t be joining you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, wait! Come back in and shut the door,” Nikki finally called out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki waited a moment for Tommy to reposition himself after settling back in. “Fuck, you know I was doing some thinking too. A lot of it, as a matter of fact, too much thinking. And I was reminded of a conversation I had recently with a very wise lady. Despite her thick Greek accent, she got her point across to me pretty clearly.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy stared intently at his ex-partner. He anxiously chewed on his bottom lip, as he listened to what Nikki was going to reveal about the conversation that he had with the wise lady, who he knew was his mother. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“See..... she told me that I think too much. But, that’s what I do. I write songs. I dreamed up this band. I’m always planning for the next step… making things bigger and better at every turn. You know, so….. so, it’s like telling Julia Child that she cooks too much. But that’s her thing. She cooks, and teaches people. She gets paid to manipulate chicken and make green beans almondine. Just like I get paid to think up brand-new shit and make it happen. I don’t know how to stop myself. I can’t,” Nikki shrugged, as he shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy didn’t know if Nikki was going to draw a point, or a conclusion. Or if he was just losing his mind and heading down a rabbit hole. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And people don’t want me to stop. That’s what keeps our band going. And people don’t want Julia Child to stop either. What’s the next gourmet plate that she’s gonna put forth to dazzle her audience with as they lick their chops, salivating at the tasty dish,” Nikki appealed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With renewed gusto, he continued. “But what if she’s tired of getting chicken guts on her apron? And tired of getting nicked by the knife; not to mention her arm hair singed off by the flame of the burner. What if she was exhausted from it all that just wanted to fucking go out to eat for once in damn while? Have some other chef cook for her while she puts her knife down and rests her hands?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess she can go out to eat?” Tommy replied, quizzically trying to figure out where Nikki is going with this. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>“Of course she can. And you know, I can put my brain to rest sometimes too. I can say fuck it… fuck all this shit and just let it go. Maybe I just wanna </span><em><span>put the knife</span></em> <em><span>down</span></em><span> too, so to speak,...because that same wise lady told me that when my brain wears me down, I should let my heart lead me instead,” Nikki muttered, as a single tear ran down his face. “And you know what it does? All the static goes quiet. All of the twisted passages are straightened and merged into one path one. A path that leads me directly to you.” Nikki quieted himself and stared at Tommy as he blinked away a few more tears.  </span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A drop slipped from Tommy’s eye too. His heart pounded wildly as he wrangled with an appropriate response. “What are you trying to tell me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, I think I’m ready to see if we can work things out between us. These last few days have been hell. Maybe I’m still struggling with making sense of your true feelings towards me, I can’t just stop loving you. I need you… and I want you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh god, Nikki. You’re the only thing I want. God, I miss you so much. I’m so broken without you,” Tommy sobbed. “Are you sure… because I’m scared. I can’t handle anymore heartbreak. I never know what you’re thinking. Just when I think we might be OK, you pull back, and I can’t take that--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I’ve been all over the place with my thoughts, words, actions, and feelings trying to make sense of things. And I’m sorry for what I put you through with the break-up. I don’t even know whether I was trying to punish you, or punish myself. I’m terrible at dealing with emotions. But I’ve finally decided to put all the chaos aside and take the advice of that wonderful lady, who I love. I need to stop fighting within myself and using my past as an excuse to justify it. My brain has done nothing but lead me around and around into a death spiral. When all the while, it’s really so simple when I follow my heart instead.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Tommy asked, with a brave smile. “Well, that same wise lady beat the hell out of me with a wooden spoon while swearing at me in Greek, and then hugged me tightly and told me to hold steady.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s something else….C’mere,” Nikki said, with his arms open, dropping the notebook to the floor. Tommy leaned into Nikki’s chest, where the warm contact led him to a quiet sob. “We’ll figure this out. We will, baby. Because the truth is that I love you more than I hate all the heartbreak and shit that’s happened between us.” Nikki pulled Tommy in closer, and buried his face in his hair. “And I think that I need to say something else. Something that I owe to you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pulled himself back and took Tommy’s tear-streaked face into his hands. “I’m sorry… not just for the chaos of my emotions, for what I did to you…. for cheating. You didn’t deserve that. And even though things took a really ugly turn against me, that doesn’t negate the feelings of pain that you felt when I told you about what I did.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded. “I know. And I know you tried to tell me multiple times…. I just… I needed time to even get the guts to talk to you about it. I felt like a piece of garbage. You have a way of being unscrupulously charming, so I guess I kind of thought that you’d try to manipulate me into accepting your apology…. leaving me shortchanged, and quietly resentful. I thought that if I took some time to strengthen myself with some fortitude to stand up for myself, and make it clear just how hurt I was, that it would be better… for both of us. But then the idea of vengeance got a hold of me, and it didn’t let me go. I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright... we don’t need to rehash what you did. We’ve been through it enough, and I know that you’re sorry. But I felt I still needed to tell you the same.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Tommy sniffled. “We should have talked about things much earlier, and that was my fault. I deal with my emotions through actions, and I made some wrong moves.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We both have… I’ve taken a lot of time to think about your love for me. Maybe it doesn’t make sense in my world, alone. But it makes sense in </span>
  <em>
    <span>our </span>
  </em>
  <span>world. We’re different people… different backgrounds. We often go about things in opposite ways... But, the fact that I never once doubted your love for me, until recently, tells me that you’ve been doing something right. I mean, I’m not exactly the easiest person to impress, to crack through my outer facade, or bring me to a place of trust and security. But you had. You did that… somehow. Just by being you. It’s some natural knack that you have. And I couldn’t imagine ever getting to that place with anyone else. Only you, and I’ve been longing for you. Does that make any sense?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded. “I don’t think that it’s possible for me to not love you. I mean, I guess that I reacted in a way that seemed like I didn’t. But it was just pain and anger taking over for a time. You’re my best friend… really the only person who gets me, and who lets me be me.” Tommy sighed. “I did a lot soul-searching myself, and I think that I might be able to explain myself some more… about what I did and why. I never stopped loving you… never. I need you to understand that. It was other emotions boiling up. Please believe me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I get it, baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OK,” Tommy replied quietly, as he choked back tears.”I’ve just been feeling really lousy about myself lately. I know that no one else really likes me…. I’ve been needing you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do you think that nobody likes you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because it’s true. I’m annoying and obnoxious. I know that Vince hates me, and don’t even try to tell me differently because the feeling is mutual. He and I both know it. And Mick has been really hard on me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick is just protective over me. But, I have to tell you…. as much as he hollered and yelled about you, he also defended you when I was in self-deprecating moods. He cares for all of us, even Vince… sometimes. He and I are just close friends, so he doesn’t like to see me hurting.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“T, we obviously still have some things to talk about. How about tomorrow, OK? I just need this right now… you in my arms. I don’t want either of our tempers to invade this moment…. tomorrow, OK?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I agree. Just never let go of me, again” Tommy whispered. “I’ve been longing to be right here.” The drummer pushed himself even further into Nikki’s frame. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki drew in a deep inhale, taking in Tommy’s scent. Then shut his eyes with respite as he held his partner in his arms.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A few moments later, they were both startled by a knock on the window. Nikki craned his neck to look out the tinted window of the back seat. It was Mick. Nikki whispered to Tommy who it was, as he rolled down the window a few inches. Tommy just kept his head buried in the bassist’s chest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have your bass,” Mick said. “And do you still want to go out tonight? I’m figuring not.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks man, I know I dashed out. Can you put the bass in the front? It’s unlocked.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I going to see anything which is going to require therapy to undo?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re good.” Nikki replied as the front door opened. “And um, yeah….I have a change in plans. Let’s go out next weekend…. and we can celebrate </span>
  <b>three</b>
  <span> expectant fathers.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki felt Tommy grip his shirt into a wad, as he lifted his head up to look at him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, but I’m still only treating two of you bastards,” Mick replied, waving his finger. A slight smile curled up on his lips. “One of you can pay your own way. You three fucking assholes are going to bankrupt me. I guess next is baby gifts, or shit like that, expected from me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll pay, cheapskate, and fuck the gifts. How about something service based? Like babysitting.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not afraid. I’m gonna teach your kid all about the guitar… every chance I get.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then it’s a done deal. Hey… thanks, Mick…. for everything,” Nikki said, peering back at the guitarist through the crack between the driver’s seat and the frame of the Jeep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it. And by the way, I smacked the shit out of Vince a few more times. Oh… and one more thing, get your fucking shit out my condo!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright. I will as soon as I can. See you on Monday. K?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It better be clean too! If it’s not, the mothership is coming around again soon for both of you, as well as Vince. He’s on the list too. I got </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> down for caged observation followed by disposal. Tommy for the dissection lab. And Vince for experimental research. You use lab rats here on earth for that shit. We use morons…. Welp, on that note, enjoy your weekend. You might want to keep your eyes peeled towards the sky. Oh, and I’ll tell that other dickhead about the change in plans,” Mick said, as he shut the door and left with two firm raps on the Jeep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the bassist rolled the window back up, Tommy would have had a good laugh about Mick’s rhetoric, but he was too distracted by what Nikki said just before. “Did you mean that? About, you know, three of us becoming fathers? Mick didn’t get anyone pregnant, did he? Do you mean me as the third?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean you,” Nikki said, pulling Tommy up tighter into his arms.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy started crying ugly, even though it was out of happiness. He knew that since Nikki wanted to try to work things out, that talking about his level of involvement with the baby would be in the natural progression of things. But hearing him say that, at that moment, straight from his lips, was pure indescribable joy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I need you, and I don’t want to do this alone,” Nikki revealed. “I know that the baby would miss out on such an incredible person if you weren’t there. The three of us are meant to be. Or four with Brandi. I think she likes you more than she likes me at times, but I’ve been trying to be better. Things need to be stable for the baby. And maybe for the first time I feel more excitement than fear.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess she’s nicer than I thought,” Tommy gasped, trying to catch his breath through the tears. “I can barely find any other words right now….,” he sobbed. “Can we just go tell my mom? Please.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You read my mind. She needs to hear this from both of us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s gonna cry…. tears of joy,” Tommy sniffled. “She had the right attitude about the baby all along. God, she’s gonna be so happy.” Tommy teared up even more.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know…. Um, and then maybe later, if you’re willing… you and I,  with some much needed make-up sex. What do you say, baby?” Nikki asked with trepidation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you think I’d say?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that you’d say, let’s get the hell out of here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You thought right. Let’s go.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki straightened himself up, unable to wipe the grin off of his face. “OK, how about you meet me at your parents’ house with your car. Afterwards, I want to stop in at Brandi’s just for a quick check-in, then I’ll be home…. </span>
  <em>
    <span>our home</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Nikki smiled. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh god, OK. Our home,” Tommy mused, as he tried to wipe tears away. “That will give me time to have everything set up, special… just for you. Anything you want tonight, lover,” Tommy replied, getting animated in his movements.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took hold of the ends of Tommy’s hair for a moment, grazing his knuckles against his jawline. “I know what I want right now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy’s breath hitched.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, I need to taste you again,” Nikki motioned, pointing to his lips.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy beamed brightly, and leaned in towards the bassist’s lips for a deep, passion-laced kiss. Nikki tasted as good as an ice cream sundae to him. He didn’t want to stop, but he had something that he wanted too. He pulled away and licked his lips. “Nikki, I want something too….. oh god, that was good,” he blew under his breath, a zillion thought invading his head at once.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki popped an eyebrow up. “Hmm, can I guess?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not what you’re thinking…. I mean I do want that, but um… something else first.” He took a deep breath, “Will you let me put your ring back on your finger?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki nodded, with a resigned exhale. “Yes, with no doubts this time,” he answered, holding his hand out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Tommy asked, biting his tongue, as he held his breath.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure.” Nikki looked at Tommy with anticipation. But aside from a long exhale, the drummer didn’t seem to be making any moves, like patting his pockets or reaching for his knapsack.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy gave a sheepish grin and held his hand up, revealing Nikki’s ring on his finger. “I did it again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pursed his lips, and shook his head. “You know what it takes. If you don’t have it, I do. It’s in my bag upfront.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I…I just been looking at it a lot, I uh… well, it wound up on my finger again. Been stuck for three days. I haven’t had the patience, or really the desire to get it off,” Tommy replied, as he got up and squeezed between the two front seats to root through Nikki’s bag for lube. “It makes me feel closer to you, but I’d gladly take off and put it back on your finger,” he continued on in a strained voice, as he stretched to rummage through Nikki’s bag.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki, always opportunistic and watching from behind, peeled his back away from the car door, placed his hands on Tommy’s back to push him flat between the two seats, and found a way to situate himself, despite the tight quarters, to take advantage of Tommy’s beckoning ass. “Did you find the lube?” he asked, as he pressed his bulge into Tommy’s ass, laying his glasses safely on the front passenger seat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy grunted in protest to his newly-arranged, uncomfortable position. “Fuck, Nik. What about mom?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t talk about her when we’re about ready to fuck,” Nikki admonished, as he went to work on unfastening Tommy’s jeans.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I’m kind of pressed here, it doesn’t feel good having the console jutting into my gut. Maybe we should… ohhh…. oh fuck,” Tommy protested, until he felt Nikki’s hand grip his cock once the fly on his pants was pried open.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s my slutty boy…. not wearing underwear because he likes to be ready to fuck without time-consuming restrictions.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I usually--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shhh… I’m going to ask you for that lube again,” Nikki commanded as he silenced Tommy. “You can’t flash your ass in front of my face and not expect me to act when it’s been so long since I’ve had it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy blindly patted around in the knapsack, finally put his hand on the familiar-shaped tube, and then launched it behind his shoulder towards Nikki. There was no point in fighting this, it was going to happen…. and he was already dripping with excitement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Although Tommy’s jeans were unfastened, he did not have the room needed to pull his legs together due to his unusual position. Nikki couldn’t find a way to get his partner’s jeans off after a few attempts of trying to tug them down over his spread legs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, let me just get up. I’m not comfortable anyway,” Tommy suggested, using his arms to prop himself up in preparation to back himself out from between the seats.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have a better idea,” Nikki replied, as he reached into a pocket on his own pants to pull out a trusty tool.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy heard the blade snap open. “What’s that for? Nikki??”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Ride With the Devil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bad behavior had its benefits. </p>
<p>‐------------</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Tommy heard the unmistakable sound of Nikki’s knife blade snap open, a swell of electrified nerves coursed through his prone body. He wasn’t sure if it was hormones firing back up at full speed ahead, or fear. Did Nikki just butter him up to put him in a submissive position to be easily killed as revenge? Was he capable of being that sadistic? The song </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re All I Need </span>
  </em>
  <span>flashed through his head. Yes, Nikki was that sadistic. If that was going to be the case, the drummer resolved that he was going to die with the hardest boner that he’s had in a long time, as his hanging cock leaked with enduring anticipation of where that knife was going to strike.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you worried?” Nikki breathed, leaning forward on Tommy’s back to flash the pocket knife before his eyes. "You’ve been a naughty boy, haven’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy’s eyes went wide as he gulped. “What are you going to do? Didn’t you just talk about putting the knife down like Julia Child?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki didn't reply, instead he retreated to the seat behind Tommy, and firmly grabbed a hold of the back of his pants. He placed the tip of the knife to the left of the seam, just below the reinforced waist.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nik, c’mon, there’s no need to do that. Lemme just come back there with you. I can’t go to mom’s with ripped jeans,” Tommy balked, with some relief in his tone, as to the purpose of the knife.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki ignored his plea and sliced into the fabric. It was just deep enough to cut through the denim, avoiding skin contact. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I can’t go to my parents’ house with my ass hanging out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ain’t nothing your mother hasn’t seen. Ain't nothing that the world hasn’t seen. My boyfriend is an attention whore who likes to show his assets off.” Nikki grunted as he finished tearing the jeans open with his hands to minimize the risk of a slip of the knife, which he dropped to the floor. With his target in sight, he licked his lips. With a flick of his thumb, he uncapped the lube and squeezed out a generous bead. Leaning forward again, he reached to smear it on the ring stuck on Tommy’s finger. “It’s your job to work that off, as I work on you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I gotta brace myself with my arms, otherwise I’m going to be swallowing the gear shift.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Figure it out, baby. Jerk your finger off while your ass gets me off,” Nikki replied, forcing a finger into Tommy’s exposed ass.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy gasped and fell limp as he surrendered to his partner’s touch…. </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki sat in the middle of the back seat with his legs spread open, intermingled with Tommy’s spread legs, as he opened up the drummer with his fingers. His eye caught a drop of something land towards the base of the center console. Nikki realized that it was a growing puddle of precum dripping from Tommy’s dangling cock. “Someone is going to be cleaning the interior of my car later.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Nik. Stop teasing and just fuck me, please. I need to feel you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Naughty whores don’t get to make the decisions here,” Nikki responded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t just me. You--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Be silent. You’ll get your turn with me at home…. this is my time to lay my claim and to show you who you belong to,” Nikki voiced, as he slipped his hands through the slit in the jeans to aggressively sink his claws into Tommy’s backside.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy tensed up and whimpered... “</span>
  <em>
    <span>please, baby… just, ...oh god”…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki maneuvered around the tight quarters of the backseat uncomfortably to remove his own shoes and pants. He prepared the lube, slopping some on the floor near the console, as he pondered the challenge of how to best position his six foot frame for a good, solid fuck from the cramped backseat. Standing, yet crouched with his knees bent and his legs apart, he lined himself with Tommy’s exposed entrance, and pushed into him. He grabbed hold of the headrest with one hand and braced the other on Tommy’s back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh… oh fuck, Nikki… ohh... “ Tommy groaned, melting, yet suffering underneath Nikki’s forceful hand. “.... uh… you’re crushing me on--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what naughty boys get,” Nikki interrupted, as he pushed harder into the drummer’s ass. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy was wildly turned on, and did his best to ignore the brutal compression on his belly. He also ignored Nikki’s earlier command to work the ring off. His arms and hands were positioned to keep himself from eating dashboard and from having his dangling junk collide with the back edge of the console, as Nikki pounded him from behind. Not to mention there was an unrelenting rush of cold air forced into his face from the blasting air conditioning.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m surprised that my pet slut has kept himself so tight for me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nobody’s been inside me. It’s just for you,” Tommy gasped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t ask for your commentary. Besides, I know that it’s your stately staff that you’d prefer to show off to all of the guys and dolls.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bassist reached down with one hand and put a firm grasp on Tommy’s prize, which elicited a deep groan from the one being sodomized. Nikki was aware of the precarious position of Tommy’s cock and balls, as he manhandled them. “We wouldn’t want any accident here, would we? How would my whore continue with being a whore with damaged goods?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki growled with a final squeeze, before moving his hand from Tommy’s back to the crease between his hip and thigh to prevent the drummer from being pushed forward as he increased his intensity. “I think that my slutty boyfriend should know that he only belongs to one man, and he ... will ...  never ... again ... pimp … himself … out … to … any … one … again,” Nikki seethed as he rhythmically pounded his partner upon each uttered word. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Never,” Tommy murmured. “Just you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But my trampy teaser is a born exhibitionist, isn’t he? He wants to show off his supreme cock to all of the pretty boys… don’t you, slut kitten?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy could only moan in response.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Answer me, you spoiled mama’s boy,” Nikki growled, with a sharp yank of the drummer’s hair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy knows Nikki is getting himself off with this display of dominance, and he’s aware of the type of answers that he wants to hear right now. “Yes, baby, I want to show off what I have.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you do. I have such an arrogant whore on my hands,” Nikki expressed, as he aggressively sunk himself into his partner. “Maybe I should let my greedy boyfriend show off his prized possession to all of those horny male sluts at the clubs. They’ll get to see what belongs to me, as their hungry mouths hang open at the sight of it. Would you like that? Do you want to thrust your impressive length into their drool-coated throats, while I stand close behind you, controlling you, pumping your cream down their gasping holes with my hand?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh god, Nikki… I’m gonna cum,” Tommy groaned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My pretty boy wants to be the biggest male slut in Hollywood, and maybe your master will let you whore around with a leash on, and a collar around your neck with a bold tag that says Property of Sixx,” Nikki proclaimed fiercely, as he took hold of Tommy’s other hip and brutally thrusted himself inward. “How else could I possibly control such a cocksure doggie in heat without such restraints?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy screamed out as an intense orgasm flooded his body, and cum cascaded down the backside of the Jeep’s center console.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s it, my slut… come for me. Oh god!!!” Nikki roared, as he hit his own magnificent climax, digging his fingernails savagely into Tommy’s hips. Nikki grappled for his breath, as his final tremors rippled through his core. And after one large gasp, he released himself from Tommy’s ass with a ribbon of cum following. He flopped back on the seat behind him and leaned his head back while he breathed through the come-down, legs splayed open.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy could barely move. He felt that he may just have become one with the Jeep console, which was forcefully imposed against his belly and ribs during his castigation. He was fairly certain that he’d not be able to extricate himself from between the seats without help from Nikki. Otherwise, he’d be condemned to forever be the built-in gear-shifter, stuck there for the rest of time. He just stayed in his sloppy position, facedown, wilted and dizzy, staring at the floor of the vehicle as he awaited a move from Nikki. Tommy suddenly remembered the ring was still on his finger and thought maybe he should attempt to get it off, but he just didn’t have the energy to even try.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took a moment for himself before turning his attention back towards Tommy. He knew that the drummer was probably worn down and hurting, and would need a helping hand. He reached into the pocket on the back of the driver’s seat and pulled out a clean cloth from his purposeful stash to clean up the aftermath. As he thoughtfully wiped the lube and cum off of Tommy with one hand, he soothed his back with the other. “Let me help you,” Nikki said, locking his arms underneath his partner to try to pull him up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy used some of his own arm strength to back himself out from between the seats, and with just a few seconds of struggling, he was free. Both men sank back on the seat, similar to the position that they were in earlier, with Nikki leaning against the door in the corner, and Tommy on his chest, situated between Nikki’s bare legs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where does it hurt?” Nikki asked as he stroked Tommy’s cheek.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be OK. That was just a tight fit. I think my ribs might be a little bruised, but worth every bit of pain and then some.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pulled Tommy in for a tender embrace. “I’m sorry, baby. What do you need me to do to feel better?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine. I couldn’t feel any better than I do now. Just let me have free rein later, when it’s my turn to punish you, Cheaty McScumbag,” Tommy replied, smiling into Nikki’s chest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I deserve whatever you got in store…. and I can’t wait, slut boy…..hmmmm,” Nikki moaned, breathing Tommy in. “Thank you, baby. I needed that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki, I know what you like to hear when you dominate me like that, but I’m all yours…. Forever. I’ll always choose you going forward.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. And I’ll always wait for you,” Nikki said with a satisfying exhale.” I think we should talk about our rules. What works and what doesn’t, and if there’s anything we want to add. I know you like to be noticed.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but in the right ways…. Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you remember when I almost died?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Which time?” Nikki asked, cocking a brow. “Last week?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, the accident, when I misjudged my drum solo exit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course…. I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you ever talk about it, like you do your near-death overdose?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, well… I’m not sure why you’re asking this, and why you’re comparing the two incidences, but the simple answer is that I don’t like to think about it, plus it's not mine to talk about.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was just wondering if it was a big deal to you, or if you just chalk it up with the rest of my stupid mistakes.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki straightened up some and tilted Tommy’s face towards his. “Tom, if you think that it wasn’t a big deal to me, you’re wrong. I talk about my overdose a lot because it became the turning point of an entire overhaul of my life; a life of bad choices, reckless behavior, and imminent death to true success and embracing life. Not to mention the fact that I died, and was under a sheet; yet somehow I’m still here. What happened to you was an accident; something that I’m glad that I didn’t actually witness, as I was under the stage taking a breather. I’d probably never be able to unsee it; nightmares for life. Having to be told what happened was bad enough. I think my heart actually froze.… god, one of the worst days of my life.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. That was stupid to ask.  Especially right now. These are conversations for tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s OK. If you need to talk about it, I’m here,” Nikki said, as a tear-streaked his cheek.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We don’t need to talk about it… I just--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy, look down towards the floor,” Nikki requested.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He ran two fingers along Tommy’s scalp until he felt the minute, convex bumps. “Right here,” Nikki whispered, as he gently swept his fingers over the staple scars of his head wound. He then laid a kiss on the targeted spot.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy lifted his head, with a few tears in his eyes, and nodded to affirm Nikki’s intention, referencing what Tommy revealed recently about kissing Nikki’s chest syringe entry points.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, I’m sorry about what I said last week about you watching me sleep, and all of that stuff about discovering my body. I was feeling vulnerable at the moment and lashed out. I already know that you watch me while I sleep. Well, not always, but at times I’m not as dead to the world as you think I am. If I’m more tired than horny at the moment, I just let you at it because it’s comforting to both of us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy nodded. “God, Nikki, I’ve thought about that conversation so many times since it happened. I must have sounded so desperate. I guess I was.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I didn’t see it like that. As I said before, you made me feel vulnerable, and I wasn’t ready to surrender my feelings to you. The stuff in my head was still too messy. But, I’ve been thinking about what you said…. Which leads me to ask if you know what my favorite part of every day is?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sex?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Close second, but it’s actually waking up every morning to see you in bed next to me. I usually fall asleep before you, but most of the time I also wake up first. And when I do, I just stare and hold your hand. I’ve been missing you. I hate waking up lonely. There’s just nothing better than having handsome you next to me, involved so deeply in my life.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“God, I miss you too. I’ve actually been sleeping on your side of the bed so that I don’t have to stare at the empty spot. I can’t even bring myself to change the sheets since you’ve been on them,” Tommy shared.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, that’s been a few weeks.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I’ve slept on much worse,” Tommy smiled. “Since you’re coming home, I’ll change them.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please do, while I’m checking in at Brandi’s. And going back to what I was saying before, I’m sorry about leaving after you shared from your heart. I must have made you feel shitty.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah… I was pretty wrecked. I’m sure you felt just as wrecked all the times I shut you down, like when I told you about going to Las Vegas.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm,” Nikki said with a shrug, feeling a revived sting about the Las Vegas trip. “Did you have fun? Did you like your surprise when you got home?” Nikki dared to ask.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was panicked… and devastated when I got home. Plus, maybe it doesn't matter at this point, but I spent most of Vegas by myself,” Tommy revealed. “Nik, if I can talk frankly for a minute….Jon, I thought he had something for me. His attention made me feel good after feeling dismissed by you. But then I found out that he was pretty much just using me for my biggest asset, and otherwise finds me off-putting. He must have called me a clown at least half a dozen times.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And what if he wasn’t using you?” Nikki asked, flexing his jaw.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, I would have come home to you. I already knew that I would before you even left the house. I wasn’t looking for a change or anything…. just vengeance and trying to feel good about myself, I guess. And well, I was also a little curious. I think you should know that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pursed his lips as he contemplated what to say next. “It doesn’t completely surprise me. All of that dirty talk that I growled during sex, was tinged in truth. I know you like to show off. And I’m not upset that you’re curious, but I have to know that it’s me who you love and want more than anyone else.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You, all day long, lover,” Tommy said, grazing Nikki’s cheek with his fingers. “Being curious doesn't mean shit. I have been for quite some time. Everything makes me horny, guys, girls, even a tickling breeze dancing up my pants leg. It’s just when you betrayed me, I took my own opportunity to do the same. But you, baby… there’s no one I want more. And no one I’d ever love even a fraction as much as I love you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy licked his lips. “Fuck… for as long as I live I will never forgot the visual that I have of you from the very first time we had sex, after we rushed to my room in the hotel. Oh my god, Nikki, I had never been so turned on in my life. I couldn’t believe that we were about to fuck as I started to push in and watched you arch and cry out for me,” Tommy gasped out, with animated hand gestures all over the place. “Fuck, man… I thought I was the luckiest person on earth, and I still feel that way. You’re my jackpot, and furthermore, the only one who accepts me for who I am. Stupid, crazy-ass, annoying me,” Tommy sighed. “I can’t believe that I nearly fucked that all up, just to make myself feel good by someone who was just looking to make himself feel good from all of his own fucked up shit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you need me to kick his ass? I’m game,” Nikki asked, as he balled his fist tightly to crack knuckles. “He knew he was interfering where he didn’t belong.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, just let it be in the past. And Izzy, someone who was my friend, also interfered. I can just as easily kick his fucking opportunitic ass. You know, I’m beginning to think that all of us out there on the rock scene are all pretty fucked up. God, look at Vince, a prime example of epic fuckery. But there’s only one person who I want to be fucked up with.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jon?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You, clown,” Tommy replied, yanking on a tress of Nikki’s hair. “You and I have our imperfections nailed down, and together turn them into a thing of perfection between us by just letting each be who we are.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Seems to me like you’ve been reading a book of inspirational quotes. Where’s all this mushery coming from?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom got me thinking about a lot. Plus, I’m getting it out now so that I can fuck you up later with no remorse.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now there’s my Tommy. That’s what I like to hear,” Nikki replied, with a sly grin. “I got your drift on all of those Dear Abby sentiments…. But now, let’s talk about later. Whatcha got for me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not done yet with the mushy shit, you horny bastard. I’d still like to get the ring back on your finger,” Tommy reminded Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shit, I forgot. Did you get it off?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, did you really expect me to concentrate on the ring while you were tearing into my ass?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you got a point there,” Nikki’s eyes darted to the glop of lube on the floor, which was now co-mingled with Tommy’s semen and maybe even some of his own, which slid down the console. “Babe, on the floor… scoop that up with your fingers.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Cum? Where’s the lube?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we’re sitting on it, and I don’t feel like moving to check. But there’s lube down there too. I got sloppy with it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy bent forward, craning his neck to look back at Nikki before collecting the sample. “I should make you clean this up with your tongue as a pre-punishment.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I would if we didn’t need it. Come on, lube up your finger… let’s get this done,” Nikki replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Most of the lube was pooled underneath the cum. Tommy scooped that up first. “You can have it?” Tommy offered, holding a finger out to Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m good. I prefer it fresh and still at body temperature,” Nikki grinned, with a shake of his head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy reached to roll the window down and flung the glob of jizz off his finger out the window. It landed with a splat on the back glass of the car parked next to them. “Oh fuck,” Tommy cackled, as he rolled the window back up. That was their sound engineer’s car. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad to see Mr. Tommy Lee back to his normal antics,” Nikki marveled, as he watched him scoop up the lube dribble next. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You miss that stupid shit that I do?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything about you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy flashed a contrite smile as he rubbed what he could of the lube on his ringed finger, along with the bit that was left on there from before, then presented his digit to Nikki to do the deed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It took some determination this time but Nikki was finally able to remove the ring from Tommy’s finger. He gave it back to the giver.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy took a deep, shaky breath. “OK… let me have your hand.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This time, it was Tommy who was trembling. He balled up the ring in his hand and looked at Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m nervous… not just because you denied me the last time I tried to do this, but after all we’ve been through and some of the things that we said to each other, it seems like such a significant gesture now.” Tommy drew another deep breath. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy finally exhaled. “I threw it back in your face a few weeks ago that we never took vows with each other. It’s not like they truly change anything. You either love each other or you don’t. People getting married take vows, and then three years later they’ve meant nothing when the couple is battling things out in divorce court. When you’re angry with each other, I guess all sense of the good intentions of vows goes straight out the window. Honestly, Nikki, even if we shared vows with each other when we exchanged rings about three years ago, I still probably would have walked away from you at that party. I was angry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy paused, trying to get a read on Nikki’s face, which seemed anxious. He kissed the bass player’s hand which he held to help allay any uneasiness he may have been feeling, then continued. “But, I’ve realized a lot through our time apart, and it’s mainly that I think that it’s impossible for me to live my life without you… even through the angry times. Maybe that’s what the point of vows are for? I still loved you, even though I retaliated. You fill in every gap within my soul that’s lacking and incomplete, and I can’t imagine any other person being able to fill me in the way you do. You’re my lover, my best friend, my band mate, my partner in crime, and my twin… I don’t mean that in an incesty way. But, the point is no one else could ever check off all of those boxes.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy unclasped his hand and held the ring out between two fingers. He adjusted his grasp on Nikki’s hand so that he could slip the ring on his finger when he was ready. “As I return this ring to you, I want it to be known that from here, forward, that it’s for the good times and the bad.” Tommy paused and drew in a breath, “Sick and healthy, rich and poor. And all that other boring shit they say. Plus, angry and loving. Erect and limp. Top and bottom. Kinky and tender… but mostly kinky, please. Drunk and sober. Pants and no pants.” Tommy looked down at Nikki’s pantless bottom half with a grin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked back at his partner’s bedroom eyes and continued. “And most importantly, on weeks and off weeks with our little bundle.” Tommy teared up at the last line. “I’m so in love with you, and I can’t wait to be a family with you. I’ll love you always,” the drummer said, as he pushed the ring down on Nikki’s finger, then kissed it again. “You may now kiss your slut kitten…. what the fuck does that mean anyway?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki smiled with a shrug and took Tommy by the jaw, looking deeply into his dusky eyes that rivaled the dark depth of his soul, then kissed him with devotion and purpose. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too, baby. And ditto to all that. I promise you that I won’t ever take this off again, except for legit reasons like cleaning it, or finger amputation,” Nikki affirmed, after the initial kiss, going back in for a second.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy pulled away this time. ”Fuck… we can have all night for this, so can we go to mom’s now? I can’t wait to tell her that we’re all right and about her grandson.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too. Do you want to stop home first to change your jeans?” Nikki asked, as he reached for his own pants on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, I don’t wanna waste the time. If I’m sitting she won’t see it. If we’re standing, you can just stand behind me,” Tommy said, as he turned towards the door to get out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure about that plan, Tom?” Nikki questioned. He dropped his pants back to the floor, grabbed the drummer’s jeans by the open slit, and teased his finger back in Tommy’s hole. “I’m not sure if it’s going to work if I have to stand behind you. I might have a hard time controlling myself,” Nikki grunted as he forcefully tried to restrain Tommy from leaving.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck!” Tommy groaned, only getting as far as putting his hand on the door handle. “You did that without lube, and we need to go, man.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re still open, and don’t wear jeans then with your ass hanging out in front of me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You created this vicious cycle,” Tommy moaned, beginning to surrender again, as Nikki stimulated him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, I did,” Nikki replied, as he stroked his own cock with his other hand. “C’mon slut kitten, I know that you can’t resist. Come curl up and purr on my lap,” he commanded, then spit into his hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As much as Tommy wanted to get to his parents’ house, it was the conversation that he had with his mother that had him backing up towards Nikki and his dominant personality. It was where the magic happened. Yes, this was magic. And as Tommy braced to lower himself on his partner’s length, while Nikki held the slit in the jeans open and guided him, he knew that it was time to slip back into their intended roles. Tommy had to smile within. He realized in that instance, that even though Nikki was taking control, he was the one wearing the pants. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>….even if they were split down the center.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god, baby,” Tommy gasped as Nikki filled him up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>To follow:</p>
<p>*The Epilogue</p>
<p>*A one-shot version of this reader's request (like I did with God Bless the Children of the Beast. )</p>
<p>*Kicking my ass in gear to start writing new stuff. I got more requests to complete. Plus...psst... I began writing a sequel to God Bless the CotB.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Now what?</p>
<p>------------</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a little wrap up. Some of it is a little sappy, which is not typically my style of writing... but let's just go with it. I did add in some bits that are more like our boys.</p>
<p>----------------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>About four months later - </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki opened the front door of their house and stepped in. Tommy was right behind him, holding the infant carrier with the baby in it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brandi gave birth to the baby boy about three weeks preterm. Despite his early arrival and the troubles during mid-pregnancy, the doctors said that he was near perfect and healthy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>It was their first time home with </span><em><span>their</span></em> <span>son. He had been with his mother for the first week. Both Tommy and Nikki were over there regularly to help and learn hands-on infant care. Brandi felt confident enough to let the proud papas take their baby home for a night. They would eventually work out a plan to have their fair and reasonable time, but neither had any experience in baby care. They agreed that for now, it was best for the baby to stay with his mother. </span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All three parents were equally new and nervous with the baby. Each was thankful for the advice, instruction, and help from Brie and Voula.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brandi wasn’t dating anyone at that time, which set Nikki at ease. She promised to be upfront and honest about future boyfriend endeavors. Not necessarily to let Nikki have a say in who she dates, but to at least allow him to sniff things out before any other misters came around the baby… for the time being, anyway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki shut the front door behind his partner.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now what?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Put him down,” Nikki gestured towards the ground.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“On the floor?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I was told not to put this carrying contraption on furniture because it could tip or fall.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy put the baby down and stepped back, then looked at Nikki. “What are we supposed to do now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki shook his head and shrugged. “I guess we can take him out, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that makes sense.” Tommy got down to kneel on the floor. “Doesn’t this handle go back?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s supposed to. I think there’s a button or something you gotta press in to put the handle down.” Nikki gets himself on the floor to try to help Tommy figure out this new piece of baby equipment. “Fuck, I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, oh… I got it. You gotta press both buttons on each side down at the same time,” Tommy confirmed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This shit is more complicated than a soundboard,” Nikki said, scratching his head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I got him,” Tommy whispered, pulling the sleepy baby, wrapped up in his white blanket, from the carrier. “I got you,” Tommy cooed, holding his little namesake in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Thomas</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the middle name. The discussion went for weeks. All of the names in consideration had significance behind them. And they all sounded good, with the settled upon first name. It was Nikki who pushed for it because he and Brandi already had a biological connection to the baby. With the name, Tommy could feel connected as well. And once Brandi saw first hand, how attentive Tommy was to her and her needs, she warmed up nicely to the concept. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> “Um, now what? Do we feed him?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Brandi said not until five, and it’s only quarter after three,” Nikki replied, looking at the notepad full of instructions that was tucked in his pocket.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, OK. What about changing him?” Tommy asked, palping the diaper for wetness. “The diaper seems dry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, man. Maybe we can put him in the swing?” Nikki said. He motioned towards the crank swing across the room, which was a gift from Vince and Sharise. They said it’s a must. She was due in about a month.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet idea,” Tommy said. He handed the baby to Nikki, who was already back on his feet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy scrambled over to the swing and gave it a long-winding crank. He stepped back. “Look at it go!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, dumbass. How the hell am I supposed to put the baby in a moving swing? You’re supposed to put the baby in first, then crank it,” Nikki griped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck. I guess I got excited. I can hold it still.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, I don’t want to break the winding mechanism on the first day.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We can wait until it stops. I timed it the other day. It went for about twenty minutes. I wanna turbo this shit up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not going to sit here and watch an empty swing go back and forth,” Nikki snarled, holding his tiny ten-day-old son in one arm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey…. how about we show him his room,” Tommy grinned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright. That’s a good idea. I guess he’ll be in there a lot.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pair made their way to the baby’s room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Put him in the crib. See if he likes it,” Tommy suggested. The bedding set was from Mick and Emi. It was custom-made with a guitar pattern. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck the drums, fuck the bass, and fuck you.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>That was Mick’s reply when Tommy and Nikki eyeballed him with questioning looks regarding the pattern of choice when they opened the gift.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki placed the baby boy in his new crib. “He’s not fussing. I think he likes it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think so too,” Tommy replied, adjusting the white swaddling blanket, which was wrapped over the leopard onesie, which was actually still too big. But it was the meaning behind it, which is why Tommy insisted that the newborn wear it on his first day home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You wanna go get yourself something to eat?” Nikki asked. “I can stay here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Naw. I’m good for now. I just want to make sure that he’s comfortable here,” Tommy said, letting himself down in front of the crib on the carpeted floor. “You can get something to eat though. Or maybe take a nap. You said you were tired.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m OK,” Nikki yawned, joining Tommy on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, look. He’s stretching his fingers,” Tommy marveled, grabbing onto one of the crib slats, to pull himself in for a peek between the bars.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki smiled, as he rested his head on Tommy’s shoulder. “I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy kissed the top of Nikki’s head. “I love you too.” The couple sat and watched their infant son sleep, not wanting to be anywhere else, but there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>About ten minutes later - </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy rustled his fingers through the ends of Nikki’s hair, as they sat shoulder to shoulder. It wasn’t long before he realized that Nikki was out cold, as his head and upper body slid down, inch by inch, towards his partner’s lap. It made sense… Tommy was pretty sure that Nikki hadn’t had truly restful sleep in days. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drummer readjusted his position, placing his legs straight out in front of him and his arms and hands propped up behind him so that Nikki could rest his head on his thigh. But that lasted about five minutes before he realized he was in need of something to lean his back up against. He needed his hands free to keep himself occupied by threading them through Nikki’s hair or drumming them against his own thigh. He just had to have something to do. Staring at his two sleeping loves was fulfilling in the heart, but his mind wandered… the curse of his ADD was invading his precious moments. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He noticed the throw pillow on the glider and stretched his long arm in an attempt to reach it. A few inches short of his grasp, he scooted his body towards the chair, using his other hand to keep Nikki’s head propped up. Score! He had it in his grip, and soon used it in place of his hand underneath Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy released a sigh of relief, as he laid back on the plush carpeting and stretched his cramped muscles out, posed like a starfish. He contemplated whether to nestle up next to Nikki or to find something quick to eat. Those choices dissolved a moment later, when the baby stirred with miniature grunts and mewls. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He stood up with another stretch and peered into the crib, watching the baby jerk his limbs around, perhaps in an attempt to bust free from the swaddle. Tommy bit his lip and smiled, thinking that it was time for a story. Maybe that would settle the little person back down. It wasn’t feeding time yet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before picking the baby up, Tommy looked behind him to see if Nikki was still asleep. He was, so he reached for the baby comforter and draped the guitar-printed blanket over the bass player. Then he gathered the baby in his arms. He was so small, Tommy could hold him in just one of his giant hands. He tucked him in his arm and braced him against his body, the way a football player would carry a ball.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy used his free hand to pick through the small selection of books on the shelf. The same shelf where his lovey bunny sat perched in the corner, keeping watch. He snickered when he saw a book called “The Adventures of Little Nutbrown Hare.” He snatched that one off the shelf, then lowered himself on the floor, not far from Nikki, then placed the loosely swaddled baby within the crook of his bent knee. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck this nutbrown hare</span>
  </em>
  <span>… he was going to tell his own version of the story, as he opened the cover of the book.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>~~The daddy with little black nut hairs was going to bed. He held on tight to the dad with the very long schlong.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He wanted to be sure that long schlong dad was listening. "Guess how much I love you?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>the drummer squeaked out in a teeny-weeny voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Oh, I don’t think I could guess that," said the long endowed dad. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tommy bellowed out with a hefty voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"This much!" said the dad with little black nut hairs, as he showed off his average length in grand fashion. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tommy held out his hands with moderate space between them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Long schlong dad had an even longer length, and said, "I love you this much, as he presented his own stately shaft." </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tommy generously lengthened the amount of space between his hands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Hmm, that’s a lot," thought the one with the little dark nut hairs.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Then he said, "I love you as deep as I can go."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The dad with the longer dong reached deeper.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy bit his tongue to stifle his laugh. He looked over at Nikki to make sure that he was still asleep, as he shifted some, then seemed to settle quickly. Tommy grinned at the baby, then continued.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"That’s quite deep," thought the little black nut hair dad. "I wish I had a length like that."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Then the one with the little hairy nut sack tumbled upside down against the headboard and put his feet up in the air.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I love you all the way up to where my feet touch the headboard, so that you can have greater access."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The longer, more limber dad spread his legs even further apart to show off his fine, perfect hole to an even greater extent.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I love you as high as I can hop on top of you," laughed the black haired saggy sack one; bouncing up and down on the longer dad’s steel pole.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"But I love you as high as I can bounce on your less impressive boner without it coming out. It takes much practice to keep it in, when it’s so stubby."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"That’s good hopping," thought the black hairy nuts dad. "I wish I could hop and bounce like that."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I love you with my throat all the way down to your base, as far as your finely trimmed ball sack," cried the little prickly black-haired one.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I love you with your mediocre length and lumpy balls all in my mouth at once," said the mighty-dicked dad.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"That’s very impressive," thought itchy scrotum dad. He was almost too sleepy to think anymore,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tommy yawned as he scratched his balls absent-mindedly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Then he looked beyond the leaky head of the handsome, monster-cock dad and straight down the prominent vein. No one could be more majestic than this.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I love you right up from your balls to tip," the sleepy one said and closed his eyes.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Oh, that’s far," said the dad with the long schlong. "That is very, very far."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The hot, properly shaved dad settled the little hairy nut dad into his bed.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He leaned in and kissed him goodnight. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Then he laid down close by and whispered with a smile, "I love you to my sexy moon and back." ~~</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy grinned and snapped the book shut, flinging it across the rug. He kissed the baby, who now seemed to be asleep once again. “I love you too, to the real moon and back,” the drummer cooed, as placed the baby back down in the crib, after tightening the blanket swaddle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy let himself back down to the floor, bent over Nikki, landing a kiss on his cheek, and then laid himself down on the floor to spoon with him until the next person awoke.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Much later, that night - </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The baby had been asleep for an hour. Nikki tossed some boring, formerly neglected paperwork to the side of the table, and suggested to Tommy that they try to get a little action in before the newborn woke up again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy leapt up off the couch, dumping the crumbs of his chips on the floor, and dashed off to the bedroom in response.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Nikki reached the bedroom, Tommy was naked and spread out on the bed, ready for action.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Top or bottom?” Nikki asked, as he tugged his shirt off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My choice? You usually vie for bottom,” Tommy inquired, with a glimmer in his eye.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to treat you tonight to something special. I see how hard you’ve been working, tending to the baby and all, while I’m trying to catch up on some work-related shit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Catch up is right. You even got to catch up on some zzz’s earlier.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yup, thanks. I guess I needed that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re too wound up all the time. This parenting shit is pretty easy so far.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You think?” Nikki said as he rummaged through his bedside drawer for necessary provisions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I got that little man wrapped around my finger already.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you do… and speaking of wrapping,” Nikki replied, as he took hold of Tommy’s wrist and began to wrap the length of a scarf around it to restrain him to the headboard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shit, Nik. What are you going to do?! I thought maybe you’ve been too tired or uptight for this type of playtime,” Tommy replied as he trembled with excitement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, that nap did me good before. I’m sorry if I’ve been keeping things toned down lately. I’m feeling pretty spirited right now though,” Nikki revealed, followed by a grunt as he aggressively tightened the knots on the scarf.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh, that stings… but I like it. I can’t wait,” Tommy drooled. “Hurry up and finish the prep!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki went to work, trying Tommy’s other wrist to the headboard with another scarf. Once he was satisfied with the holding strength of the restraints, he slipped out of his pants, and offered Tommy a shifty grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy swallowed delightfully hard, as the sexual tension between the pair escalated, not taking his eyes off of Nikki in his full bare glory.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki crawled up on his partner, straddling his chest and held out his leaking cock in his hand towards Tommy like it was a gift.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drummer licked his lips at the sight of the pearly bead of precum that glistened as it clung to the head. “You know that I’ll never turn that down, but I thought that you were going to treat me to something special tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And what’s this?” Nikki asked, with a cocked eyebrow. “It’s special and it’s a treat.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, OK... “ Tommy replied with a shrug as he held his mouth open.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki moved further up and angled himself to dip his cock into Tommy’s open trap, gripping the rungs on the headboard for steadying.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both men let out a simultaneous moan; Nikki for the sensation, and Tommy for the taste.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki bucked his hips to slide himself in and out of Tommy’s mouth, as the drummer was little too tied up to assist. Then he scooted himself forward another inch or two, his legs spread out on either side of Tommy’s head, as he gripped the rungs tighter, and forced himself deep into Tommy’s throat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy tensed up and gagged as he made an attempt to shake himself loose from Nikki’s suffocating imposition.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Taking into account Tommy’s need for oxygen, Nikki pulled out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The fettered one sucked in a deep gasp. “The fuck, Nik!! I mean, I don’t mind trying to deep throat you, but I need to have some control with my own hands. Jeez!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? I thought you were some sort of expert in housing my “stubby” dick and hairy balls all in one shot.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What? I’ve never done that before?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, well the way you were bragging to our son, I thought maybe it happened when I was too high or drunk to remember.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.. fuck… heh, Nik. Did you… did you hear me reading?” Tommy stammered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you that I’m not always asleep as deeply as you think I am. So, I just thought I’d treat you to your favorite pastime of sucking on my hairy ball sack,” Nikki grinned, as he practically sat on Tommy’s face, rubbing his nuts on his partner’s mouth. “Open up, boy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy opened and did his best to lick and gently suck on Nikki’s fairly hairless scrotum, his own drool leaking out of the sides of his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, tickle my little black nut hairs with your pointed tongue.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nik…” the only word Tommy could slobber out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Titillate me, baby. Make those hairs stand at attention with your quivering lapper,” Nikki commanded, as he swayed his hips to brush his sack against the drummer’s face. “Oh wait, that’s right, you can’t make my ball hair dance because I maintain it, and there is no hair. You on the other hand….” the bassist replied as he finally relented and backed off of Tommy's face. He reached over to his bedside table and grabbed something off of it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, Nikki…. it was just a little story. Come on,” Tommy pleaded. He then caught a glimpse of what Nikki had in his hand, and his eyes widened. “Hey! What are you going to do?!” Tommy stuttered, alarmed as Nikki flipped open the blade of a pocket knife.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just going to do a little maintenance of my own on your superior bag of balls,” Nikki replied as he pushed Tommy’s legs open.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t you take a joke, man.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You think it’s funny to start corrupting our son at such a young age?” Nikki’s smile was out of view as he laid on his belly, legs hanging partially off the bed, as he had his face and hands between Tommy’s legs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He doesn’t understand any words or actions yET</span>
  <span>!</span>
  <span> Tommy yelped at the last word, as Nikki began slicing off hair from Tommy rather overrun scrotum.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can be here all fucking night. Someone doesn’t maintain himself so well, does he?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god, Nikki. No, no, no. I don’t like this done with a pocketknife!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki picked his head up, propping himself up on his elbows so that Tommy could see him. He closed the pocketknife, flashed a devilish grin, then flung it to the floor behind him. “I got teeth.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you going to bite me? Not on my junk!” Tommy groaned, as he tugged at scarves holding his hands at bay.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just a nibble,” Nikki replied, as he used his teeth to crop a strand of curly brown hair. Once he had it in his mouth, he lifted his head again and spit it out on Tommy’s torso. He went down for a second one, and spit it again with a bigger gob, hitting Tommy’s chin. “About a hundred more to go,” Nikki said, as he ducked back between Tommy’s legs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude! C’mon, I’m naturally more hairy than you. You’ve made your point. Let’s just fuck… please! I'll shave tomorrow. But right now, my balls are going to turn blue underneath all that brown hair.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki took his latest chomp and spit it out on Tommy’s belly. Then lifted himself out from between the drummer legs and scrambled to lie on top of him face to face. Their needy cocks also got reacquainted with one another, as they brushed together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen Captain Long Schlong… you make me the hero in your next fairy tale. Got it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy pursed his lips. “Fine, but if I’m Captain Long Schlong, who are you? Bhor, God of Thunder Thighs,” Tommy guffawed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki furrowed his brows. Just then, the baby started crying out, heard over the monitor. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh dang, I guess he’s hungry,” Nikki said, as he crawled off of Tommy, then quickly slipped his sweat pants back on. “I’ll be back,” Nikki said with a cocked grin as he walked towards the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Untie me! Don’t leave…. Fuck!.... Nik!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bhor’s got things to attend to,” Nikki said with a shrug. “It’s something that we gotta get used to.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t leave me like this. My hard cock is ready to burst… come on, babe. Untie me!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"And your point is? I got one too.” Nikki remarked, while pulling down the front of his sweats for the visual, giving it a firm squeeze. “But, we have responsibilities now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki snapped his pants back up, and dusted the palms of his hands off for a melodramatic touch. “Maybe you can use your limber legs and feet to rub it out?" he grinned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"One hand, Nik. Please;" Tommy pleaded. “Just let me have one hand.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Those knots are tight, there's no time. The baby needs me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck! Can you at least turn the TV on, bastard?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, baby” Nikki said as he reached for the remote. “Bhor’s favorite channel is, of course, the ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>boring</span>
  </em>
  <span> PBS. Enjoy,” he said, with a pop of his brows.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not this back and white documentary shit! Put on porn or at least MTV or something!” Tommy screeched. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki laid the remote right next to Tommy’s head, then planted a kiss on his mouth. “Mmm, I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere.” Nikki walked out of the bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki!!! Fuck!! You suck! You’re gonna pay for this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, and one more thing,” Nikki said, stepping back in. He spit out one last remaining hair that finally dislodged itself from a gully in Nikki’s mouth. The deposit landed on Tommy’s cheek and began to slide down. “You’re really rough down there, dude.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy blew out a long exhale, as he was left there, tied up with a throbbing boner and spit running down his face; not to mention an itch on his nose. Fuck… while he can’t blame Nikki for having to leave to tend to the baby, the least he could have done was untie him. He should have refrained from that last insult of name calling. But still, what if he had to piss? Or worse…. that take out burger for dinner was a little greasy. And five scoops of ice cream with hot fudge and whipped cream isn’t exactly a tummy tamer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki!!?” Tommy called out for the third time, in the last fifteen minutes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Give me a minute, baby,” Nikki called out, from some distance away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s what he said five fucking minutes ago… </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tommy grumbled in his head as he plotted revenge. He glanced at the TV for  a few minutes, watching footage of ground tanks rolling and airplanes zipping through the air, while the most boring commentator on earth was slowly weakening his diamond cutter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck me…</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Nikki!! Come on, man!!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shhh,” Nikki hissed, as he stepped into the door frame holding the newborn. “Quit yer bitchin… it’s quiet time, and this fucking loud ass TV ain’t helping.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Is that my fault too?” Tommy squawked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki set down the baby bottle and a book on the foot of the bed and picked up the remote…. drawn into the program for a moment. “History of the A-Bomb, heh?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m about ready to school you in the history of the F-bomb. Can you fucking untie the fucking scarves from my fucking wrists?” Tommy fucking spat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fucking N to the fucking O,” Nikki replied as he turned the TV off, tossing the remote on the bed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy threw his head back and groaned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bassist sat down in the chair in the corner of the bedroom, and adjusted the baby in his arm so that he could finish the feeding. “It’s story time,” Nikki smiled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Nik. I really don’t think that the baby should be seeing his dad tied up naked to the bed with a half-hard dick.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You said so yourself that he doesn’t understand words and actions yet. Besides, I think Brie told me that they can only see like eight to twelve inches in front of them. So that just happens to be my wickedly handsome face right now, which is hopefully going to be stationed back between your legs very soon. He’s already half fed, changed, and rewrapped.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well my twelve is shrinking back to eight,” Tommy huffed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“More like your ten shrinking back to six against your fur-covered hood,” Nikki snickered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Keep it up, I’m plotting, Nikki.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> should keep it up. I’m about ready to read my version of the final bedtime story of the night. The baby seems calm and just needs the rest of this bottle. I have a very soothing voice, you know. And on the other side of the spectrum, I thought this story might give you some fire back,” Nikki held the book up with a wide grin. “Dr. Suess, Hop on Pop.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ha,” Tommy chuckled. “OK, you got me. Let’s hear it, baby.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki licked his lips, opened the book, and smiled as he prepared for the ad-libbed version.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Up, Up, get it up slutty pup….” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Nikki looked up with a gleaming grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bow-wow, tell me more…” Tommy replied. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ten minutes later, the story and the bottle were finished. And the newborn was sleepy again. Nikki brought him back to his room, making sure his son was content before exiting the room, leaving a crack in door. He turned down the lights and tip-toed back to his own bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was finally time to Hop on Pop.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And they lived a happy and horny life together. </p>
<p>-------------</p>
<p>One shot version of this prompt will be next. Hopefully ready by next week.</p>
<p>I have other reader requests to fulfill. They all came from my Wattpad readers. I'm striving to keep them short. A few of them may stay on Wattpad, as they aren't in my wheel house, and I'm not sure if I'm confident enough to share them here. I'm also working on a sequel to my God Bless the Children of the Beast story.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Bonus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oneshot version of the reader request. (Unrelated to the main story.)</p>
<p>Here's the original reader request, as a refresher.</p>
<p>Tommy and Nikki break up because Nikki cheated. Tommy won't forgive him after Nikki makes multiple attempts to make things right. At a party, Tommy is taking to Jon Bon Jovi, who starts flirting with Tommy. Nikki sees it and is pissed. I decide what happens.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry readers. I'm quite a bit late with this update. I was on a little road trip with my bestie. And my beta reader, armorangel, has been slammed with unending double shifts. </p>
<p>She didn't get the opportunity to proof this chapter. So, I own all typos and awkwardness are on me. </p>
<p>This isn't actually my best work. I'm not completely loving it, and the ending is kind of lame, and a bit cheesy. You may also find it to be a little off from my usual writing. Part of that had to do with my Wattpad readers. I have quite the dedicated and opinionated readers over there, who were very vocal about this story. Many readers hated Tommy's character. I was determined to turn his character around by the end, so that the readers would want the pair back together. It worked. Almost.... </p>
<p>All but two readers, were still wishing Tommy’s character would drop dead. But I strive for 100% satisfaction, so this story is my peace offering to them (all in fun). A variant of their user names are in the story as characters. The addition of these characters somewhat broke the flow of my usual writing, and made things a little on the goofy side. Oh, and one of them also hates JBJ and his chin. Lastly, in regard to that, just so it all makes sense, I thought these two readers were friends or sisters because their comments were always so similar and they always posted them around the same time as each other. They told me that they don't know each other, other than taking my stories on WP. So there's something about that in the story. Like I said, it broke the flow a bit. But this is just a bonus chapter, and I thought I'd have a little fun with them. </p>
<p>I also threw in a few nods towards characters in BneJovi's stories, also for fun, since I don't typically write JBJ stores, whereas they are her specialty. </p>
<p>I hope it's not too bad. Teehee.</p>
<p>----------</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“C’mon Tom. Was it really that big of a deal?” Nikki asked, exasperated.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Go fuck yourself,” Tommy snarled, pushing Nikki towards the front door of his house.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Babe, please. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t right now,” Tommy replied. He used his shoulder to drive Nikki outside. Finally forcing him to drop both feet from the doorstep onto the brick landing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tom--” Nikki said, sunken posture, hand held out, before Tommy slammed the door in his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki heard the click of the lock and turned away in defeat, back towards his car.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Nikki was so sure that he’d fix things. Why was Tommy being so difficult? It’s not like they were exclusive. Well, maybe they were, at least man to man. But come on… they were Motley Crue. Fucking around was just part of what they did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki plopped into the front seat of his car and threw his head back with an exhale of failure. He wasn’t quite sure how to fix this. It wasn’t like he cheated intentionally. It was a party, and there were plenty of drugs and drinks circulating. Shit just happened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alright, alright… well, it didn’t have to happen. Nikki could have stopped it. He knew he would probably wind up in the doghouse. He should have stopped it. Tommy was right… he was a lowdown, dirty, motherfucking scoundrel, asswipe, loser, fuckfaced shit stick, two-timing, douchebag, skanky-balled scumbag, good-for-nothing prick of the worst kind, jerk-off, repugnant bastard, jackhole, dickheaded freak, bastardized whore…. and all of the other names that Tommy rattled off in just the first ten minutes of finding out that Nikki cheated on him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Things weren’t good. Nikki fucked up. Even though they weren’t necessarily an item, they were attached to each other. Groupies, girlfriends, friends were all part of it. There was an outward appearance that those things fit nicely into. But behind closed bedroom doors, or in maintenance closets, or airplane bathrooms they fulfilled each other.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sex between the pair was bound to happen at some point. Early on, it was clearly evident from both of their perspectives, that sexual activity to some degree between the two would be on horizon. Parties fueled by drugs and alcohol, orgies, and team tagging were all too common. They lead to a lot of touching, grazing, and lingering... skin on skin. Until one day it did happen; the momentum of their actions couldn’t be stopped. Clothes came off and their bodies became intimately acquainted. The heated, electrifying experience was not easily forgotten, and very quickly became a regular occurrence.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>People talked. They suspected that there was something going on beyond a close friendship, but neither Tommy nor Nikki confirmed the allegations. Nor did they deny them. They just really didn’t care… let people think that… so what. It only made their mystique even more alluring to women, and men alike.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Often friends and colleagues attempted to cajole them into admitting their secrets. And just often guys and girls, in the way of groupies, fans, and acquaintances, also tried by hitting on them or leading them both into the bedroom, but their private behavior was carefully and purposely never exposed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was until Nikki fell prey to a handsome pal from another band. He was drunk and high, and couldn’t help himself. Tommy was off somewhere, and well… what could it hurt?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They weren’t a couple, but they were attached by something risque and private. Something delicious and secretive, just between the pair. Nikki didn’t have the right to portion himself out to someone else. He was disloyal to his best friend.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sat in his car and stewed. He had to come with some way to apologize. Tommy was someone he didn’t want to lose; not after all they had done together. Not after all that they shared.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had already attempted a earnest apology, an offer of submissive make-up sex, and a poem from the heart. Nothing softened Tommy’s anger. Nikki might just be fucked on this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a Saturday night, a full week since Nikki screwed up. A full week since Tommy spoke to him. Motley Crue was heading to a listening party for another band under their same record label. Nikki thought that he would dress to the nines in tight leathers and a shirt exposing the sexy vee of his chest. Every hair and accessory would be placed perfectly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had happened numerous times… the guys would be at a party or an event, and Tommy and Nikki spy each other from across the room, looking so fine, and they would soon meet in the middle. What more could he try at this point, other letting time draw them back to each other. But who had time for that? Nikki was aching for his partner, and hoped that he might be forgiven by the end of the night. No girl, and no other guy could satisfy Nikki with what he needed… his Tommy Lee.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And there he was, looking awfully handsome and stunning himself in black and brown. Nikki kept back in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to be seen. Tommy was currently engaged in conversation with a few friends.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Elsewhere around the large room, rock stars, colleagues, and socialites danced and mingled, as music blasted through the air. Much like Motley Crue, Bon Jovi was also urged to attend the party because they were under the same management company as the new band. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon Bon Jovi, looking rather bored, strolled around with a drink in hand looking for someone interesting to talk to. He spied a lovely, young lady with a gorgeous smile and silky legs gliding by. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss, may I get you a drink from the bar?” Jon asked with his charming smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, thank you,” she replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Jon, I’m sure you know that. And to whom do I have the pleasure of talking to?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Yennifer, and the pleasure is all yours. I’m not interested, I’m looking for someone else.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh come now, Yennifer. This is the prettiest face in the room that you’ll see all night, other than yours.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse me while I go throw up. You and your skanky ass-chin are ruining my night. I’m here for that one.” Yennifer said, as he pointed towards Nikki, who she finally spotted across the room. “Go find a plastic surgeon and take care of your butt-ugly face,” the young lady said, as she headed off towards Nikki.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon scowled and threw an arm out in protest as she walked away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Tommy had spun himself round after finishing a conversation with his friends, to find himself staring at a gorgeous gal in a tight dress, with all the right curves.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you looking for someone,” Tommy asked. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I am as a matter of fact.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t believe we’ve met. I‘m Tommy… Lee, you know, from Motley Crue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Nikki.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?’ Tommy’s heart fluttered, as a smile crawled up on his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Nikki…. Swifey, you know, from </span>
  <em>
    <span>none of your fucking business.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Go fuck yourself. I’m not here for your skinny weak ass, I’m looking for your Terror Twin as a matter of fact.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you like assholes, then. Good luck.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s only one asshole here tonight,” Miss Swifey smirked, as she turned on her heel to continue on the hunt for her target.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy sighed, feeling the burn, as he scanned the room for someone else to talk to. Most everyone seemed pretty well engaged, so he thought that it might be a good time to refresh in the men’s room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pushed the door to the bathroom open, and immediately saw Jon Bon Jovi preening in the mirror, tilting his head around at different angles.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jon? There’s no zits or hickeys to be seen if that’s what you’re checking for,” Tommy snickered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon was startled, and quickly tugged up on his lapels to finish his moment of grooming. “Shit, Tommy. I didn’t hear anyone come in. Distracted I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drummer stepped in front of the mirror himself to check his own look. “How’s your night going? What’s new?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Eh, I’m hoping to cut out soon. I’m not feeling it tonight. Dave, Tico, and I are the only ones here. Davey is drunk off his ass, whooping things up. Tico is talking drums with others.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with that?” Tommy asked, as he drummed on the vanity for emphasis.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing, drummer,” Jon smiled. “I’m just looking for something a little more lively. The crowd is rough tonight. Some girl insulted me, and then went off to find your buddy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll join your club. I just got the same treatment. What’d she say? What’d she look like?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Black dress, red heels, cherry lips to match. Is there anything weird looking about my chin?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, not the same girl. And um… no, I guess?” Tommy replied, studying Jon’s chin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You sound like you’re not sure. Tell me the truth,” Jon implored.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A small cleft? I have a less prominent one… see,” Tommy said, as he stuck his chin out. “I always thought that was an asset.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” Jon said, with a shrug and a final glance into the mirror.  “Eh, nevermind that shit. Wanna get a drink with me?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, lemme drain the hose first.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Twenty-five minutes later… plus a few drinks - </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“.... so Richie and I were running like hell to get away from the mob of fan girls, when he trips over an orange cone and face plants. He’s lying there with his nose is gushing blood, but fuck… I kept going. I look back and see the girls tearing off his bloody clothes, and a couple of beer-bellied security guards trying to catch up. I figured he’d be rescued in a day and half or so, or whenever those winded rent-a-cops reached the scene. Anyway, I spent the rest of the night laughing my ass off. He was fucking pissed at me for like three days,” Jon laughed, sharing an old group story.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, come on dude, you gotta help the man down. I wouldn’t have left Nikki or Mick. Maybe just Vince. Although, he wouldn’t have run in the first place. He likes that kind of fan girl shit” Tommy snickered. “Where is Rich tonight, anyway?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Eh, he’s dating some chick now, and she had something important going on that they went to instead. I don’t why I decided to come here tonight. I guess I didn’t feel like hearing my manager giving me shit about it… you know, show your face, support the newbies. When Richie is around, we can usually find some trouble to get into together at these events.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Heh, my middle name,” Tommy smirked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Richie or Trouble?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Trouble, you dumb shit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know…. So where is your trouble twin?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Terror twin, and… um, I don’t know. He’s here somewhere, laying low, I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon craned his neck, scanning the room for Nikki. “There,” he pointed. “Isn’t that him? With those girls.” Jon squinted. “I think one of those chicks is the one I tried talking to earlier.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy turned around to look. He zeroed in on Nikki, across the room, sitting down with a girl on both sides of him, each who were dropping kisses on his neck, and running their fingers up and down his thighs. One of them looked like the girl, Nikki, who he tried to pick-up earlier, himself. “Let him have ‘em. Who the fuck cares.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh oh, are the terror twins having <em>twouble</em> getting along?” Jon mocked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Us? Nah, it’s just that… well, I don’t know… whatever,” Tommy replied, turning back around for another look. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That time, he caught Nikki’s eye. The bassist’s brows furrowed, as his gaze shifted to Jon. Just then the girl in the red shoes, yanked his hair back to expose his neck for snacking on, which broke the stare. Tommy flashed a snarky grin in return, knowing Nikki was bristling up over Jon. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You might need to jump in there. Those girls look like they’re out for his blood. One is on his jugular right now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would I care what he does?” Tommy asked. “Let them suck his blood dry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeez, what’s going on? I guess I just assumed you’d swoop in for the rescue,” Jon shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ha, like you did for Richie when those girls were chasing you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just thought… well, nevermind I guess….. Well OK, it’s just that everyone thinks things about you two,” Jon spit out awkwardly, suggesting that there was something relational between the Terror Twins.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Naw, Nikki and I aren’t like that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like what?” Jon asked, raising an eyebrow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on. I know what people say about us. It’s not true.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon didn’t believe Tommy for a second. The flush of red that crawled up his neck was a dead giveaway. But, since Tommy was acting aloof, why not test the waters a bit? Not only was he bored with this scene, Nikki had been a thorn in his side for the past few years over some overblown sentiments spilled out at the Moscow Peace Festival a few years earlier. Besides, his best bud Richie was out having his fun tonight. He’ll maybe just make some of his own.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, Tom. I don’t give a shit. I know what it’s like being out on the road for weeks on end with your bandmates. Stuck on a bus night after night with them. You throw a couple back, maybe a few lines for those who partake in that shit, and next thing you know, your friend is looking kind of fine. Doesn’t mean anything, it’s the way that life on the road is like. You grow on each other.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“For you and Richie, maybe. Come on, man. Sixx and I…. we’re just close. Things can get fucked up pretty easily when you cross those lines.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If this was anyone else, Jon might have felt like he bit off too much. Perhaps regretful of what he just said. But Tommy’s body language and the fact that the tone of his voice went up an octave as he spat out that defense, were all he needed to have the confidence to proceed. “Why do you keep turning around to look at him?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because he stole the girl I was trying to pick up tonight,” Tommy replied, flustered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, he didn’t steal them, we were denied. So fuck ‘em… let’s have some fun,” Jon said, as he took Tommy by the wrist and gave him a little pull to suggest that they go someone more private.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, well… what do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon sported his quirky grin as a response. He could tell Tommy’s gears were cranking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy peered back towards Nikki and caught his eye once more. He could tell that Nikki noticed Jon’s hand on his wrist, and it was deliciously satisfying to watch Nikki squirm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know what? Let’s go get into some trouble. I’m done with this boring-ass shit scene,” Tommy said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jon smiled and gave Tommy’s shoulder a shake. “Come on,” he said. He tossed his head in the direction of the side door to the party room, then ran his fingers down the length of Tommy’s arm, before he gripped his wrist again to pull him away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy looked back towards Nikki one last time and gave him a snide smile, as he took a step in sync with Jon, towards the exit.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh god, Nikki… you taste like heaven,” Yennifer purred, as she sucked on his neck.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry ladies, I think that I have to go,” Sixx replied, already imagining himself breaking Jon’s roving fingers in his mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not now,” the other Nikki pleaded, as she ran her hand that was underneath the bassist’s shirt over his nipple.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Believe me, I like this, but I need to tend to something important,” Nikki replied, as he straightened himself up and tried to wiggle himself free. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki...” Yennifer pouted, as the handsome six foot rock star got to his feet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Here’s my card, call me,” Sixx offered, handing each girl a business card as a peace offering. “I’m sorry, but I need to go.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll be here if you can make it back,” the young ladies said, nearly unison. Even though the girls just met that night, one may have thought that they were close friends as they sat together and happily squealed about what just happened, ready to share their feelings with each other, as Sixx walked away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy and Jon only got as far as the back hallway when Nikki caught up with them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you two going?” Nikki growled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We don’t know yet,” Tommy replied with a wide, drunken grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The party is in there,” the bassist snapped, grabbing Tommy’s free arm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so observant tonight,” Tommy mocked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki pulled Tommy’s arm towards the direction of the party. “Keep your chin out of Motley’s business,” Nikki sneered towards Jon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He thinks he has control over you, Tom,” Jon snickered, as he tugged Tommy towards the way they were heading.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Go back to your own band,” Nikki replied, in a cool yet threatening tone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds like the control freak is jealous over me, your old pal from our travels across Europe. We used to be tight, man. This is until you had a big, giant hissy fit in Moscow.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not pals, and were never tight. Come on, Tom,” Nikki commanded with another firm yank. “Drop his wrist, asswipe!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You're drunk, Nikki. Go away,” Tommy finally chimed in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you going off to? What are you trying to prove?” Nikki angrily questioned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re both bored, so we’re gonna find something fun to do,” Jon added.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mind your own fucking business,” Nikki yelled, as he dropped Tommy’s arm to slam Jon up against the wall. “Go ride your own steel horse, cowboy,” Nikki seethed, as he held Jon by his neck.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“HEY!!!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The voice rang out loudly, as the quarrelsome trio turned towards it, just in time to see Richie’s hands grabbing Nikki’s shoulders aggressively to throw him off of Jon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rich! Where’d you come from?” Jon asked excitedly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Late to the party…. Or maybe just in time. Tico said that he saw you slip out that door,” the guitarist spat, with a harsh glance towards Jon, before turning his sight back on Nikki. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Keep your fucking hands off me, and tell him to tend to his own business,” Nikki growled at Richie, referring to Jon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you gonna do about it?” Richie threatened. “Nobody wants your sleazy Motley asses here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think your lover boy did, you trashy street-rat from dirty Jersey,” Nikki snarled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy looked on wondering how long it was going to take for Richie’s fist to meet Nikki’s face. When in just a blink, it happened. The back of Nikki’s head hit the wall, and he went down, out cold.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy clenched his fist, ready to retaliate when Jon stepped between them in an attempt to stop things from going any further.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My fault, Rich,” Jon announced, putting a hand on Tommy’s chest, and using his other to push Richie back. “We’re done… sorry, Tom. Tend to him.” Jon motioned towards Nikki. “Rich, let’s go. I didn’t think you’d be here tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s obvious, asshole!” Richie yelled. “Fuck both of you,” he shouted towards Tommy, as he abruptly grabbed Jon by the arm and aggressively dragged him out towards the main doors of the venue.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy kneeled down next to Nikki, who laid unconscious with blood trickling from his nose, as he heard Richie giving Jon the what-for on their way out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nikki?” Tommy shook him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nik… wake up,” he lightly slapped the bassist’s cheek to bring him about.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki groaned as his eyes blinked open. “Fuck…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you OK?” Tommy asked. “He got you good.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki got himself up to a sitting position and checked his nose for blood. He pulled the loose scarf off of his neck to hold against his bloody nose. “What the fuck were you doing?!” Nikki growled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Tommy said defensively.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bullshit. Of all fucking people… jeez, Tom.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing happened, and I was just pissed. Is that OK with you? What you did was low,” Tommy snapped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki softened with a sigh. “I know…. I just don’t know what else to say or how to make it up to you. All I can keep saying is that I’m sorry. Thinking about what I just saw… well, I get how you must have felt. And I don’t blame you for rubbing shit in my face… but him? Come on, man.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t want him, Nik. Just always wanted you, but…. you went and fucked things up. Where does that leave me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, it leaves you to drive me home, nurse my bloody nose and concussion, and to listen to me grovel and beg some more….. Please, Tommy. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy cracked a smile. “It shouldn’t be that easy, Nikki.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Easy? Nothing has been easy for me this past week. And now I have to live with the humiliation of being laid out cold by Richie Sambora…. fuck, man…. that’s ain’t an easy pill to swallow. I should have creamed his ass.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You deserved it on my account, but I guess that’s a satisfying peace offering. And I suspect Jon is gonna get a second asshole ripped tonight. Maybe you deserve that too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I deserve whatever you got. I’d say go for it, but not tonight. I think I need to lay down. I already feel a headache coming on…. but maybe we can talk or something. I am sorry, Tommy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, come on…. I’ll take you home. Let’s get up before a crowd gathers.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy helped Nikki to his feet. Still holding the scarf to his nose, he rubbed the back of his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it OK?” Tommy asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be OK, physically. My ego is pretty busted up though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Serves you right. However I have to say that I did miss you… a lot,” Tommy revealed. “But if you fuck up again, we’re done with our thing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you too. And the lesson has been learned. Oh, and if you ever talk to Jon again you be </span>
  <em>
    <span>livin’ on a prayer.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No worries, you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>born to be my baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Tommy replied, as he conspicuously grazed Nikki’s ass, out of view from someone passing by.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nikki shook his head. “Enough… let’s get the fuck home, baby.”</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How was it? Eh?</p>
<p>I'm working on more stuff. A sequel to God Bless the Children of the Beast. I have a few one shots (more reader requests) coming up, but my frequency of uploads will slow down for a while as I write. I will be back though, as soon as possible.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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